Women Athletes at the London Olympics

With the Olympics being held in London this summer, we are reminded of how far we've come since the Duke of Wellington was said to have determined, "The battle of Waterloo was won on the playing fields of Eton," referring to the discipline and strength men acquired playing sports as youths. Today young female athletes in the United States make use of the Title IX provisions to create a winning future for themselves as well.

Women competing in the Games this year illustrate many of the character strengths identified in Positive Psychology. We looked at four shown by some of the medal winners on Monday. Here are four more you can emulate in your own life.

Gratitude. With her wins in London, Serena Williams is now only the second woman in history to complete the "Golden Slam," taking the Olympic singles gold medal as well as winning at Wimbledon, the U.S. Open, Australian Open and French Open. Yet Serena isn't taking all the credit herself. She has expressed her gratitude for the education she received, thanks to the support of her family. Not an amateur and wanting to give back, Serena has been generous with her winnings, supporting many educational projects in America, and funding a school in Africa as well as mentoring other aspiring athletes. You'll find that when you too express gratitude your mood improves, you feel better about yourself and more connected to the world around you.

Perspective. Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh Jennings have been playing together for nearly 12 years - and winning games of beach volleyball most of that time. They won gold medals in 2004 and, after both married, repeated in 2008, the only women's team to have accomplished that feat. But after Kerri took out time to have two children, some wondered if the team could still play on top of their game. Yet, with the perspective they've gained and the balance in their lives, they are galvanized. Playing again with more consistency, they will be vying for the championship, guaranteed either a gold or silver. When you are faced with difficult situations and important questions in your own life, consider what you have learned from your past experiences and trust yourself to make the right decisions today.

Resilience. Kayla Harrison won the gold medal in judo, a first for any American, after almost giving up the sport – and even contemplating suicide - several years earlier due to sexual abuse by her coach. But after therapy and starting again with a new coach, she regained her love of the sport and her self-confidence. After winning, she said, "I want to help kids overcome being victims…Never give up on your dreams…Things have happened. But I didn't give up." When you are dealing with a trauma or are frustrated by a setback, put all your energies into recovering from that challenge, think about what you can still control and work toward achieving your new Plan B goal.

Teamwork. Kami Craig, who played on the national championship USC women's water polo team, and Courtney Mathewson, who was on arch-rival UCLA's national championship women's water polo team, have put their competition behind them and are now working together as friends on the same Olympic team USA to defeat their opponents. Even their coach, after causing a penalty due to an error in calling for a time-out, relied on the team spirit to keep the focus, "This is a team game. When the coach makes mistakes, you need your team to pick you up. And the team picked me up today." Their teamwork has assured them all a place on the medal stand as they play in the final game later this week for the gold. Your team may consist of family, friends or co-workers but it is the dedication to the common good of that group that sets the tone for everyone's improved input.

Enjoy the rest of the London events this week, following the leadership provided by the women and men of Olympic teams from all over the world. Then choose a role model for yourself and let your own games begin!

Women Olympians as Role Models

Since Title IX guaranteed equal funding for girls' sports programs 40 years ago, we've seen the results in school, in the workplace and in women's self-confidence. Studies have shown that girls who play sports in high school are more likely to to do better in science classes, complete college, avoid substance abuse and join the workforce. And the more time they spend participating in team sports, the higher their self-esteem.

Naturally, there has also been an effect on the playing fields. Now, for the first time in the history of the Olympic Games, there are more women than men on the United States team in London. And we can look to these women as role models for the positive traits we want to emulate. The strengths they gain from years of hard work and dedication to their sport are more than just physical. They also represent many of the character virtues identified by Positive Psychology researchers Chris Peterson and Marty Seligman. 

All this week we'll be looking at some examples of these and other strengths personified by the athletes. Consider how to integrate them into your own daily life.

Vitality. Gabby Douglas, dubbed the flying squirrel due to the actual height she achieves as well as the high level of energy she exudes in her routines, won the gold medal in women's all-around gymnastics as well as in team all-around. Her enthusiasm is contagious and she engages everyone around her with her electrifying smile. With her passion to fulfill her potential, she left home to train under a new coach and live with a "second family." Her heart is big enough to include them all in her zest for life – and for gymnastics. Search for what energizes you and go for it all the way. You'll feel more alive than ever.

Friendship. The "Fierce Five" USA gymnasts are a close-knit group, supporting each other through the Games – even when they are competing against one aother. Jordyn Wieber, who had been best in world in all-around didn't make the cut for the Olympics all-around, yet congratulated teammates Aly Raisman and Gabby Douglas who did. McKayla Maroney and Kyla Ross have been friends since they were 8 and both took gymnastics at the same gym. When they all worked together as a team, they drew strength from their friendship with each other and won the gold medal in team gymnastics. You may not be reaching for the gold yourself, but the commitment you and your own friends make to each other nurtures each of you and creates emotional bonds that provide the foundation for a fulfilling life.

Persistence. Dana Vollmer didn't even make the Olympic women's swimming team four years ago. But she persevered and worked harder than ever to make the team this year. All her practice paid off when she broke the world record, winning gold medals at the London Games in butterfly as well a gold in women's medley relay, with Missy Franklin, Allison Schmitt and Rebecca Soni. When you are discouraged and tempted to give up working toward your own goal, believe in yourself and find the strength to hang in there.  

Loyalty. Missy Franklin has been approached time and again to make endorsements but has turned them all down so could remain an amateur and swim for her high school and future college teams. With her bubbly personality, Missy enjoys her friends in school and is devoted to them, to her family and to her hometown coach. Winning 4 gold medals in backstroke and women's team relay and a bronze in another team relay, she is looking forward to getting back home and hanging out with her friends. Your own sense of responsibility for your community and the value you place on generativity and giving back will help you remain true to your ideals.

As you continue to watch the coverage of the London Games this week, enjoy the spectacle of sport but also reflect on the strength of purpose and commitment that the athletes – female and male – have developed over the years. A nice Olympic ideal for all of us to follow.

Caring for the Caregiver

If you're a member of the Sandwich Generation, you want to care for those you care about. But, at times, the emotional stress of nurturing multiple generations can be overwhelming. There are demands from every direction and you often have too little time, too little money, and too little help.

Photo courtesy of gbaku - flickr.com

The best way to have patience and compassion for your aging parents and growing kids is learn to be patient and compassionate with yourself. Here are tips on how to do just that:

Balance for the caregiver. Find a happy medium between your responsibilities to others and to yourself. Take a break for a long walk, a nap or a yoga class. Spend time with a friend who makes you smile. Release tension by watching a sitcom or a funny movie. Laughter triggers the release of endorphins and a good mood helps you make better decisions.

Embrace change. As you set goals and move toward them, continue an active process of getting to know your true self. Write about your passions as well as what you really value, care about and want. An unused journal won't help make your dreams come true but a well loved and often used one might do just that.

Start a play revolution. Think about your fondest memories of playing as a child. There must be similar activities you could integrate into your life right now. How can you reconnect to your creative and playful side? And how far are you willing to go outside your comfort zone? Just imagine the potential benefits to your physical health, level of happiness and feelings of wellbeing.

Build resilience. Although you can't prevent what happens to you, you can have some control over how you handle it. Work on changing your mindset. If you reframe your pessimistic thoughts, you can turn anxiety into energy. A good attitude can make a difference, so look for the lessons in what you're going through.

This month, as we celebrate you, Sandwich Generation caregivers, try to love yourself. If you don’t feel that you have control over your life, set limits that work for you. And let others lend a helping hand and give back some of the love you deserve.

The Day After

…And they lived happily ever after.

That's what we're told at the end of fairy tales. And we want to believe it. But the truth is we really don't know what happens after the wedding. How does the couple resolve the inevitable conflicts? How do they support each other after a defeat? How do they incorporate romantic love into the reality of day-to-day ups and downs?

Today is Valentine's Day plus One. You may be feeling disappointed and resentful about yesterday or happy and cherished. Perhaps you want to savor the warm love you received or to rehash the letdown you experienced. Your focus may even be on what you gave to those you love rather than on what you received. In any case, your perceptions become reality and your reactions set the tone for what comes next.

Life is complicated. It's both good and bad, filled with successes and failures. Often your responses give meaning to what has occurred more than do the actual events themselves.


Take a good look at this picture. You may only see the dark clouds, portending an ominous future or instead notice the patches of color that indicate a potentially rosy outlook. The flag may suggest a sense of community and belonging or the separation from others who are not in the group. A focus on the airplane can remind you of adventures still ahead or fear of the unknown. Even the tankers in the background can raise feelings of optimism or pessimism about our environment.

It's not really concrete objects, events and people that define our lives but how we react to them. Our stories begin in earnest the day after. It's not easy but that's when we begin the real work of resilience and creation. How will you choose to tell your own story? With gratitude and forgiveness or bitterness and remorse? It's up to you.

9/11 Ten Years Later

Ten years ago, this photo took my breath away. Just like the pictures of the collapsing towers and the fliers with the smiling faces of lost loved ones. What powerful images of despair, suffering and the staggering losses of 9/11. But there were also stories of rescue, heroism and survival.

At dinner the other night, my 5 year old grandson was amazed by his brothers' conversation about terrorists seizing control of planes and crashing them into the World Trade Center. Being so young, how could they understand the impact? But as adults we know that the world changed dramatically that day.

After the heroic acts of police, firefighters, emergency responders and recovery workers during the disaster, Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome became a public health issue. Survivors with PTSD continue to struggle with intrusive thoughts triggered by a plane overhead, the sound of sirens or nightmares. Flashbacks, depression or anxiety continue to haunt them. And others suffer from chronic health problems or respiratory and allergic reactions from exposure to toxic dust.

Partners, parents and children still feel the void and mourn the loss of family members. For many who were lucky enough to survive the tragedy, there often remain feelings of helplessness, sometimes accompanied by shame, guilt, or a sense of responsibility. In fact, the whole world reacted. And each anniversary of 9/11 triggers frightening memories and painful emotions.

How do you move forward without forgetting? It can help to weather tragedy in the midst of family, friends and community. Like in other traumatic situations, support for discussing the events and sharing feelings can relieve pain and suffering. Putting energy into giving back to others who are struggling can be a source of comfort. And pulling together is a classic coping mechanism. The civility, cooperation, support and goodwill in New York were instrumental in healing the national psyche.

While some people remain vulnerable, others are resilient and can regain psychological balance more quickly. They tend to bounce back to the same strengths, anxieties, hopes and bad habits - and are grateful for a return to normalcy.

Some are too young to remember, others can't forget. Many at yesterday's ground zero memorial were there to find more closure so maybe they could, at last, enjoy a measure of relief. And all over the country, thousands upon thousands gathered to unveil monuments, pay tribute, pledge allegiance and celebrate resilience. May this strength be an example to all of us.

Baby Booomers and Post Traumatic Growth

The last day of our summer vacation with all the family came to a sad ending with my husband's accident. He's been more reflective as he recuperates from knee surgery that will keep him off his feet for the next few months. He's always been able to do it all, and now suddenly there are limitations - just like for the older baby boomers who are coming face to face with the realities of the aging process. But it's not as bad as it could be, especially when it comes with a certain amount of wisdom, the opportunity to enjoy our grandchildren and lots of great memories to savor. And there are lessons to be learned:
Focus on what you can accomplish, not what you can't. When your wellbeing is compromised, it's hard to feel at risk and dependent especially if you're someone who's used to doing everything for everybody. Give yourself an emotional break and recognize the treasures that are an integral part of you. Honor your body by exercising, eating and sleeping patterns that make you feel better. Minimize the situations that cause stress while increasing the ones that give you pleasure.

Find ways to lift your spirits. Call on your inner strength, wisdom and past experiences. Turn to your religious faith or spiritual practice that gives you comfort. Sit outside, enjoy the sun and get your daily dose of vitamin C. Take a nap or two and don't feel guilty about it. Connect often by having friends and family come over and visit. You can create rituals that give you peace of mind and help you relax - journaling, meditation, inward focus, deep breathing.

Build resilience. Although we can't prevent what happens to us, we can have some control over how we handle it. Work on changing your mindset. If you reframe your negative thoughts into neutral or positive ones, you can turn anxiety into energy. Release tension through laughter - watch a sitcom, tell jokes, see a funny movie - and you'll begin to bounce back. Look for the lessons in what you're going through because a good attitude can make a difference in how you navigate your present situation.

All of our thoughts are mental products although they don't necessarily reflect an absolute reality. However, they do represent how we feel. And there's no way around how we feel about the challenges of coping with health issues. Be patient and hang in there. The very act of putting one foot in front of the other can lead to a new perspective. Gaining strength from adversity is called post traumatic growth. This crisis may even lead you to feeling more empathy for others and a greater appreciation of what you have.

Despite the strain you're going through, you will find hope. Relish your small feats and set goals for the future. Plan beyond the present and use my husband as a role model. He's making the most of what he calls house arrest and already mapping out our next vacation.

Talking to Your Kids About Anthony Weiner's Lies

The recent media frenzy about the behavior of Representative Anthony Weiner highlights the dangers of two activities - sexting and lying - and provides a clear teachable moment to use with our teens. We would hope to have good role models for the actions we want to encourage but given the dramatic effects of the inappropriate messages and photos Weiner sent and the devastating results of his untruthful words, we can talk to our kids about the serious consequences of making bad decisions.

Weiner is under fire by his own party for his behavior, particularly for lying to the press, his staff, constituents, colleagues, friends and family about his participation in the sexting incidents. As parents, we know that young children lie - generally about once every two hours - sometimes to get something they want or to gain attention but usually to avoid getting in trouble and being punished. Often the lines between make-believe and reality become blurred.

But when do youngsters' little 'white lies' become teenagers' big destructive whoppers? And how do those teens behave as adults out in the world? The case of Congressman Weiner provides an unambiguous example of the slippery slope of lying. As Sir Walter Scott wrote two hundred years ago, "Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." Once you have begun to create a falsification, it's hard to extricate yourself.

According to the Josephson Institute of Ethics, more than one in five teens reveal instances of lying, cheating or stealing in the past year, with 80% saying they have lied to their parents about something significant. Teens are five times more likely than those over 50 to believe it is necessary to lie and cheat in order to succeed. As they move out into the world at large, these same young adults are two to three times more likely to misrepresent themselves in a job interview, lie to a significant other, keep money mistakenly given to them.

Why do children resort to these kinds of misdeeds? There are many possible reasons. Ethical standards may be seen as flexible guidelines, not rules. Poor role models abound in society, entertainment, political and sports worlds. Kids face high expectations and the pressure to succeed coming from parents and schools. There has been a normalization of certain illegal activities on the Internet - plagiarism of papers and reports, downloading pirated music and videos. And some baby boomer parents have transferred their signature emphasis on "me and my needs" to their offspring.

So what's a parent to do?

Be the role model you want you kids to emulate. And find other good examples of adults behaving well. They can help you reinforce the examples of integrity, authenticity, good citizenship that you want to encourage. Our boys looked up to John Wooden as they were growing up - you can find others in your own community.

As in other aspects of parenting, keeping lines of communication open is a good start. When your children are young, encourage and praise their honesty and let them know clearly what is unacceptable. As they mature, continue the dialogue about the real consequences of their behaviors, including lying. The American Academy of Pediatrics has a white paper with tips for improving communication with your teen.

Help your teens focus on learning for it's own sake without obsessing about tests and grades. Let them know that they don't have to be perfect to be competitive. When self-esteem is low, cheating and lying increase, so check out some tips from the American Psychological Association to facilitate building their self-confidence, resilience and self-respect.

As a member of Congress, Anthony Weiner's good judgment is also being questioned in terms of his use of social media as an outlet for his sexual proclivities. We'll talk more about that and how it affects your teens on Wednesday.

Building Resiliency After the Disasters in Japan

The Japanese concept of gaman - strength, patience, discipline - is evident in the reactions of the people there to the cascade of disasters that have hit them: earthquake, tsunami, nuclear contamination. In the midst of widespread damage, they are grieving their tremendous loss of lives and property but are also determined to endure and already beginning to rebuild. With the tradition of working together and an attitude that "everything will be all right," the Japanese people are hoping to move forward.

What can we learn from the people of Japan about resiliency in the face of tragedy? World events - and the 24/7 news about them - contribute to the anxiety and tension we feel on a daily basis. Without the effect of these outside events, the most frequently cited sources of stress in the recent American Psychological Association survey were money, work and the economy. Over one-half of the respondents also noted that family responsibilities and relationships were significant causes of chronic stress. Today, added to that, people are experiencing additional anxiety, though out of harm’s way themselves, because of the uncontrollable events that have hit Japan.

Coping with stress is important for building resiliency and maintaining our physical as well as mental health. Earlier this week on the blog we talked about four strategies to use when you are feeling overwhelmed. Here are five more suggestions for you to use now and on a regular basis:

Practice relaxation techniques. Set aside time for a regular routine of deep breathing, guided imagery, meditation or other stress reduction methods. Decide to put off worrying - much of what you may fear never actually happens anyway. Remember to be open to the healing effects of laughter.

Exercise several times a week. Only one-quarter of Americans surveyed by APA were satisfied with their level of physical activity. To increase yours, find an activity that you enjoy and stick with it - walking with friends, water aerobics, pilates or yoga classes, training at the gym.

Eat sensibly. Resolve to maintain a balanced diet of healthy foods rich in nutrition that serve as a natural defense against stress. Avoid the use of drugs and alcohol to self-medicate and limit your use of sugar, caffeine and cigarettes as they can contribute to anxiety.

Reach out to your support system. Ask for help. Talk about your thoughts and feelings with family and friends - they can validate your emotions. You may want to consult a professional counselor for a non-judgmental ear and guidance in sorting out your concerns.

Be patient. Know that you will recover balance and serenity at your own pace. As long as you keep taking steps to move forward, you will eventually reach your destination. Like one-half of survey respondents, you may find that listening to music, exercising, spending time with family or friends and reading are comforting ways to manage stress.

Close to one-half of those surveyed by the American Psychological Association said they experienced irritability and anger as a symptom of stress. The APA has compiled a stress tip sheet to help reduce these kinds of negative emotions. You can learn to manage stress and become more resilient when you practice the strategies we've focused on this week. Nevertheless your emotional recovery, like the Japanese, will take time. Support - both for yourself and what you provide to others - is valuable as you begin the process of rebuilding and restoring hope in these difficult days.

Learning How to Cope from the Japanese

For the past 10 days, we've seen heartbreaking pictures of epic devastation in Japan, resulting from the massive earthquake and ravaging tsunami there. And read frightening reports of damaged nuclear reactors with newly elevated levels of radiation in the food and water supply. But what we've also seen are people reacting with composure and a cooperative spirit. And we've read about people demonstrating resilience and unity in the face of tremendous horror. Even with the shock of one-half million homeless and estimates of 10,000 dead, the culture of the Japanese remains one of harmony with a focus on what is best for the group. There is certainly grief and mourning the loss of loved ones, but the reaction to the tragedies has not led to a further deterioration of community cohesion.

From your distance, how do you respond? Are you overwhelmed by the 24-hour news coverage? Has your level of anxiety increased? If you're feeling vulnerable, you're not alone. The emotional reactions to disasters such as these may be even worse for baby boomers, who reveal higher levels of depression than other age groups, according to the website ThirdAge.com.

The palpable distress created by shocking news reports has added to the already high levels of stress identified by the American Psychological Association in their national survey. The study found 75% of the U.S. population experiences at least some stress every two weeks, with half of these rated at moderate or high levels, leaving people emotionally exhausted. And stress levels have increased over the past five years - even before the catastrophes in Japan - impacting both physical and psychological health.

APA has compiled some strategies to help those recovering from disasters. And to reduce your stress levels and take better care of yourself, here are some of our tips to help manage the pressures you face:

Focus on what you can control, not what you can't. The people of Japan could not stop the earthquake or tsunami but they did choose to react to the disasters with teamwork and a sense of purpose. When can't influence negative circumstances of your own, you can still decide how to handle them. Let go of painful thoughts and unrealistic expectations. Keep a journal to aid in the process of releasing frustration and coping with anxiety. Clearly define your goals and aspirations. As you keep your focus on what you can do, a positive accomplishment may emerge from the negative situation. Giving a helping hand does wonders - it provides aide to those in need and makes you feel useful too.

Maintain balance in life between family, job and your own needs. Don't over commit yourself - rather, attempt to retain a normal routine. Set aside some special time for yourself to recover your equilibrium - even if you are a sandwiched boomer with a family in flux. Get enough rest and sleep to allow your body to recover from the stresses of the day. Over 40% of the APA respondents reported lacking energy and feeling fatigued on a regular basis.

Shift your attention to what is truly important. Although hundreds of thousands in Japan lost their homes and possessions, they drew together as families and friends. As you revise your priorities, recognize the value of the underpinnings of your own strength - family, friends, spiritual connection. Express gratitude for your many gifts and change the focus from yourself to those around you. Offer help to those who require it, in Japan or in your own community. You'll feel better when you do and provide essential material support to the needy.

Draw on your strengths. APA survey respondents admitted their lack of willpower to create a healthier lifestyle, but 70% still thought they could improve and make the changes they had identified. What personal strengths have you used in the past to kick-start your progress? Rely on those now as well as ones you've developed more recently. Brainstorm ways to apply these abilities in a novel way.

The recovery in Japan will not be easy or quick. As Confucius said, A journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step. Our hearts are with the people of Japan as they continue to take small steps forward toward personal and national healing. We can all learn from their determined attitude and courageous behavior in reaction to the tremendous crises they face.

For more tips about how you can cope with your own challenges, check back here on Wednesday. And you can receive a complimentary copy of our ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching For Your Goals when you sign up for our free monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones.

Women's History Month: Courage and Lessons Learned

Women who have been honored over the past years during Women's History Month all share one common trait - courage. The courage to try something new, to take a risk for what they believed in, to persist despite obstacles, to make a difference. Do you think of courage mainly in terms of men on the battlefield? The Encarta World English Dictionary defines courage more broadly, as: "the ability to face danger, difficulty, uncertainty or pain without being overcome by fear or being deflected from a chosen course of action."

Women have shown courage over the years - valor away from the battlefield, as well as on it - in so many different venues. They have had the guts to march for civil rights - theirs and those of other minorities, - they have dared to dismantle the glass ceiling, they have acted heroically protecting the disenfranchised, they have bravely cared for the ill as well as for the needs of their families.

Marty Seligman and Chris Peterson include Courage as one of the 6 categories of character strengths they have classified in their study of Positive Psychology. They identify persistence, integrity and vitality as aspects of courage, in addition to bravery. In your own life, it's likely you can point to times you have stuck with a plan through difficulties - just like the little engine that could; how you have been honest in your relationships and assessments; the joie de vivre you felt when you were engaged and absorbed in flow. All of these are characteristics of courage you've demonstrated, possibly without even recognizing it.

Is there something you’ve wanted to do for a long time - enroll in a class, reconnect with an old friend, run a 5K? Make Women's History Month the time you take the first step. That’s courageous, in and of itself. We'd like to support and inspire you on your journey. For our new e-book, Courage and Lessons Learned, simply go to the box on the left where you can join our email list and receive the e-book free of charge. You'll receive an email confirmation and the link to downloading your own copy, in PDF format. Here's to the courage to begin re-writing your own history this month!

Women's History Month: Writing Women Back into History

To celebrate Women's History Month, do you want a quick history of the roles of women in shaping America in the last century?

In the early 20th century, women's suffrage became a hot political issue and strong women worked hard to achieve the vote. But by the 1950's, when Betty Freidan identified "the problem that has no name," many women had relinquished their power outside the home. The women's movement, beginning in the 1960's moved women to the forefront and revived their place as movers and shakers in society. And during the 1970's, with the focus on "her-story" as well as history, many universities began Women's Studies departments.

Politicians on all sides have embraced the proclamation honoring the role of women in America.

Yet there is still more to be done to fulfill the theme of Writing Women Back into History.

Women have excelled and been influential in all areas of society - the arts, politics, the professions, sports, you name it. Now is the time to acknowledge those contributions and give women the recognition we deserve. And lets remember to take those words to heart ourselves and take credit for each of our own accomplishments.

To help you identify your personal strengths, we have created an e-book to highlight tips you can apply as you write your own "her-story." Appreciate the wisdom you have gained as you move forward. Click on the button to the left to receive your free copy from Her Mentor Center of Courage and Lessons Learned and begin your own process of change.

Women's History Month: Honoring Women in March

Did you know that in 1987, the U.S. Congress declared March to be Women's History Month? Is this one of America's best-kept secrets?

Although women have contributed to society and culture throughout history, these gifts weren't recognized until 1911, when International Women's Day was first established in Europe to be celebrated on March 8th. Nearly a century later, even with Women's Studies departments a part of most universities, women's accomplishments are still not well represented in educational materials. So this year, the theme of Women's History Month is overcoming our invisibility by Writing Women Back into History. The emphasis is on encouraging historians and writers of textbooks to give appropriate credit to women who have played a significant role in society.

What about your own story? Are you writing a rich, fulfilling history yourself? Visit our blog this week for information about how to receive our new e-book - it gives you tips about drawing on your own strengths to develop the courage and resilience you need to create the life you want.

Haitian Earthquake: Recovery after Loss of Loved One

Like the people of Haiti, trust that you will recover after the loss of your loved one. You can increase your capacity to be resilient. It's not easy to maintain a sense of optimism under these circumstances, but you can thrive in the face of adversity. Call on your faith or spirituality. Develop strategies to manage stress and release tension through relaxation exercises. You may find that you have deeper reserves of courage than you realize.

Thankfully, the world continues to respond to the havoc the Haitian earthquake has created - even a group of homeless people in Philadelphia donated goods to the homeless of Haiti. Although children still cry for missing parents, orphans are joining their new families in the United States, doctors are delivering babies and volunteers are doing the best they can in difficult circumstances.

Paraphrasing former President Bill Clinton, in order for the recovery in Haiti to continue, we need to stay involved in the long run. Take his advice about your own recovery. Practice giving back and you'll continue to heal as you honor your memories. Give back to the community by volunteering for a cause that was important to your loved one. Find your spirit of idealism - reach out to someone who is alone or make a contribution to those less fortunate. Blessings can come out of tragedies. Change society for the better and you'll gradually transform yourself.


Log on anytime tomorrow - we'll be featuring Jed Diamond, Ph.D., L.C.S.W. on our monthly Virtual Book Tour. Read our interview about Jed's book, "The Irritable Male Syndrome: Managing the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression," and then comment or ask your own questions. Looking forward to having you join us.

Haitian Earthquake and the Loss of a Loved One

Days after a 7.0 earthquake devastated Port-au-Prince, the capital city of Haiti, family members battled for a proper burial of their loved ones. Time and again, tragedy followed moments of hope. Yet, despite the death and destruction, the people struggled to survive. And hundreds took to the streets, singing and chanting amid huge mounds of rubble - a clear sign of the resilience of the human spirit.

While not in such desperate circumstances, perhaps you too have suffered the death of a loved one. Although you may want the pain to go away, in order to heal you must experience the feelings of loss. First, try to create an inner resource that calms you. Imagine a caring person in your life who comforts you when you're hurting - you don’t have to be totally alone with these feelings.

If your life seems unnaturally quiet, seek out the support of family and friends as you move into this next part of your life. Take your time and don't be rushed by others. You know yourself best. Eventually you'll, once again, do the things you love.

Free yourself from a negative outlook. Although you can't change what has happened, you can have some control over how you handle it. Face your uncertainty with the most positive attitude you can muster. You may be feeling angry, sad or afraid of what is to come. Recognize that your reactions are normal and common. Face them directly as you work through your feelings.

You can share your experiences with our readers by clicking on 'Comments' at the bottom of this post. And join us tomorrow - we'll have more ideas that can help you begin to heal.

What Senator Kennedy's Life Teaches Sandwiched Boomers about Resilience

Kennedy had personal failings but he worked hard to right his path. And over his lifetime he became a better man. Presidential historian Doris Kearns Goodwin thinks he will be remembered for his strengths and his weaknesses; quoting Ernest Hemingway, "everyone is broken by life but afterwards some are stronger in the broken places."

Gain perspective, whether you're hit in the face with a crisis or making a slow transition into the next chapter of your life. Expect a cascade of feelings – anxiety, the desire to hold on, resentment, sadness, fear, even a sense of freedom. The emotional roller coaster ride is normal. If you have the fortitude to step back, take a deep breath and face the situation squarely, you can't help but grow from the challenges.



Senator Kennedy was a study in strength sustained through struggle. And you too can overcome adversity. If you've made mistakes, be prepared to acknowledge them and act responsibly. Don't surrender to self pity and regret. As Kennedy often told his young son who lost his leg to cancer - keep fighting, you can do it. You too can tap into your spirit of resilience. Focus on your vision and the possibilities. Perhaps your family and friends will also see you as an icon of your generation.

Clicking on the title of this post will take you to our website, HerMentorCenter.com, and an article about nourishing yourself through tough times. Spend some time looking around the site - you'll find plenty of articles filled with practical tips on how to face the challenges of parents growing older and children growing up. Then log on here and share your thoughts with other readers.

Eliizabeth Edwards: The Value of Perspective and Resilience

The title of Elizabeth Edward's book is Resilience. We've spent the week looking at ways to increase your ability to bounce back in challenging circumstances. It's hard to really know what's going on in other peoples' lives. And, as Sandwiched Boomers, we all know that situations aren't always as they seem.

Is what Elizabeth Edwards is doing the best for her family and herself? Maybe not. Although you'd never know it from the media's emphasis, her husband's affair is only one part of her life story. Some say revenge is a dish best served in public. But she may be seeking something more profound than vengeance. Her breast cancer has metastasized and Edwards may be taking hold of the power she does have. Perhaps she's claiming something for herself - presenting the details of a life that mattered, on her own terms.

Perspective is valuable, whether you're hit in the face with a crisis, adjusting to changes in your family or making a transition into the next chapter of your life. A cascade of feelings is normal - anxiety, the desire to hold on, resentment, sadness, fear, even a sense of freedom. If, like Elizabeth Edwards, you have the fortitude to step back, take a deep breath and face the situation squarely, you can't help but grow from the challenges.

Sandwiched Boomers, Support and Resilience

With the challenges she's facing, Elizabeth Edwards has got to be struggling on many levels. Studies indicate that support and resilience are significant factors related to stress reduction. As sandwiched boomers, with parents and children looking to you for guidance, you're likely no stranger to stress. Here are tips that may help you bounce back:

It's important to keep communication open and honest. You may not want to face what’s going on directly, hoping that everything will be OK. But this way of coping can look to others like you’re not interested. Try to talk things over before anyone in the family begins to feel upset, misunderstood or angry. Practice the conversational etiquette and active listening skills that you know well.

If you have negative feelings, consider whether you’re overly sensitive or easy to anger - and what that may be about. Express yourself and then let go of any resentment. Learn to forgive and to apologize for any mistakes you’ve made. Holding on just makes it worse for everyone involved.

Tips to Help Sandwiched Boomers Cope

Through her toughest times, Elizabeth Edwards was a Sandwiched Boomer like you. And she probably used tips such as these to cope with her family issues. Let us know if they work for you:

If your aging parents are ailing or your growing children are struggling, you may be fearful of what could happen. It makes sense that you would pull back in order to protect yourself. Unfortunately emotional distancing can feel like rejection, further complicating the circumstances. Although talking about what you are afraid of isn’t easy, it can eventually bring you closer to your loved ones.

Remind yourself to look at what’s going on from others’ perspectives as well as your own. It’s painful to see family members feeling vulnerable or distressed, but try to put yourself in their shoes. Question whether how you’re handling the situation is more for their benefit or for yours. And figure out together what it is that you need from each other. Getting and giving support are crucial to building resilience.

Sandwiched Boomers, Family Problems and Resilience

As Sandwiched Boomers, your issues may not be as dramatic as those of Elizabeth Edwards. But you're likely dealing with aging parents and growing children, perhaps marital problems or your own health concerns. Working through the impact of such changes is important to the well being of your family in flux and to yourself. Any crisis in the family is usually accompanied by heightened and mixed emotions. And finding ways to calm down and reconnect are important aspects of resilience.

What sort of effects do you experience in a family crisis? One reader emailed that she bounces back without too much effort: "That's not to say that things don't get me down, but I try to look on the positive side and I don't stay down for long."

When facing a difficult family situation, see if this tip can help you get your resilience going:

It's often hard to fathom what you have to give up when there are family problems. Is it feelings of control and invulnerability, your sense of identity or wellbeing, expectations of what the future will hold? Try to understand your complex emotions and then begin to explain the depth of them to those who care most about you.

What Elizabeth Edwards can Teach Sandwiched Boomers about Resilience

As Sandwiched Boomers, I'm sure you already know a thing or two about resilience. But we want to add to your repetoire by posting some thoughts about what we can learn from Elizabeth Edwards.

Since her book, Resilience, was published, the media spotlight has been on Elizabeth Edwards' promotional tour. It's her husband's affair and how she's handling the aftermath that gets the most press coverage. And the pundits have been after her – some expressing compassion, others compassion fatigue. But it's the other life challenges she has faced that most symbolize her inner strength and resilience.

Personal pain - on display for all to see - has played out before in the political arena. But Elizabeth Edwards really does have something to say about handling adversity – she has suffered through the loss of her teenage son in a car accident, the recent death of her parents and her ongoing fight against cancer. And her decision to speak out is very complicated. Wanting to leave a legacy for her children is one reason to speak out in public. And with her courage as a role model, she's demonstrating to others that they can get through their pain.

While we're on the subject of role models, clicking on the title of this post will take you to our website, HerMentorcenter.com, and an article about lessons learned from Tim Russert.

Log in all week for tips about resilience. And share your ideas about how you bounce back when you're faced with tough situations.