Role Model for Bad Behavior

Usually it's celebrities who provide the bad role models for our teenagers. But now Francesco Schettino, captain of the grounded cruise ship Costa Concordia, has pushed the athletes and all the Kardashians off the Internet home pages and become the poster boy for bad behavior.


Photo by Rvongher, Wikimedia Commons

As we wait to learn the fate of passengers and crew still missing after the disaster, are there lessons from Schettino's actions we can discuss with our kids?

Consider the consequences of your behavior. For personal reasons, Schettino purposefully diverted his ship from its predetermined route, bringing it closer to the island of Gigilo where it hit rocks and later keeled over on its side. Encourage your teens, before they engage in actions that might be risky, to use their good judgment to think through potential outcomes and weigh the risks against the rewards. They may be less dramatic than those Schettino faces, yet important to their future.

Recognize real danger and act to protect from it. The captain and crew first denied the actual emergency, telling passengers only that the ship's power was out. The message to abandon ship came only after the Concordia had capsized, making many of the lifeboats inaccessible. While you don't want your children to be overly tense and vigilant in all situations, prepare them to guard their safety when a threat is, in fact, imminent.

Take responsibility for your actions. Schettino defied the accepted maritime standard of conduct: when it is necessary to abandon ship, the captain accepts his position of leadership and is the last one to leave. He ignored his duty to evacuate all of the passengers before getting into a lifeboat himself. When your kids are faced with an ethical choice, help them to rely on inner strength to do what is right so they won't have regrets later.

Don't lie. When asked by the owner of the cruise line about the situation, Schettino did not at first tell them about the severe damage the rocks had made in the ship. He withheld key parts of the whole story in an attempt to shield himself. As a result, the owners were not able to arrange for adequate rescue services immediately after the disaster. If your teens are tempted to shade the facts, help them remember that you respect their decision to tell the truth.

To read about positive role models - and real heroes like Captains "Sully" Sullenberger and Richard Phillips - join our email list, to the left of this post. You'll receive our free monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones, and also a link to download a complimentary ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching For Your Goals.

Creating a Holiday Spirit Yourself

If you're newly alone this year, the holidays may remind you of the joys and sorrows of past gatherings. But try to stay focused in the present. Let go of your expectations and instead create celebrations that are meaningful to you now. You'll find your experience of these special days can create new memories to savor throughout the year.

Image: Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Now that you've used Monday's tips to get started, here are some more for coping with the holidays on your own:

Consider your finances. You'll need to budget differently this year so consider what holiday expenses you can reduce. Perhaps you and your friends can agree to forgo your usual gift giving and instead exchange homemade treats or enjoy a potluck dinner together. With the continuing tough economy, it's likely they're also looking for ways to cut back on costs.

Create new rituals. Plan to do something different for the holidays this year. There's really not one perfect way to celebrate so change your usual routine and enjoy the excitement of new experiences. Perhaps arrange to get away from home - visit a friend, volunteer in your community, go for a hike, travel nearby. Next year, you can choose to continue with the ones that worked the best for you.

Include others who are alone. You're not the only one whose celebration may be bittersweet this year. Share your holiday by Inviting a single friend or relative into your home or volunteering at a community soup kitchen. When you're making your own holiday preparations, set aside some time for those outside your circle. You can donate toys and books to needy children, cookies to a homeless shelter, music to a nursing home.

As you map out your new strategy for the holidays this year, are you also thinking about other changes you want to make? If you're looking for practical tips that help you take the first steps toward a new goal - running a 5K, starting your own business, reconnecting with an old friend - download our complementary ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals. You'll find role models and suggestions there to help you prepare and execute your plans.

Living the Life of Your Dreams

We've come across an new ebook that we want to tell you about. Written by Caryn FitzGerald, it features 30 ordinary people sharing their experiences living extraordinary lives. Living the Life of My Dreams: Essays & Interviews with 30 Ordinary People Living EXTRAordinary Lives can inspire you with some amazing stories of people who have gone from ordinary to extraordinary.

You'll find plenty of practical ideas in Caryn's book about how to create the life you want by tapping into your passions and talents. And the message about perseverance that runs throughout the book - take action with a first step and stay on the path - is an excellent reminder for all of us.

Featured are people such as:
Nora Dunn, The Professional Hobo
Shelly Rachanow, Author of What Would You Do If You Ran The World
Sally Shields, Speaker, Radio Personality and Author of Amazon.com bestseller, The Daughter-in-Law Rules
Pablo Solomon, International Artist
Shirley Cheng, Blind at 17, Author with over 25 book awards a decade later
Achayra Sri Khadi Madama, Yogi, MMA trainer with 4 black belts earned after age 50!

Caryn has arranged to offer you bonus gifts from her partners around the world, if you purchase her book today:
Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching For Your Goals - our ebook with practical tips for creating your own success
The Self Improvement Guide
Journey to Shangri La - full CD
The Daughter-in-Law Rules ebook
and over 35 more bonuses available for one day only – March 9, 2011

To learn more about Caryn's book and take advantage of this inspirational offer, purchase the e-book today and receive the links to download your bonus gifts.

Role Models on Presidents Day

Presidents Day, honoring George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, reminds us to look to strong role models for inspiration. Mount Rushmore, in the Black Hills of South Dakoka, memorializes Presidents Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln and Roosevelt. These men reflect goals to strive for - courage, freedom, compassion and conservation, among others.

But you don't have to look only to U.S. Presidents for motivation and guidance. In the past here on our blog, we've focused on many role models, both for ourselves and for our children. They can stir us to greater efforts and success in our family, community and work lives.

When Randy Pausch learned that he had terminal cancer, he gave and then wrote The Last Lecture as a guide for living rather than dying. He stressed the importance of living each day fully, striving to achieve dreams and expressing gratitude for those gifts that you have. He encouraged his students, children and readers to stretch and take creative risks as they reached for goals.

Olympic swimmer Dara Torres and singer Susan Boyle have pursued careers about as different as they can be. Yet they are both role models of courage for women who have a dream and work hard to accomplish their goals. The mother of a toddler, Dara believed she wasn't too old to compete in the Olympics in her 40's and defied the odds by winning 3 more medals in Beijing. Susan was 48 and unknown when she competed on Britain's Got Talent, stunning the audience with her powerful voice. A short eight months later she had the world's best selling album of the year, with 9 million copies purchased. As our blog post indicates, both women successfully created their personal best through dedication and drive.

A teacher at heart, John Wooden was a life coach incarnate, not just a basketball coach. The Pyramid of Success he created for the men's UCLA basketball team works just as well for women balancing family and work life. His home grown aphorisms - Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do; Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are - can motivate you to work toward your personal best in any area of your life.

Elizabeth Edwards was a source of inspiration for many, fighting to maintain her dignity as she battled breast cancer and sought to protect her children. In an interview shortly before her death, she said that she wanted to be remembered as someone who stood in the storm and, when the wind didn't blow her way, adjusted her sails. You can read more about how Elizabeth Edwards took charge of defining her life by reading our blog post after her death.

Syndicated columnist Amy Dickinson, known as "Ask Amy," writes about the value of using other women as her role models and support in her book, The Mighty Queens of Freeville. For more insight about how we can empower ourselves and prevail through tough times by learning from our women friends and family, read how Amy answered our questions during her Virtual Book Tour on our blog.

Just a few of other role models we've blogged about are those women who return to the workforce and those who use their personal strengths as a means of centering themselves.

If you are looking for some more positive role models for success, look over other past blogs and be sure to sign up for our monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones. When you do, you'll receive our free ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals. You'll find inspiration there to make this the best time of life.

And please visit our blog again on Wednesday, February 23 when we welcome Pamela Madsen for a Virtual Book Tour. She'll be discussing her new book, SHAMELESS: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner.

Making Your Own Top Ten List

Now that 2010 is ending, you'll find all kinds of lists on the Internet: the 10 films most likely to be nominated for an Academy Award; the 20 most interesting people, the 5 best books. In addition to spending some of your spare time reading through these lists, how about taking some personal time this week to create your own list – of your 10 most important assets?

It may seem unusual for you, a member of the Sandwich Generation, to concentrate on yourself instead of on the needs of your growing children or aging parents. But take a deep breath, put your feet up for a moment and allow yourself to focus on and embrace your own development at this pivotal time.

Creating your inventory will give you a leg up on beginning 2011 from a position of power - but how do you begin? To help you, we've created a short list to help you focus on your assets - not the financial ones, which may still be down, but the personal strengths you own. Use this process to discover some of your hidden passions. Reflect on your answers or discuss them with a trusted friend as you create an expanded sense of yourself. Whether or not you're a Sandwiched Boomer, here are some tips to get you started:

Keeping a journal will help you clarify your thoughts and feelings as you look at all aspects of your life. As you begin to make an inventory of your assets, include what you have done and the value you have created in the past - as student, family member, career associate, community volunteer, friend. Now think about what you are currently doing in your life that you feel proud about - the gift of time that you give to you growing children and aging parents as well as those around you.

Identify your strengths. What are some of your natural talents? These are the things that come so easily you often don't notice it. And how about the acquired skills you have used successfully? You may have worked hard to perfect them. Both your talents and your skills make up your abilities - your greatest personal strengths. Think about what they are and how you use them. These could encompass, among others, attributes as diverse as a love of learning, a sense of humor, loyalty, an appreciation of beauty, the ability to love and be loved. Recognize how you apply them in your life everyday.

Consider how others view you and your contributions. Who uses you as a role model and in what areas? Realize that all of your life experiences have led you to the wisdom you now possess. Honor this insight and find ways to share what you already know well with your own children – or, if they are already grown, mentor students learning to read, become a Big Sister, coach a soccer team at the youth center.

To read more tips about how to build your strengths and prepare to utilize them, look to the left of this post where you can sign up for our Her Mentor Center newsletter, Stepping Stones, and receive our ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals, as a complimentary gift from us.

Voices Raised and Budgets Honored

Tired this morning from watching late night news about the elections across the United States? Although not all results are in yet, it's clear that the American people have used the polls to give voice to their concerns about the economy. The challenge to the administration is to work with the new Congress to cut spending, balance the budget and reduce the deficit while creating new jobs and reviving the economy.

To help your own personal family budget, Nourishing Relationships is pleased to be a part of this week's Mom Audience Giveaway Explosion. We've enjoyed learning about Mom Audience, which gives mothers the opportunity to connect with business, employment and service opportunities as well as find out about discounts, deals, giveaways, products and other events. Now they have compiled a group of blogs and websites that are providing products and services free of charge to Mom Audience members this week.

To take advantage of the Mom Audience Giveaway Explosion, subscribe to Mom Audience. When you do, you'll receive an email with a list of giveaways available to you this week.

Our Nourishing Relationships giveaway is a copy of our ebook Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals and a chance to also receive a copy of our newest ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success.

To receive Courage and Lessons Learned, simply sign up to receive our monthly ezine, Stepping Stones, which is offered to the left of this blog post. Stepping Stones gives you insider information about our monthly Virtual Book Tours as well as informative white papers with practical tips about how to nourish your family relationships without starving yourself.

As always, you are welcome to follow us on twitter and "like" us on our facebook fan page. You'll discover practical tips and strategies for the Sandwich Generation, whether you're coping with stress, acting out teens, aging parents, boomerang kids or difficult daughters-in-law.

If you want to become eligible to also receive a complimentary copy of Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm, leave a comment to this blog post, answering the question: "How would you react if you had a adult child who wanted to move back home?" We'll be giving away copies of our ebook - full of white papers about coping in this economy - to 3 lucky winners, chosen at random. Be sure to leave a contact email so we can let you know if you win. You can learn more about Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm on our website, Her Mentor Center. You'll find information, support and direction there to help you manage your family in flux.

Plan to Return to the Workforce?

In the current economic downturn, many mothers are planning a return to work to make up for their partner's lost income. If you're one of them, you'll need to create an opportunity to focus your energies and see yourself from a new perspective. Stories of other women who have gone through this challenging process can provide helpful insights and thoughts. Once you begin, your experience will give you the incentive to continue.

If you're still feeling overwhelmed about where to start, you can find helpful video tips about how to re-enter the workforce after being a stay-at-home mom and how to prepare for a job interview. And if you want to find the best company for you, Working Mother magazine has compiled several lists to point you in the right direction.

Here are some more useful tactics to put into place as you move forward with your preparations to return to work:

Review how you have dealt with other major changes in your past. What have you learned from your life experiences? Recall what worked and employ the most effective coping strategies once again. Discard what didn't.

Assess your strengths and how you have used them in particular situations before. Has your curiosity or love of learning encouraged you to gather information from the Internet, books or seminars in order to facilitate your decision-making? Whereas certain strengths may come naturally to you, others may have to be developed through hard work. Evaluate how you can build on your assets now.

Don't give in to pessimism, even when solutions seem impossible. When you're faced with difficulties, hang in there as you let go of negative thoughts and preconceived notions of failure. Utilize your personal character strengths - like persistence, hope, integrity, creativity, spirituality - to carry you through. When you create a more positive attitude, optimism will likely follow. Use your power to turn your beliefs, step by step, into positive "what ifs."

Expect to fail sometimes. And when you do, pick yourself up and start over again. Everyone has suffered disappointment along the way - but that has not been the end of the quest. Are you holding on to unrealistic expectations, an unfounded criterion of perfection, an intolerance of anything less than total success? You can learn more from failure than success and treat your setbacks as teaching tools. As you do, you will become more resilient and adaptable.

Align yourself with a higher purpose. You can build a meaningful life for yourself and your family as you form a strong connection to community, country, the world and a spiritual power. The support you gain from these bonds can ground you and give you the strength you need to continue through tough times.

Enjoy your successes and thank those who have helped you. Reward yourself when you reach a significant target and savor the feelings of power that come from your achievement. You deserve it. When others nurture you, expressing your gratitude makes both you and them feel good. Saying "thanks" creates a win-win situation for everyone.

As you begin this journey, trust yourself and your own wisdom as you integrate the changes and create a new and positive direction in life. You may find it hard to get started and even more difficult to keep the forward momentum going. The initial goal may be to uncover the courage to begin the process. If you are looking for some positive role models for success, sign up for our monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones, and receive our free ebook, Courage of Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals. You'll find the inspiration you need to make this the best time of life.

Complimentary Ebook on How to Reach Your Goals

Perhaps there's a goal you've wanted to reach for a long time - start a small business, rekindle an old friendship, run a 5K?

When you think about working toward a goal and the inevitable changes that go along with that, you may wonder:

How do I access my strengths?
What can help me grow?
Who will I be then?

If you want answers to these questions, sign our email list to the left, just below this post. And accept these gifts from us - receive our free monthly email newsletter, Stepping Stones, and download our free Ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals.

In this Ebook, you'll find stories about people whose names you probably recognize - Captain Sully Sullenberger, Susan Boyle, Senator Ted Kennedy - as well as practical tips about drawing on your own strengths to create the life you want. Try them on and see how they can work for you.

John Wooden and the Perfect Baseball Game

John Wooden was so well known for his leadership role as a basketball coach and player that not everyone knew he had also lettered in varsity baseball his freshman year in college. He later coached baseball and his love of the game continued throughout his life.

With his keen sense of moral principles, Coach Wooden would have been proud of the behavior recently exhibited by the Detroit Tiger's pitcher Armando Galarraga and the umpire, Jim Joyce, who prevented Galarraga from being credited with a perfect game. When umpire Joyce incorrectly called the runner to first base "safe," Galarraga accepted the call stoically, although if correctly called an "out," it would have earned him a rare perfect game in the record books.

When Joyce realized his mistake, he took responsibility for it and immediately went to apologize to Galarraga, who accepted his apology with dignity and grace. The following day, both men treated each other with respect and reflected the high ideals of good sportsmanship.

Columnist Peggy Noonan wrote in the Wall Street Journal about lessons for our children that were abundant in the interchange between Galarraga and Joyce - "that a victim of injustice can react with compassion, and a person who makes a mistake can admit and declare it."

It may not have been an official perfect game, but these two men were the perfect role models for our children about what sports figures can teach our children - and us - about civility, honesty and good behavior.

For stories about other role models for you and your kids, join our free newsletter email list and receive a complimentary copy of Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals. You'll learn about strategies to guide you as you continue you important, and often difficult, job of raising children today.

John Wooden as Role Model

Having celebrated and thought about the family men in my life yesterday, I remembered that our Los Angeles icon John Wooden had once been described as a "walking Father's Day card."

His philosophy of life - as well as his entire persona - exemplified everything we could wish for as a role model for our children. We were fortunate to be able see him here, on occasion, during the years of his retirement from basketball. He was an accessible fixture in our community - breakfasting at a local diner, speaking to the staff for his birthday lunches at our community hospital, signing books full of his wisdom at UCLA. My older son attended the Wooden basketball camp as a teenager, learning fundamentals, teamwork and good sportsmanship as well as soaking up the home-grown aphorisms that Coach was eager to share.

Looking back over his sayings, it's clear that they don't relate only to competitive athletes but rather to all of us who strive for a life of value and meaning. Always the teacher, here are some of Wooden's motivational thoughts through the years:

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

Don't give up on your dreams, or your dreams will give up on you.

Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.

The main ingredient of stardom is the rest of the team.

Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.

Talent is God-given; be humble. Fame is man-given; be thankful. Conceit is self-given; be careful.

You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.

Can these sound bites form a solid foundation for some of the lessons you want to impart to your own children? This week we'll look at how John Wooden and other sports figures can serve as role models and set the tone for your own parenting.

And if you'd like to read about some other contemporary figures who can be role models for you and your family, join our free newsletter email list and receive a complimentary copy of Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals.

Listening and Being Heard on Mother's Day

Likely, you'll leave your pet at home if you're going out for Mother's Day. So who's there to listen attentively to your every word? Whether you're spending some time with your children or your mother on Sunday, you'll appreciate being heard - and knowing how to be a good listener goes along with that, Sandwiched Boomer or not.

Research shows that money, title, or good health has less effect on life satisfaction than strong personal relationships. So this Mother's Day, make a commitment to do what you can to improve the communications in your relationship with your mom as well as your grown children.

Just as you recognize it with your aging mother, let your kids know that the gift of time is one of the most precious presents you can receive. Spend some quality time with these close family members, talking and reminiscing. Look through old family photographs and share stories about when everyone was younger. The time you spend together will nourish you when you're apart.

For some special time with your mom or grown children, you will all feel more valued if you screen out the daily hassles and concentrate just on each other - plan an activity that you will both enjoy. Let yourselves become absorbed and delight in these pleasurable activities. Pay attention to the details. Talk about what you are doing, appreciating and enjoying. Linger awhile in order to make it last.

If you have some old issues to work out with your mother or your kids, you may be able to move forward in addressing them by apologizing or forgiving. When you apologize, you free yourself from shame or guilt and when you forgive, from dwelling on anger or resentment. Forgiveness doesn't necessarily excuse the action, but does free you from ruminating about it. It releases you from the past and becomes a gift you give to yourself.

Allow yourself to express the gratitude you feel having this family in your life. Enjoy your day and savor these moments. Reflect on the positive feelings you have from the past and cultivate rich memories now to sustain you in the future. And have a happy Mother's Day.

For a unique gift to your mom or your kids in honor of Mother's Day, why not arrange for them to have a copy of our new ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned? It's easy to do, just click on the link to the left.

Earth Day Plus One - Now What?

Earth Day was yesterday. So what do we call today?

In the heat of the moment, enthusiasm for making a change - protecting the earth, creating better family relationships, making the world a better place, loosing those stubborn extra pounds - can be great. But what happens the next day? How can you build on your decision to improve? How do you actually vary your routine and transform yourself? Inspiration is not enough - now you need to implement your choice in a clear and definite way. Here are 8 tips on how to go about it:

Acknowledge your ability to change. Recognize that there may be limits to what you can accomplish but that you can take it one baby step at a time. Give yourself permission to begin the process by setting a realistic goal and without expecting perfection in your results.

Write out specific goals for yourself and break them down into smaller, more manageable short-term objectives. Set up a timeline for tackling each task. The more you formulate your plans and establish concrete steps, the greater the likelihood that you will follow up on them.

List your personal resources and inner strengths - they will help you attain your objectives and eventually achieve your goals. Draw on them as you have when you made other changes in your life.

Make a public commitment to the change you are pursuing. This will help you take yourself and your decision seriously and increase your motivation to continue the process even when you face barriers along the way.

Maintain your energy by rewarding yourself for each objective you accomplish even as you keep your focus on the future goals you are striving toward. Positive reinforcement will keep you motivated to continue your process of change.

Draw on the support of family and friends. They want you to succeed and will give you the help you need. Join with others who have similar goals - having someone share your journey makes the whole process more enjoyable.

Don't beat yourself up when you backslide. Change can be overwhelming and you need to be patient with yourself. Refine your strategies as you learn from your mistakes. Have a Plan B ready and continue to improvise as you discover what works best for you.

Enjoy the satisfaction and feelings of power that come from making real changes. You've earned it! And you can use your new skill set to achieve success in other areas of your life as well. If you're a Sandwiched Boomer, resolve to use these tips to take better care of yourself.

Want more tips for making lasting changes? Sign up for our free newsletter, Stepping Stones, and receive a complimentary copy of our ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned. Look to the left of this post to subscribe - and begin a new day.

Ultimate Blog Party 2010

Welcome to the 4th annual Ultimate Blog Party. It's a family affair, hosted by twins Janice and Susan, along with their mom, Joan, from 5 MinutesforMom. They have a week of activities planned and all you have to do is show up. Consider this your formal invitation! We've just joined in and see that there's plenty going on - mommy and granny blogs to visit, lots of giveaways and prizes, useful information and chances to connect or network.
But first, we're Phyllis and Rosemary, longtime friends, co-founders of HerMentorCenter, life coaches and co-authors of a book about family relationships. Welcome to our blog, NourishingRelationships. We blog often here and want you to join us as we build community and help you find your voice. Scroll down to see some of our other posts - we hope you enjoy what we have to offer.

You're likely looking for blogs of interest to moms and grandmothers in the Baby Boomer and Sandwich Generation, caring for parents growing older and kids growing up. As you enjoy the party, we'd love to hear about the blogs you visit and women you meet - you can share your comments below.

Want to read interesting stories and learn practical tips on how to move forward in your own life? Here's our giveaway to you: simply sign up on our email list to the left of this post and download a copy of our new ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned.

Here's another offer if you're having issues with your mother-in-law. The author of The Daughter-in-Law Rules, Sally Shields, has created a quiz app for the iPhone. You can find it in the iPhone app store under entertainment. And you can reach Sally at http://www.thedilrules.com/contact/.

When you're ready to get started, just click on the banner at the top of this post. You'll find lots of blogs to visit. Enjoy the party and come back to let us know what you discover!

Grandmothers Hold On and Let Go

Over spring break, I had a chance to think about the eternal balance for grandmothers as well as mothers - between holding on and letting go. I recognized the dilemma as we took our visiting grandsons to an amusement park that offered trapeze lessons. I watched each of them climb up the tall ladder, perch on the small landing, reach for the bar of the trapeze and then leap out into the air, swinging freely on the trapeze.

After a few swings, each one raised his legs up, hooked them over the bar, and hung by his knees, letting go of his hands and swinging back and forth upside down. Although each was, of course, attached to a tether protecting from harm in case of a fall, the freedom of the moment was palpable.

After being let down, each boy rolled off the net. Their huge grins and swaggering walk testified to the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that each boy attained. They had experienced first hand the flood of emotions generated by holding on and letting go - anticipation, anxiety, fear, daring, courage, exhilaration, fulfillment and pride, among others.

And I too understood the complexity of holding on and letting go - of children, grandchildren, aging parents. Having practiced it for years with my children, I was finally getting a little more skillful at it with my grandchildren. I recognized that although they loved to cuddle with me when they were younger, as they matured they were becoming a bit more distant, especially in public. And this was all just fine - I didn't take it personally. I realized that even in their letting go, we would always have bonds to hold on to. It's a growing experience - for all of us.

To continue growing yourself, download a complimentary copy of our e-book, Courage and Lessons Learned. You'll receive it when you sign up for our newsletter email list on the box to the left of this post.

Grandmothers Speak Up

Unless you have taken over the full-time care of a grandchild, you probably have less stress being with your grandkids than you did when you were raising your own children. Without having to take care of all the daily needs of children, home and job at the same time, you are more likely now to enjoy watching your grandson or granddaughter grow. And relish their development into integral members of society, maybe even reflecting your own values.

One of our readers shared these moments of reflection about her grandson's behavior in her comment to Monday's post:

"As my six year old grandson was entering security at the airport he put down his carry-on, took out his wallet and placed two dollars into a money container for Food for the Hungry. I was impressed both with his generosity as well as his reading. Same little guy showed great courage earlier in the week when he came running up to his Mother and said, "do whatever you want to me, I broke a window." Grandsons are wonderful!"

And another reader weighed in with her comments about the threads of continuity in her family represented by her granddaughter:

"So are granddaughters! I remember how much I used to love being allowed to bake with my grandmother - blueberry pies were her specialty. Now I get to enjoy baking with my granddaughter. Her mom is so busy with work that she doesn't have much time to do anything more than get dinner on the table for her family during the week. I have more free time now so we have fun together in the kitchen after school."

How about you? What brings you the most pleasure in your role as grandmother? The unconditional love you share with a grandchild? Carrying on family traditions and values? The chance to be playful again? Seeing your own adult child in a new light? The warmth and closeness of the hugs? Click on the "comment" link below and tell us about your grandchild. And if you want to learn more about heroic role models for your grandchildren and the courage they embody, join our email list and download a copy of our new e-book, Courage and Lessons Learned.

Grandmothers and Spring Break

With my grandsons visiting last week during spring break, we planned some of the usual fun things we like to do together. Their parents took several days away on their own so we got a chance to enjoy the boys alone - shooting baskets at the park, cooking, bowling, playing piano duets, swimming, going on day trips, and, of course, lots of hugging. During one of those day trips in the car - to a rural farm where we all picked strawberries - I also spent some time talking with them about values that are important to me. Afterwards, I wondered why I felt the need to teach them as well as have fun with them.

I realized that I wanted to pass on to them some nuggets of wisdom I had gathered over the years as well as help them develop into good citizens. In a sense, I needed to pass on to them my survival strategies, ethics and social morality. Not so different from the situation in other cultures in which grandmothers are the guardians of traditional values, the possessors of indigenous knowledge and the storytellers of family history.

Research indicates that grandmothers - particularly those in developing countries - help grandchildren survive and thrive into adulthood. This is known as the Grandmother effect. In most societies, grandmothers provide at least some financial aid to their grandchildren as well as helping their children with domestic chores and childcare assistance. The U. S. Census Bureau has been tracking the numbers of grandparents caring for their grandkids - today there are upwards of 1.5 million working grandparents who are also supervising the younger generation.

In recent years, there has been a Granny boom due to the increased life expectancy and quality of life among seniors. With these increased numbers, the role of grandmothers will likely take on even greater importance in the rearing of children in years to come. With everything else changing so rapidly, the stability that a grandmother can provide can be just the anchor a child needs.

Want to pass on to your grandchildren some suggestions for developing courage? Simply join our email list and you can download a copy of our ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned.

Health Care Law: How Politicians can Cooperate with Each Other

Health Care reform issues continue to generate polarized opinions and spark confrontations. Even as President Obama reveled in defeating opposition on health care, he admitted that he hasn't succeeded in breaking down partisan gridlock and changing the tone in Washington as promised before his election. He said, "It hasn't changed. Yet."

But now that the Health Care bill has been signed into law, it's time to figure out how to work together. The following tips can benefit all kinds of relationships - political ones as well as your own:

Minimize emotional overload. Feeling flooded or overcome by emotion can lead to the 'fight or flight' response. Agree to stop arguing and postpone a difficult discussion until you are both calm enough to listen.

Distraction can be a powerful defense. Take several deep breaths, release any negative feelings and develop thoughts about the situation that are more constructive.

Pay attention to the conversation without planning a rebuttal. Try to be empathic and ask questions that can lead to greater understanding. Look at the issues from a perspective that may be quite different from your own.

Sometimes you do know what's best, so take a stand and hold your ground. Practice patience as the other side begins to appreciate your point of view. Then you'll be in a better position to negotiate a compromise or a mutually agreeable solution.

Instead of immediately fighting back the next time you face what could turn into a hostile interchange, modify your approach. Grow from these experiences as you take the opportunity to turn negative feelings into positive ones, teach or learn a life lesson, form a growing connection.

As members of the Sandwich Generation, learn more about growing from experiences by signing up for our e-book,Courage and Lessons Learned , to the left of this post.

Health Care Law: Progress or a Problem?

Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi says, "We have added health care as a right, not a privilege. And when we did, we not only made history, we made progress for the American people." And what about House Republican leader John Boehner's opinion? He thinks: "We need to repeal this jobs-killing government takeover of health care and enact real reforms...without destroying jobs, raising taxes, cutting Medicare to create a new entitlement program or saddling our children and grandchildren with trillions in new debt."

The photo above, of Pelosi and Boehner exchanging the gavel in less volatile times, looks like it's sending a mixed messsage. As a card carrying member of the Sandwich Generation - squeezed between children growing up and parents growing older - you may be in conflict with a family member. So what lessons about commuication can you learn from the present political situation?

We all know that words can hurt and an offhand remark or slip of the tongue can be emotionally damaging. When addressing a sensitive subject, state a specific goal that you want to accomplish. Be direct and clear in what you have to say. Try not to get side-tracked by pointing out past oppositional behavior or questionable character traits. As body language and tone of voice really matter, in a conflict, assume a non-threatening stance. Calibrate your emotions, monitor the negatives and be slow to criticize.

If you want more tips about putting your best foot forward, look to the left of this post and sign up for our new complimentary e-book, Courage and Lessons Learned.

Women's History Month: Courage and Lessons Learned

Women who have been honored over the past years during Women's History Month all share one common trait - courage. The courage to try something new, to take a risk for what they believed in, to persist despite obstacles, to make a difference. Do you think of courage mainly in terms of men on the battlefield? The Encarta World English Dictionary defines courage more broadly, as: "the ability to face danger, difficulty, uncertainty or pain without being overcome by fear or being deflected from a chosen course of action."

Women have shown courage over the years - valor away from the battlefield, as well as on it - in so many different venues. They have had the guts to march for civil rights - theirs and those of other minorities, - they have dared to dismantle the glass ceiling, they have acted heroically protecting the disenfranchised, they have bravely cared for the ill as well as for the needs of their families.

Marty Seligman and Chris Peterson include Courage as one of the 6 categories of character strengths they have classified in their study of Positive Psychology. They identify persistence, integrity and vitality as aspects of courage, in addition to bravery. In your own life, it's likely you can point to times you have stuck with a plan through difficulties - just like the little engine that could; how you have been honest in your relationships and assessments; the joie de vivre you felt when you were engaged and absorbed in flow. All of these are characteristics of courage you've demonstrated, possibly without even recognizing it.

Is there something you’ve wanted to do for a long time - enroll in a class, reconnect with an old friend, run a 5K? Make Women's History Month the time you take the first step. That’s courageous, in and of itself. We'd like to support and inspire you on your journey. For our new e-book, Courage and Lessons Learned, simply go to the box on the left where you can join our email list and receive the e-book free of charge. You'll receive an email confirmation and the link to downloading your own copy, in PDF format. Here's to the courage to begin re-writing your own history this month!