The Day After

…And they lived happily ever after.

That's what we're told at the end of fairy tales. And we want to believe it. But the truth is we really don't know what happens after the wedding. How does the couple resolve the inevitable conflicts? How do they support each other after a defeat? How do they incorporate romantic love into the reality of day-to-day ups and downs?

Today is Valentine's Day plus One. You may be feeling disappointed and resentful about yesterday or happy and cherished. Perhaps you want to savor the warm love you received or to rehash the letdown you experienced. Your focus may even be on what you gave to those you love rather than on what you received. In any case, your perceptions become reality and your reactions set the tone for what comes next.

Life is complicated. It's both good and bad, filled with successes and failures. Often your responses give meaning to what has occurred more than do the actual events themselves.


Take a good look at this picture. You may only see the dark clouds, portending an ominous future or instead notice the patches of color that indicate a potentially rosy outlook. The flag may suggest a sense of community and belonging or the separation from others who are not in the group. A focus on the airplane can remind you of adventures still ahead or fear of the unknown. Even the tankers in the background can raise feelings of optimism or pessimism about our environment.

It's not really concrete objects, events and people that define our lives but how we react to them. Our stories begin in earnest the day after. It's not easy but that's when we begin the real work of resilience and creation. How will you choose to tell your own story? With gratitude and forgiveness or bitterness and remorse? It's up to you.

Women's History Month: Courage and Lessons Learned

Women who have been honored over the past years during Women's History Month all share one common trait - courage. The courage to try something new, to take a risk for what they believed in, to persist despite obstacles, to make a difference. Do you think of courage mainly in terms of men on the battlefield? The Encarta World English Dictionary defines courage more broadly, as: "the ability to face danger, difficulty, uncertainty or pain without being overcome by fear or being deflected from a chosen course of action."

Women have shown courage over the years - valor away from the battlefield, as well as on it - in so many different venues. They have had the guts to march for civil rights - theirs and those of other minorities, - they have dared to dismantle the glass ceiling, they have acted heroically protecting the disenfranchised, they have bravely cared for the ill as well as for the needs of their families.

Marty Seligman and Chris Peterson include Courage as one of the 6 categories of character strengths they have classified in their study of Positive Psychology. They identify persistence, integrity and vitality as aspects of courage, in addition to bravery. In your own life, it's likely you can point to times you have stuck with a plan through difficulties - just like the little engine that could; how you have been honest in your relationships and assessments; the joie de vivre you felt when you were engaged and absorbed in flow. All of these are characteristics of courage you've demonstrated, possibly without even recognizing it.

Is there something you’ve wanted to do for a long time - enroll in a class, reconnect with an old friend, run a 5K? Make Women's History Month the time you take the first step. That’s courageous, in and of itself. We'd like to support and inspire you on your journey. For our new e-book, Courage and Lessons Learned, simply go to the box on the left where you can join our email list and receive the e-book free of charge. You'll receive an email confirmation and the link to downloading your own copy, in PDF format. Here's to the courage to begin re-writing your own history this month!

Women's History Month: Writing Women Back into History

To celebrate Women's History Month, do you want a quick history of the roles of women in shaping America in the last century?

In the early 20th century, women's suffrage became a hot political issue and strong women worked hard to achieve the vote. But by the 1950's, when Betty Freidan identified "the problem that has no name," many women had relinquished their power outside the home. The women's movement, beginning in the 1960's moved women to the forefront and revived their place as movers and shakers in society. And during the 1970's, with the focus on "her-story" as well as history, many universities began Women's Studies departments.

Politicians on all sides have embraced the proclamation honoring the role of women in America.

Yet there is still more to be done to fulfill the theme of Writing Women Back into History.

Women have excelled and been influential in all areas of society - the arts, politics, the professions, sports, you name it. Now is the time to acknowledge those contributions and give women the recognition we deserve. And lets remember to take those words to heart ourselves and take credit for each of our own accomplishments.

To help you identify your personal strengths, we have created an e-book to highlight tips you can apply as you write your own "her-story." Appreciate the wisdom you have gained as you move forward. Click on the button to the left to receive your free copy from Her Mentor Center of Courage and Lessons Learned and begin your own process of change.

Women's History Month: Honoring Women in March

Did you know that in 1987, the U.S. Congress declared March to be Women's History Month? Is this one of America's best-kept secrets?

Although women have contributed to society and culture throughout history, these gifts weren't recognized until 1911, when International Women's Day was first established in Europe to be celebrated on March 8th. Nearly a century later, even with Women's Studies departments a part of most universities, women's accomplishments are still not well represented in educational materials. So this year, the theme of Women's History Month is overcoming our invisibility by Writing Women Back into History. The emphasis is on encouraging historians and writers of textbooks to give appropriate credit to women who have played a significant role in society.

What about your own story? Are you writing a rich, fulfilling history yourself? Visit our blog this week for information about how to receive our new e-book - it gives you tips about drawing on your own strengths to develop the courage and resilience you need to create the life you want.

Stories from Stepping Stones

Many women were generous about sharing their stories with us - and our readers. You can read them in full on our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com, but here's a brief sampling from 8 different women who had unique yet universal tales to tell in various past issues of Stepping Stones:

"The bad news came swiftly and completely unexpectedly - the office was being closed and I was out of a job. This was not the first time I had faced unemployment. In the past, I had always hunkered right down and launched a job search. This time I made a very different decision."

"I had heard from other friends who had already been there that the pleasure of grandparenting was the only activity that was not overly exaggerated. So I was looking forward to it with great glee, yet also with some trepidation. I didn't really know what to expect - from the baby, from our children, from my husband, from our co-grandparents or even from myself in this new situation."

"I hated being single. I really missed the company of a man. I am from a generation where my identity was being a wife. Without the marriage, I felt I had no identity. At least with a man, I felt useful and worthwhile. I was also very lonely. I missed being one-half of a relationship."

"I feel as if I am living a dream, sometimes scared but most often excited by my travel and volunteer opportunities. In looking back, I recollect my hope of retiring early enough to travel off the beaten path. Before I knew it, the safety of the intellectual journey spent in bookstores, at lectures and on the internet became the reality of leaving a gratifying and secure career for the unknown."

"Becoming an entrepreneur is a grand adventure! After a long, productive work life as an employee in both the public and private sectors, I retired. Since I was not working, I had more time to spend with my 86-year-old mother who lives in a nearby residential care home. Because she has many medical problems that impair the circulation to her extremities, she always complained that her hands were cold. I felt I had to help solve this problem both for her and the other folks in her residential home."

"With the shattering of the marriage and hope of growing old together, old buried dreams were suddenly free to surface. Marrying and becoming a mother immediately after college, I did not have the chance to travel to Asia or do very long meditation retreats like many of my friends who also taught Buddhist meditation. I found in myself a wild courage, born of: "freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose!" I decided to leave everything I knew, jump off a cliff and free-fall through the abyss. I was where I wanted to be."

"I felt a void and lack of purpose following Mom's death. No longer volunteering or caring for Mom, my days were long. My oldest was soon leaving for college with the two younger ones flying the coop shortly behind him. What was I going to do with my life? I felt empty. What did I want to be when I grew up?"

"I don't know what the future holds. I'm learning to pay more attention to the present. But I do feel I've experienced a hard won transition that only time on this planet and an open mind could bring about. It is amazing how feared aging is when the focus is only on the physical when, in fact, it is a journey to wisdom and inner peace. I feel that I am finally at home within myself."

Come share your own story with us - or just read along with others. To subscribe to Stepping Stones, simply click on the link below and to the left labeled "FREE Newsletter." This month you'll receive our 75th issue.