The Day After

…And they lived happily ever after.

That's what we're told at the end of fairy tales. And we want to believe it. But the truth is we really don't know what happens after the wedding. How does the couple resolve the inevitable conflicts? How do they support each other after a defeat? How do they incorporate romantic love into the reality of day-to-day ups and downs?

Today is Valentine's Day plus One. You may be feeling disappointed and resentful about yesterday or happy and cherished. Perhaps you want to savor the warm love you received or to rehash the letdown you experienced. Your focus may even be on what you gave to those you love rather than on what you received. In any case, your perceptions become reality and your reactions set the tone for what comes next.

Life is complicated. It's both good and bad, filled with successes and failures. Often your responses give meaning to what has occurred more than do the actual events themselves.


Take a good look at this picture. You may only see the dark clouds, portending an ominous future or instead notice the patches of color that indicate a potentially rosy outlook. The flag may suggest a sense of community and belonging or the separation from others who are not in the group. A focus on the airplane can remind you of adventures still ahead or fear of the unknown. Even the tankers in the background can raise feelings of optimism or pessimism about our environment.

It's not really concrete objects, events and people that define our lives but how we react to them. Our stories begin in earnest the day after. It's not easy but that's when we begin the real work of resilience and creation. How will you choose to tell your own story? With gratitude and forgiveness or bitterness and remorse? It's up to you.

Kate and William: Making Marriage Work

There's so much media buzz about the upcoming wedding of William and Kate. One focus seems to be on whether Kate can handle the job - hers is sort of a rags to riches story. The question is, will she just try to please or come into her own and be a role model for young women everywhere? Scroll back to our Monday blog for ideas about how the young royals can make marriage work - and then here are some more practical tips for them and you:

Keep the fun alive. Lightheartedness is often one of the first casualties of a busy and hectic life. Inject humor and laughter by joking around. It can turn into an affectionate moment which helps you feel closer, loved and even more relaxed. Making time to be playful with each other can often lead to greater intimacy.

Be sensitive to your new role as an in-law. Competition may surface if your

Happily Ever After: Tips for William and Kate

The 19th century English poet, Lord Alfred Tennyson, put this universal truth in writing: "In the spring, a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love." And we all know there's no better time for a royal wedding. Apparently the April 29 marriage of Prince William of Wales and Kate Middleton, at Westminster Abbey with 1900 guests, will be watched by almost 2 billion people worldwide. Their long walk to the altar will be one of the most viewed TV events of the century.

Lots of girls grow up reading fairy tales about princesses and hoping to find a prince of their own. But living life in the limelight can make it hard to build a successful relationship. Whether your marriage will last depends, in part, on how you prepare for the challenges. Some of the following tips may be helpful to you and the young royals:

Don't surrender your self. Carve out a space in the marriage, keeping the activities and friendships that make you who you are. Take positive action in your own life. You'll have a more positive attitude, be interesting to your partner, and your relationship will reap the benefits.

Keep your communication honest. Talk out misunderstandings before they become full-fledged arguments. Be patient and let go of issues that aren't crucial. And stay engaged. Use the same conversational etiquette that you would with anyone else you care about and respect.

Try to compromise. Be direct, yet open and flexible as you make your way through disagreements. Truly understanding the other point of view can help resolve a conflict more easily and quickly. A gentle touch or a quick hug releases oxytocin, a hormone that facilitates bonding as well as reduces stress levels.

Be sure to come back on Wednesday, as we'll have additional tips for the royal couple. And if you're interested in more information about relationships and conflict resolution, click here - Her Mentor Center.com has lots of articles in Family Relationships and Newsletter Library .

What You Can Learn from President Obama's Mother-in-Law

Now that Michelle Obama's mother is living in the White House, will the cruel jokes and snide remarks about mothers-in-law finally stop? Will Marian Robinson, as first mother-in-law, be able to pave the way for acceptance, even respect, for this much-maligned branch of the family tree? Only time, and the nightly comedians, will tell.

If you have a new son-in-law yourself, you can use Mrs. Robinson and other successful in-laws as your guides. Let them teach you how to adjust to your new role. It's not easy. Once you've made the final payment for your daughter’s dream wedding, you may find yourself relegated to the back burner.

Instead of you, your daughter's new husband is now the one who shares her confidences. After spending the past couple of decades as an active and involved mom, do you now feel like a Lame Duck? Even more important, how can you learn to relate to the guy who is now the center of your daughter’s universe? Tune in this week for some tips to get you started with your own son-in-law.

In the meantime, if you have a new daughter-in-law, click on the title above to go to www.HerMentorCenter.com and read some tips about how to improve your relations with her.

Now that June is fast approaching, and with it the wedding season, are you looking back and remembering what your friends told you last winter? When your son popped the question, the congratulations from them included some advice about the wedding: "smile, shut up and wear beige."

Your son's marriage, soon to become a reality, brings with it a whole new set of Rules and Regs. How, then, to take on your new role without giving up your true self? As a member of the Sandwiched Generation, you have become experienced at balancing everyone else's needs. Now think about how you can find the equilibrium for yourself between your role as involved, engaged mother and deferential, respectful mother-in-law. Can you rewrite the definition of a "MIL" without becoming the Mother-in-Law from Hell?

We know you can do this! As a Baby Boomer, you came of age during the sexual revolution, juggled career and family, broke new ground for women, enjoyed the role of superwoman. Come to this new learning experience with the same gusto you brought to those challenges. If you don't want to walk on eggshells around your daughter-in-law for the rest of your life, tune in tomorrow for some tips to help you transition into the Mother-in-Law your growing family will admire and love.

With families spread across the nation, many Sandwiched Boomers find that a summer family reunion provides an opportunity to reconnect with relatives in your extended family. You’ll have a completely different experience than when you see each other briefly at weddings, holidays or funerals. Getting everyone together in a vacation setting gives you the chance to catch up without time distractions. It takes advance planning but the rewards can be great for the whole family. You may rediscover your cousin's keen sense of humor, appreciate your great aunt's wisdom or delight in your young nephew. Perhaps your brother has grown up and will pitch in to help you, now that he sees how hard it is to take care of your parents.

Going on vacation for those in the Sandwich Generation is like investing in your emotional bank account. You generate vivid and positive memories that you can draw on when you need them. "Whenever I feel stressed out, I take a deep breath and remember how relaxed I was when we spent time at the beach," Beth related. "The kids were free to run around in the sand, play in the water and make as much noise as they wanted without me having to shush them. And my parents were so content, just sitting in the sun and being a part of the family fun. It makes me smile just to visualize that scene in my head."

If you haven't already done so, now may be the time to talk with your family about planning for your own special family time. It could be a few days camping, some weekend activities at a local lake or places in your community that you don’t usually have the time to visit. Enjoy the summer as you create memories to carry you and your family through the rest of the year.