Get Ready to Refresh Your Marriage

If you’re new to this blog, scroll down to Monday and read the post about how to make a good marriage better. There you’ll find practical tips and links to get you off to a good start. And below are a few more ideas that may help:

Ask for what you need. No one’s a mind reader. Sometimes, out of frustration or resentment, couples stop talking. Recommit to understanding each other’s anger or disappointment. If you meet halfway, you’ll both get more of what you want.

Invest in your own happiness. It will relieve pressure and your partner won’t have to be a major source of your wellbeing. By taking action in your own life, you'll feel more confident, have a better attitude, be more interesting and your relationship will reap the dividends.

Express your gratitude often. Compliments serve as positive reinforcement at the very times when you may be taking each other for granted. If you find yourself distancing, try to see your partner in a different light. Purposely look for qualities you love in each other. And when you’re thinking something positive, say it out loud.

Only you know what it’ll take to make you feel more fulfilled. Communicate it directly yet be flexible as you make your way through differences and disagreements. A shift in the dynamics can result from something as simple as a weekly date night or training together for a marathon. And being satisfied with small changes will bring more pleasure and greater intimacy into your relationship.

How Sandwiched Boomers Can Fight Inertia

This is a continuation of the tips offered on Monday about how to fight inertia. As Sandwiched Boomers with so much on your plate, you may feel overwhelmed and not know where to begin. Take it slow and easy. If some days you can't follow through with your plans, don't let frustration sap your enthusiasm. Think about all those New Year's resolutions you made when you were young and didn't know better. And then remember the inertia that followed the failure of your short-lived goals. Don't fall victim to that kind of logic.

Photo by Filomena Scalise

Make a public commitment to those who want to see you succeed. By telling your family about your intentions, you create a reality that'll keep you feeling motivated. You'll find it may be easier to lose weight by joining a support group or to stop smoking through an organized program.

Lower your expectations. And, for sure, don't expect anything near perfection. Actually, there is no perfection, so relax. Start out small and be OK with baby steps. If Aunt Bess has moved into the nursing home across town, your only choices aren't either to go daily or not at all. Pile the kids in the car one Sunday a month and enjoy an hour in the park with her and your family.

Give up the pleasure principle – that is, having exactly what you want when you want it. Next time you eat out, instead of finishing up with apple pie a la mode, visualize a thinner you in that little black dress at your upcoming high school reunion. Delaying immediate gratification for future goals will lead to feeling better about yourself - and nourish you way beyond your last bite of dessert.

Savor your power. Positive reinforcement is a major part of any behavior modification program, so reward yourself for a job well done. Choose a pleasurable activity that nurtures you, like a trip to the spa or a yoga class. This kind of attitude will sustain you as well as promote greater self care. And as your goals take shape, you'll shape up.

Our website, HerMentorCenter.com, has lots of complimentary articles full of strategies about how to reach your goals. And in this difficult economic climate, our ebook, Taking Care of Stress in a Financial Storm, may be the best $2.45 gift you can give yourself. The information will help you look beyond the present moment. Why not take this chance to get closer to your goals? As you realize that you are making progress, every day will present a new opportunity.

An AARP representative, interviewed on the Today Show, highlighted the financial pressures on the Sandwich Generation - struggling to pay for their kids' college education and, at the same time, helping support their aging parents. That's another concrete reason why you may be fighting inertia. Read on for some final tips on getting started again.

Make a public commitment to family members who want to see you succeed. By telling others about your intentions, you create a stronger reality that will keep you feeling motivated. Engage friends in your pursuit of getting into better shape – talk with a friend at work and make a pledge to hit the gym together three times a week.

Notice and savor your newfound power. Positive reinforcement is a major tenet of any behavior modification program. So reward yourself for a job well done - choose an activity that nurtures you, like a massage or a trip to the spa. This sort of attitude will sustain you as well as promote greater self care – and as your goals take shape, you'll shape up.

Take it slow and easy. With so much on your plate, it's normal to feel overwhelmed and not know where to begin. If some days you make plans and can't follow through, don't let frustration sap your enthusiasm.

Remember all those New Year's resolutions you made when you were younger and didn't know better? And think about the inertia that followed the failure of your short-lived goals. Don't fall victim to that kind of logic. Look well beyond the present moment – and resolve that you are making progress, that you are getting closer to your goals and that every day is a new opportunity.