Tools for Coping with Roller Coaster Market

Are you unnerved by the current stock market's dramatic volatility, with its wild swings down and up? If you're feeling anxious about how the national and global economic unrest will affect your personal and family finances, you're not alone. You may be rethinking how you will handle your planned retirement, your kids' college educations, supporting your needy parents, even your day-to-day expenses. While we here at Nourishing Relationships and Her Mentor Center are not financial experts, we do have some coping tips that can help you deal with the emotional overload you may be experiencing. In support of our readers - baby boomers, gen X'ers or others - we are now giving you a gift of our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success free of charge for a limited time.

When you download our free ebook, you'll find practical tips for reducing stress, getting some control over your expenses, understanding the role financial instability plays in your marriage, creating new ways of flexible family living within this turbulent economy and investing in your own physical and emotional well-being.

And if you're a part of the Sandwich Generation - caring for growing children and aging parents - we've found a website that sells some helpful tools. It's called asaneapproach.com and we'd like to share it with you.

You've often heard us talk here at Nourishing Relationships about the importance of creating a written contract when your family is dealing with difficult issues - a teenager's rights and responsibilities, a boomerang kid's privileges and duties, your sibling's roles vis-à-vis aging parents. It's important to clarify expectations on both sides and deal with boundary complexities so they don't sabotage your family relationships.

A Sane Approach offers agreements you can modify to fit the specifics of your family; there are two that may be particularly useful to you in the coming months. In response to the economic downturn, if you're expecting a boomerang kid, their downloadable contract for an adult child moving home can be used to organize the policies you've agreed to implement. Or if you're caring for an elderly parent, their document can help you and your siblings determine exactly how you will share obligations and decision-making.

We hope you'll get some help in keeping your balance in the midst of this financial turmoil and download our free ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success. Let us know how these tips work for you.

Is Another Financial Storm Brewing?

Now that credit rating firm Standard and Poor's has downgraded the United States' government debt from AAA to AA+ for the first time in history, a sense of uncertainty has again taken over the American psyche. After another historic plummet of the stock market last week in response to Congress' clumsy negotiations over raising the debt ceiling, the market again today has opened drastically lower. How will the week play out? No one knows for sure. But families all over the country are bracing for the effect of the national - and global - financial chaos on their own personal futures.

Many are concerned that the S&P downgrade of U.S. bonds - and now their additional downgrade of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac - will raise interest rates for families, making it more difficult for them to pay off credit card debt or arrange for a loan to purchase a new car or home. And small business owners, already hampered in their abilities to function, are facing another setback in their growth from these S&P downgrades.

What can we do in these difficult days? Here at Nourishing Relationships and Her Mentor Center, we'd like to help you cope with the stresses of the economic turmoil that you may be facing. So for a limited time, we are now offering you our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success, completely free of charge. Comprised of eight white papers, our ebook can empower you and give you tools to manage the challenges and tensions you are experiencing. Simply click on the link to Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm and you can receive a complimentary download of the pdf file. Use the tips we provide to create solutions for your family distress in these tough times. And please let us know how you are doing through the "comment" button below.

Video Tips for Keeping Your Perspective in a Recession

Redefining a crisis as a challenge gives you the power to begin, step by step, coping with the situation. See the changes you need to make in this recession as the opportunity to create a more fulfilling life for yourself and your family. Recognizing your strengths and resources keeps you optimistic and resilient. Click on the video for 10-second tips about keeping your perspective in this recession.



For more tips about how to stay positive during this economic recession, click on the title above. It will link you to www.HerMentorCenter.com and our article, "Five Ways Sandwiched Boomers Can think Positive in Tough Times."

Video Tips for Getting Support in a Recession

In these times of economic instability, when you may be feeling insecure and powerless, friends and family can buffer these negative conditions. Reach out to those who care about you and let them know how much their caring sustains you. Expressing your gratitude for their support is good for both you and them - each of you will grow stronger and more powerful. Watch our video today for 10-second tips about gaining support.



You can learn more about getting support when you find your stress levels increasing as your financial stability decreases - click on the title above. It will link you to www.HerMentorCenter.com and our article, "The Economy and Domestic Violence: What if You are the One with a Short Fuse?"

Video Tips for Taking Care of Yourself in a Recession

You have probably noticed that the economic downward spiral has affected more than your pocket book. For most of us, it has also taken a toll on our feelings of well-being and security. Reports indicate that mental health calls due to financial pressure have increased more than 100% in the past months. If you are feeling signs of distress, check out our video tips for today to learn how to take better care of yourself.



To read some tips about how to create a healthier lifestyle for yourself and your family during the current financial downturn, click on the title above. It will link you to www.HerMentorCenter.com and our article, "Recover from Financial Panic by Investing in Yourself."

Video Tips for Regaining Control in Financial Chaos

With the stimulus package having little effect and the continued loss of jobs, the recession appears to be continuing unabated. Still, you, and other Sandwiched Boomers, can regain some control over your situation by educating yourself, evaluating your finances and making the hard decisions that lead to changes in your lifestyle. Watch our video for more coping tips.



To read some tips about how to maintain and even strengthen your family relationships during this time of financial belt-tightening, click on the title above. It will link you to wwwHerMentorCenter.com and our article, "Marital Harmony Despite Financial Woes."

Video Tips to Thrive in Economic Crisis

Join us next month for free video tips.

Change Comes When You Least Expect It

The Labor Department announced today that the unemployment rate is now the highest in over 25 years, 8.5 percent. If they were to add in workers forced to work part-time and the so-called "discouraged" workers who are no longer hoping to find employment, the rate would be 15.6%. Over 3.25 million jobs have been lost in the past 5 months alone. And the average workweek is now 33.2 hours, a new record low. Economists predict we will pull out of this but not for some time. For now, it's important for you to hang in there and draw upon your strength and adaptability as a family.

One of our readers, Sally Olds, weighed in on the situation earlier this week, saying, "And still, women make only 80 cents for every dollar men make. This, in addition to all their work on the home front. Just as women's work was more highly valued during the "Rosie the Riveter" days during World War Two, maybe women's financial contributions to their families during these tough times will result in more appreciation and more equitable income."

There will be new perspectives and positives that come out of this ordeal for you and your whole family. Be proud of how you all are rising to the challenges. Recognize your strengths, assets, resources and the foundation of the family that will carry you through this transition. Change comes when you least expect it. The realities of the economy may eventually improve the careers of women even more than feminism alone did. In the meantime, your flexibility will serve you in good stead.

When you click on the title above, it will take you to our article, How to Turn a Crisis into a Challenge, which can help guide you as you face additional challenges in your life.

Take Care of Yourself

If you are a Sandwiched Boomer taking care of growing children and aging parents as you continue to manage your career and cope with the financial chaos all around, you may think that you don't have any time to devote to your own needs. But it is crucial for you to find a way to get the self-care you need in these trying times.

Take better care of yourself. Discover how to nourish yourself and set aside the essential time for this. Take a walk, stop to watch a beautiful sunset, listen to soothing music. Practice deep breathing to relax and positive imagery to improve your mood. Reach out to your friends for support. Draw on your spiritual connection for grounding as you find your center.

Stay optimistic and flexible. Redefine the crisis you are facing as a challenge and your fears as opportunities for change. Review how you have solved other major problems before. Focus on what you can do about solutions even though you didn't create the problem itself. Remind yourself of all you are grateful for as you rebalance your life. Don't give up when things don't work out as you originally expected. Instead, put your Plan B in place.

To learn about additional ways to nurture yourself, click on the title above to take you to our article, Top Ten Self-fullness Tips for Sandwiched Women.

Educate Yourself

With the G20 meetings scheduled this week to focus on the global economic crisis, Sandwiched Boomer families continue to be hit by the recession and job losses. If these changes are hitting close to home, here are two tips to help you get started on building flexibility into your family:

Educate yourself about family finances. Get involved with the family budget as you seek out ways to reduce your expenses. Keep track of minor expenditures that can add up, like dinners out, entertainment and credit card interest rate costs. Think outside the box as you educate yourself on new possibilities open to you. They may involve dramatic changes like downsizing your home, selling some possessions or even giving up plans for early retirement.

Expect a husband who has lost his job to have an emotional reaction. It's normal to feel frustrated, tense, and anxious at this time. But look for signs of more serious emotional changes such as depression, anger, or feelings of worthlessness. Stress can lead to dysfunctional responses like excess drinking, gambling or acting out. Acknowledging the common effects of job loss will help you avoid conflicts over minor issues.

Click on the title above to take you to our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com where we offer you additional articles to help educate you and improve your coping skills. Look at past articles archived in the Nourishing Relationships section and the Newsletter Library section. You are welcome to sign up for our free newsletter, Stepping Stones, on the website. The link above takes you to our article, Seven Ways to Delay Gratification in a Troubled Economy, that gives you further tips.

Families in Financial Flux

As Leo Tolstoy put it in Anna Karenina, "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." And what about other family traits? Are families who are flexible all flexible in the same way? And are rigid families each set in their own ways?

Today, families are being shaken up in record numbers as financial turmoil hits home. With all the job-related uncertainties facing them, families must be able to make changes in order to adjust to the current economic climate. They may even need to adapt to role reversals when a husband experiences a job loss. But how can they bend without breaking?

Even before the current recession, women have made up 46% of the workforce. This percentage will likely increase since men held 82% of the 2.5 million jobs that have already been lost since November. With more and more companies faltering and failing, the jobless rate continues to rise. As more men lose their jobs, the financial responsibilities of families are increasingly falling on the already burdened shoulders of women. When a woman becomes the sole breadwinner, the dynamics of the relationship change for everyone - husband/father, wife/mother and children. And as the family deals with the job loss, domestic stability may crumble and tensions climb. But it doesn't have to be that way. You can make adjustments at home that will help you all adapt to the turbulent changes in our society.

Tune in all this week as we give you some tips to help you combat the reorganization your family life may be facing as the economy continues to impact everyone. And click on the title above to take you to our website and an article, Five Ways Sandwiched Boomers Can Think Positive in Tough Times, with more suggestions to help you cope.

Recover from Financial Panic by Investing in Yourself

The financial crisis has affected many people and involved losses on many levels –jobs, income, money in the stock market, a certain comfort level, retirement funds, a sense of security, dreams for the future. And, inevitably, these feelings of loss are accompanied by a period of grieving. Ever since Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross first identified the stages of mourning in her seminal book, “On Death and Dying,” bards, mental health experts and pundits have waxed philosophical about this process.

These stages are universal and can relate to any catastrophic personal loss. Kübler-Ross maintained that the steps do not necessarily come in any particular order, nor are all of them necessarily experienced by everyone. If you or your loved ones have lost money, trust or confidence, evaluate where you are in this process by the stages and comments below:

• Denial – “Others may be worried about money issues but this can’t be happening to me.”
• Anger – “Why me? I haven’t done anything to deserve this financial mess.”
• Bargaining – “I’ll do anything if you just help me secure my retirement account.”
• Depression – “I’m so discouraged, what’s the point in even trying to save?”
• Acceptance – “These problems are serious, so I might as well prepare for the long haul.”

Dr. Kubler-Ross describes the final stage of acceptance as generating the energy to reinvest in new objects. As you begin to recover from the economic upheaval, don’t you think you will be best served by investing in your own wellbeing?

Tune in all week as we give you some tips for taking care of yourself in this financial crisis. And to help you get started, click on the title above to take you to our article, Sandwiched Boomers: 7 Tips on Fighting Inertia.

As your anxiety rises from the uncertainty of the economic turmoil, take action to prevent your increasing stress from boiling over onto your family. Here are two more tips, be you a Sandwiched Boomer or not:

Ask for help and get support from those around you in order to reduce the stress in your life. See a financial planner to set some goals and make a concrete plan about how to achieve them. Where you can, take action to relieve your worries. When you are not feeling so overwhelmed by your responsibilities and commitments, your negative feelings are not as likely to boil over. Learn how to say "no" to new jobs and see if you can eliminate some of the tasks you are currently doing.

Practice relaxation techniques on a daily basis to help manage the tensions you are feeling. Make time to go for a walk, exercise at the gym, listen to soothing music or just put your feet up. Learn deep breathing or guided imagery to help you unwind and settle down. When your body is relaxed, your mind follows suit.

The American Psychological Association, in a survey of 2500 people from all across the country, found that stress levels have increased significantly in the past two years, especially in the last six months. Over 80% of the responders said that money was a significant worry for them. And that was before the financial meltdown of the past month. So today we have two more tips for you to avoid feeling pressured and out of control by the roller coaster economy.

Learn stress reduction strategies by attending a seminar, group, meditation or yoga class. Contact your local psychological association to find out what other resources are available in your community such as a mindfulness program. Consult with your religious counselor to discover if meditative prayer is comforting for you. Once you learn a technique that feels right, incorporate it into your daily schedule so that tensions do not build up. Gather information from the Internet or self help books about how to minimize the impact of the financial pressures you are now experiencing.

Keep communication open with your spouse, children and aging parents. Talk out disagreements before they become heated arguments that get out of control. Be honest about stating your needs and desires clearly. Don't put a lid on your emotions, just on expressing them in an aggressive manner. When conflicts arise, agree to be flexible and cooperative - and work toward reaching a compromise if possible.

Tomorrow we look at some additional strategies for coping with the stressful economic environment.

Across the United States and around the world, the effects of the financial crisis continue to spread – foreclosures are widespread, banks are being taken over, stock markets are erratic, credit is frozen and bankruptcies are increasing. Even with the planned infusion of trillions of dollars by the government, no one can predict with certainty the long-term effects on the economy. Hope is building that the Obama administration will create solutions but most pundits agree that this collapse will not right itself in the near future.

How is all this affecting you? Are you anxious and angry - on the verge of taking out your frustration over the financial news on those around you? This is a good time for you to look inward and reflect on your actions within the family. Only by becoming aware of the potential for abuse can you honestly assess your own behavior.

While a number of factors have been recognized as causes of domestic violence – mental illness, substance abuse, certain innate personality traits, low self-esteem, poor impulse control and a history of being battered - social stressors have been identified as having a particularly strong impact. Poverty, lack of control and feelings of powerlessness can lead to a perceived need to dominate family members. And this is linked to increased levels of mistreatment. During the current plummet of world markets, those who abuse are more likely to express their feelings of frustration in more belligerent ways.

If you are finding yourself more prone now to yell at the kids or scold the dog or or get annoyed with your aging parents, tune in this week for some tips to help reduce the stress you are feeling so that you don't take it out on those you love.

Yesterday we looked at the new kind of boomerang living arrangements created as a result of the current financial meltdown. Sandwiched Boomers - as well as the generations before and after them - are moving into these situations in record numbers. Many positive results can come out of shared housing if you plan ahead. Today we have some tips to help take the sting out:

Have a family meeting to set guidelines before you move in together. All of you need to be frank and honest about your needs. Each of you will be giving up some autonomy and control so you can expect to have some situations where push comes to shove. Each of you can present your positions for the best and worst case scenarios. Then decide how you want to compromise so that everyone gets some of what they want. Put any absolute deal breakers out on the table so that they can be discussed in detail.

Work out a schedule for shared responsibilities, chores, and finances. If there is to be a division of labor, gain consensus about making the various tasks equitable. When children/grandchildren are part of the mix, arrive at a clear timetable with regard to babysitting so that no one feels exploited.

Set boundaries so that everyone's privacy is respected. Living together with roommates in a college dorm is one thing but sharing space with family members can get awkward. Identify signals to use when one of you wants to be alone. The last time you all lived together, the circumstances were likely quite different. Old issues around power or dependency can resurface in this close environment, particularly when there may be a difference of opinion about how to handle issues with children.

And see the comment yesterday from Dina who adds, "Mediation between merging families can be invaluable. A mediator can assist families in teasing out those hidden issues and negotiating norms that respect everyone's needs."

Tomorrow we will have some more suggestions for getting the most out of your family togetherness.

Families today are facing a new kind of housing crisis as the economy continues to spiral downward. When one spouse in a two-career marriage loses a job, making the monthly mortgage payment becomes difficult, especially for Sandwiched Boomers. Senior citizens who have been able to pay for housing from their retirement accounts find they must cut back on that expense when their retirement funds are down by 20%. When a mortgage that began with an artificially low interest figure calls for a rate increase or a balloon payment, the cost becomes prohibitive to the nuclear family.

These scenarios are not about GenX and GenY kidults boomeranging back home, with connotations of immaturity or irresponsibility. Rather they reflect adults struggling with the real effects of a global financial meltdown not faced in over 75 years. A recent AARP study revealed that more than ¼ of the foreclosures and delinquencies last year occurred among those 50 and over. These seniors and their adult children are looking carefully at what to do to ease the economic woes that have hit everyone hard.

In some cases, younger families are moving back in with one of their parents, pooling their funds for mortgage payments. This helps both the young couple having trouble making ends meet and the older parents coping with reduced retirement income. Others have turned to 'granny flats' - guest suites or small guesthouses. Seniors who give up their individual, larger homes move in to the compact units on their children's property.

Another response by some who are feeling the effects of the economic crisis is to rent out rooms in their house or condo. In Los Angeles, the listing of rooms for rent in private homes was up 72% in October from the same time last year. Reminiscent of the small boarding houses prevalent in the first half of the 20th century, this new surge may foster more socialization among strangers who are thrown together on a daily basis.

Irrespective of the type of arrangement and the reason you will be combining two families into one home, you will need to do some serious planning before you take the plunge. Tomorrow we will give you some tips to put into play before sharing your daily life with your extended family - or a stranger - in a whole new way.

In the midst of the serious issues Americans have been facing - financial turmoil, domestic violence, contentious elections, weather-related disasters, economic downturn, family pressures - along comes a holiday that allows - even encourages - us to ease up and have some fun.

Halloween isn't just for the kids - it's for you too. Let yourself enjoy the playful silliness of the day and evening. As a Sandwiched Boomer, usually bogged down by the responsibilities of caring for growing children and aging parents, grab the opportunity to set aside some of your worries today. Instead, let your childlike joy and enthusiasm come up to the surface. You'll be surprised at how much it lifts your spirits.

And remember, dark chocolate is full of anti-oxidants -so save some of the candy for yourself and have a happy Halloween!

As we move through these difficult financial times, the stresses we all face will be great. Emotions are likely to be close to the surface as uncertainty about the state of our economy continues. Be aware of any potential for domestic abuse in your family and pledge to learn how to protect yourself and your loved ones from the painful trauma caused by such violence.

Immediately let someone in authority know about the abuse, if it occurs. Have the phone number of the local police station available - and you can always call 911. If the violence is directed to your children or the elderly, know how to contact the agencies dealing with child welfare and elder abuse.

As a Sandwiched Boomer, exhausted by your responsibilities to the generations on both sides of you, remember that your decision to defend yourself is just as important. Although Domestic Violence Awareness Month draws to a close, remain vigilant about abuse and vow to do what you can to prevent it.

We finish this roller-coaster week just as we began it - drawing on the support of one another as we attempt to bring a sense of order to our lives. When you are feeling adrift amidst the economic turmoil, turn to what grounds you and work from there.

Robin has a lot on her mind and sometimes seems overwhelmed by everything she wants to accomplish. Don't get stopped in your tracks when you consider all you have written down on your "wish list." Take things one at a time and do what you can when you can. And don't beat yourself up.

Robin writes us, "I am psychologically 'consumed' with the following thoughts:

When will I be able to finish all my paintings that I should finally be able to do now that I have retired from teaching?
How will I survive this jumbo amortized loan I'm "stuck" with?
Should I sell my house in this poor real estate market? I will barely have enough equity to buy something else and I must have 3 bedrooms - 2 for myself and my daughter and one more for my studio and visiting children.
Will I have enough time left to finish my work - painting, drawing, illustrating, printmaking - or at least accomplish something each day in my studio?
How can I begin de-cluttering my house?
When do I make the time for meeting once a month with my teacher friends, retired or still working? Or to start a sewing class again?
How can I find a way to pay my bills and credit cards off?
Where does loving my children and dog fit in?
And what about time for just quietly staring in the morning and being inspired by the hills and mountain view from my backyard? Or listening to music? Or simply letting my mind wander?"

Use this weekend to find your own beauty and serenity as you discover your center and life force. I know I will - I am going to visit my grandchildren!