Statistics show that one out of two marriages in the United States ends in divorce. As a safeguard, some couples sign a pre-nuptial contract. Yet there are other non-verbalized agreements that impact marriage, but are not communicated as directly. For example, “I earn more than you and that gives me greater control over major decisions,” is understood but not a topic for conversation. An increase in either trust or tension in the relationship eventually allows these kinds of concerns expression and resolution, one way or the other.
Still other decisions are unconscious, part of the psychological baggage that is carried forward from the family of origin or from previous relationships. For instance, “my father walked out on our family without an explanation so, when you’re quiet for too long, I get scared,” can be an old script left over from childhood. Shaped by earlier experiences and well hidden by defense mechanisms, these entrenched beliefs often continue to drive individual attitudes and behaviors.
Discover the benefit of bringing emotional influences to conscious awareness. At this time of year, when so much love is in the air, let your heart speak. When talking quietlywith your partner, be willing to reveal your own personal needs and opinions so that he has some access to your subjective world. Encourage him to do the same with you.
On February 14th, mark your calendar as the first day of the rest of your lives. Cast a love spell as you celebrate your relationship. And commit to nurture a heartfelt connection through the gift of conversation.