Getting Back on Track

Whether you're actually driving on a curvy road or trying to navigate the twists and turns of life, you don't always get the advance warning sign of a risk ahead.

Do these unforeseen hazards sound familiar? You've just gotten your finances under control when you bite down on an olive pit and break off part of a tooth. How will you fit the cost of a crown into your budget now? Or you've worked hard to make your new exercise routine a habit - but over-doing it, you've torn a muscle that will take months to heal. So now you're back on the couch, trying to regroup. And the diet that you followed so successfully after the holidays was thrown away with the arrival of your weekend guests. Will you be able to get back on track once they leave?

When these kinds of threats materialize, they can put your carefully worked out plans in jeopardy. What can you do to meet these challenges and move ahead? Here are two tips to guide you in turning setbacks into opportunities:

Act as if you are committed. Make a plan outlining the objectives you need to meet in order to accomplish realistic goals. You're more likely to succeed when you are optimistic and enthusiastic about working to bring your aspirations to reality and give yourself reinforcements along the way to motivate you. Draw on your strengths - both personal and spiritual - as you act to break through barriers. Use all the support and resources available to bolster your own efforts.

Have a Plan B ready for flexibility. Your path will not likely be a straight line but you don't have to be defeated by your slip-ups if you've worked out a contingency Plan B ahead of time. Now take the opportunity to brainstorm novel ways of getting to your goal and continue to refine your strategies as you learn from your mistakes. When your reactions are not set in stone, you can improvise along the way as you discover what works best and then modify your behavior based on the feedback you get.

There may be limits to what you can accomplish but give yourself permission to begin the process without expecting perfection in your results. Especially if you're a sandwiched boomer, faced with the responsibilities of growing children and aging parents, these tips can help develop the resiliency you need to thrive.

With the price of gas going up and up, you may not be doing much driving right now, but when you do, here's to the joy of an open road - without dangerous curves or hidden perils.

How to Work Your Way toward Valentine's Day

If you’re a Sandwiched Boomer, caring for parents growing older and kids growing up, Valentine’s Day may be just one more responsibility you have to take care of. Are you trying to balance work and family with little choice but to leave your love relationship on the back burner? Busy people under pressure often hurt the one they love. Not ideal circumstances as we approach the most romantic day of the year.

Marital relationship experts seem to focus on minimizing the negatives – don’t nag, don’t be controlling, don’t overreact, don’t withhold sex.

But why not concentrate on the do’s instead of the don’ts? Positive reinforcements can help increase attraction, motivation and connection. So if you apply these practical and easy-to-implement insights, you may begin to see positive changes, just in time for Valentine’s Day:

Express gratitude. Remembering to say thank you may sound overly simplistic, but it can help bring to mind your partner’s good qualities. Compliments serve as positive reinforcements at times when you may be preoccupied with work and kids or taking each other for granted.

Try to compromise. Be direct, yet open and flexible as you make your way through disagreements. Putting yourself in your partner's shoes and truly understanding the other point of view can help resolve conflict quickly without so many lingering resentments.

Log on Wednesday for more practical tips about achieving marital success.

In the meantime, would you like to download a complimentary eBook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching Your Goals? All you have to do is sign the email list to the left of this post. You'll also receive our free monthly eZine, Stepping Stones, with lots of ideas about how to resolve your family problems.

Journaling in the New Year

With this just the first week of 2012, your new year's resolutions may still be fresh in your mind. But as Sandwiched Boomers, caring for aging parents and growing kids, chances are that won’t last. Writing down your goals and intentions in a journal can help clarify them. And checking your list regularly will help you stay motivated. Here are some ideas as you begin to explore the journaling process:

Photo courtesy of eblaser - Flickr.com

Identify your strengths. Create an assets inventory or a list of your accomplishments as a way to appreciate yourself. What are your natural talents? What comes so easily you often don't notice it? And what about the acquired skills you’ve used successfully? Mark this page and, when you're feeling vulnerable, review it.

Make a gratitude list. This can be a reminder of what is good in your life. Consider how positively others view you and the ways you support them. Who sees you as a role model and why? What in your life experience has led you to wisdom? Remember to honor these insights.

Embrace change. As you move toward your goals, continue an active process of getting to know your true self. Write about what you really value, care about and want - your dreams and passions? An empty journal won't help make your dreams come true but a well loved and often used one might do just that.

Journaling gives perspective and restores sanity. It can be a lifeline as well as a record.

Writing by hand can activate the mind/body connection. It gets you past the obvious and underneath the surface. And it lets you delve into issues and untangle messes. Studies show that journaling keeps you healthy by releasing mental toxins and deepening awareness. You’ll see, there’s something magical about putting pen to paper, regardless of who you are.

Caring for Yourself and Aging Parents at Holiday Time

Amidst all the celebrating during these holidays, if you're a Sandwiched Boomer, torn between caring for growing children and aging parents, you may be bogged down by your responsibilities and having a hard time getting into the spirit of the season. I know I did when I was taking care of my parents a decade ago. They moved in with me after my mother developed cognitive impairment due to a stroke, and they lived with us until their deaths years later. When I was just too exhausted, my husband insisted we get help and that made a huge difference in all of our lives.

Image: Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

While you're busy caring for others, remember to take good care of yourself too. Make time for fun and take advantage of free time you set aside for yourself. You can nurture yourself even when you're focused on nourishing others. Remember what Ben Franklin said about how to keep yourself young: We do not stop playing because we grow old, We grow old because we stop playing!

If you're a Sandwiched Boomer, we've got some resources to help you take better care of yourself, manage daily hassles and reduce long-term stress. Use them to create some energy so you can enjoy the holidays this year.

AARP recently hosted an event focused on identifying what can be done to support caregivers, bringing together 10 authors - including Gail Sheehy and Walter Mosley - who have hands on experience themselves caring for loved ones. You can view the archived webcast of the event on the AARP website.

If you're caring for a loved one at home, find out about respite care options and caregiver resources that will give you the break you need. You may want to consult the Private Duty Homecare Association, which is devoted to overcoming the challenges of aging in place. And you can a look at their past webinars on various aspects of at-home care, which may help your loved one maintain a sense of independence and feelings of security. Home Instead Senior Care can also help overcome obstacles in assisting your loved one's aging in place, including gift ideas for the holidays.

When you feel you are no longer able to care for a loved one by yourself, you may begin looking for other options. Assisted Living Today has compiled a series of articles to help determine the best type of care for your loved one. Especially helpful is the information in their Assisted Living Care Guide. For those of you who have a parent with Alzheimer's or other dementia their Memory Care Guide provides facts about different types of facilities caring for those with Alzheimer's Disease as well as questions and answers to help you make decisions about caring for your loved one.

November was Alzheimer's Awareness month, bringing attention to the estimated 5 million who suffer from this disease. The Alzheimer's Association provides information and support to those with Alzheimer's as well as for their caregivers.

If you want to read more about eldership, AgeSong features Dr. Nader Shabahangi who has been writing about the aging process and the need for community to ensure a positive outlook - for caregivers as well as their loved ones. You may find his white papers interesting and informative, especially if you're caring for a loved one.

Treat yourself to an important holiday gift this year - your decision to take good care of yourself even with the pull of your aging parents and growing children. You deserve it.

Sandwiched Boomer, Nurture Yourself

These are tough times, especially if you're a card carrying member of the sandwich generation. If you're facing the challenges of parents growing older and kids growing up, don't forget to nurture you. Because if you're run down, who will care for your family? For a moment, enjoy this photo of the sunset on a Costa Rican beach. And tonight, take the time to relax and appreciate the sunset right outside your door.

Whether you're hit in the face with a crisis, adjusting to changes in your identity or making a slow transition into the next chapter of your life, expect a cascade of feelings - anxiety, the desire to hold on, resentment, sadness, fear, eventually a sense of freedom. The emotional roller coaster is normal. But if you find the courage, you can't help but grow from the challenges.

Past is prologue. How can you prepare for what lies ahead? As you look back, how have you dealt with major changes in your family life before? Think about what has worked in the past. Take the specific strategies that you learned from those experiences and, once again, apply the most effective ones to the challenges you are facing today. A positive attitude will motivate you to stay on track and ultimately reach your goals.

Find something to believe in. Is it strong faith, a spiritual path or confidence in yourself? Look at the ways you can continue to build on your internal and external assets. Evaluate your character strengths and how they have benefited you in other circumstances. Are you fiercely curious and determined to find a solution, no matter what? Discover the resources, such as caregiver programs or support groups, which will help you make decisions as you deal with the specifics of the family problems you are handling.

Recognize the importance of support. When you are facing what may be a difficult time, find a role model who encourages you. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. Talking with others can clarify your needs as you work through these changes. Getting an objective opinion from a family therapist or life coach will provide you with further insight and direction.

Take a step back and you'll see the situation from a different perspective. And listening to your inner voice can help you focus on what's important as you integrate your values into how you live your life.

Sign the email list to the left of this post and receive a free monthly newsletter, "Stepping Stones," full of practical tips to help you deal with your family in flux. You can also download a complimentary ebook about reaching for your goals.

What Costa Rica Can Teach Us About Family Values

I'm just back from Costa Rica, a small Central American country where peace of mind is a natural commodity. Visiting there felt like a breath of fresh air with it's slow pace of life and ecological mindfulness. The country has no need for a military presence and family life is a top priority.

World events like the turmoil in the Middle East and the devastating crisis in Japan continue to impact our gas, food and transportation costs. High unemployment, compounded by foreclosures and homelessness for families, contributes to the slow economic recovery. And multi-generational households increase as families move in together to alleviate financial concerns. For many Sandwiched Boomers, the loss of retirement funds is accompanied by feeling less secure now and less hopeful about the future.

It may be hard, but find the fortitude to face the situation squarely and see this as a teachable moment. Talking with your children about what you expect from them and the limits you need to impose at this time can be eye-opening. If you're concerned about where our society is headed, it's time to put off immediate gratification and bring family values back to the foreground:

Don't forget where you came from. Dig deep to find your roots and try to understand who you are and what you want. Figure out how you can care for your family and still nurture yourself. Set some concrete and specific long-range goals about what you need for you and what you want to accomplish for your family. Identify short-term objectives as you work toward achieving these, step by step.

Make family a priority. Love them and tell them so on a regular basis. Place great value on parenting, it's one of your most important responsibilities. As knowledge is power, appreciate the transitions your own family is going through now. And get more information about how to manage change from the Internet and self-help section of your local bookstore. Talk to friends and family whose opinions you respect and who have gone through similar experiences. It's a chance to get realistic feedback and concrete advice.

Character matters, as does your family. During these difficult times you represent hope for them. Click on "Comments" below to let us know what you're doing to make life a little easier. And log on here Wednesday for more practical tips.

You can sign our email list to the left of this post to receive a free monthly newsletter, "Stepping Stones," and to download a complimentary ebook, "Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals."

Making Changes on Days of Celebration

With Tax Day over, this week is a time for family celebrations - Passover for some, Easter for others, and Earth Day for everyone. Earth Day is celebrated this Friday, April 22, as a means of teaching about and appreciating the Earth's environment.

In the wake of these tornadoes, seismic activities, tsunamis and radiation leaks this spring, we all are struck by the realization that changes in the Earth can come in many ways. They can be gradual or sudden and violent. They can come from the forces of nature or from the actions of human beings. They can be unexpected and out of our control or planned and anticipated. In either case, the havoc they reap can affect millions. The effects of the tsunami in Japan have impacted the economy and may continue to do so for weeks to come.

So how then do we come to terms with the tremendous power of Mother Nature? Given the current discussions about whether or not the globe is actually warming - and, if so, whether it's due to man or the earth itself - you may be left feeling confused and overwhelmed. On Earth Day, you can acknowledge the power of nature and still recognize your role in the process.

And in your personal life, you can use these same techniques. Focus on what you can control in your life and what you can accomplish, not what you can't. While you often can't influence circumstances, you can control how you handle them. Clearly define your goals or aspirations and keep focused on them. Letting go of negative thoughts and unrealistic expectations can free you up to make something positive come out of a negative situation.

In the heat of the moment, enthusiasm for making a change - protecting the earth, creating better family relationships, making the world a better place, loosing those stubborn extra pounds - can be great. But what happens the next day? How can you build on your decision to improve? How do you actually vary your routine and transform yourself? Inspiration is not enough - now you need to implement your choice in a clear and definite way. Here are 8 tips on how to go about it:

Acknowledge your ability to change. Recognize that there may be limits to what you can accomplish but that you can take it one baby step at a time. Give yourself permission to begin the process by setting a realistic goal and without expecting perfection in your results.

Write out specific goals for yourself and break them down into smaller, more manageable short-term objectives. Set up a timeline for tackling each task. The more you formulate your plans and establish concrete steps, the greater the likelihood that you will follow up on them.

List your personal resources and inner strengths - they will help you attain your objectives and eventually achieve your goals. Draw on them as you have when you made other changes in your life.

Make a public commitment to the change you are pursuing. This will help you take yourself and your decision seriously and increase your motivation to continue the process even when you face barriers along the way.

Maintain your energy by rewarding yourself for each objective you accomplish even as you keep your focus on the future goals you are striving toward. Positive reinforcement will keep you motivated to continue your process of change.

Draw on the support of family and friends. They want you to succeed and will give you the help you need. Join with others who have similar goals - having someone share your journey makes the whole process more enjoyable.

Don't beat yourself up when you backslide. Change can be overwhelming and you need to be patient with yourself. Refine your strategies as you learn from your mistakes. Have a Plan B ready and continue to improvise as you discover what works best for you.

Enjoy the satisfaction and feelings of power that come from making real changes. You've earned it! And you can use your new skill set to achieve success in other areas of your life as well. If you're a Sandwiched Boomer, resolve to use these tips to take better care of yourself.

Juicy Tomatoes, Women 50 and Beyond

Good morning Sandwiched Boomers! Today we are delighted to welcome Susan Swartz to our Virtual Book Tour. A talented journalist, author, public radio commentator and blogger, she has written two books about women 50 and beyond. She's here to talk about her 'Juicy Tomatoes' books so lets get started, Susan.



Nourishing Relationships: First off, who or what is a Juicy Tomato?

Susan Swartz: It’s a term I came up with for mature middle aged women to counter those over-the-hill stodgy predictable stereotypes. Juicy Tomatoes are ripe, still on the vine, a little sun-damaged but not ready for the compost bin, if you get my metaphors. Juicy to me means succulent in mind, body and spirit. Also juicy in terms of still having the juice, that is power and ability.

NR: Why did you write your book?

SS: When I waded into my 50s, which was more than a decade ago, I didn’t like the images of middle aged and older women that came up in commercials, novels, movies and the culture in general. Those images, of tired, grumpy, regretful women didn’t match the energy and intellect of women I knew. So I used my journalistic skills to seek out real women in their 50s and 60s and asked them what they liked and didn’t like about getting older. We talked about everything from face-lifts and faith to how contra dancing can cure the empty nest syndrome. The idea was to encourage women to not get stuck but push on and enjoy these years. And to set a better example for those little hard green tomatoes, including my three daughters.

NR: So getting older is all wonderful and rosy?

SS: No, you lose parents and friends get sick and your doctor wants you to have a colonoscopy and there are weird skin things growing on your body. And you worry that you never saved for retirement and your company is downsizing and the younger staffers are nudging you towards the fire escape. But, if you’re lucky you’ve got a husband who likes to dance and friends to grab for girly-girl overnights. And maybe you’ll finally learn to kayak or write a sonnet.

NR: Who are the women in your book and how did you find them?

SS: As a long time newspaper columnist and reporter I already knew a number of women who dazzled me with their attitude and energy including business leaders, artists, folk singers, ex-pats, a house builder, inn keeper, ski instructor. Then I tapped friends and newspaper colleagues around the country for more juicy women.

NR: What did you learn from your Tomatoes?

SS: That truth-talking girlfriends are essential. That creativity lasts. That confidence is sexy. And from a yoga teacher – you are as young as your spine.

NR: What is the difference between your first and second Juicy Tomatoes book?

SS: In the first book Juicy Tomatoes: Plain Truths, Dumb Lies and Sisterly Advice After 50 I explore the stereotypes of aging, where they come from and why there's more to us than over-the-hill black balloon birthdays and saggy breast jokes. Still, there's a lot of frank talk about menopause and some of the visible changes that we experience. As one woman said: "I showed a picture of me with my first husband to my current husband and he looked at me and said, 'Who's that?'"

The second book The Juicy Tomatoes Guide to Ripe Living After 50 is more of a girlfriend guide. Women discuss cosmetic surgery decisions, taking care of our bones, how not to be an old poop. One hint: Walk as if you're wearing high heels even if they're sneakers. Sexy women wear heels, if only in their minds.

NR: What is your next project?

SS: I’m fooling around with a kind of memoir about what happens to my generation of women when we leave our life-long profession but don’t really retire. I tentatively call it Life After Newspapers.

We appreciate your candor and insight, Susan. For more information about Susan, her books, podcasts or articles about health and fitness, click here.

Now, readers, it's your turn. Susan is available all day to answer questions - just click on 'comments' at the bottom of this post and follow the prompts. And thanks for stopping by!

How Sandwiched Boomers Can Fight Inertia

This is a continuation of the tips offered on Monday about how to fight inertia. As Sandwiched Boomers with so much on your plate, you may feel overwhelmed and not know where to begin. Take it slow and easy. If some days you can't follow through with your plans, don't let frustration sap your enthusiasm. Think about all those New Year's resolutions you made when you were young and didn't know better. And then remember the inertia that followed the failure of your short-lived goals. Don't fall victim to that kind of logic.

Photo by Filomena Scalise

Make a public commitment to those who want to see you succeed. By telling your family about your intentions, you create a reality that'll keep you feeling motivated. You'll find it may be easier to lose weight by joining a support group or to stop smoking through an organized program.

Lower your expectations. And, for sure, don't expect anything near perfection. Actually, there is no perfection, so relax. Start out small and be OK with baby steps. If Aunt Bess has moved into the nursing home across town, your only choices aren't either to go daily or not at all. Pile the kids in the car one Sunday a month and enjoy an hour in the park with her and your family.

Give up the pleasure principle – that is, having exactly what you want when you want it. Next time you eat out, instead of finishing up with apple pie a la mode, visualize a thinner you in that little black dress at your upcoming high school reunion. Delaying immediate gratification for future goals will lead to feeling better about yourself - and nourish you way beyond your last bite of dessert.

Savor your power. Positive reinforcement is a major part of any behavior modification program, so reward yourself for a job well done. Choose a pleasurable activity that nurtures you, like a trip to the spa or a yoga class. This kind of attitude will sustain you as well as promote greater self care. And as your goals take shape, you'll shape up.

Our website, HerMentorCenter.com, has lots of complimentary articles full of strategies about how to reach your goals. And in this difficult economic climate, our ebook, Taking Care of Stress in a Financial Storm, may be the best $2.45 gift you can give yourself. The information will help you look beyond the present moment. Why not take this chance to get closer to your goals? As you realize that you are making progress, every day will present a new opportunity.

How to Fight Inertia

As Sandwiched Boomers, chances are you're bombarded daily by challenges with aging parents and growing children. You may also be trying to balance home and work responsibilities. And that's without your commitment to stay healthy, lose weight and exercise regularly. Just thinking about your hectic lifestyle can stop you in your tracks. If this is your life and you're feeling the time crunch, follow these guidelines.

Photo by Nuttakit

Make a start, any start. Buy a journal or borrow one of the notebooks your child isn't using and do your homework. Write out some specific long term goals and break these down into smaller, more manageable short term objectives. Begin with the one that seems easiest to implement and take the first step. Don't forget to consider the character strengths and personal resources you have that will help you achieve your goals.


Create weekly or even daily to-do lists. For example, if a regular exercise program is your ultimate goal, begin by penciling in a 20 minute walk twice a week after carpool or during your lunch hour. Organization and planning may sound like dirty words. But the more you concretize what you plan to do, the greater the chances are that you'll follow through with your intentions.

Give yourself a break and see what happens. Let go of any negative thoughts about yourself in relation to getting stuff done. Actively dispute the idea that you are lazy, apathetic or can't get a handle on the process. Choose a simple mantra that rings true for you - such as 'yes I can' - and repeat it often.

Sign the email list to the left of this post to receive a free monthly newsletter, "Stepping Stones" and download a complimentary ebook about how to reach your goals. And log on Wednesday for more tips about fighting inertia.

Staying Warm on Valentine's Day

With record snow throughout much of America and cold winds blowing, it may be hard to stay warm. If you've got someone to cozy up to, you know that love alone does not guarantee the success of a close relationship. It also takes work, commitment and communication to build strong connections.

If the weather weren't enough, couples today are dealing with huge stresses of all sorts - fears of economic meltdown, actual job loss, threats to safety and security, concerns about retirement finances, and, for Sandwiched Boomers, issues arising from children growing up and aging parents growing older. Partners rely on each other to help buffer the impact of these stresses - and, hopefully, to make coping with them a little easier. Here are some tips that you and your partner can use - on Valentine's Day and throughout the year - to keep the fires of love burning bright.

Devote time and energy to your relationship. Make time for each other. It is well worth it - your efforts will come back to you many times over. Even if your days are filled with chores, let your date nights reflect romance, sensuality and affection.

Share with your partner what you love about him or her. Don't hesitate to give compliments when you think of them. Express the gratitude you feel at having your partner in your life. As you remember why you first fell in love, your feelings will grow even deeper and richer.

Focus on the positives in your relationship. Draw on your partner for support when you need it. Recognize that your mutual trust lets you enjoy being playful and sharing a laugh together. Your relationship can rejuvenate you when the stresses of the world outside weigh you down.

Remind yourselves of the commitment you made and the love you created. Plan date nights even when you don't have something special to celebrate. Draw on humor to lighten the mood. As you recall the joyous times you shared in the past, you will be forming new memories for your future together.

Do something unique this Valentine's Day. Studies of long-term relationships have found that couples who share novel experiences together actually increase their marital satisfaction and happiness. Why not begin by planning a brand new celebration of your love on February 14th this year?

Build new memories as you enjoy each other. Be playful and have fun together. Laugh and bring humor into your daily life. Plan some adventures - discover new activities you both like to do. All of these bring more pleasure into your relationship and encourage real intimacy between you.

Savor your special times together, whatever they are. When you give all of your attention to enjoying a positive time, you can build memories of these happy occasions and re-live them whenever you want.

A survey of women after last Valentine's Day found that 2/3 of them were disappointed in the way the day had turned out for them. Either their expectations were too high or the realities too low. In either case, why not talk with your partner before Valentine's Day and decide to do something different this year. You can make it a special day for you both, even if you are a Sandwiched Boomer coping with the stresses of growing children and aging parents.

Focus on Your Assets

With the New Year approaching, do you think it's too late to start making lists and outlining dramatic changes for yourself? Novelist Mary Anne Evans (AKA George Eliot) wisely advised, It is never too late to be what you might have been. So decide what you want to be and then begin the process to make it happen in 2011.

And just in case you've had trouble in the past taking the first step toward change, our article Sandwiched Boomers: 7 Tips on Fighting Inertia, available on our website, Her Mentor Center, gives you suggestions for overcoming these hurdles.

Here are some more practical tips to help you focus on the positive qualities you possess and how you can apply them:

Engage in an active process of getting to know your true self and what you want to do. Think about what you would see if you held up a mirror to your inner self. What nurtures your creative thinking? What stimulates your curiosity? What do you really value and care about? What are your dreams and passions? When you can honestly answer these questions for yourself, you can begin to identify what is your life purpose. Only then can you go about achieving it.

How would you like to share your "assets" with others? Your expertise can be directed to giving back to those in need, to the next generation, to the community, country, world. Begin to practice small acts of kindness – let a harried mother go ahead of you in the grocery line, give up the parking space to an elderly gentleman, smile at the sales clerk who looks like she’s having a bad day. At this stressful holiday time, your thoughtfulness and consideration can mean even more to those around you.

Just as you would calculate liabilities as well as assets when determining your financial net worth, you can look at the areas that you would like to enhance in your personal life. This provides a focus for your actions toward self-improvement. Let 2011 become the beginning of changes that you have been planning to make but never quite began before.

After you identify your strengths and the direction you want to take, start to develop a concrete plan of action you can follow. Establish short-term objectives that will move you, step by step, toward the long-term goals you have set for yourself. Whether you're dealing with growing children, aging parents or your own self-discovery, create your personal vision for 2011 using your newly completed asset inventory.

For more insight and tips about achieving the goals you set for yourself in 2011 check out our article, 8 Strategies to Turn Your New Year's Resolutions into Reality.

And if you want to get a running start on dealing with the pressures of the weak economy in 2011, you can purchase our ebook, TAKING CONTROL OF STRESS IN A FINANCIAL STORM: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success.

Tips for Grandmothers During the Holidays

This time of year, the role of grandmother can be most rewarding, especially if you and you grandchild spend some of the winter holidays together. Ours just visited for Thanksgiving and we all enjoyed being together to celebrate. While buying and giving presents is important, the most significant gift you can give your grandchild is your presence, attention and love. And you know the best gift you can receive back is a great big hug. For some budget-friendly and fun activities to do with your grandkids this holiday season, here's 100 free things to choose from.

'Grand Mothers' come in all sizes and shapes, as well as names - Grandma, Nana, Bubbe, Granny, or whatever special name your grandkids have for you. Grandchildren may live near or far; be in preschool, grade school, college or beyond; from intact or blended families. What grandmothers share in common is a deep desire to maintain a loving bond with their grandchildren. Here are some tips for creating enriched relationships:

When your grandchildren live far away, the most salient issue is developing connections. You probably don't have the opportunity to see them more than every few months, particularly in this economy. You will likely need to enlist the aid of your adult children to help you form the bonds between you and their kids. How you connect will change as they grow and will certainly flow from your own interests and creative talents. Whatever you choose, your efforts will be well worth it when you see how excited they get when you visit. For some new ideas about connecting at a distance, take a look the article on our HerMentorCenter.com website, Create Meaningful Bonds with Your Grandchildren across the Miles.

When your grandkids are babies, help them develop a full impression of you. You can best do this by using all the sensations that babies respond to. Let them begin to identify your voice by cooing to them on the phone or sending them tapes or CD's with you singing, reading or speaking to them. They can begin to recognize your face from pictures of you in their room or on the computer via iChat or Skype. Have a special song or book that you share with them as you cuddle on each visit. Wear the same perfume - or even a dab of vanilla – whenever you visit so that they learn to associate that with you.

Even if you can't spend the holidays together, continue to use phone calls, letters, cards, texting and emails to stay in touch. After a visit, you can create a scrapbook for them of pictures and souvenirs from your time together. Their memories of you will be enhanced when they have something tangible to look at and savor over and over again, like Family Photo Books. You can write them stories or poems about what you do together, with them as the star of the piece.

During the rest of the year, learn about your grandchildren's activities and interests so you can engage with them about topics that mean a lot to them. Pay attention to their friends when you go to their birthday parties, sports events or special occasions - then you can ask about them later when you have returned home. Integrate what you find out and keep up with their changing activities. All of your efforts will help cement the connections between you.

Check back with us again on Wednesday when we’ll have some more tips for you grandmothers to put in place this holiday season.

Develop Your Personal Health Plan

The Association of American Medical Colleges reported last week that the shortage of physicians is expected to worsen due to the U.S. healthcare reform plan that became law last spring. Their Center for Workforce Studies released a projection that shortages will be 50% worse than estimated earlier. Rather than lacking 39,600 doctors by 2015, the United States will actually be short 63,000 physicians, given the extra patients entering the system.

With fewer doctors available, you will need to make some changes in the way you take care of yourself. Now is the time to develop your own personal health plan to help deal with the challenges you face everyday in nourishing yourself and your family-in-flux. All this week you'll find links here to our YouTube videos giving you suggestions for improving your coping skills and your health - mental and physical. Try them out and let us know what works for you as you create your own care plan.

No matter what challenges you face in your career and at home with children growing up and parents growing older, it's not selfish to set aside time for a taste of healthy self-fullness. Check out our short, YouTube video, Your Personal Health Plan Begins with a Change, to help you cope with the challenges you are facing. In this video, you'll learn the importance of releasing negativity, a common response, and replacing it with a positive attitude. Developing resiliency and expressing gratitude can be powerful tools.

With the economy continuing to stall and family responsibilities growing, your stress levels may be climbing, especially if you are a Sandwiched Boomer. Vow to put your feet up and think about yourself for once. What brings you happiness? What relieves the stress you face every day? What will bring balance to your life? A second YouTube video segment gives you some tips on how Your Personal Health Plan Reduces Your Stress. In this video, you'll find tips for taking time for yourself and creating personal stress relievers.

It's always hard to get started in making a change, even one that will help you take better care of yourself. If you want to give yourself a jump-start, click here to read Sandwiched Boomers: 7 Tips on Fighting Inertia which you can find on our website, Her Mentor Center.

Strategies for Success at Work

Now the summer is over and the kids have gone back to school, are you thinking about re-charging your career? That might mean a renewed dedication to your current position, consideration of a job change, or starting your own business. If you're re-entering the workforce after a layoff, the issues can be even more complex.

But how do you find the time and energy to revive your career when you are also caring for growing children and aging parents - especially if you are a sandwiched boomer? Here are some practical strategies for success when negotiating the demands of work and motherhood:

Find your unique passion and cultivate it. What brings you joy and the ability to be fully engaged in your job? Recognize the creativity and excitement that emerge as you follow your dreams. When you are in flow, you won't notice the day flying by as you immerse yourself in your projects.

Set carer goals that you can accomplish. Work hard at your job and treat it with the significance it deserves. However, if you are a parent, remember that your work at home is just as important as your career. Pay attention to what is going on in your family and have contingency plans for how to keep members feeling secure.

Put in effort and practice hard to excel. When you strive for your personal best, repetition becomes you partner in success. Set long-term goals as well as realistic and incremental steps to reach them. Give yourself credit when you achieve an objective and, as you set the next one, aim to move ever closer toward your ultimate goal.

Brainstorm and think outside the box. Be creative when you are faced with a complex situation. Often you can improvise when a solution doesn't readily appear. Use your skills to develop resiliency. Your first plan may not work but keep revising until you have plans that you can implement.

Bring all your resources into play. Draw upon you friends, extended family and available community services to help you through the challenges you are facing. Learn to cooperate with others and use teamwork as you strategize and move toward accomplishing your objectives and goals. Relish the support that comes from those who care about you.

Another resource for you is our website, Her Mentor Center. Visit often for support, information and direction as you manage your career and cope with the demands of your family-in-flux. In this tough economy, you'll find our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm, provides you with practical strategies for success.

Sandwiched Boomers Can be Happier

Are you a Sandwiched Boomer managing the challenges of parents growing older and kids growing up? If so - especially in these difficult economic times - you may be more focused on reducing stress than increasing happiness. But it doesn't have to be that way. The tips that follow are mainly about tweaking your attitude. Try them on, as they don't take much time and are easy to implement:

Become aware of what brings you joy. Set aside time to experience and acknowledge your gratitude. Research participants were asked to write gratitude letters to those who had helped them. They reported that, after implementing the habit, they had a lasting increase in happiness over weeks and even months. What's even more surprising is that sending the letter was not necessary. Even those who wrote letters, but never delivered them, still reported feeling better afterwards.

Embrace simplicity and appreciate what you have. Step outside and enjoy a moonlit night or take you family camping and roast marshmallows over the fire. Those who practice writing down three good things that happen to them every week show a significant increase in happiness. When life isan't going so well, think optimistically and try to find the silver lining in any situation. Being more hopeful about the circumstances, a process called reframing, can lead to increased feelings of well-being.

Practice random acts of kindness. Focusing on the positive can help you remember reasons to be glad. When we perform good deeds and assist others it also benefits us. A recent study found that the more people participated in meaningful activities, the happier they were and the more they felt their lives had purpose. Pleasure-seeking behaviors, on the other hand, did not make them happier.

Read this article from PsychCentral for insight into what you can do to increase your sense of well-being. And click here to learn more about Dr. Martin Seligman and his work on Authentic Happiness at the University of Pennsylvania. If you want, you can even participate in a research study.

Log on to our website, HerMentorCenter and spend some time browsing. Start at the menu on the upper lefthand corner of the Home Page. There's lots of information under 'Newsletter Library' and the articles in 'Nourishing Relationships' are full of practical tips. By signing up for the 'Free Newsletter', you can download a complimentary ebook about reaching your goals. And there's no better time than now to order our new ebook, "Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success." Our thanks to Marilee Karlsen for the terrific photos from Bhutan!

Families Rejoice in The National Parks

This week's nighttime bear attack on a campground outside of Yellowstone was a dramatic reminder of the power of these wild animals. Estimates are that about 125 grizzly and 500 black bears roam the backwoods in Yellowstone. Yet this unprovoked attack on humans was seen as aberrant behavior by the mother grizzy and her cubs. Rangers say that visitors have a one in 1.9 million chance of being attacked, as long as they follow all the established safety precautions.

So, taking care not to approach wild animals in the National Parks, here are two more tips to help you and your family get the most out of your visit:

Enjoy the people in your life. It's always fun to spend time in the great outdoors together - take a float trip down the rapids or a calm part of the river, make s'mores around a campfire, go for a nature walk with a forest ranger, take pictures of the wild flowers or just go for nice long walk together. Let your family know that their company is important to you.

Immerse yourself in the serenity of nature. Most of us react with awe and appreciation when in the presence of the majesty of nature. When you allow yourself the opportunity to soak in the beauty of your surroundings, you'll feel more centered and ready to face the challenges ahead of you on your return home.

For more tips about enjoying family vacations especially if you are a Sandwiched Boomer, visit our website, Her Mentor Center. You'll also find information there about purchasing Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success. It's available for download in PDF format.

Families Learn and Grow in the National Parks

Vice President Biden made news this week by visiting Yellowstone and the Grand Canyon with his daughter. Last year, President Obama brought his own family to these majestic national treasures. But you don't have to be a politician or a celebrity to enjoy "America's best idea," as Ken Burns dubbed the National Parks. Make a plan to spend time with your family in the great outdoors - be inspired, educated and motivated to protect our rich environment.

The last post encouraged you to engage in the world around you and find role models to inspire you. Here are two more tips to keep in mind:

Learn something new. The National Parks provide a unique and ideal environment for learning - whether it's about the geysers, hot springs, mudpots or fumaroles of Yellowstone, the hoodoos of Bryce Canyon, the waterfalls and giant sequoias of Yosemite or the powerful landscape of the Grand Canyon. If you're more interested in the wildlife of the region, there are bald eagles, bison, bears, moose, elk, wolves to observe and study. The wildflowers and groves of trees can provide endless opportunities for education. Many national and state parks offer kids the chance to become Junior Rangers and you can follow up your visit by reading more about the history of the parks and the Native Americans who once roamed these lands.

Challenge yourself to take some risks. The parks present numerous opportunities to try activities that may be new to you - riding a mule on tenuous mountain paths, whitewater rafting down rapids, hiking up a rocky trail to a waterfall, camping out under the open skies, horseback riding through meadows. You'll find that the excitement of mastering a new skill carries over into a new sense of confidence in the rest of your life. And your children will love the new experiences.

To learn more tips about managing your challenges, especially if you are a Sandwiched Boomer, visit our website Her Mentor Center. And look for information about purchasing our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success, which is available for download in PDF format.

Families Are Inspired in the National Parks

Given your limited budget this year, have you made any plans for summer vacation? For some Sandwiched Boomers, squeezed between caring for growing children and aging parents, the choices may be limited.

According to a recent poll, close to 80% of adults believe that family and friends are more important than possessions - in other words, relationships trump 'bling' in creating happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment of the American dream. So, in these tough financial times, families are still taking vacations together yet are managing to cut back on their spending. Many are accomplishing this feat by visiting the National Parks - figures show that attendance has been unusually high.

Whether or not you choose to visit the Parks, this week we'll focus on some ideas about what goals you can achieve by vacationing together. Your kids will grow from the experience and you'll all have fun together.

Engage in the world around you. Join with other families exploring the country or start by becoming more involved in your own community. What are your family's interests and passions? Hiking, history, nature, adventure, native plants and animals? You can learn more about them together and expand your universe at the same time.

Find role models to inspire you.. Sculptor Gutzon Borglum dreamed about creating a memorial to American heroes that would last through the ages. Beginning in 1927 he worked in the mountains of South Dakota, drilling and chiseling until by 1941 he had sculpted Presidents Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, and Roosevelt on Mount Rushmore, looking out onto the Black Hills and Badlands. These men reflect goals to strive for - courage, freedom, compassion and conservation, among others. And the nearby sculpture-in-progress, commemorating the Lakota leader, Crazy Horse, honors the richness of the Native American culture and the dignity of the tribal people.

If you are looking for more tips highlighting innovative ways to deal with the realities of the current economic situation, visit our website Her Mentor Center for information about our recent ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success, available to download in PDF format. And tune in again later this week for more suggestions for making the most of your family vacations.

Sleep-away Camp: Great for Sandwiched Boomers and Their Marriage

Believe it or not, sleep-away camp can be the best thing for you and your marriage. If you're a member of the Sandwich Generation, your life is likely full of responsibility - caring for parents growing older and kids growing up. When was the last time you luxuriated in time alone with your partner?

Now that your kids are successful nestled into camp life, it's your turn. Here are some tips that may help you ease into the comfort and excitement of a totally adult relationship.

Invest in each other. In a family with active children and demanding careers, it's the marriage that usually ends up on the back burner. Make efforts now to develop your relationship, just as you would any valuable asset. Feel more treasured as the emotional dividends grow.

In a HuffingtonPost.com article, here's how one mom describes her metamorphosis when she sends her 9 year old son to sleep-away camp for the first time.

Give the gift of time. Focus on each other by planning activities you'll both enjoy. Exercise together - rent a bicycle built for two or take a hike in the mountains. Stretch it out and take a long cut. Or sneak away - leave work early and meet at a museum or enjoy a picnic lunch at the park. Be spontaneous and mysterious - surprise each other and be free with your affection.

Want some more ideas to try out? Happily married readers of Today.com share their wisdom about how they keep their love light burning.

Act like kids and laugh a lot. In your daily routine when the kids are home you inevitably get bogged down with meals, laundry, work, bills. It can get stressful, and boring. Whole days go by where you just worry and totally forget to laugh. It's emotionally healthy to let off steam. Now you can be more playful - do something fun, silly or out of the ordinary. It'll force you to remember who you are at your core and remind your partner of why he fell in love with you.

Create romance and intimacy. More of this has likely been on your 'to do' list for a long time, so here's your chance to make it happen. No need now to pencil it in or make love on the run. Cook dinner together, turn on the music, light candles and share that bottle of wine you've been saving for a special occasion.

Sex in marriage can be complicated. Gain more clarity through this article in the Wall Street Journal that explores the relationship between sex, love, desire and arousal. And remember to practice what you've learned.

Time flies, so stay in the moment and enjoy each other. Before you know it the kids will be coming home. And what you've created with your partner during these few weeks will be a distant memory to savor when life, once again, is full of interruptions.

We want to hear from you. Click on 'Comments' at the bottom right-hand corner of this post. Ask questions, share your ideas. And log on Friday for more tips about how to keep a family camp-like feeling all year round.