Women Athletes at the London Olympics

With the Olympics being held in London this summer, we are reminded of how far we've come since the Duke of Wellington was said to have determined, "The battle of Waterloo was won on the playing fields of Eton," referring to the discipline and strength men acquired playing sports as youths. Today young female athletes in the United States make use of the Title IX provisions to create a winning future for themselves as well.

Women competing in the Games this year illustrate many of the character strengths identified in Positive Psychology. We looked at four shown by some of the medal winners on Monday. Here are four more you can emulate in your own life.

Gratitude. With her wins in London, Serena Williams is now only the second woman in history to complete the "Golden Slam," taking the Olympic singles gold medal as well as winning at Wimbledon, the U.S. Open, Australian Open and French Open. Yet Serena isn't taking all the credit herself. She has expressed her gratitude for the education she received, thanks to the support of her family. Not an amateur and wanting to give back, Serena has been generous with her winnings, supporting many educational projects in America, and funding a school in Africa as well as mentoring other aspiring athletes. You'll find that when you too express gratitude your mood improves, you feel better about yourself and more connected to the world around you.

Perspective. Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh Jennings have been playing together for nearly 12 years - and winning games of beach volleyball most of that time. They won gold medals in 2004 and, after both married, repeated in 2008, the only women's team to have accomplished that feat. But after Kerri took out time to have two children, some wondered if the team could still play on top of their game. Yet, with the perspective they've gained and the balance in their lives, they are galvanized. Playing again with more consistency, they will be vying for the championship, guaranteed either a gold or silver. When you are faced with difficult situations and important questions in your own life, consider what you have learned from your past experiences and trust yourself to make the right decisions today.

Resilience. Kayla Harrison won the gold medal in judo, a first for any American, after almost giving up the sport – and even contemplating suicide - several years earlier due to sexual abuse by her coach. But after therapy and starting again with a new coach, she regained her love of the sport and her self-confidence. After winning, she said, "I want to help kids overcome being victims…Never give up on your dreams…Things have happened. But I didn't give up." When you are dealing with a trauma or are frustrated by a setback, put all your energies into recovering from that challenge, think about what you can still control and work toward achieving your new Plan B goal.

Teamwork. Kami Craig, who played on the national championship USC women's water polo team, and Courtney Mathewson, who was on arch-rival UCLA's national championship women's water polo team, have put their competition behind them and are now working together as friends on the same Olympic team USA to defeat their opponents. Even their coach, after causing a penalty due to an error in calling for a time-out, relied on the team spirit to keep the focus, "This is a team game. When the coach makes mistakes, you need your team to pick you up. And the team picked me up today." Their teamwork has assured them all a place on the medal stand as they play in the final game later this week for the gold. Your team may consist of family, friends or co-workers but it is the dedication to the common good of that group that sets the tone for everyone's improved input.

Enjoy the rest of the London events this week, following the leadership provided by the women and men of Olympic teams from all over the world. Then choose a role model for yourself and let your own games begin!

Women Olympians as Role Models

Since Title IX guaranteed equal funding for girls' sports programs 40 years ago, we've seen the results in school, in the workplace and in women's self-confidence. Studies have shown that girls who play sports in high school are more likely to to do better in science classes, complete college, avoid substance abuse and join the workforce. And the more time they spend participating in team sports, the higher their self-esteem.

Naturally, there has also been an effect on the playing fields. Now, for the first time in the history of the Olympic Games, there are more women than men on the United States team in London. And we can look to these women as role models for the positive traits we want to emulate. The strengths they gain from years of hard work and dedication to their sport are more than just physical. They also represent many of the character virtues identified by Positive Psychology researchers Chris Peterson and Marty Seligman. 

All this week we'll be looking at some examples of these and other strengths personified by the athletes. Consider how to integrate them into your own daily life.

Vitality. Gabby Douglas, dubbed the flying squirrel due to the actual height she achieves as well as the high level of energy she exudes in her routines, won the gold medal in women's all-around gymnastics as well as in team all-around. Her enthusiasm is contagious and she engages everyone around her with her electrifying smile. With her passion to fulfill her potential, she left home to train under a new coach and live with a "second family." Her heart is big enough to include them all in her zest for life – and for gymnastics. Search for what energizes you and go for it all the way. You'll feel more alive than ever.

Friendship. The "Fierce Five" USA gymnasts are a close-knit group, supporting each other through the Games – even when they are competing against one aother. Jordyn Wieber, who had been best in world in all-around didn't make the cut for the Olympics all-around, yet congratulated teammates Aly Raisman and Gabby Douglas who did. McKayla Maroney and Kyla Ross have been friends since they were 8 and both took gymnastics at the same gym. When they all worked together as a team, they drew strength from their friendship with each other and won the gold medal in team gymnastics. You may not be reaching for the gold yourself, but the commitment you and your own friends make to each other nurtures each of you and creates emotional bonds that provide the foundation for a fulfilling life.

Persistence. Dana Vollmer didn't even make the Olympic women's swimming team four years ago. But she persevered and worked harder than ever to make the team this year. All her practice paid off when she broke the world record, winning gold medals at the London Games in butterfly as well a gold in women's medley relay, with Missy Franklin, Allison Schmitt and Rebecca Soni. When you are discouraged and tempted to give up working toward your own goal, believe in yourself and find the strength to hang in there.  

Loyalty. Missy Franklin has been approached time and again to make endorsements but has turned them all down so could remain an amateur and swim for her high school and future college teams. With her bubbly personality, Missy enjoys her friends in school and is devoted to them, to her family and to her hometown coach. Winning 4 gold medals in backstroke and women's team relay and a bronze in another team relay, she is looking forward to getting back home and hanging out with her friends. Your own sense of responsibility for your community and the value you place on generativity and giving back will help you remain true to your ideals.

As you continue to watch the coverage of the London Games this week, enjoy the spectacle of sport but also reflect on the strength of purpose and commitment that the athletes – female and male – have developed over the years. A nice Olympic ideal for all of us to follow.

Get Ready to Refresh Your Marriage

If you’re new to this blog, scroll down to Monday and read the post about how to make a good marriage better. There you’ll find practical tips and links to get you off to a good start. And below are a few more ideas that may help:

Ask for what you need. No one’s a mind reader. Sometimes, out of frustration or resentment, couples stop talking. Recommit to understanding each other’s anger or disappointment. If you meet halfway, you’ll both get more of what you want.

Invest in your own happiness. It will relieve pressure and your partner won’t have to be a major source of your wellbeing. By taking action in your own life, you'll feel more confident, have a better attitude, be more interesting and your relationship will reap the dividends.

Express your gratitude often. Compliments serve as positive reinforcement at the very times when you may be taking each other for granted. If you find yourself distancing, try to see your partner in a different light. Purposely look for qualities you love in each other. And when you’re thinking something positive, say it out loud.

Only you know what it’ll take to make you feel more fulfilled. Communicate it directly yet be flexible as you make your way through differences and disagreements. A shift in the dynamics can result from something as simple as a weekly date night or training together for a marathon. And being satisfied with small changes will bring more pleasure and greater intimacy into your relationship.

Attaining Happiness Without a Winning Lottery Ticket

Is happiness really as simple as a warm puppy? Stopping to smell the flowers? Or as materialistic as a winning lottery ticket? There have been scores of philosophers and theologians over the years attempting to define happiness and to identify its components. But recently Michael J. Fox, living with Parkinson's for over 20 years put it more plainly:

I really love being alive. I really love my family and my work. I love the opportunity I have to do things. That's what happiness is.

If you're working to increase your happiness, perhaps you've already begun with the strategies we talked about earlier this week - increasing your gratitude and engaging by using your character strengths. Today, using Fox's formula of affirmative focus, family and meaningful work accomplishments, we have four more tips for you in the quest to attain true happiness.

Savor the pleasurable events and emotions you experience. First immerse yourself in these activities, being mindful so that your experience is rich and deep. Then set aside time later to re-live and enjoy the event and your feelings all over again. You'll find that your body becomes more relaxed, your thoughts more focused and your mood more upbeat.

Build and nurture personal relationships. Studies continue to show that positive relationships provide a buffer for the stresses we all encounter and are correlated with greater happiness, well-being, optimism, improved health, even a longer lifespan. And they work to create an upward spiral - the happier we are, the more we attract additional positive relationships.

Create a meaningful life by helping others. When you make a commitment to help others, your altruism also benefits you by increasing your levels of joy and contentment. Receiving a windfall of money - like that coming from a lottery win - doesn't actually lead to a long-term rise in happiness when spent on oneself, once basic needs are met. Yet spending a portion of that money on others - either as a gift or as a charitable donation - is correlated with an increase in happiness.

Set goals for yourself and work to achieve them. Striving for and accomplishing a goal leads to increased self-esteem and a sense mastery and efficacy. When you overcome challenges along the way, it creates even deeper well-being and feelings of control. And the optimism that you have about future meaningful successes can generate authentic happiness.

President Abraham Lincoln, who went through great trials and difficulties, shared his view:

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

How happy will you decide to be? Can you get there without depending on a lottery ticket?

So You Didn't Win the Lottery...Now What?

If you're reading this blog post today, the overwhelming odds are that you didn't win the record-breaking lottery over the weekend. Americans spent $1.5 billion in their magical thinking quest to win the jackpot, fantasizing about how they would happily spend the $640 million that was to be paid out to the winner. As it happened, there were three winners so the final after-tax take home this year for each will be about $100 million. Still, nothing to sneeze at.

Are you wondering how others have fared after winning the lottery? In many cases, not well. Over 1/3 of past winners were in serious financial trouble within five years, some facing bankruptcy. Others saw their health deteriorate or addictions spiral out of control. Relationships often turned sour, with friends or family taking advantage of them. And after an initial spurt in elation, most were not any happier than they were before winning.

So now that you don't have to spend time counting your fortune or interviewing and hiring a wealth adviser, here are two approaches to think about as you seek to achieve the authentic happiness you thought a winning number would bring:

Bring your experience of gratitude into the forefront. Keeping a gratitude journal can help you become more aware of what brings you pleasure. Several times a week, count your blessings and write about three specific experiences for which you were thankful that day. They could include a dramatic sunset, warm hug from a friend, tender compliment from your partner, touching story, beautiful violin concerto, delicious dessert. As you focus on these and choose not to take them for granted, you'll be increasing your level of joy. Express your gratitude to others who have made a positive difference in your life - you'll feel happier and so will they.

Engage in the world around you using your personal strengths. When you're absorbed in a challenging activity you love and are skillful at, you'll feel more alive and authentic. Your energized focus and immersion in the task at hand create flow. This peak experience is accompanied by deep feelings of fulfillment and happiness. Identifying, developing and utilizing your character strengths at work and in your leisure interests bring you flow and a sense well-being that is genuine and lasting.

For more practical and winning tips for achieving happiness, check in with us here again on Wednesday.

If you had hoped to use your lottery winnings to help with finances after your kids boomeranged home, we've also got some useful strategies for you. Log onto our interview on the Fox Business website with boomer Casey Dowd, Repopulated Empty-Nests: What to Do When Your Kids Move Back Home and let us know how our tips work for you.

The Day After

…And they lived happily ever after.

That's what we're told at the end of fairy tales. And we want to believe it. But the truth is we really don't know what happens after the wedding. How does the couple resolve the inevitable conflicts? How do they support each other after a defeat? How do they incorporate romantic love into the reality of day-to-day ups and downs?

Today is Valentine's Day plus One. You may be feeling disappointed and resentful about yesterday or happy and cherished. Perhaps you want to savor the warm love you received or to rehash the letdown you experienced. Your focus may even be on what you gave to those you love rather than on what you received. In any case, your perceptions become reality and your reactions set the tone for what comes next.

Life is complicated. It's both good and bad, filled with successes and failures. Often your responses give meaning to what has occurred more than do the actual events themselves.


Take a good look at this picture. You may only see the dark clouds, portending an ominous future or instead notice the patches of color that indicate a potentially rosy outlook. The flag may suggest a sense of community and belonging or the separation from others who are not in the group. A focus on the airplane can remind you of adventures still ahead or fear of the unknown. Even the tankers in the background can raise feelings of optimism or pessimism about our environment.

It's not really concrete objects, events and people that define our lives but how we react to them. Our stories begin in earnest the day after. It's not easy but that's when we begin the real work of resilience and creation. How will you choose to tell your own story? With gratitude and forgiveness or bitterness and remorse? It's up to you.

Journaling in the New Year

With this just the first week of 2012, your new year's resolutions may still be fresh in your mind. But as Sandwiched Boomers, caring for aging parents and growing kids, chances are that won’t last. Writing down your goals and intentions in a journal can help clarify them. And checking your list regularly will help you stay motivated. Here are some ideas as you begin to explore the journaling process:

Photo courtesy of eblaser - Flickr.com

Identify your strengths. Create an assets inventory or a list of your accomplishments as a way to appreciate yourself. What are your natural talents? What comes so easily you often don't notice it? And what about the acquired skills you’ve used successfully? Mark this page and, when you're feeling vulnerable, review it.

Make a gratitude list. This can be a reminder of what is good in your life. Consider how positively others view you and the ways you support them. Who sees you as a role model and why? What in your life experience has led you to wisdom? Remember to honor these insights.

Embrace change. As you move toward your goals, continue an active process of getting to know your true self. Write about what you really value, care about and want - your dreams and passions? An empty journal won't help make your dreams come true but a well loved and often used one might do just that.

Journaling gives perspective and restores sanity. It can be a lifeline as well as a record.

Writing by hand can activate the mind/body connection. It gets you past the obvious and underneath the surface. And it lets you delve into issues and untangle messes. Studies show that journaling keeps you healthy by releasing mental toxins and deepening awareness. You’ll see, there’s something magical about putting pen to paper, regardless of who you are.

Gratitude: A Healthy Thanksgiving Recipe

These are hard times. And life is hectic for all of us - especially around Thanksgiving, when we remember how our families celebrated in years past. Holiday images in the media can be seductive and exaggerated. Before you know it, you're rushing around and trying to conform to unrealistic expectations.

Photo courtesy of Jeff Ratcliff, FreeDigital Photos.net

Perhaps you're worried that old family dynamics will surface as soon as you all get together. Will the cousins wonder why your 35 year old son is moving back home? Or what if your mom's inquisitive nature scares off your daughter's new boyfriend?

Thanksgiving can be lots of fun. But it can also be about confronting old wounds, suffering through conversations with dysfunctional relatives or counting the minutes until it's over. And this can lead to emotional overload.

This year, just try to relax and refuse to focus on negative issues. As they say, 'The rocks come with the farm.' Learn to love those rocks - they make it more interesting. And consider that what you're feeling is pretty typical in all families. Sometimes it takes a holiday get-together to fully appreciate what you do have. When deciding what to bring to the Thanksgiving table, how about a hearty dish of gratitude? And invite your family and friends to join you. I'll get the ball rolling - here are a few things I'm grateful for:

My husband's support
The hug of a grandchild
Inner strength
The people I love
My good fortune
Second chances

Now it's your turn. Click on 'Comments' at the bottom of this post, follow the prompts and share your gratitude with our readers. Or email us at Mentors@HerMentorCenter.com to let us know what you're thankful for. We'll post your comments here on Wednesday. And why not try this idea when your guests gather around the Thanksgiving table?

Honoring Veterans Every Day

Just in time for Veterans Day, in an overwhelming display of bipartisanship, the U.S. Senate passed a bill providing tax credits to employers who hire unemployed veterans. In addition, Congress will be shepherding through the legislative process a "VOW to Hire Heroes Act" in expectation of early passage. President Obama also announced several administrative programs to help veterans find work and train for new careers. These jobs initiatives are particularly important since, according to data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics, veterans have an overall unemployment rate of 12.1 %, several points higher than for non-veterans.

On Friday, we honored the brave men and women who have served our country in the Armed Forces, leaving their families to protect ours. But don't veterans deserve our respect every day of the year, not just on November 11th? If you want to express your gratitude, but don't have the ability to hire a veteran, there are numerous organizations providing important services to veterans as well as comfort and assistance to their families.

A government website can help you search for volunteer opportunities to help military families in your community.

Joining Forces is a national initiative that provides members of the Armed Services and their families opportunities and support.

The Semper Fi Fund provides immediate financial support for injured and critically ill members of the U.S. Armed Forces and their families.

The mission of The Wounded Warrior Project is to honor and empower wounded soldiers with a variety of programs to strengthen Mind, Body, Economic Empowerment and Engagement, including PTSD evaluation.

Fisher House gives families the chance to be close to their military loved ones who are hospitalized and provides scholarships to support programs improving the quality of life for military families.

The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) provides comfort to those who have lost a loved one in service to America.

Let's work to help these programs and services make it easier for our brave veterans to transition to civilian jobs and life at home with dignity. They deserve our appreciation and recognition every day.

Visit our blog again on Wednesday for a Virtual Book Tour with Dr. Jeffrey Rubin. He'll be answering questions about his new book, The Art of Flourishing.

Want Halloween Treats Instead of Tricks?

On Halloween, you don't have to dress up as a member of the Sandwich Generation - you likely already have that frazzled look about you. Caring for parents growing older and kids growing up can lead to stress and, in crisis, even depression. See if these practical insights can help with your negative emotions:

Knowledge is power. Gather information about ways to deal with how you are feeling - explore Internet search engines and sites or the self-help section of your local bookstore. And talk with friends and family who understand and whose opinions you respect.

Gratitude and forgiveness are compelling emotions. Use this to your advantage. Tell your partner, kids or parents about their positive qualities and what they mean to you. And forgive others who are important to you for some past wrongdoing or misunderstanding. Watch their reactions and see how that makes you feel.

Support is crucial – connect often. Enroll in a class or workshop through a university extension program or mental health center. Join an ongoing support group or attend a weekend retreat to share concerns, problem-solve and gain new perspective. A therapist or coach can be a sounding board and guide - someone to validate your ideas and help you follow through with your plans.

It can be difficult to maintain a sense of optimism when your circumstances are complicated and perhaps even painful. But you owe it to yourself to begin to cope with your changing moods. Recognize strengths and skills that are already an integral part of you. Release tension through humor to help you bounce back. And notice how a positive attitude supports what you do and who you are.

Beginning to talk about depression can increase your awareness, reduce the stigma and help minimize your symptoms. Think about exorcising your demons, once and for all. Don't disguise your true feelings, no matter what time of year. And this Halloween, take off your mask and commit to feeling emotionally stronger.

Sign the email list to the left of this post - you'll receive our free monthly newsletter, "Stepping Stones" and download a complimentary eBook about how to reach your goals. And in celebration of Halloween, we want to treat you to these tips about taking control of stress in a financial storm.

Heroes in Your Family

With Memorial Day commemorated earlier this week, the summer season is now unofficially open - the barbeque is back in service at home and families are beginning their annual trips to the beach. Yet even with the shift to summer fun, there are still lessons we can take from the combat veterans we honored on Memorial Day. As we respect their unique bravery and reflect on the ideals of service, courage and camaraderie, we can apply these principles to those closest to us.

If you're a Sandwiched Boomer, stressed by the responsibilities of caring for aging parents and growing children, you may feel like there's no time to step back and take a deep breath. When you do, here are some things to keep in mind as you enrich your family relationships:

Recognize the importance of revealing the love you have for each other. Those who have been in harm's way know the meaning of the words, "it's too late." Don't put off sharing your love; decide to make it a priority. Each day, acknowledge those you love, and who love you, as if it were your last. The joy you create and receive in your close relationships can sustain you through hard times. You can find out more about the value of these positive connections on the Authentic Happiness website.

Express the gratitude you feel for what your family has given you - protection, opportunities, love, strength, enjoyment of life. You have doors open to you now because of them. This can begin with something as simple as a heartfelt "thank you," and develop into a more textured and thoughtful recognition of what you are grateful for. Begin by taking the steps to express your gratitude - it benefits both you and the loved ones you single out to thank.

Understand the value of friendship. Those in the Service have trusted and leaned on each other as they've shared their experiences and relied on their camaraderie. Know that we are here to take care of our friends and family - close and extended - difficult though it may be at times. Friendship is the gift we give ourselves and each other. It helps each of us achieve a longer, healthier, and more satisfying life.

Community support is there for the taking when you know how to ask for it. On Monday, we highlighted organizations providing support to Servicemen and -women. Be open to the reality that you too might need to utilize the input and generosity of others. You are not diminished when you allow another to help you.

To read stories of modern day heroes and how they coped with challenges in their lives, click on the email list box to the left. You can sign up there for our monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones, and receive a complimentary copy of our ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned, which showcases tips and strategies to use in your own family.

Providing Respect and Comfort on Memorial Day

This Memorial Day we respectfully remember those who have fallen in service to our country, those who have served and returned, and those who are currently in harm's way in our defense. Please join as we express our gratitude to these brave young men and women who have given their lives to protect our freedoms over the years.

Many Americans will visit a veteran's cemetery this Memorial Day, including the Los Angeles National Cemetery. With thousands of identical tombstones stretching, row by row, as far as the eye can see, only Arlington is a larger veterans' burial site in America. Every year Boy Scouts place a flag by each grave, acknowledging the individual importance of each person who served the country. As I found when I visited last year, it is a place of meaning and reflection, whether you visit on Memorial Day or any other day of the year.

If you wish to honor the men and women who assume duty, there are several organizations that provide important services for our military personnel and their families. Perhaps you would like to support some of them in their important work:

Joining Forces is a national initiative that provides members of the Armed Services and their families opportunities and support. A government website can help you search for volunteer opportunities to help military families in your community.

Fisher House gives families the chance to be close to their military loved ones who are hospitalized and provides scholarships to support programs improving the quality of life for military families.

The mission of The Wounded Warrior Project is to honor and empower wounded soldiers with a variety of programs to strengthen Mind, Body, Economic Empowerment and Engagement, including PTSD evaluation.

The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors provides comfort to those who have lost a loved one in service to America.

Aimed specifically toward family members, Our Military Kids sponsors sports, arts and tutoring programs for kids of National Guard and Reserve members and Operation Showergives baby showers for military family moms-to-be.

Your Relationships with Mom May be Complicated this Mother's Day

Are your plans for Mother's Day affected by your complex feelings for your aging mother? Your relationship with your mom is likely to be full of twists and turns, evolving over the years as you change. One Sandwiched Boomer ruminates about how she transformed her connections with her mother:

When Carol was a teenager, she felt that her strong mother was trying to control her. She looked forward to getting out from under her thumb and moved far away when she married and raised her own family. As her children matured, so did Carol. Soon she recognized that she admired and respected many of her mother’s characteristics - her sense of responsibility, her independence, her humor, her common sense. She forgave her mother and began to reach out to her: After she had a stroke, I moved her into our home. We all became closer and I began to understand her better. I wouldn't trade that year for anything.

On Monday, we shared some tips with you for making Mother's Day especially meaningful this year. Here are 4 more to consider as you plan for this Sunday - and the rest of the years you have together:

The old fashioned art of letter writing can help you develop a closer bond. Write her a letter about how grateful you feel to have her as your mother. Sharing these feelings increases good memories about the past and leads to greater personal satisfaction for both of you.

If you have some old issues to work out with your mother, you may be able to move forward in addressing them by writing her an apology letter or a letter offering forgiveness. When you apologize, you free yourself from shame or guilt and your mother from dwelling on anger or resentment.

When you forgive your mother for some past transgression, it doesn't necessarily excuse the action, but does free you from ruminating about it. Forgiveness releases you from the past; it is a gift that you give to yourself.

On some of your visits after Mother's Day do a chore to ease her burden - go grocery shopping together, accompany her to the next doctor's appointment, cook a delicious meal with enough left over for the next day.

Enjoy your mother on Sunday and savor these moments. Reflect on the positive feelings you have from the past and cultivate rich memories now to sustain you in the future. And have a happy Mother's Day yourself.

Staying Warm on Valentine's Day

With record snow throughout much of America and cold winds blowing, it may be hard to stay warm. If you've got someone to cozy up to, you know that love alone does not guarantee the success of a close relationship. It also takes work, commitment and communication to build strong connections.

If the weather weren't enough, couples today are dealing with huge stresses of all sorts - fears of economic meltdown, actual job loss, threats to safety and security, concerns about retirement finances, and, for Sandwiched Boomers, issues arising from children growing up and aging parents growing older. Partners rely on each other to help buffer the impact of these stresses - and, hopefully, to make coping with them a little easier. Here are some tips that you and your partner can use - on Valentine's Day and throughout the year - to keep the fires of love burning bright.

Devote time and energy to your relationship. Make time for each other. It is well worth it - your efforts will come back to you many times over. Even if your days are filled with chores, let your date nights reflect romance, sensuality and affection.

Share with your partner what you love about him or her. Don't hesitate to give compliments when you think of them. Express the gratitude you feel at having your partner in your life. As you remember why you first fell in love, your feelings will grow even deeper and richer.

Focus on the positives in your relationship. Draw on your partner for support when you need it. Recognize that your mutual trust lets you enjoy being playful and sharing a laugh together. Your relationship can rejuvenate you when the stresses of the world outside weigh you down.

Remind yourselves of the commitment you made and the love you created. Plan date nights even when you don't have something special to celebrate. Draw on humor to lighten the mood. As you recall the joyous times you shared in the past, you will be forming new memories for your future together.

Do something unique this Valentine's Day. Studies of long-term relationships have found that couples who share novel experiences together actually increase their marital satisfaction and happiness. Why not begin by planning a brand new celebration of your love on February 14th this year?

Build new memories as you enjoy each other. Be playful and have fun together. Laugh and bring humor into your daily life. Plan some adventures - discover new activities you both like to do. All of these bring more pleasure into your relationship and encourage real intimacy between you.

Savor your special times together, whatever they are. When you give all of your attention to enjoying a positive time, you can build memories of these happy occasions and re-live them whenever you want.

A survey of women after last Valentine's Day found that 2/3 of them were disappointed in the way the day had turned out for them. Either their expectations were too high or the realities too low. In either case, why not talk with your partner before Valentine's Day and decide to do something different this year. You can make it a special day for you both, even if you are a Sandwiched Boomer coping with the stresses of growing children and aging parents.

Reduce Family Stress during the Holidays

Although the pictures you see are of Christmas trees, presents and smiling faces, there's a lot of chatter about the pressures on families during the holidays. How do you make this season as stress free as possible?

Try to understand what about the holidays is most significant to you and your family. And then decide to focus on what you want to do, not what you think you have to do. Begin to lay the groundwork for change in your family rituals.

Find emotional support. With the challenges of college kids coming home, integrating in-laws into the family and caring for aging parents, take a breather and call a friend. Share your feelings about what's going on in your family - get it off your chest and get some positive feedback.

Gratitude is a powerful emotion. Use it to your advantage. Point out your family's positive qualities rather than focusing on the negatives. Tell your loved ones what they mean to you. See their reaction and notice how it makes you feel.

Perhaps you don't have role models for repairing the family and have to make it up as you go along. Trust yourself in this process. Often the messiness of emotions leads to better understanding. Conflict can serve as an invitation to grow when you honor the importance of relationships. With family, there are no returns or exchanges even with a gift receipt. So embrace the holiday season and rejoice in the love and support of family.

Why not buy yourself a gift that costs less than a cup of coffee? At HerMentorCenter.com, you'll find an ebook Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success that's full of simple strategies that help reduce stress.

http://www.hermentorcenter.com/order.html

Tips for Keeping Peace in the Family at Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is here - complete with exaggerated media images of how the day should be - and you may be trying to conform to unrealistic ideals. As a member of the sandwichgeneration with extra demands on your time and added responsibilities, are you on emotional overload? If so, just remind yourself that nothing's perfect.

Following these common sense strategies will help you create a calmer holiday for you and your family:

1. Realize that anticipatory anxiety is common. Financial burdens and extra chores when entertaining family can make you feel apprehensive and stressed. Accept that this is a normal reaction.

2. Don't take everything personally. Make sure that you have reasonable expectations. Some family members may be struggling with financial or marital issues that have absolutely nothing to do with you.

3. You don't have to be all things to all people. If your favorite aunt can't seem to get along with her ex-husband's new wife, don't invite them to this dinner. That will make it easier for everyone.

4. Avoid hot button issues. Sibling rivalry and unfinished family business are bound to surface. Put aside differences and, despite how hard it may be, go for the higher ground. Walk away from misunderstandings but agree to finish the conversation later.

5. Bury the hatchet. If in the past you have stifled your feelings and then blown up later, don't let your emotions fester. With an important relationship, admit the part you play in the conflict and deal with it.

6. Talk in generalities. If there is tension in the room, discuss the value of apologizing for wrongdoings. Then encourage others to discuss how this quality has enhanced their personal relationships.

7. Practice letting go. You may be feeling childhood pain or longing for family who are gone and now only in your memories. Realize that forgiveness and gratitude are a gift you give yourself.

While taking care of your family during this hectic time, remember to pay attention to your own needs. Plan ahead and accept help from others when they offer. And try to include fun and laughter in what you do. During the holiday season, while you may wish for peace on earth and peace in your family, don't overlook the importance of your own peace of mind.

We send you warm thoughts and gratitude for being part of our community of amazing women. Here's an article in the Huffington Post from one of you. Our heartfelt best wishes to you and yours for a wonderful Thanksgiving and a list full of things to be thankful for.

Becoming Thankful and Grateful

When you're a member of the Sandwich Generation, it's not easy to take care of your family in flux - growing children and aging parents. With all the stresses you face daily, preparing for Thanksgiving may seem like another added burden. But this year, why not make a plan to bring some new traditions to your holiday table which will lower your levels of stress and raise the levels of meaning for the whole family?

In your busy life, sometimes it's hard to focus on what you are thankful for but once you do, you can begin to acknowledge the part others play in your happiness. A leader the field of Positive Psychology, Dr. Marty Seligman studies what brings Authentic Happiness to your life. He has created questionnaires to help you recognize your gratitude, optimism, strength, compassion and love as well as techniques to increase your positive emotions. Here are some steps to help you get started in looking at your gratitude:

Begin to consciously notice what brings you joy. Strange as it may sound, you'll need to actually set aside time to pay attention to what you are experiencing when you are feeling happy and grateful. Awareness is the first step toward creating any change.

Count your blessings. Each evening, note three things that happened during the day for which you are thankful. Be specific as you describe what happened to you. It could be a loving conversation with your partner, a hug from your teenage daughter, a lunch date with an old friend.

Re-live and savor each of these events. Spend time re-creating in your mind the happiness of the experience. You will feel your body becoming more relaxed, your emotions more positive and your thoughts more focused. The joys of life are not only in present activities but also in remembering pleasurable occasions you have already experienced.

Think about what you did to open yourself to these moments. Then decide to direct your actions to include more of these delights in your life. Recognizing your own personal power will strengthen your belief in yourself as well as your willingness to consider the part others play in your happiness.

Realize why this piece of good fortune came your way. It will help you identify the people you're grateful to have in your life. You can then thank them for playing a part in improving your world.

Deciding to focus on giving thanks means a whole new mindset. When you count your blessings - at Thanksgiving or any time during the year - you can act on the gratitude you experience and live a rich life no matter what else is going on around you.

Thanksgiving is More Than Turkey Day

With Thanksgiving just a week away, are you busy making shopping lists, planning menus and creating seating charts? What about also setting aside some time to reflect? Think about the people, experiences and circumstances for which you are thankful. The stress of preparing for the holidays sometimes stands in the way of focusing on all we have to be thankful for - so take a deep breath and step back for a moment to relish, with gratitude, the gifts of family and friends. To help you begin, you'll find some tips for reducing holiday stress on our website.

Even with a difficult economy, we can still find a lot to be grateful about, especially during the holidays, when families and friends traditionally draw together. Let a heartfelt 'thank you' be your mantra during this season - you can do it without making a dent in your budget. And, having just observed Veterans Day, please remember those serving our country, who are far away from home during these holidays.

As we pay more attention to the contributions of others and learn not to take good things for granted, we are more aware of all we have to be thankful for. And conveying your gratitude can help you feel happier as well as the person you thank. Sonja Lyubomirsky and other psychologists studying happiness have found that after expressing gratitude you'll experience more contentment and improved self-esteem as well as closer connections - you'll even sleep more soundly.

If you decide to express your appreciation for what you have by giving back to your larger community, you can check your local paper or the Internet to find out what the needs are. Some families are adding a new Thanksgiving tradition this year by volunteering at a homeless shelter, serving a holiday meal at a soup kitchen, preparing or driving dinners through a meals-on-wheels program, or visiting those in hospitals and nursing homes who aren't able to celebrate with family. Talk with your family and friends about what they'd like to do.

Visit us again later this week when we'll have some tips about how to focus on reducing your stress and acknowledging your gratitude as you get ready for Thanksgiving this year.

Develop Your Personal Health Plan

The Association of American Medical Colleges reported last week that the shortage of physicians is expected to worsen due to the U.S. healthcare reform plan that became law last spring. Their Center for Workforce Studies released a projection that shortages will be 50% worse than estimated earlier. Rather than lacking 39,600 doctors by 2015, the United States will actually be short 63,000 physicians, given the extra patients entering the system.

With fewer doctors available, you will need to make some changes in the way you take care of yourself. Now is the time to develop your own personal health plan to help deal with the challenges you face everyday in nourishing yourself and your family-in-flux. All this week you'll find links here to our YouTube videos giving you suggestions for improving your coping skills and your health - mental and physical. Try them out and let us know what works for you as you create your own care plan.

No matter what challenges you face in your career and at home with children growing up and parents growing older, it's not selfish to set aside time for a taste of healthy self-fullness. Check out our short, YouTube video, Your Personal Health Plan Begins with a Change, to help you cope with the challenges you are facing. In this video, you'll learn the importance of releasing negativity, a common response, and replacing it with a positive attitude. Developing resiliency and expressing gratitude can be powerful tools.

With the economy continuing to stall and family responsibilities growing, your stress levels may be climbing, especially if you are a Sandwiched Boomer. Vow to put your feet up and think about yourself for once. What brings you happiness? What relieves the stress you face every day? What will bring balance to your life? A second YouTube video segment gives you some tips on how Your Personal Health Plan Reduces Your Stress. In this video, you'll find tips for taking time for yourself and creating personal stress relievers.

It's always hard to get started in making a change, even one that will help you take better care of yourself. If you want to give yourself a jump-start, click here to read Sandwiched Boomers: 7 Tips on Fighting Inertia which you can find on our website, Her Mentor Center.

Connect with Your Family This Summer

Now that Memorial Day is past and school will soon be over, have you thought about how to use those extra summer hours to connect with your family?

With the summer season now unofficially open and the barbeque back in service, can we still learn from the heroes we honored on Memorial Day who have served and given their all to protect our way of life? As we respect their unique bravery, we can direct their lessons to our own family situation and apply the same principles to those closest to us.

Express the gratitude you feel for what they have given you - protection, opportunities, love, strength, enjoyment of life. You have doors open to you now because of them. This can begin with something as simple as a heartfelt "thank you," and develop into a more textured and thoughtful recognition of what you are thankful for. Find out more about the benefits of expressing gratitude through the Authentic Happiness website

Recognize the importance of revealing the love you have for each other. Those who have been in harm's way know the meaning of the words, "it's too late." Don't put off sharing your love; decide to make it a priority. Each day, acknowledge those you love, and who love you, as if it were your last.

Understand the value of friendship. Those in the service have trusted and leaned on each other as they've shared their experiences and relied on their camaraderie. Know that we are here to take care of our friends and family - close and extended - difficult though it may be at times.

Community support is there for the taking when you know where to look and how to ask for it. Be open to the reality that you might need to utilize the input and generosity of others. You are not diminished when you allow another to help you.

Are you looking for some ideas about how to connect and have a special family vacation this summer? Even Sandwiched Boomers can relax and enjoy time with extended family if you plan ahead. This summer, create memories to carry you and your family through the rest of the year. And log in to share your ideas about family togetherness.

To read stories of modern day heroes and how they coped with challenges in their lives, click on the link to the left. You can sign up for our monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones, and receive a complimentary copy of our ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned, which showcases tips and strategies to use in your own family.