Father's Day and Your Aging Dad

With Father's Day approaching, are your thoughts turning to the men in your life – father, husband, son, other male figures? Mine are. It's heartwarming to see how my sons have become devoted dads themselves, reflecting their own loving father. This weekend, I'll also be honoring the memory of my dad, who died in his 90^th year over a decade ago.    

While helping with his care during the final years of a chronic illness, it was painful to see how he was declining. Always active and fun-loving while I was growing up, he became weaker as he aged, both mentally and physically. As Sandwiched Boomers, it's difficult towatch as your parents deteriorate. And they may complicate the situation by being in denial about their vulnerable condition.

Today nearly 10 million adults are caregivers for their aging parents. If you're caring for an elderly father, it's up to you to acknowledge the true state of affairs and be straightforward in dealing with his increasing fragility. You'll need to discuss practical, yet uncomfortable, issues - health care directives, long-term care options, a designated power of attorney, distribution of income and assets. After addressing your most immediate concerns, here are some tips to help you plan and implement your care:

Learn about your dad’s illness. Educate yourself on what to expect and how to recognize warning signs threatening your father's health and independence.  Talk to friends who have gone through similar experiences in order to get realistic feedback and concrete advice.

Surf the Internet to investigate resources available to you. Some nonprofit organizations offer free services or financial grants for respite care for family members who provide most of the care to their chronically ill elders. If you're in the U.S., the National Family Caregiver Support Program provides funds and the Eldercare Locator identifies programs in local communities.

Involve you dad in decision-making. If you decide it's necessary to move your father out of his home or take over management of his finances that may signify a loss of independence to him, leading to anger, frustration, or depression. Understanding his pain, taking it slow and engaging a geriatric social worker or gerontologist can help the process.

Embrace the changes in your dad and respect his integrity. As he becomes less strong physically and mentally, he may lose some of the magical power he once had in your eyes. Still you can admire his courage and dignity, as he struggles, coming to terms with end of life issues. Recall the good times you shared even as you adjust to the changes in your roles.

Check back here again on Wednesday for more Father's Day tips for caring for your aging dad – especially if you're part of the sandwich generation.

Tax Day Minus One and More

Women are used to multi-tasking, thinking about and dealing with many issues at the same time. Still, your head may be spinning today with the complex activities going on - Emancipation Day, the celebration of President Lincoln’s freeing of slaves in the District of Columbia 150 years ago, Patriot's Day with the 116th running of the Boston Marathon and Tax Day tomorrow when 144 million income tax returns are due to be filed.

Women and taxes are in the news again as the debate continues between moms who work in and outside the home – begun by Hilary Rosen’s comment about Ann Romney - while the Senate discusses the so-called Buffet Rule. Is our society ready to redefine caregiving as productive labor, with support and tax credits? Wherever you stand on these issues, you know that for women it’s a struggle to balance the logistical, emotional and financial demands of work and family. When you’re also caring for an aging parent, you may begin to feel overwhelmed by all of your responsibilities.

If you're a Sandwiched Boomer supporting both your growing children and aging parents, you may have already consulted with a tax advisor about claiming both sets as dependents. After all, you want to conserve as much of your nest egg as you can. With your reduced funds being stretched ever thinner in this economy by the generations surrounding you, Tax Day thrusts your finances front and center.

What about also considering the non-monetary contributions you make to your family in flux? The time, energy, thoughts and emotions you devote to your children and elderly parents can exhaust your core just as your expenses deplete your cash reserves. Are you beginning to feel like a woman on the verge? Instead, use your Tax Day perspective to try out these tips to improve your health and wellbeing:

Maintain balance as you invest your energies in family, career and yourself. You may not be able to attain the perfect level of achievement in any of these, but you can enjoy a sense of accomplishment in your growing strength. To avoid burnout as you shift between caring for your kids and your parents, set aside time for yourself.

Take better care of yourself. When you cope with stress before it becomes chronic, you're better able to take care of your loved ones as well as yourself. As you strive to limit your responsibilities to others, you'll find you have more time for fun and fulfillment in your own life. Go for it – you know you deserve it.

Check back with us again on Wednesday for more tips to help you through tax time. And for some suggestions about coping with stress due to economic troubles you may be facing, consider our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success.

Caution, Curves Ahead

Last week, I was driving down one of the canyons in Los Angeles, quickly moving the steering wheel left and right as the road twisted and turned. It was like playing an arcade game, trying to keep your car on the virtual road, going as fast as you can. In those videos, the sharp curves keep switching and obstacles suddenly appear, causing you to crash and burn if you're not reacting fast enough.

It may be fun to play on a screen but what about when life itself mirrors this wild experience? If you find yourself in the midst of a constant stream of challenges, threatening to devastate you, you're probably looking for a way to tone down the level of your reactions and emotions. Here are two ways to begin:

Give up the illusion of control. If you're a sandwiched boomer, you've probably already noticed that you don't have very much control over the way your growing children or aging parents behave. Juggling work and parenting responsibilities, do you still somehow hold on to the belief that you can determine the way those around you act? This is the time to let go of your unrealistic expectations and the belief that you can create a perfect outcome. What you can change is how you react to what comes your way. Choose to focus on looking inside as you shift to more positive emotions. And turn the challenges coming at you as opportunities for growth.

Give up the guilt. When things don't turn out the way you expect, do you blame yourself? Whether it's trouble maintaining a balance between work and family or your needs and your partner's, don't beat yourself up for your choices - learn from them. Instead of dwelling on past mistakes, forgive yourself, let go of your negative feelings and allow yourself the opportunity to regroup and try something else. You're doing the best you can so give yourself some credit and ease up. After all, you're human, not all-knowing, and you deserve another chance. Friends can give you support and perspective as you share your feelings and concerns.

Stop by again Wednesday for more tips on plotting a course for yourself. And if you're stressed from dealing with the ups and downs of the economy, consider our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success.

New Ways to Help Your Aging Parents

For all you Sandwiched Boomers out there, we've come across two new creative developments to help you care for your aging parents while you are busy raising your kids. We've tried them out ourselves and want to share with you our excitement about them.

The first is a new kind of software, made especially for older seniors who are not yet comfortable with navigating the Internet. It's called Seniorama and is made by an Israeli software company, Softarama. Seniorama is a senior-friendly operating system with a very simple graphic user interface that enables the elderly and the disabled to utilize basic computer applications - email, browse the Internet, use Skype, play brain games - allowing them to stay connected with family and friends, sharpen their minds, overcome loneliness and more. You can open up a whole new virtual world to your elderly parents, even those with failing eyesight.

Seniorama transforms any PC into an intuitive, easy-to-use machine, from start-up to shutdown, in a way that is suited for non-computer-savvy older seniors and anyone who may have visual problems, learning difficulties, cognitive impairment or a neurological disease of any sort. It provides a clear format for those who require a larger screen view.

Users easily send and receive email, play brain-fitness games, view family photos, browse the Internet and enjoy video chats. They can also customize their email address book and read Word, Powerpoint and PDF documents. Because it includes voice as well as video calling, there is an option to have emails read out loud. And, also reassuring for seniors, there is 24-hour email support available.

If you think you would like to introduce it to your aging parents, you can find out more about Seniorama on their website. If you decide to purchase the easy to install software, the company is offering a significant discount to you, our readers.

We've also received information about a helpful toolkit called Caring for Your Parents: Senior Emergency Kit. Created by the Home Instead Senior Care network and Humana, it's designed to help organize your elderly parent's medical and financial information in one central place. If you'd like your own copy, you can download the materials from their website at SeniorEmergencyKit. You'll find more helpful resources and information there about reducing the caregiver stress you're likely to be experiencing as a Sandwiched Boomer.

And for a lively discussion with baby boomer T.B. Fisher about lessons he's learned over the years, check in with us on Wednesday for a Virtual Book Tour. He'll be answering questions about his new book, Bought In: Reignite, Retool, Rebrand.

Heroes in Your Family

With Memorial Day commemorated earlier this week, the summer season is now unofficially open - the barbeque is back in service at home and families are beginning their annual trips to the beach. Yet even with the shift to summer fun, there are still lessons we can take from the combat veterans we honored on Memorial Day. As we respect their unique bravery and reflect on the ideals of service, courage and camaraderie, we can apply these principles to those closest to us.

If you're a Sandwiched Boomer, stressed by the responsibilities of caring for aging parents and growing children, you may feel like there's no time to step back and take a deep breath. When you do, here are some things to keep in mind as you enrich your family relationships:

Recognize the importance of revealing the love you have for each other. Those who have been in harm's way know the meaning of the words, "it's too late." Don't put off sharing your love; decide to make it a priority. Each day, acknowledge those you love, and who love you, as if it were your last. The joy you create and receive in your close relationships can sustain you through hard times. You can find out more about the value of these positive connections on the Authentic Happiness website.

Express the gratitude you feel for what your family has given you - protection, opportunities, love, strength, enjoyment of life. You have doors open to you now because of them. This can begin with something as simple as a heartfelt "thank you," and develop into a more textured and thoughtful recognition of what you are grateful for. Begin by taking the steps to express your gratitude - it benefits both you and the loved ones you single out to thank.

Understand the value of friendship. Those in the Service have trusted and leaned on each other as they've shared their experiences and relied on their camaraderie. Know that we are here to take care of our friends and family - close and extended - difficult though it may be at times. Friendship is the gift we give ourselves and each other. It helps each of us achieve a longer, healthier, and more satisfying life.

Community support is there for the taking when you know how to ask for it. On Monday, we highlighted organizations providing support to Servicemen and -women. Be open to the reality that you too might need to utilize the input and generosity of others. You are not diminished when you allow another to help you.

To read stories of modern day heroes and how they coped with challenges in their lives, click on the email list box to the left. You can sign up there for our monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones, and receive a complimentary copy of our ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned, which showcases tips and strategies to use in your own family.

Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum

Looking for a unique family vacation this summer? With gasoline over $4.00 a gallon, many Sandwiched Boomers are opting to travel close to home. If home for you is the Midwest, we've got more jewels for you today. Since this year marks the sesquicentennial of the start of the Civil War, the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum in Springfield, Illinois is an especially meaningful choice for a day- or a weekend trip.



The Presidential Museum is filled with entertaining and educational exhibits appealing to both adults and children. Making use of 21st century technology, Disney magic and historical accuracy, the museum vividly transports you back to Abraham Lincoln's world. Many are inspiring, all are informative and well worth the trip as you step back in time.

While you're in Springfield, be sure to save time to see Lincoln's family home, his law office, his final resting place and the Old State Capitol where he gave his famous speech before the start of the Civil War, cautioning that "A house divided against itself cannot stand." Being immersed in all the artifacts in Springfield really brings history to life.


Looking for more off the beaten path treasures for your family daytrips during your staycation this summer? Just being on historic Route 66 and Highway 40 brings back to life the excitement of discovery and travel during the simpler times of childhood for most Baby Boomers. You never know what you will discover when you wander onto the back roads.

Just north of Lafayette, Indiana, we came across a sign for the Tippecanoe Battlefield Museum. We stopped because we knew that it involved the presidential campaign of William Henry Harrison and John Tyler - but nothing more. Once inside we spent several hours there learning about the battle and terrible forced march and dislocation of the vanquished Native Americans. Our history isn't always what we wish, but it's up to us to know about it.

As they say, "You can't know where you're going if you don't know where you've been." And where I've been is to my 50th high school reunion! In addition to seeing old friends, I got the chance to revisit the iconic Gateway Arch, the beautiful design by Eero Saarinen, honoring St. Louis as the gateway to the West. If you're in the Midwest, plan to visit it and the Jefferson National Expansion Memorial in which it sits, along the mighty Mississippi River. While the levee in St. Louis is holding up well, our hearts and prayers go out to those families who are suffering from flooding downstream along the Mississippi.

Tax Day and Sandwiched Boomers

Are you rushing to finish up your income tax returns? This year, due to the celebration of Emancipation Day last Friday in the District of Columbia, citizens have until midnight tonight to get their tax returns postmarked and in the mail. If you're a Sandwiched Boomer you may be asking yourself, "have I taken all of the deductions I'm legally allowed?" When you're supporting both your growing children and your aging parents, you may want to consult with your tax advisor to see if you are eligible for claiming both sets as dependents. After all, you want to conserve as much of your nest egg as you can. With your reduced funds being stretched even thinner by the generations surrounding you, Tax Day brings your finances front and center.

Image: Arvind Balaraman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

But what about also considering the non-monetary contributions you make to your family in flux? The time, energy, thoughts, emotions you devote to your children and elderly parents can exhaust your core just as your expenses deplete your cash reserves. How is all this affecting you? Are you becoming anxious and angry - on the verge of taking out your frustrations on those around you? Instead, use your Tax Day perspective to look for ways to cope with your stress and preserve more of your health and well-being. Taking better care of yourself can lead to a win-win outcome for everyone in your extended family. When you avoid the burnout that often comes from chronic stress, you're better able to take care of your loved ones as well as yourself.

Here on our blog and on our website, HerMentorCenter.com, we've highlighted the importance of self-care for Sandwiched Boomers. Now you can review the Top 10 Self-fullness Tips for Sandwiched Women and find suggestions about How to Nourish the Sandwich That is You. As guests of Dr. Sandra Haymon, we provided tips for caregivers on blogtalk radio, where you can listen to our complete interview free of charge.

And here are more tips to keep in mind, on Tax Day and everyday:

Maintain balance as you invest your energies in family, career and yourself. You may not be able to attain the perfect level of achievement in any of these three, but you can enjoy a sense of accomplishment in your growing strength. To avoid burnout as you run between caring for your kids and your parents, Psychology Today encourages you to set aside time for yourself to refuel. As you strive to limit your responsibilities to others, you'll find you have more time for fun and fulfillment in your own life.

Practice relaxation techniques on a daily basis to help manage the tensions you are feeling. Make time to go for a walk, exercise at the gym, listen to soothing music or just put your feet up. Learn deep breathing or guided imagery to help you unwind and settle down. Contact your local psychological association to find out what other resources are available in your community. Gather information from Internet sites such as webMD, seminars or self help books about how to minimize the impact of the pressures you are now experiencing.

Ask for help and get support from those around you in order to reduce the stress in your life. Make a concrete plan about what you need and how your can achieve your goals. Consult the Department of Health and Human Services' Eldercare Locator for the names of local resources. When you are not feeling so overwhelmed by your responsibilities and commitments, your negative feelings are not as likely to boil over. Particularly if one of your parents has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, you can use all the help you can get - from the Alzheimer's Association website as well as assistance from other caregivers.

Keep communication open with your spouse, children and aging parents. Talk out disagreements before they become heated arguments that get out of control. Don't put a lid on your emotions, just on expressing them in an aggressive manner. Instead, learn what the Mayo Clinic recommends about developing a direct, assertive style to express your needs. When conflicts arise, agree to be flexible and cooperative - and work toward reaching a compromise.

Your life as a Sandwiched Boomer can be full of stress and anxiety. But when you use these tips and resources, it can help you develop a safety net to fall back on when you need it. For more suggestions about coping with stress in these difficult economic times, consider our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success.

Happy New Year

Our best wishes to all of our Her Mentor Center and Nourishing Relationships readers for a happy, healthy, fulfilling New Year!

Join us again in 2011 as we continue to share our tips for success in nurturing yourself. Learn how these strategies can work for you whether or not you're a Sandwiched Boomer, challenged by caring for growing children and aging parents. Let our insights and encouragement empower you to reach your goals.

To a New Year of growth, meaning and achievements,

Rosemary and Phyllis

Becoming Thankful and Grateful

When you're a member of the Sandwich Generation, it's not easy to take care of your family in flux - growing children and aging parents. With all the stresses you face daily, preparing for Thanksgiving may seem like another added burden. But this year, why not make a plan to bring some new traditions to your holiday table which will lower your levels of stress and raise the levels of meaning for the whole family?

In your busy life, sometimes it's hard to focus on what you are thankful for but once you do, you can begin to acknowledge the part others play in your happiness. A leader the field of Positive Psychology, Dr. Marty Seligman studies what brings Authentic Happiness to your life. He has created questionnaires to help you recognize your gratitude, optimism, strength, compassion and love as well as techniques to increase your positive emotions. Here are some steps to help you get started in looking at your gratitude:

Begin to consciously notice what brings you joy. Strange as it may sound, you'll need to actually set aside time to pay attention to what you are experiencing when you are feeling happy and grateful. Awareness is the first step toward creating any change.

Count your blessings. Each evening, note three things that happened during the day for which you are thankful. Be specific as you describe what happened to you. It could be a loving conversation with your partner, a hug from your teenage daughter, a lunch date with an old friend.

Re-live and savor each of these events. Spend time re-creating in your mind the happiness of the experience. You will feel your body becoming more relaxed, your emotions more positive and your thoughts more focused. The joys of life are not only in present activities but also in remembering pleasurable occasions you have already experienced.

Think about what you did to open yourself to these moments. Then decide to direct your actions to include more of these delights in your life. Recognizing your own personal power will strengthen your belief in yourself as well as your willingness to consider the part others play in your happiness.

Realize why this piece of good fortune came your way. It will help you identify the people you're grateful to have in your life. You can then thank them for playing a part in improving your world.

Deciding to focus on giving thanks means a whole new mindset. When you count your blessings - at Thanksgiving or any time during the year - you can act on the gratitude you experience and live a rich life no matter what else is going on around you.

Your Personal Health Plan is Job 1

Although "Obamacare" is now the law of the land for Americans, controversy still surrounds it. Candidates in November's elections have widely conflicting views about its value. Next to jobs as the most import issue in races this year, the new healthcare law is determining the voting patterns of many citizens throughout the country. The uncertainties arising from which party will control the House and Senate in 2011 may leave you in a quandary about your own healthcare strategy.

What can you do in the meantime? Decide on a personal health plan to improve your wellness every day. Our YouTube video for today includes the final two of ten tips for increasing self-fullness. Feel free to begin with any of the tips you like - there's no deductible or co-pay involved. As you decide to take better care of yourself, you will discover the strength to find balance in your life. Develop a firm core - it will sustain you as you continue to nurture your growing and changing family.

The short video, Your Personal Health Plan: 10 Tips for Self-fullness, provides some ideas about how to give yourself the gift of laughter. You'll have more fun and studies have found that a positive mood creates the atmosphere for better decision-making. And the video reminds you, it's healthy to receive as well as give. So accept the help, gratitude and love that others offer.

Are you a Sandwiched Boomer, with demands being made by your children and parents simultaneously? For some help in taking better care of yourself, our article, How to Nourish the Sandwich That is You may be just what you need to get started. Take a few minutes to browse around our website, Her Mentor Center where you'll find other articles with practical tips for nurturing yourself, resources, Stepping Stones, and information about how to receive our ebooks. You can use the comment link below to let us know what you think and how you're doing.

And feel free to participate in the polling questions to the left of this post. They change with each visit and give you the chance to have your opinions heard and tallied.

To your continuing good health!

Your Social Network Can Improve Your Health

I bet you're not surprised: Study after study has confirmed what most women already know - friendships are good for your health. The Nurses Health Study found that the greater the number of friends in your social network, the more healthful and joyful a life you lead. The MacArthur Foundation concluded that social support helps women cope with difficult times. Shelley Taylor and her colleagues at UCLA determined that befriending other women helps women live longer and more satisfying lives.

So when you're setting up your personal health plan, be sure to set aside time to spend with your friends. They'll help you cope with daily hassles and with more serious hardships. Consider nurturing your friendships like a form of preventative medicine - and you don't even need a prescription. Isn't an afternoon with friends more fun than a trip to the doctor, easier to swallow than pills and not hurtful like a shot? So set a date and put it on your appointment calendar - you'll feel better when you do.

Our short YouTube video, Your Personal Health Plan Relies on Your Social Network gives you some tips to begin. Share ideas and reach out for emotional and practical support as you cope with the ups and downs of a family-in-flux. Friendships can be a potent antidote to the toxins of stress.

Sandwiched Boomers often try to live up to extremely high expectations - yours or others. Instead, draft a set of realistic, reasonable, achievable standards. You'll feel less stressed when you do. Another of our YouTube videos, Your Personal Health Plan Sets Reasonable Standards, gives you tips about setting up attainable goals as part of your personal health and wellness plan. You'll learn about letting go of guilt, accepting yourself for who you are and asking for help when you need it.

Want to learn more about the importance of friendships in supporting you? Boomer Women and Friendship: The Gift You Give Yourself will give you some good background. It's on our website, Her Mentor Center with other helpful articles.

Economic Challenges and Resiliency

Redefining a crisis as a challenge gives you the power to begin, step by step, coping with the situation. See the changes you need to make in this economy as the opportunity to create a more fulfilling life for yourself and your family.

Recognizing your strengths and resources keeps you optimistic and resilient. Click on the NourishRelationships YouTube video for 10-second tips about keeping your perspective in this recession.

When you are able to remain upbeat about your future, you can take advantage of opportunities that may open up to you. Although jobs are scarce, there are some that may become available.

For more tips about how to stay positive during this economic recession, check out our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm, available on our Her Mentor Center website.

And visit our website's Family Relationships archive library for other articles to help you learn to nurture yourself.

Taking Care of Yourself in this Economy

You've probably noticed that the economic downward spiral has affected more than your pocket book. For most of us, it has also taken a toll on our feelings of well-being and security. Reports indicate that mental health calls due to financial pressure have increased more than 100% since the crisis began. If you are feeling signs of distress, check out these NourishRelationships YouTube video tips about how to nurture yourself. You'll learn how to take better care of yourself and create a healthier lifestyle for you and your family - even during this financial downturn.

In these times of economic instability, when you may be feeling insecure and powerless, you'll find your friends and family can buffer these negative emotions. Reach out to those who care about you and let them know how much their nurturing sustains you. Expressing your gratitude for their support is good for both you and them - each of you will grow stronger and more powerful. Watch a NourishRelationships YouTube video today for 10-second tips about asking for and receiving support. Even Sandwiched Boomers, caring for growing children and aging parents, can learn to request and gain help in managing their family in flux.

If your stress levels increase as your financial stability decreases, our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm, available on our Her Mentor Center website. And visit our website's Family Relationships archive library for other articles to help you learn to nurture yourself.

The Election, the Economy and You

News about the economy continues to be gloomy. Unemployment figures still languish near 10 percent, home foreclosures persist unabated and bankruptcy is the only feasible alternative for many Americans. As the election season moves into high gear, it reflects the mantra of 1992, "it's the economy, stupid." Funds are hard to come by and even battered ones are appreciated.

Actually thriving during an economic crisis may be impossible to achieve, but you can learn techniques to help you deal with these difficult times. All this week, you'll find video tips here to help you cope with the current economy. You can get started with this NourishRelationships YouTube video.

Even with the weak recovery we are experiencing, you and other Sandwiched Boomers can regain some control over your situation by educating yourself, evaluating your finances and making the hard decisions that lead to changes in your lifestyle. For more coping tips about how to put yourself back in charge, watch another NourishRelationships YouTube video.

And if you want to learn how to maintain and even strengthen your family relationships during this time of financial belt-tightening, you can purchase our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm, available on our Her Mentor Center website.

Aging vs. Growing Old: It's Complicated

When growing children are acting out, some may say, "Act your age." But it's more complicated when Sandwiched Boomers are trying to figure out exactly what that means for them.

Is age set by the calendar? By your experiences? By how you look? By how you feel physically? By how others define you? By how you think about things? By your vision for the future?

All this week, we've been talking about how to stay young as we age healthfully, but is that too simplistic? Let's look today at some of the complexities involved in setting and reaching that goal.

Don't go overboard in holding on to a past definition of yourself. The new NBC website, Life Goes Strong, focusing on boomers, has an interesting take on how other family members may react when they see you grabbing on to your past image and refusing to let go. Teenagers are especially vulnerable to feelings of embarrassment when you try too hard to look and act like them.

Seek help when you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed. We were recently interviewed by the Healthy Place website about how to deal with stress and trauma in your life. You'll find a discussion in the video there about both the symptoms of stress and some of our tips tips about coping with it. And you'll find additional suggestions in articles on our website about how to better nourish yourself.

Include others in setting goals for your future. This may mean those close to you or reaching out to a wider community. A well-know religious leader stays youthful by involving himself with family, friends and the world at large. Betty White, with her lifelong concern for animals and her work advocating for them, has continued to dedicate herself to animal welfare. Draw on your connections to stay involved as you continue your life.

For more tips for aging gracefully, visit our website Her Mentor Center and scroll through some of our articles. And don't forget the sunscreen when you are out enjoying the summer!

Aging vs. Growing Old: It Doesn't Depend on the Calendar

Lifetime Achievement Award winner Betty White is in the news again.

It seems she is following the advice for staying young we gave you earlier this week: cultivate humor in your daily life; hang out with your peers; find the time to interact with younger friends too.

This time, she has jumped into the fray of those making predictions about the future of NBA basketball star LeBron James.

White has joined with her adopted city of Cleveland, hoping to entice LeBron to stay with the Cavaliers for another season. As she teases him in this clip with her Hot in Cleveland costars, she can make it worth his while to stay! At 88 (and ½ as Betty proudly declares), White is the poster child for reminding us to throw away the calendar when we are talking about age.

So here are some more tips for today about aging without growing old:

Work with what you've got to stay in shape. Start slowly, perhaps walking with a friend or exercising on your own. When you're ready, look for a fitness center that has classes for all levels of physical ability - ranging from salsa hi-impact aerobics through belly dancing, stretch classes, and water aerobics to chair classes and tai chi for balance. That way you'll be able to challenge you body no matter where you're starting - and have fun in the process. And incorporating healthy habits into your daily routine will help you feel younger.

Set goals for yourself and do something meaningful. Research shows that people who are sociable, generous, and goal-oriented are generally happier and healthier than other people. Think about what kinds of activities bring you the most satisfaction and plan how you can get more involved and spend more time doing them. You may want to look for places to volunteer in your community through Senior Corps or America's Natural and Cultural Resources Volunteer Portal. Or contact your local school or community center to for opportunities to mentor or tutor children. Sharing your wisdom with others will bring a spring into your step and joy into your life.

Although studies have found that there may be a gene for long life, you don't have to worry about the calendar, even if you're a Sandwiched Boomer. Instead, enjoy your age whatever it is and follow this week's tips to feel as young as you can.

Aging vs. Growing Old: Betty White as a Role Model

A real standout this summer on TV - amidst all the youthful faces or wanna' be's botoxed, lifted, heavily made-up ones - has been Betty White on the new sitcom Hot in Cleveland. As Betty said in a recent episode, "I had to wait until I was 88 to learn I had game." Paired with blind date Carl Reiner, also 88, the two personified the goal of aging without growing old.

How does she do it?

With the population of older adults growing, the percentage of adults over 65 is projected to grow from the current number of 12% to 19% of Americans in the next twenty years. Given this expected exponential growth, the CDC, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, has compiled numerous reports providing the results of current research and suggestions for achieving healthy aging.

If you're looking for some ideas about how to age without getting old, we've got some tips for you this week. Here are three to get you started - using Betty White as your role model:

Cultivate humor in you daily life. Enjoy some belly laughs, even if the joking is aimed at you. Be playful, have fun and do something silly for a change. If you don't have friends with a good sense of humor, watch a comedy movie or TV show, read the newspaper "funnies," get a book of jokes. The more pleasure you bring into your surroundings, the happier you will feel. You may even be increasing your lifespan and improving your health, indicates the National Institute on Aging.

Hang out with your peers. You'll find, like Betty and Carl did, that you have lots of shared memories and can relate to the same music, references and events. Studies show that, even though it's heartwarming to spend time with your adult children and grandchildren, active seniors sometimes prefer relating to others in their own cohort. To meet new friends with similar interests, contact your local university or community center for a schedule of their life-long learning opportunities.

Find the time to interact with younger friends too. You'll enjoy their different perspectives and the challenges they may open up to you. If you share the same interests and hobbies, the fact that you are from different generations is less important than what you can each contribute to one another. When Betty White hosted Saturday Night Live, she had fun, the show registered it's highest ratings in years and it recharged her career.

And for some tips about how to increase you brainpower as you age, especially if you are a Sandwiched Boomer, visit our blog on Vibrant Nation. We've gots lots of good ideas there to help you keep your mind young an active.

Listening and Being Heard on Mother's Day

Likely, you'll leave your pet at home if you're going out for Mother's Day. So who's there to listen attentively to your every word? Whether you're spending some time with your children or your mother on Sunday, you'll appreciate being heard - and knowing how to be a good listener goes along with that, Sandwiched Boomer or not.

Research shows that money, title, or good health has less effect on life satisfaction than strong personal relationships. So this Mother's Day, make a commitment to do what you can to improve the communications in your relationship with your mom as well as your grown children.

Just as you recognize it with your aging mother, let your kids know that the gift of time is one of the most precious presents you can receive. Spend some quality time with these close family members, talking and reminiscing. Look through old family photographs and share stories about when everyone was younger. The time you spend together will nourish you when you're apart.

For some special time with your mom or grown children, you will all feel more valued if you screen out the daily hassles and concentrate just on each other - plan an activity that you will both enjoy. Let yourselves become absorbed and delight in these pleasurable activities. Pay attention to the details. Talk about what you are doing, appreciating and enjoying. Linger awhile in order to make it last.

If you have some old issues to work out with your mother or your kids, you may be able to move forward in addressing them by apologizing or forgiving. When you apologize, you free yourself from shame or guilt and when you forgive, from dwelling on anger or resentment. Forgiveness doesn't necessarily excuse the action, but does free you from ruminating about it. It releases you from the past and becomes a gift you give to yourself.

Allow yourself to express the gratitude you feel having this family in your life. Enjoy your day and savor these moments. Reflect on the positive feelings you have from the past and cultivate rich memories now to sustain you in the future. And have a happy Mother's Day.

For a unique gift to your mom or your kids in honor of Mother's Day, why not arrange for them to have a copy of our new ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned? It's easy to do, just click on the link to the left.

Learning How to Listen Like Your Favorite Pet

When your partner speaks, do you think you're as good a listener as the family dog or cat? Lets take a look at what pets may bring to the table with good listening skills and emulate their behavior:

1. Look directly at your partner and pay attention - don't let your mind wander off topic or to your potential response. Make the person who is speaking the most important one in the universe at that moment.

2. Allow your partner to complete his or her thoughts. When it is appropriate, use active listening to indicate that you understand what they are saying. Don't interrupt or offer your opinion unless you are asked.

3. Tune in to the emotional undercurrent coming from the speaker and let him or her know that you empathize and provide unconditional support. Staying physically close allows you to "touch" your partner virtually as well as in reality.

4. Allow your partner the freedom and time to find his or her own solution. By demonstrating this trust in your partner's abilities, you can be supportive but not directive.

5. Recognize your partner's perspective. For men whose first reaction may be to solve a problem described to them, remember that many women are seeking not solutions but to have their concerns heard. They want to have their feelings validated by those closest to them. Women are generally attuned to talking about what is bothering them and are more likely to feel loved and cherished when the men in their life connect with them in this way.

On the other hand, men's conversations often revolve around how to fix things, solve a problem, accomplish a goal - that is, when they're not about the score of the latest, or a classic old, game. For some, the focus may be about winning, being the best, outperforming the others in a competition, being at the top of the food chain - it's almost as it their confidence and self-worth depend on it.

Would you like to learn about how some prominent men and women - including Ted Kennedy, Tim Russert, Susan Boyle, and Sully Sullenberger - touched others and coped with challenges in their lives? Click on the link to the left where you can sign up for our monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones, and receive a complimentary copy of the ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned, which showcases tips and strategies to use in your own life, especially if you're a Sandwiched Boomer.

Earth Day Plus One - Now What?

Earth Day was yesterday. So what do we call today?

In the heat of the moment, enthusiasm for making a change - protecting the earth, creating better family relationships, making the world a better place, loosing those stubborn extra pounds - can be great. But what happens the next day? How can you build on your decision to improve? How do you actually vary your routine and transform yourself? Inspiration is not enough - now you need to implement your choice in a clear and definite way. Here are 8 tips on how to go about it:

Acknowledge your ability to change. Recognize that there may be limits to what you can accomplish but that you can take it one baby step at a time. Give yourself permission to begin the process by setting a realistic goal and without expecting perfection in your results.

Write out specific goals for yourself and break them down into smaller, more manageable short-term objectives. Set up a timeline for tackling each task. The more you formulate your plans and establish concrete steps, the greater the likelihood that you will follow up on them.

List your personal resources and inner strengths - they will help you attain your objectives and eventually achieve your goals. Draw on them as you have when you made other changes in your life.

Make a public commitment to the change you are pursuing. This will help you take yourself and your decision seriously and increase your motivation to continue the process even when you face barriers along the way.

Maintain your energy by rewarding yourself for each objective you accomplish even as you keep your focus on the future goals you are striving toward. Positive reinforcement will keep you motivated to continue your process of change.

Draw on the support of family and friends. They want you to succeed and will give you the help you need. Join with others who have similar goals - having someone share your journey makes the whole process more enjoyable.

Don't beat yourself up when you backslide. Change can be overwhelming and you need to be patient with yourself. Refine your strategies as you learn from your mistakes. Have a Plan B ready and continue to improvise as you discover what works best for you.

Enjoy the satisfaction and feelings of power that come from making real changes. You've earned it! And you can use your new skill set to achieve success in other areas of your life as well. If you're a Sandwiched Boomer, resolve to use these tips to take better care of yourself.

Want more tips for making lasting changes? Sign up for our free newsletter, Stepping Stones, and receive a complimentary copy of our ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned. Look to the left of this post to subscribe - and begin a new day.