Honoring Service on Veterans Day

On this day, November 11, we offer our tributes to the veterans who have served the country over the years and honor those who are serving today. These brave men and women in the Armed Forces put their lives on the line every day, and do so with dignity. We are especially aware of the challenges of service after the terrible shootings at Fort Hood.

As we respect their contributions, we can also reflect on what we can learn from those in the Armed Services. "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." So said Charles Colton, nearly 200 years ago. If you are caring for your family in flux, maybe as a Sandwiched Boomer, here are some ways you can emulate them.

Draw upon your own strength. You will learn more about your capabilities when you are tested by hard times than when everything is going well for you. Resiliency is increased each time you get up and put one foot in front of the other. Bravery comes in many actions - facing an illness, providing for your family, starting a new career - not only on the battlefield.

Just as those in the foxholes feel the honest emotions of fear, anger, pain, guilt, anxiety and loneliness, allow yourself to experience these emotions when they are a part of your life. Sandwiched between caring for your offspring and your parents, you will feel stressed and anxious at times. Acknowledge these feelings, and then begin to deal with them.

If you remember the fragility and transience of life as you move through it, you will savor each good moment you have. To live your life to the fullest is a lasting mark of respect you can pay to your family and to the veterans who have sacrificed the innocence of their youth for you.

So after paying tribute to the men and women of the Armed Services on Veterans Day, make a commitment to employ some of these techniques to honor your own family. You will find that, as a part of the Sandwich Generation, it makes your time with each member more meaningful and relevant.

Familes Come Together

In times of turmoil and pain, families instinctively draw together. As investigators are trying to learn more about the shooter at Fort Hood, friends and family of the victims are turning their attention to one another for support and comfort. Grieving as one with the country, members of the Armed Forces sustain each another as family.

With Veterans Day coming tomorrow, we are again reminded of the Service men and women who leave their families to protect ours. As you reflect on the events of the past several days, you may find yourselves thinking about what you can learn from veterans about the importance of family. Here are some suggestions to consider.

Express the gratitude you feel for what they have given you – protection, opportunities, love, strength, enjoyment of life. You have doors open to you now because of them. This can begin with something as simple as a heartfelt "thank you," and develop into a more textured and thoughtful recognition of what you are thankful for.

Recognize the importance of revealing the love you have for each other. Those who have been in harm's way know the meaning of the words, "it's too late." Don't put off sharing your love; decide to make it a priority. Each day, acknowledge those you love, and who love you, as if it were your last.

Understand the value of friendship. Those in the service have trusted and leaned on each other as they've shared their experiences and relied on their camaraderie. Know that we are here to take care of our friends and family – close and extended – difficult though it may be at times.

Community support is there for the taking when you know where to look and how to ask for it. Be open to the reality that you might need to utilize the input and generosity of others. You are not diminished when you allow another to help you.

Are you a Sandwiched Boomer finding it hard to get started focusing on the strengths of your family in these trying times? Click on the post title above to take you to our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com. You can read our article, 5 Steps to Gratitude Despite a Tough Economy for tips about how to focus on acknowledging and expressing what you are grateful for.

Fort Hood Massacre

Flags are flying at half-mast all across America in memory of the 13 soldiers who were massacred by Major Nidal Hasan at Fort Hood. The soldiers were randomly shot while they waited for medical treatment on the base. In addition to the 13 who died, 30 more were injured, some severely. The incident has brought to the forefront, less than a week before Veterans Day, the risk that those brave men and women in the armed forces take, in service to the country.

Americans in the armed forces continue to serve in Iraq and Afghanistan as well as other theaters throughout the world. While most of those killed and injured at Fort Hood were young, the average age of men and women in the Armed Forces has risen. Many in the service now are a part of the Sandwich Generation, concerned about caring for family members at home as they continue their duty to the country. Their burden becomes especially apparent as we approach Veterans Day, a time for all of us to pay tribute to American veterans of all wars.

What lessons can Sandwiched Boomers take from veterans - those who have stood up for the rest of us and given their all to protect our way of life? As we respect their unique bravery, we can direct what we learn to our own family situation. Between now and Veterans Day, we will look at how to apply the same principles to those closest to us. For some ideas about paying tribute to Veterans and your own family from www.HerMentorCenter.com, click on the post title above.

Are Your Kids Hooked on TV?

The latest Nielsen figures indicate that children are watching more television than ever - those aged 2 to 5 are watching more than 32 hours a week while for those 6 to 11, it drops slightly, probably due to school hours, to more than 28 hours a week. That's still, on the average, more than 4 hours a day. These numbers include VCR and game console usage but not time on the computer or playing hand-held video games.

Are you concerned about these numbers? Children's healthcare advocates certainly are. They have warned that this increased television watching may be linked to two childhood issues: obesity and delayed language skills.

For the past decade, parents had thought that Baby Einstein videos would help their infants develop language skills but actually studies have found that infants who watch these kind of videos actually learn fewer vocabulary words than those who don't. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends only an hour or two of TV for children older than 2 years, none for those below that age.

What can you do, as a parent, to wean your children from excess hours spent on television, videos and video games? It's not a simple process, but you can start by talking with your kids about why you believe it is important to reduce their electronic screen time. Help them see that it is not a punishment, but rather an important part of their growth. Here are some suggestions to get you started as you craft a plan that works for your family.

If you are a Sandwiched Boomer, single parent, or working mother, you are likely already stressed by your responsibilities and tempted to use television as a baby sitter. Instead, encourage your children to help you while you are doing things around the house - bring them into the kitchen to help make dinner, let them fold their own laundry, make it a game to see who can straighten up faster. Talk with your kids while you are getting your own chores done and make them a part of the process.

Set aside time for them to play outside with their friends. Learn more about after school activities in which your kids can participate - at school, in your local community center, at the park.

Encourage your children to read instead of watching television. Think about how you can make reading more interactive and interesting for them. Have a good book of your own handy so that you can sit down with them and read together.

Be a good role model. Don't leave the TV on as a background. Watch only the shows you specifically choose.

Include your children in planning which shows they will watch and when. Remind them that they need to limit their screen time to only what they have chosen. Set the amount of time they can play video games, hand-held or on the TV. You may decide on specific days or times for this activity. Make up a chart so they can plan for the week and let them fill in the times they have watched.

Set family rules about what is and is not acceptable in terms of TV and video games usage. Let your kids know that you are consistent in enforcing them. You can even purchase and use a TV/video game time management tool. These allow you to implement the time limits you have set with your children.

You may find that, as in any dramatic change, it takes many baby steps to alter your kids' television viewing habits. When you feel overwhelmed at the thought of prying your children's eyes off the TV, you can find some tips to get started at our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com. Click on the post title above to read an article giving you some suggestions about how to begin: Sandwiched Boomers: 7 Tips on Fighting Inertia.

Childhood Lies

It's been said that young children tend to lie at least once every two hours - sometimes to get something they want or to gain attention but usually to avoid getting in trouble and being punished. Often the lines between make-believe and reality become blurred. But when do youngsters' little 'white lies' become teenagers' big destructive whoppers? And how do those teens behave as young adults?

The Josephson Institute of Ethics releases studies of American high school students every two years and finds that the levels of lying, cheating and stealing have steadily increased. Results from their most recent study indicate that 12 to 17 year olds are five times more likely than those over 50 to believe it is necessary to lie and cheat in order to succeed. As they move out into the world at large, these same young adults are two to three times more likely to misrepresent themselves in a job interview, lie to a significant other, keep money mistakenly given to them.


Photo (c) 2008 Jupiter Images. All rights reserved.

Why do our children resort to these kinds of misdeeds? Is it the poor role models found in the entertainment, political and sports worlds? Is it the pressure to succeed coming from parents and schools? Is it the normalization of certain illegal activities on the Internet - plagiarism of papers and reports, downloading pirated music and videos?

So what's a parent to do? As in other aspects of parenting, keeping lines of communication open is a good start. When your children are little, encourage and praise their honesty, let them know clearly what is unacceptable, talk with them about the real consequences of their behaviors.

As they mature, continue to help your teens focus on learning for it's own sake without obsessing about tests and grades. Let them know that they don't have to be perfect to be competitive. Monitor their Internet use. And talk with them about the inappropriate messages their "heroes" are sending.

Adult role models can be helpful in setting examples of the kind of behavior you want to encourage in your children. To read more about a family man who lived according to his own high standards, click on the title above. It will take you to our website article, What Sandwiched Boomers Can Learn from Tim Russert.

Feeling Stressed? So are the Kids

Raising children has never been easy for Sandwiched Boomers, but do you think it's even harder today? Parents have always had to deal with providing for their offspring - food, clothing and shelter as well as a supportive and loving environment where the kids could grow into their full potential. Today, in addition, mom and dad are faced with handling the stresses of an unstable economy and volatile social situations. And the worries we feel are felt by our youngsters as well.

A recent study conducted by Harris Interactive and reported by the American Psychological Association found that 75% of American adults are experiencing moderate to high levels of stress. And, for the first time including youth between the ages of 8 and 17 in the survey, APA found that these preteens and teenagers are worrying too - and in greater numbers than their parents estimate. The survey found that children are experiencing their greatest worries about school and about their family's finances.

So what can you do to help the situation for your kids? Don't try to hide your concerns from them. You can't. They pick up signals from you even when you think you are shielding them from your stresses. Instead, keep the lines of communication open. Talk with them about their worries and let them know how you are handling you own ones. The more you are able to discuss the strains affecting all of you, the better you can all begin to cope with them. As you shift the focus to what you can do to address the pressures, your children may be comforted by recognizing that they have an ally - you are working together as a family to decrease the tensions you face. You may not be able to eliminate the anxiety everyone is experiencing, but you can make a first pass at reducing it.

For some tips about coping with the stresses you may be feeling in our uncertain economy, click on the title above. You can read about weathering economic challenges together at oue www.HerMentorCenter.com article, Five Ways Sandwiched Boomers Can Think Positive in Tough Times.

Choose a Topic and Read Some Blog Posts

There won't be a blog post today as we're both traveling - Rosemary is flying from Philadelphia to Chicago and I'm off to to Morocco. But tune in tomorrow as we'll be back on schedule.

In the meantime, why don't you look around the blog. Scroll to the upper left-hand corner of the blue banner at the top of this page and type in the subject that interests you in the white space - empty nest, sandwich generation, mother-in-law, aging parents, woman's conference? Clicking on the magnifying glass will take you to some posts you may enjoy reading.