Getting Back on Track

Whether you're actually driving on a curvy road or trying to navigate the twists and turns of life, you don't always get the advance warning sign of a risk ahead.

Do these unforeseen hazards sound familiar? You've just gotten your finances under control when you bite down on an olive pit and break off part of a tooth. How will you fit the cost of a crown into your budget now? Or you've worked hard to make your new exercise routine a habit - but over-doing it, you've torn a muscle that will take months to heal. So now you're back on the couch, trying to regroup. And the diet that you followed so successfully after the holidays was thrown away with the arrival of your weekend guests. Will you be able to get back on track once they leave?

When these kinds of threats materialize, they can put your carefully worked out plans in jeopardy. What can you do to meet these challenges and move ahead? Here are two tips to guide you in turning setbacks into opportunities:

Act as if you are committed. Make a plan outlining the objectives you need to meet in order to accomplish realistic goals. You're more likely to succeed when you are optimistic and enthusiastic about working to bring your aspirations to reality and give yourself reinforcements along the way to motivate you. Draw on your strengths - both personal and spiritual - as you act to break through barriers. Use all the support and resources available to bolster your own efforts.

Have a Plan B ready for flexibility. Your path will not likely be a straight line but you don't have to be defeated by your slip-ups if you've worked out a contingency Plan B ahead of time. Now take the opportunity to brainstorm novel ways of getting to your goal and continue to refine your strategies as you learn from your mistakes. When your reactions are not set in stone, you can improvise along the way as you discover what works best and then modify your behavior based on the feedback you get.

There may be limits to what you can accomplish but give yourself permission to begin the process without expecting perfection in your results. Especially if you're a sandwiched boomer, faced with the responsibilities of growing children and aging parents, these tips can help develop the resiliency you need to thrive.

With the price of gas going up and up, you may not be doing much driving right now, but when you do, here's to the joy of an open road - without dangerous curves or hidden perils.

Caution, Curves Ahead

Last week, I was driving down one of the canyons in Los Angeles, quickly moving the steering wheel left and right as the road twisted and turned. It was like playing an arcade game, trying to keep your car on the virtual road, going as fast as you can. In those videos, the sharp curves keep switching and obstacles suddenly appear, causing you to crash and burn if you're not reacting fast enough.

It may be fun to play on a screen but what about when life itself mirrors this wild experience? If you find yourself in the midst of a constant stream of challenges, threatening to devastate you, you're probably looking for a way to tone down the level of your reactions and emotions. Here are two ways to begin:

Give up the illusion of control. If you're a sandwiched boomer, you've probably already noticed that you don't have very much control over the way your growing children or aging parents behave. Juggling work and parenting responsibilities, do you still somehow hold on to the belief that you can determine the way those around you act? This is the time to let go of your unrealistic expectations and the belief that you can create a perfect outcome. What you can change is how you react to what comes your way. Choose to focus on looking inside as you shift to more positive emotions. And turn the challenges coming at you as opportunities for growth.

Give up the guilt. When things don't turn out the way you expect, do you blame yourself? Whether it's trouble maintaining a balance between work and family or your needs and your partner's, don't beat yourself up for your choices - learn from them. Instead of dwelling on past mistakes, forgive yourself, let go of your negative feelings and allow yourself the opportunity to regroup and try something else. You're doing the best you can so give yourself some credit and ease up. After all, you're human, not all-knowing, and you deserve another chance. Friends can give you support and perspective as you share your feelings and concerns.

Stop by again Wednesday for more tips on plotting a course for yourself. And if you're stressed from dealing with the ups and downs of the economy, consider our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success.

Making Changes on Days of Celebration

With Tax Day over, this week is a time for family celebrations - Passover for some, Easter for others, and Earth Day for everyone. Earth Day is celebrated this Friday, April 22, as a means of teaching about and appreciating the Earth's environment.

In the wake of these tornadoes, seismic activities, tsunamis and radiation leaks this spring, we all are struck by the realization that changes in the Earth can come in many ways. They can be gradual or sudden and violent. They can come from the forces of nature or from the actions of human beings. They can be unexpected and out of our control or planned and anticipated. In either case, the havoc they reap can affect millions. The effects of the tsunami in Japan have impacted the economy and may continue to do so for weeks to come.

So how then do we come to terms with the tremendous power of Mother Nature? Given the current discussions about whether or not the globe is actually warming - and, if so, whether it's due to man or the earth itself - you may be left feeling confused and overwhelmed. On Earth Day, you can acknowledge the power of nature and still recognize your role in the process.

And in your personal life, you can use these same techniques. Focus on what you can control in your life and what you can accomplish, not what you can't. While you often can't influence circumstances, you can control how you handle them. Clearly define your goals or aspirations and keep focused on them. Letting go of negative thoughts and unrealistic expectations can free you up to make something positive come out of a negative situation.

In the heat of the moment, enthusiasm for making a change - protecting the earth, creating better family relationships, making the world a better place, loosing those stubborn extra pounds - can be great. But what happens the next day? How can you build on your decision to improve? How do you actually vary your routine and transform yourself? Inspiration is not enough - now you need to implement your choice in a clear and definite way. Here are 8 tips on how to go about it:

Acknowledge your ability to change. Recognize that there may be limits to what you can accomplish but that you can take it one baby step at a time. Give yourself permission to begin the process by setting a realistic goal and without expecting perfection in your results.

Write out specific goals for yourself and break them down into smaller, more manageable short-term objectives. Set up a timeline for tackling each task. The more you formulate your plans and establish concrete steps, the greater the likelihood that you will follow up on them.

List your personal resources and inner strengths - they will help you attain your objectives and eventually achieve your goals. Draw on them as you have when you made other changes in your life.

Make a public commitment to the change you are pursuing. This will help you take yourself and your decision seriously and increase your motivation to continue the process even when you face barriers along the way.

Maintain your energy by rewarding yourself for each objective you accomplish even as you keep your focus on the future goals you are striving toward. Positive reinforcement will keep you motivated to continue your process of change.

Draw on the support of family and friends. They want you to succeed and will give you the help you need. Join with others who have similar goals - having someone share your journey makes the whole process more enjoyable.

Don't beat yourself up when you backslide. Change can be overwhelming and you need to be patient with yourself. Refine your strategies as you learn from your mistakes. Have a Plan B ready and continue to improvise as you discover what works best for you.

Enjoy the satisfaction and feelings of power that come from making real changes. You've earned it! And you can use your new skill set to achieve success in other areas of your life as well. If you're a Sandwiched Boomer, resolve to use these tips to take better care of yourself.

Career Change Questions Answered

We began this week with a look at what it takes to make a career change and how your passions, skills and resources can help you succeed as you work through the process. In this economy, where job losses are especially prevalent, it's wise to give some thought to planning for modifications in how you spend your day. You may want to sign up for classes from community colleges to help with a career change.

On Wednesday, were pleased to welcome Teresa Burrell, author of The Advocate's Betrayal to our blog for a virtual book tour. An educator, attorney, businesswoman and writer, Teresa graciously answered our questions and also responded to several readers' comments and requests for advice. We'd like to share those with you today:


One reader, Annette, wanted to know more about how Teresa went about making her career changes. She commented: "I am in awe of your courage in starting new careers. I would like to go back to school but I'm afraid to quit my job and start all over from scratch. How much did you have to plan ahead so you'd have enough money to support yourself after your career change?"

Teresa had some practical advice for her: "I did a little financial planning for my career changes, but mostly I just remembered what it was like when I first started attending college. I didn't have anything then and I made it through. And each time it just got better. I've never been one to have a lot of debt other than school loans, and I didn't have any of those until I went to law school. I always knew I could find some kind of work if I had to, so I just dove in. I realize I took some chances but I had to in order to follow my dreams. I do have to admit, the older I get the more planning I do for a career change."

Another reader confessed that she was concerned about her internal motivation to stay on track. Suzanne commented: "I like the idea of working for myself - like you've done as a writer. But I'm afraid I wouldn't have the energy to keep going without someone (like my boss) pushing me. How do you get yourself to stick to your job on your own?"

Teresa shared some of her philosophy about taking responsibility for herself and her career: "Suzanne, keeping on task can be one of the hardest things to do when someone isn't standing watch. Many businesses fail for that very reason. This is a business, just like any other. If you take that approach, things will get done. If you look at it as a hobby, that's all it will ever be. For the most part, you have to schedule it into your day or your week and then stick to it."

One would-be author asked about how to move forward with her manuscript: "I've been working on a book too - a novel, not a mystery. This is all brand new for me. When I finish writing, how do I get it published? How did you decide on your publisher?"

In response, Teresa gave her some of the inside scoop about publishing: "Getting published can be a real nightmare. I've heard some horror stories from many authors, some well known, others not. I didn't have the typical experience. I went to a writer's conference, submitted twenty pages to a publisher, and she asked for my manuscript. My second book was picked up by another publisher who approached me. I think that was because my first book was doing well and they saw how much effort I put into the marketing process. When your book is finished the first thing you have to do is learn how to write a clean query letter and a great synopsis. Both of those things can be done at a writer's conference. And then you start the search for an agent or a publisher. Most of that can be done online or you can attend a conference and submit some of your work. There are a number of writer's conferences that give you that opportunity. Here locally we have the Southern California Writer's Conference which I attended and would highly recommend for both the learning process and for making connections. Just make sure you approach the process knowing there is a lot of rejection in this business and at the same time keep a positive attitude."

Our thanks, again, to Teresa Burrell for her candor and advice. You can learn more about her book, The Advocate's Betrayal, on her website.

Thinking About a Career Change?

This week we'll be hosting a virtual book tour with Teresa Burrell, an author who has worked at several different jobs and has also enjoyed careers as an attorney and a teacher. She's not alone in her journey. According to a national longitudinal study conducted by the Bureau of Labor Statistics, baby boomers in the workforce tend to have an average of about 11 different jobs during the first 25 years of their productive work time.

Although the conventional wisdom has been that people change careers today somewhere between 3 and 7 times in their life, the Bureau has never tried to determine the number of times Americans actually do change careers because it is hard to define exactly what constitutes a career change.

Have you ever thought of making a career change yourself? What are the barriers standing in your way? When you are able to identify some of the challenges ahead, you can begin to outline the steps you need to take to move forward in your quest. You can learn more about how to confront these obstacles by consulting articles on our Her Mentor Center website.

What are your passions? Think about what has defined you, what raises your level of enthusiasm. When you are excited about what you do and the way you spend your day, you will experience the sense of flow that accompanies the energized focus you have in your activity.

What are your skills? You can build on the skills you have already developed as you transfer them into new areas. Brainstorm with friends about how your expertise in one sphere can be expanded into others. And look at the means at hand to educate yourself in new techniques, drawing on your innate abilities and specific aptitudes.

What are your resources? Just as inner character strengths serve as your foundation, you have external supports in the form of family and friends. You don't have to accomplish the transformation alone. Make a list of the reserves available to you and draw on them. It'll be a win-win experience for all of you.

Be sure to check in with us on Wednesday - you can join in the chat with Teresa Burrell about her own career change and the two mystery novels that have come out of it.

Sandwich Generation: A Chance to Grow

As a member of the Sandwich Generation, perhaps you are constantly challenged to be the best that you can be. As you assess your resources and strengths, realize that faith in yourself may be your finest quality.

Listen to others but primarily rely on your own instincts. Joannie Rochette believed in what she was doing and concentrated on th Olympics competition. She felt she was where she belonged - it's what her mother would have wanted for her. What is familiar can be calming - have faith in what you’re doing to heal. Realize your hidden internal strength as you trust yourself and look inside for answers. Emotional discomfort can be an opportunity and serve as an invitation to grow.
Increase your capacity to be resilient. It must have been extremely difficult for Joannie to maintain her composure and grace under these circumstances. Just as she has, take it one day at a time. Begin to develop strategies to manage stress and release tension. And you can call on your faith or spirituality. Step by step, you'll be able to turn your hopes and dreams into reality.

Video Tips for Keeping Your Perspective in a Recession

Redefining a crisis as a challenge gives you the power to begin, step by step, coping with the situation. See the changes you need to make in this recession as the opportunity to create a more fulfilling life for yourself and your family. Recognizing your strengths and resources keeps you optimistic and resilient. Click on the video for 10-second tips about keeping your perspective in this recession.



For more tips about how to stay positive during this economic recession, click on the title above. It will link you to www.HerMentorCenter.com and our article, "Five Ways Sandwiched Boomers Can think Positive in Tough Times."

Teamwork and Resiliency Pay Off

We are learning more details about how Captain Phillips was rescued from the pirates who were holding him hostage and threatening to kill him. Here are some of the strategies they used to save him. Can you, Sandwiched Boomer or not, use them in your own life as well?

Think outside the box. Capt. Phillips seemed to be going along with the pirates' commands but he stayed alert and constantly thought about what he could do, first, to save his crew and cargo and then himself. He paid attention to his captors' behavior and tried to escape, surprising them by jumping out into the ocean. When that attempt failed, he continued to be attentive to rescue efforts so that he could play his part. You too can be creative when you are faced with a seemingly impossible situation. Often you can improvise when a solution doesn't readily appear. Use your strength and develop resiliency. Your plan may not work at first but keep working on new plans to implement.

Recognize and use all your resources. The rescue of Capt. Phillips required the coordinated efforts of the U.S. Navy command, their ships and personnel, the Seals, merchant ships, the FBI, even President Obama. While you may not have these resources at your fingertips, you do have friends, extended family and community services to help you through the challenges you face. Learn to cooperate with others and use teamwork as you strategize and act to accomplish your goals.

When you click on the title above you can read an article on our website giving you some tips about how to use your personal resources to accomplish your goals, 8 Strategies to Turn Your New Year's Resolutions into Reality.

Here are the tips we promised this week to help you care for yourself as well as your aging parents when their golden years are tarnished. You can use these suggestions to reduce your Sandwiched Generation stress during the holidays and long after:

Give up your ideas of perfection and be realistic about the path ahead. You will not have the benefit you had imagined of involved, wise, old parents in your life. Acknowledge that the dementia will steadily increase and your parents will become less and less responsive to you. Be respectful of your parents' dignity even as you transfer control over their circumstances from them to you.

Evaluate your options as you keep an open mind. There is not one correct solution for everyone in your situation. It is helpful to hear from others what they have learned but you are still the only one walking in your shoes.

Look for resources in the community to help you. Recognize that you can't, nor do you have to, do everything yourself. Contact local gerontologists, talk with hospital social workers, meet with health care aides, visit nursing homes, join a caregiver support group.

Be honest with your siblings about their responsibilities. Even if you've been in conflict when them in the past, resolve to have an on-going dialogue now and be firm about finding a way to share the care-giving duties.

Take care of yourself to decrease the burnout that is common. A good support system gives you the opportunity to express your emotions and receive comfort. Set aside time for rest and relaxation, difficult as that may be to arrange. A sense of humor will get you through some tough times, as you laugh through your tears.

Look at how your past relationship with your parent has affected your present way of life. This is especially important if your parent was abusive when you were growing up. Decide to let go of the tendency to define your behavior today as a response to the memories you hold of your childhood. Make up your mind to make changes in your behavior that benefit you now.

Grow up. As you take on the complex chores of caregiver, you are the one ultimately making decisions about your own life as well as that of your parents. Both Wendy and Jon Savage matured as they reconnected with each other and their father, making dramatic changes in their lives after his death. They were able to trust themselves and take chances to achieve what they wanted, both professionally and personally.

Just as in the aptly named children's game, tug-of-war, you in the Sandwich Generation may feel like you are in a battle zone - pulled simultaneously from both sides and stretched to the limit in the middle. It is a struggle to sense the breaking point, which must be done to protect yourself for the long haul. It's not easy to put limits on the connection with your aging parents, but you need to place that relationship in the context of the rest of your life. Trust yourself as you design a plan that works for all of the family, yourself included.