How I Knew I Needed a Vacation

In 2009 we featured Dr. Carol Orsborn on a Virtual Book Tour right here on the blog. We’ve known each other for years through our work online. But since Carol moved back to L.A. from New York, it’s been a treat to have lunch--no computers or iphones--just old fashioned face to face.

We’re delighted that Carol is our guest blogger today. With many of us about to travel before summer’s end, here are Carol’s recent reflections on her much needed vacation:

My husband Dan and I have been working much harder than we’d ever anticipated to be doing at age 64. And normally, I’m fine with this. But as the vision of a dream retirement–work and stress-free–fades with every down tick of the stock market, I paid heed to my spirit crying out for at least a moment’s taste of freedom. So a week ago, we headed 2 hours east of Los Angeles into the mountains of Big Bear.

As is my habit, I grabbed a spiritual book off my shelf to bring with me, eyes closed. So imagine my delight when it turned out to be poet May Sarton’s “Journal of a Solitude.” Our first morning there, in the summer camp air, it was as if May were writing the words in my own heart, each word a deliverance to sanity just to know that I was not alone in my yearning.

She writes: “For a long time now, every meeting with another human being has been a collision. I feel too much, sense too much, am exhausted by the reverberations after even the simplest conversation. But the deep collision is and has been with my unregenerate, tormenting, and tormented self. I have written every poem, every novel, for the same purpose—to find out what I think, to know where I stand. I am unable to become what I see. I feel like an inadequate machine, a machine that breaks down at crucial moments, grinds to a dreadful halt, ‘won’t go,’ or, even worse, explodes in some innocent person’s face.”

It was only a 3-day trip, but halfway through day 2, I could already feel my spirit responding to the sight of a mother duck paddling along with her 6 babies, my resilience as well as the meaning of life restored. My encounters with others were delightful. I started journaling again.

I’ve been back a couple of days now, and I’m still walking around with a silly grin on my face, having remembered why it is I do what I do, and having forgiven myself for the gap between vision and reality.

So that’s how I knew how badly I’d needed a vacation. Life transformed from a collision to a celebration. Thanks, Big Bear, for helping me to remember what life is really about.

Readers, if you’ve been able to get away this summer, send a photo and description of your most meaningful moments to Mentors@HerMentorCenter.com We’d love to hear from you.

And thanks Carol, for reminding us of the benefits that can result from making a change. Carol is the founder of FierceWithAge, the Online Center for Spirituality and Aging. I’ve just completed her first virtual online retreat and I want to recommend it to you. Here’s how Carol describes it:

Passing beyond midlife initiates a new life stage. Knowing how determined you are to make the next stage of your life as vital as the decades that have come before, I recommend that you join in beginning August 6 for interactive, self-paced lessons delivered every weekday for three weeks directly to your inbox.

Learn more about the next retreat here. Carol, a wise and sensitive guide, is exploring uncharted territory in the field of aging. She also provides spiritual counseling to those who strive to stop being afraid of age, to instead become fierce with age.

Virtual Book Tour: Dr. Carol Orsborn Talks with Sandwiched Boomers

Today we are delighted to welcome Dr. Carol Orsborn, internationally-recognized author and senior strategist with www.VibrantNation.com. Carol is the author of the recently published "The Year I Saved My (downsized) Soul."

Carol began keeping a daily journal of her tumultuous journey through recessionary times, struggling to make sense of both personal and societal tribulation. Along the way, she found herself testing spiritual principles she’d been sharing over the course of the 15 books she’d authored, ultimately embracing both the despair and delight of what it means to be fully alive. "The Year I Saved My (downsized) Soul" is the exuberant record of her vibrant, chaotic but always inspiring search for meaning…and a job:


Nourishing Relationships: Why did you write this book?

Susan Orsborn: I began the year that resulted in my book “The Year I Saved My (downsized) Soul: A Boomer Woman’s Search for Meaning…and a Job” thinking that I had recklessly broken my very core. My own salvation began the moment I took up my pen every night after my long days at work to record my experiences. I instinctively knew I needed to do something to make sense of what was happening to me. While I’d written 15 books over the past 25 years, many of them inspirational and advice books, this was not a work I intended for publication. I literally wrote this book to save my soul—and it wasn’t until the year I set out to save my (downsized) soul was nearly over that I thought to share this with Patti Breitman, an old friend, and my former agent, wondering if there might be something in this for others. Outside of my own personal journals, I’d never written anything so exposed. Had I shown too much of myself? Her response excited and alarmed me. “This is a brave book” were her exact words.

N R: What do you want your readers to learn or take away from reading this book?

S O: Even successful people are not immune to undeserved hard knocks. However, whether we prosper or not ultimately has more to do with how we respond to the things that happen to us than the things, themselves. Through my own trials and tribulations, I learned that it is possible to be both downsized and spiritually healthy at the same time. Here are the ten key take-aways I learned during this year that I wanted to share with others:

1. All you can hope to control, however long you have and in whatever the circumstances, is whether you will bring your best or worst to bear.

2. There are times when all you can do is remember to breathe.

3. It is the willingness to engage in the struggle for what really matters that merits God’s intervention—not how deserving you think you are, nor whether you manage to emerge unwounded.

4. Because our futures are open and free, many influences contribute to how our lives will unfold over time. Ironically, your ability to hope becomes one of those factors, carrying just enough weight to make the difference.

5. Not everything that happens is a message. Sometimes a rat is only a rat.

6. Embrace the possibility that many things are bound to get in your way. Success comes not in spite of the things that happen to you but because you have grown large enough to embrace it all.

7. It is in the void that the status quo has the lightest hold on us. Released from the constructs of our everyday life, we have the least to lose. In the void, we are freest to make changes.

8. You don’t need an upbeat or even a brave attitude to make progress. You just need discipline, putting resumes out, making phone calls, following up leads and the like. This you can do happy or sad, anxious or full of faith.

9. It’s the economy that’s broken, not you.

10. When you give up the illusion of control, it’s true that you can’t always stop bad things from happening. But you can’t stop good things from happening, either.

N R: What research did you do to write this book?

S O: I have my doctorate in the history and critical theory of religion from Vanderbilt, which provided me with a solid foundation in terms of understanding the psychology, sociology and anthropology of what makes people grow and change spiritually, especially through crisis. (My areas of specialization are ritual studies, conversion theory and the transmission of beliefs from generation to generation.) Plus, I’ve written 15 books based on my studies of spiritual masters from multiple religions, eras and geographies: Sufi, Zen, Chassidic, The I Ching…you name it. That said, the only ultimate research I did was to use myself as a guinea pig, to see how my spiritual knowledge fared when personally put to the test. Short-term: not to well. Long-term: stronger than ever.

N R: Who was this book written for?

S O: Honestly, it was based on my own journals so you’d have to say it was written for myself. Only when I showed my journal to a friend in the publishing field did she tell me that this had value for others. The people who are responding to this book represent a surprising range of ages and circumstances, although ground zero are people 50 plus who have been downsized.

N R: What problem does this book solve for your reader?

S O: At a minimum, it will provide the knowledge that if they are in a similar position, they’re not alone. I’ve heard that my story is very validating.

N R: What has been the reaction to the book?

S O: Of all my books, this has received the most enthusiastic response. People tell me they sit down and read it in one sitting, and that when they put it down, they feel better about themselves, their prospects and life.

N R: What is your background/expertise in this field?

S O: In addition to my credentials in academia, I’m Senior Strategist with VibrantNation.com, the largest online community of smart, passionate women 50+. Because of the vulnerable, honest, optimistic dialogue engaged in by our members, I felt encouraged that if I were to share my story with others, it would be well-received…that I wasn’t some kind of loser, but rather, part of a larger movement, so to speak.

N R: Is there anything else you’d like to share about your book or experience in writing it?

S O: The main reason I ended up in corporate life, in the first place, was that I had put my writing career behind me and I needed to find a new way to make a living. It’s not that I didn’t love being an author—I always feel most passionate about life when immersed in the writing process. But I felt that a new time was dawning for authors and readers, alike. The era of authority telling us how we ought to live our lives is definitively over. What we crave, rather, is personal experience, to touch it and feel it—not principles shared from the top down, but the raw, gritty stuff of the fully-lived life.

Thanks for your candor and insight, Carol. If you'd like more information about Carol, click on the title of this post - you'll also find lots of support and a fund of useful information at www.VibrantNation.com. Now it's your turn, readers. Carol is available all day to answer your questions - just click on 'comments' at the bottom of this post and follow the prompts. And log on tomorrow - we'll be summarizing your questions and Carol's responses.

This Holiday Season, Take Care of your Family AND Yourself

Try taking care of yourself during the holidays and you'll be pleasantly surprised as your stress level goes down. And even with a more relaxed frame of mind, everything will still fall into place. Be a role model and teach by example - slow down your pace and do something for yourself as you work hard to make the holidays special for your family.

If you feel ready to pass the baton to the younger generation, do it. Next year you can encourage and support your kidults as they preserve the old family traditions and create new holiday customs of their own. You'll see that cheering from the sidelines is good for everyone.

In the midst of taking care of your family's needs during this hectic season, continue to pay attention to your own wellbeing. Arrange to plan ahead and, when they offer, accept help from others. And try to include fun and laughter in all that you do. During the holidays, while you may wish for peace on earth and peace in your family, don't overlook the importance of your own peace of mind.

If you click on the title of this post, you can read an article about how to celebrate the holidays with the gift of time.

Log on to the blog tomorrow, anytime, for our Virtual Book Tour – we'll be interviewing Dr. Carol Orsborn, senior strategist for www.VibrantNation.com, about her book, "The Year I Saved My (Downsized) Soul."