Role Models on Presidents Day

Presidents Day, honoring George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, reminds us to look to strong role models for inspiration. Mount Rushmore, in the Black Hills of South Dakoka, memorializes Presidents Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln and Roosevelt. These men reflect goals to strive for - courage, freedom, compassion and conservation, among others.

But you don't have to look only to U.S. Presidents for motivation and guidance. In the past here on our blog, we've focused on many role models, both for ourselves and for our children. They can stir us to greater efforts and success in our family, community and work lives.

When Randy Pausch learned that he had terminal cancer, he gave and then wrote The Last Lecture as a guide for living rather than dying. He stressed the importance of living each day fully, striving to achieve dreams and expressing gratitude for those gifts that you have. He encouraged his students, children and readers to stretch and take creative risks as they reached for goals.

Olympic swimmer Dara Torres and singer Susan Boyle have pursued careers about as different as they can be. Yet they are both role models of courage for women who have a dream and work hard to accomplish their goals. The mother of a toddler, Dara believed she wasn't too old to compete in the Olympics in her 40's and defied the odds by winning 3 more medals in Beijing. Susan was 48 and unknown when she competed on Britain's Got Talent, stunning the audience with her powerful voice. A short eight months later she had the world's best selling album of the year, with 9 million copies purchased. As our blog post indicates, both women successfully created their personal best through dedication and drive.

A teacher at heart, John Wooden was a life coach incarnate, not just a basketball coach. The Pyramid of Success he created for the men's UCLA basketball team works just as well for women balancing family and work life. His home grown aphorisms - Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do; Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are - can motivate you to work toward your personal best in any area of your life.

Elizabeth Edwards was a source of inspiration for many, fighting to maintain her dignity as she battled breast cancer and sought to protect her children. In an interview shortly before her death, she said that she wanted to be remembered as someone who stood in the storm and, when the wind didn't blow her way, adjusted her sails. You can read more about how Elizabeth Edwards took charge of defining her life by reading our blog post after her death.

Syndicated columnist Amy Dickinson, known as "Ask Amy," writes about the value of using other women as her role models and support in her book, The Mighty Queens of Freeville. For more insight about how we can empower ourselves and prevail through tough times by learning from our women friends and family, read how Amy answered our questions during her Virtual Book Tour on our blog.

Just a few of other role models we've blogged about are those women who return to the workforce and those who use their personal strengths as a means of centering themselves.

If you are looking for some more positive role models for success, look over other past blogs and be sure to sign up for our monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones. When you do, you'll receive our free ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals. You'll find inspiration there to make this the best time of life.

And please visit our blog again on Wednesday, February 23 when we welcome Pamela Madsen for a Virtual Book Tour. She'll be discussing her new book, SHAMELESS: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner.

Elizabeth Edwards: A Source of Inspiration

Elizabeth Edwards, diagnosed with breast cancer in 2004, died Tuesday at the age of 61. She often said she wanted to be in control and define her own life, not be defined by cancer or her husband's affair. After their separation, she figured out a new way of interacting with her estranged husband that was healthy for her children. Because for years she had been preparing them for what was to come. What Elizabeth called her 'dying letter' was really a lesson in living.

At one point Elizabeth wrote, "The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that. And yes, there are certainly times when we aren't able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It's called being human. But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful."

A source of inspiration, hers was a struggle of extraordinary dimensions. Elizabeth lived with high political ambition, marital betrayal, advancing cancer and optimistic determination. Her lasting legacy was that she weathered life's storms with fortitude and grace.

In a recent interview she said that she wanted to be remembered as someone who stood in the storm and, when the wind didn't blow her way, adjusted her sails. Elizabeth Edwards was a role model for all of us.

Eliizabeth Edwards: The Value of Perspective and Resilience

The title of Elizabeth Edward's book is Resilience. We've spent the week looking at ways to increase your ability to bounce back in challenging circumstances. It's hard to really know what's going on in other peoples' lives. And, as Sandwiched Boomers, we all know that situations aren't always as they seem.

Is what Elizabeth Edwards is doing the best for her family and herself? Maybe not. Although you'd never know it from the media's emphasis, her husband's affair is only one part of her life story. Some say revenge is a dish best served in public. But she may be seeking something more profound than vengeance. Her breast cancer has metastasized and Edwards may be taking hold of the power she does have. Perhaps she's claiming something for herself - presenting the details of a life that mattered, on her own terms.

Perspective is valuable, whether you're hit in the face with a crisis, adjusting to changes in your family or making a transition into the next chapter of your life. A cascade of feelings is normal - anxiety, the desire to hold on, resentment, sadness, fear, even a sense of freedom. If, like Elizabeth Edwards, you have the fortitude to step back, take a deep breath and face the situation squarely, you can't help but grow from the challenges.

Sandwiched Boomers, Support and Resilience

With the challenges she's facing, Elizabeth Edwards has got to be struggling on many levels. Studies indicate that support and resilience are significant factors related to stress reduction. As sandwiched boomers, with parents and children looking to you for guidance, you're likely no stranger to stress. Here are tips that may help you bounce back:

It's important to keep communication open and honest. You may not want to face what’s going on directly, hoping that everything will be OK. But this way of coping can look to others like you’re not interested. Try to talk things over before anyone in the family begins to feel upset, misunderstood or angry. Practice the conversational etiquette and active listening skills that you know well.

If you have negative feelings, consider whether you’re overly sensitive or easy to anger - and what that may be about. Express yourself and then let go of any resentment. Learn to forgive and to apologize for any mistakes you’ve made. Holding on just makes it worse for everyone involved.

Tips to Help Sandwiched Boomers Cope

Through her toughest times, Elizabeth Edwards was a Sandwiched Boomer like you. And she probably used tips such as these to cope with her family issues. Let us know if they work for you:

If your aging parents are ailing or your growing children are struggling, you may be fearful of what could happen. It makes sense that you would pull back in order to protect yourself. Unfortunately emotional distancing can feel like rejection, further complicating the circumstances. Although talking about what you are afraid of isn’t easy, it can eventually bring you closer to your loved ones.

Remind yourself to look at what’s going on from others’ perspectives as well as your own. It’s painful to see family members feeling vulnerable or distressed, but try to put yourself in their shoes. Question whether how you’re handling the situation is more for their benefit or for yours. And figure out together what it is that you need from each other. Getting and giving support are crucial to building resilience.

Sandwiched Boomers, Family Problems and Resilience

As Sandwiched Boomers, your issues may not be as dramatic as those of Elizabeth Edwards. But you're likely dealing with aging parents and growing children, perhaps marital problems or your own health concerns. Working through the impact of such changes is important to the well being of your family in flux and to yourself. Any crisis in the family is usually accompanied by heightened and mixed emotions. And finding ways to calm down and reconnect are important aspects of resilience.

What sort of effects do you experience in a family crisis? One reader emailed that she bounces back without too much effort: "That's not to say that things don't get me down, but I try to look on the positive side and I don't stay down for long."

When facing a difficult family situation, see if this tip can help you get your resilience going:

It's often hard to fathom what you have to give up when there are family problems. Is it feelings of control and invulnerability, your sense of identity or wellbeing, expectations of what the future will hold? Try to understand your complex emotions and then begin to explain the depth of them to those who care most about you.

What Elizabeth Edwards can Teach Sandwiched Boomers about Resilience

As Sandwiched Boomers, I'm sure you already know a thing or two about resilience. But we want to add to your repetoire by posting some thoughts about what we can learn from Elizabeth Edwards.

Since her book, Resilience, was published, the media spotlight has been on Elizabeth Edwards' promotional tour. It's her husband's affair and how she's handling the aftermath that gets the most press coverage. And the pundits have been after her – some expressing compassion, others compassion fatigue. But it's the other life challenges she has faced that most symbolize her inner strength and resilience.

Personal pain - on display for all to see - has played out before in the political arena. But Elizabeth Edwards really does have something to say about handling adversity – she has suffered through the loss of her teenage son in a car accident, the recent death of her parents and her ongoing fight against cancer. And her decision to speak out is very complicated. Wanting to leave a legacy for her children is one reason to speak out in public. And with her courage as a role model, she's demonstrating to others that they can get through their pain.

While we're on the subject of role models, clicking on the title of this post will take you to our website, HerMentorcenter.com, and an article about lessons learned from Tim Russert.

Log in all week for tips about resilience. And share your ideas about how you bounce back when you're faced with tough situations.