Caring for Yourself and Aging Parents at Holiday Time

Amidst all the celebrating during these holidays, if you're a Sandwiched Boomer, torn between caring for growing children and aging parents, you may be bogged down by your responsibilities and having a hard time getting into the spirit of the season. I know I did when I was taking care of my parents a decade ago. They moved in with me after my mother developed cognitive impairment due to a stroke, and they lived with us until their deaths years later. When I was just too exhausted, my husband insisted we get help and that made a huge difference in all of our lives.

Image: Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

While you're busy caring for others, remember to take good care of yourself too. Make time for fun and take advantage of free time you set aside for yourself. You can nurture yourself even when you're focused on nourishing others. Remember what Ben Franklin said about how to keep yourself young: We do not stop playing because we grow old, We grow old because we stop playing!

If you're a Sandwiched Boomer, we've got some resources to help you take better care of yourself, manage daily hassles and reduce long-term stress. Use them to create some energy so you can enjoy the holidays this year.

AARP recently hosted an event focused on identifying what can be done to support caregivers, bringing together 10 authors - including Gail Sheehy and Walter Mosley - who have hands on experience themselves caring for loved ones. You can view the archived webcast of the event on the AARP website.

If you're caring for a loved one at home, find out about respite care options and caregiver resources that will give you the break you need. You may want to consult the Private Duty Homecare Association, which is devoted to overcoming the challenges of aging in place. And you can a look at their past webinars on various aspects of at-home care, which may help your loved one maintain a sense of independence and feelings of security. Home Instead Senior Care can also help overcome obstacles in assisting your loved one's aging in place, including gift ideas for the holidays.

When you feel you are no longer able to care for a loved one by yourself, you may begin looking for other options. Assisted Living Today has compiled a series of articles to help determine the best type of care for your loved one. Especially helpful is the information in their Assisted Living Care Guide. For those of you who have a parent with Alzheimer's or other dementia their Memory Care Guide provides facts about different types of facilities caring for those with Alzheimer's Disease as well as questions and answers to help you make decisions about caring for your loved one.

November was Alzheimer's Awareness month, bringing attention to the estimated 5 million who suffer from this disease. The Alzheimer's Association provides information and support to those with Alzheimer's as well as for their caregivers.

If you want to read more about eldership, AgeSong features Dr. Nader Shabahangi who has been writing about the aging process and the need for community to ensure a positive outlook - for caregivers as well as their loved ones. You may find his white papers interesting and informative, especially if you're caring for a loved one.

Treat yourself to an important holiday gift this year - your decision to take good care of yourself even with the pull of your aging parents and growing children. You deserve it.

A Woman's Guide to Great Sex after 50

Vibrant Nation is an online community where women over 50 share information about subjects that interest them through blog posts and conversations. Whether you're concerned about yourself, your relationship or family, work or wellness, you're bound to gain clarity.

The website has recently launched a health and beauty blog and a library with publications from experts. One of the experts is Dr Pepper Schwartz, professor of sociology at the University of Washington. She has appeared on television programs like The Oprah Winfrey Show and lectures on topics such as sexuality, women's issues and male/female communication. Dr. Schwartz has collaborated with Vibrant Nation and written an ebook, A Woman’s Guide to Great Sex After 50: Getting Your Mind, Body and Relationship Ready for Pleasure. Vibrant Nation provided us with this ebook and I want to tell you a little about it.

Right off the bat, Dr. Schwartz normalizes the decrease in libido that can occur with menopause and diminishing hormones. She explains the potential effects of infidelity and erectile dysfunction. And how changes in physical health and an increase in stress level can impact your sexual relationship.

Dr. Schwartz's sense of humor and her use of other women's stories make this sometimes touchy subject very accessible. She lets us know there's a high degree of satisfaction among couples who remain sexually active and how important it is to "use it or lose it."

The technical material on sexual frequency and satisfaction is concise and her recommendations are practical. For more regular orgasms, she suggests strengthening vaginal muscles, letting go of old scripts, listening to your body instead of the rules and talking openly with your partner about what you need. As women have fewer erotic fantasies, Dr. Schwartz advises masturbation as a means to greater desire and a more intense sex life. She recommends sex toys and different types of vibrators as well as the websites where you can order them, some of which have psychiatry and ob/gyn physicians available for consultation.

If you're interested in purchasing Dr. Schwartz's ebook from Vibrant Nation, you can find more information on this link to their site. And when you join Vibrant Nation, you can also receive their free report, Top 5 Treatments for Vaginal Dryness and Dyspareunia (Sexual Intercourse Pain). It's full of helpful information about improving your sexual health and increasing your enjoyment of physical intimacy, even after menopause.

You can read these articles about relationships on our website, HerMentorCenter.com, if you're interested in how remaining faithful or re-examining your relationship can impact your sexual wellbeing. Here's an AARP survey about sex in the 50s. And for more insight about sexual health, read myths about sex after 50 and secrets to great sex after 50.

Log on Wednesday - we'll be sharing practical tips on how to celebrate the holidays with the gift of time.

Women in the Sandwich Generation: Begin to Create a Plan for Your Future

Are you busy balancing your work and family life, raising kids and caring for aging parents? Although you're likely making plans for your kids' college and for your parents' care right now, you need to also be thinking about what's next for you.

How ready are you? You may want to watch how Jeannie, a 48 year old new mom, is planning for her future. And see how Maryann has put a long-term care plan in place, so her son won't be in the stressful position she was as her mom needed more help.

A recent survey found that more than 50% of boomers may not have enough money to maintain their current living standards in retirement. Consequently, many will be working past the traditional retirement age so they can save enough to comfortably retire.

How much longer do you plan to work? With the economic downturn, perhaps you can't afford to retire and are counting on your benefits. Or you may think it's important for you to stay engaged and connected, be productive, feel empowered. There are also questions about your 'after work life' that deserve consideration. Do you know what it will cost to live in retirement? Have you budgeted and saved enough money? This information can help you understand some of these retirement issues.

Want to increase your awareness and plan for your unique lifestyle and goals? Learn more about AARP's new educational program - Decide, Create, Share. You'll be able to assess your future needs across home, community, health, legal and finances. Discover how ready you are for the future and use the tips provided to help you stay on track.

Isn't it really all about you living life on your own terms and staying in charge? Browse around HerMentorCenter.com for information and articles to help you care for your family and still nourish yourself. Sign the email list to the left of this post and receive a monthly newsletter full of practical tips for you. And then you can download a free ebook about how to reach your goals. Now's the time for you apply the same competence and energy to yourself that you give to others?!

Women in the Sandwich Generation Need to Start Taking Better Care of Themselves

In last week's election, did you notice all the references to the Pink Stampede? There were several firsts for women - Nikki Haley (South Carolina) Susana Martinez (New Mexico) and Mary Fallin (Oklahoma) were all elected in states that never had a female governor before.

Despite these historic events, women continue to lag behind in issues related to taking care of themselves. They seem to have other priorities that can't wait. According to AARP research, 44 million members of the Sandwich Generation, most of them women, are caregivers for aging family members.

If you're looking for support and resources as you try to balance your family and work life with caregiving responsibilities, click here for AARP.org/caregiving. Through the eldercare locator, there's information about particular information in your local area on such topics as housing options, financial assistance, transportation or legal help.

It seems that women are far less informed about their own longterm planning than caregiving others, and this includes what it will take for them to live in retirement. This week on the blog we want to get you thinking about you, for a change! Learn more about your medical history to reduce risks in the future. If you eat well, exercise, get a good night's sleep, have a positive attitude and a good support system, you'll be on the road to better self care.

However, there's more to it. Want access to information and tools? AARP has developed a program to help you stay engaged and connected called 'Decide, Create, Share.' Its purpose is to empower women to be in control and live the best life possible. And if you're interested in taking a quiz that will increase your awareness about health, finances, legal issues or home and community, click here.

Log on to our website, HerMentorCenter.com, for articles about how to care for your family in flux without starving yourself. Please sign the email list to the left of this post to receive our free monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones, and download a complimentary ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals. And click here to watch Patricia's video clip about how she is setting personal goals for her future.

Brain Exercises for Sandwiched Boomers

Yesterday we highlighted a recent study that found conducting Internet searches enhances brain function. Today lets look at additional means of exercising your brain to keep it active and dynamic. Here are some tips to follow:

Exercise your brain with mental aerobics just as you do your body. The Seattle Longitudinal Study found that 66% of older Americans doing brain exercise activities had significant cognitive improvement. Learning new skills increases the number of neural connections in the brain and keeps them firing.

Explore new areas and interests. Have you wanted to learn to play the piano? Take Spanish or learn computer graphics? Check out your neighborhood center, school district or extension courses at a college or university near you. Traveling to new places? Surf the web for information about educational travel in America and throughout the world.

Play word or number games and do crossword or jigsaw puzzles to keep your mind sharp. Researchers believe that these kinds of mental challenges build new neural pathways that help buffer the brain against age-related losses. Injecting novelty into your everyday tasks can have a similar affect. AARP has compiled a list of suggested tasks - for example, you could use your non-dominant hand for brushing your teeth, rearrange the furniture in your rooms, or carry out activities blindfolded.

Dr. Gary Small of UCLA has developed a technique for improving memory - Look, Snap, Connect. First, actively observe what you want to learn; next, create mental snapshots of your memories; finally link your mental snapshots together. This technique can help you remember information ranging from the names of new people you meet to where you parked your car or left your keys.

Develop your creative talents. Scientists have found that, as you challenge yourself to look at things in a new way and try novel behaviors, you exercise important parts of your brain. Women in their middle years have taken up a wide range of creative activities such as painting, acting, writing poetry, photography, making jewelry.

And don't forget that physical activity helps keep your mental powers sharper too. Plan your schedule so that you can participate regularly. Choose an activity that you enjoy and find engaging -- walking with a friend, working out at the gym, biking with your partner. A daily brisk 20 to 30 minute walk will allow you to feel better emotionally and think more clearly.

Increase your physical activities to include aerobics, flexibility and strengthening exercises. Fast walking, jogging, dancing, biking or climbing stairs are all good. Studies indicate that aerobic exercise brings more blood and oxygen to your brain cells, encouraging the growth of new nerve cells and connections between them. Improve your mood, control your weight and protect yourself against cognitive loss all at the same time!

For some ideas about how to identify your strengths and talents, click on the post title above. You will be connected with our article, How to Inventory Your Assets, found on our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com.

Your Personal Health Plan: 10 Tips for Self-fullness

The proposed national healthcare bill is sparking discussion across the country. Members of Congress are finding vocal constituents at town hall meetings in their districts. Is it a real grass roots protest or astroturf? When AARP representatives prematurely end a meeting because senior citizen members there challenge AARP support of the bill, frustrations grow on both sides. And when the White House posts a blog encouraging citizens to report "fishy" information about the proposed health plan, the controversy widens.

What can you do? Learn more about the House health bill yourself, ask questions and come to your own conclusions. In the meantime, decide on a personal health plan to improve your wellness every day. Our video for today includes the final two of our ten tips for increasing self-fullness. Feel free to begin with any of the tips you like - there's no deductible or co-pay involved.



Click on the post title to take you to our website, HerMentorCenter.com and the full article, Top Ten Self-fullness Tips for Sandwiched Women in our Nourishing Relationships archives. We invite you to browse around our site and blog, where you will find articles and information to help you care for your family and still nourish yourself at the same time.

An AARP representative, interviewed on the Today Show, highlighted the financial pressures on the Sandwich Generation - struggling to pay for their kids' college education and, at the same time, helping support their aging parents. That's another concrete reason why you may be fighting inertia. Read on for some final tips on getting started again.

Make a public commitment to family members who want to see you succeed. By telling others about your intentions, you create a stronger reality that will keep you feeling motivated. Engage friends in your pursuit of getting into better shape – talk with a friend at work and make a pledge to hit the gym together three times a week.

Notice and savor your newfound power. Positive reinforcement is a major tenet of any behavior modification program. So reward yourself for a job well done - choose an activity that nurtures you, like a massage or a trip to the spa. This sort of attitude will sustain you as well as promote greater self care – and as your goals take shape, you'll shape up.

Take it slow and easy. With so much on your plate, it's normal to feel overwhelmed and not know where to begin. If some days you make plans and can't follow through, don't let frustration sap your enthusiasm.

Remember all those New Year's resolutions you made when you were younger and didn't know better? And think about the inertia that followed the failure of your short-lived goals. Don't fall victim to that kind of logic. Look well beyond the present moment – and resolve that you are making progress, that you are getting closer to your goals and that every day is a new opportunity.

As a Baby Boomer, are you in agreement with the results of an American Association of Retired Persons' position paper - that the definition of work in retirement will be uniquely yours? Fully 80% of those who responded to the survey expect to continue some type of work after they reach retirement age.

Many women don't have control over the decision regarding changes in their work situation. They may be faced, unexpectedly, with the loss of a job or a business. Or, out of financial necessity, they have no choice but to continue supporting themselves and their families. In addition, the aftermath of 9/11 and the economic downturn drove women into the workforce who otherwise would have reduced their workload or retired completely.

The recent New Face of Work Survey, conducted by the Princeton Survey Research Associates International, found that the majority of their interviewees had an interest in post retirement careers that help others. Over 70% of the women in their 50's agreed that “It is very important that a job in retirement gives a sense of purpose,” and allows them to stay involved with other people. The shift to a "working retirement" is definitely a baby boomer phenomenon.