Get Ready to Refresh Your Marriage

If you’re new to this blog, scroll down to Monday and read the post about how to make a good marriage better. There you’ll find practical tips and links to get you off to a good start. And below are a few more ideas that may help:

Ask for what you need. No one’s a mind reader. Sometimes, out of frustration or resentment, couples stop talking. Recommit to understanding each other’s anger or disappointment. If you meet halfway, you’ll both get more of what you want.

Invest in your own happiness. It will relieve pressure and your partner won’t have to be a major source of your wellbeing. By taking action in your own life, you'll feel more confident, have a better attitude, be more interesting and your relationship will reap the dividends.

Express your gratitude often. Compliments serve as positive reinforcement at the very times when you may be taking each other for granted. If you find yourself distancing, try to see your partner in a different light. Purposely look for qualities you love in each other. And when you’re thinking something positive, say it out loud.

Only you know what it’ll take to make you feel more fulfilled. Communicate it directly yet be flexible as you make your way through differences and disagreements. A shift in the dynamics can result from something as simple as a weekly date night or training together for a marathon. And being satisfied with small changes will bring more pleasure and greater intimacy into your relationship.

Eliizabeth Edwards: The Value of Perspective and Resilience

The title of Elizabeth Edward's book is Resilience. We've spent the week looking at ways to increase your ability to bounce back in challenging circumstances. It's hard to really know what's going on in other peoples' lives. And, as Sandwiched Boomers, we all know that situations aren't always as they seem.

Is what Elizabeth Edwards is doing the best for her family and herself? Maybe not. Although you'd never know it from the media's emphasis, her husband's affair is only one part of her life story. Some say revenge is a dish best served in public. But she may be seeking something more profound than vengeance. Her breast cancer has metastasized and Edwards may be taking hold of the power she does have. Perhaps she's claiming something for herself - presenting the details of a life that mattered, on her own terms.

Perspective is valuable, whether you're hit in the face with a crisis, adjusting to changes in your family or making a transition into the next chapter of your life. A cascade of feelings is normal - anxiety, the desire to hold on, resentment, sadness, fear, even a sense of freedom. If, like Elizabeth Edwards, you have the fortitude to step back, take a deep breath and face the situation squarely, you can't help but grow from the challenges.

Sandwiched Boomers, Support and Resilience

With the challenges she's facing, Elizabeth Edwards has got to be struggling on many levels. Studies indicate that support and resilience are significant factors related to stress reduction. As sandwiched boomers, with parents and children looking to you for guidance, you're likely no stranger to stress. Here are tips that may help you bounce back:

It's important to keep communication open and honest. You may not want to face what’s going on directly, hoping that everything will be OK. But this way of coping can look to others like you’re not interested. Try to talk things over before anyone in the family begins to feel upset, misunderstood or angry. Practice the conversational etiquette and active listening skills that you know well.

If you have negative feelings, consider whether you’re overly sensitive or easy to anger - and what that may be about. Express yourself and then let go of any resentment. Learn to forgive and to apologize for any mistakes you’ve made. Holding on just makes it worse for everyone involved.