Mommy Wars Post Tax Day

Moms continue to reflect and speak out about the economy – the nation’s and their own family’s. Women recognize that life can be full of stress and anxiety, especially when extra financial worries erupt at tax time. Whether you’re a work-at-home mom or pursue a career outside the house, we can all choose to attack the problems, not each other. These tips can help you become part of the solution as you develop a personal safety net to fall back on now and in other difficult times:

Reconsider your assumptions, refocus and reframe your thoughts. When you look at things from a different perspective, you’ll be able to come up with fresh ways to deal with the stresses you face. Expressing your gratitude for the gifts you have will create a better mood for you and those around you.

Gather information from counselors, Internet sites, seminars or self help books about how to minimize the impact of pressures you are now experiencing. Find out what resources are available in the community to help manage your tensions.

Practice relaxation techniques on a daily basis. Learn deep breathing or guided imagery to help you unwind and settle down. Go for a walk early in the morning and enjoy the sights, sounds, and aroma of the world just getting up. If you have a few minutes in the house, refresh and relax by putting your feet up and listening to some soothing music.

Ask for help and turn to those around you for support. When you let your friends and family know what you need from them, they are more likely to come to your aid. Clarify what’s necessary to achieve your goals. When you’re not feeling so overwhelmed by your responsibilities and commitments, your outlook will be more positive and optimistic.

Communicate honestly with your spouse, growing children and aging parents. Talk out disagreements before they become heated, out of control arguments. Don't put a lid on your emotions, just on expressing them in an aggressive manner. Instead, develop a direct, assertive style to express your needs. When conflicts arise, agree to be flexible and cooperative as you work toward reaching a compromise.

And lets use this same conversational etiquette when we talk with each other – about taxes, moms, women’s roles or politics. November is still six months away and we can help set a civil tone for the dialogue.

Wrap-up of the Virtual Book Tour

Yesterday we interviewed Dr. Dorothea Hover-Kramer about her book, "Second Chance at Your Dream," for our Virtual Book Tour. She kicked off the comments by sharing a tip about energy psychology and self care:

Most of us are busy and need quick ways to release stress and tension. Here's one I'd like to invite you to use as often as needed today. When you notice a strong unhappy feeling or negative thought, treat it quickly by repeating a reminder phrase such as "I release……" while tapping several meridian 'acupoints,' which are where the eyebrow meets the nose, at the outer eye, below the eye, under the lip, at the collarbone and at the side of the hand. Each of these points relates to bone, connective tissue and your body's information messaging system.



A reader asked about the similarity between the yoga practice of deep breathing and what is taught in energy psychology.

Dorothea:

Yoga is wonderful and I do some every day, but energy psychology is actually an approach to psychotherapy that utilizes the body's energy system - meridian acupoints, biofield and energy centers - to bring relief to emotional distress. It has proved to be highly effective in relieving trauma, both recent and past.

Another shared that journaling has helped her stay centered, on top of her feelings and tap into her creativity.

Dorothea:

Thank you for sharing how you value writing your thoughts and feelings down. It's so important that we pay attention to our needs. Women are most often the family caregivers and it's all too easy to become distracted from the need to nurture ourselves so we CAN give to others.

One useful question for the beginning of the day is to ask what you really want for yourself today. At the end of the day, take stock and explore how you paid attention to your goal. While gently rubbing the mid-chest area, affirm: "I deeply and profoundly accept myself with all my gifts, talents and abilities."

Readers had questions about how to learn more about energy psychology and begin to apply it. "I am the poster woman for the sandwich generation and I like the idea of honoring myself. How do I find the time to do that?" And "If I have very little free time, what's the one best thing I can do to take care of my aging self?"

Dorothea:

About having enough time to honor yourself, think of the reality that we have 5,000-8,000 thoughts an hour. If those thoughts (the inner self talk) are in any way self-depreciating, the body will feel that and respond by limiting gene expression and repressing immune function.

If you can change even 5 of those thoughts to those of self-appreciation, there will be a change. The human psyche is wired for growth, self-healing and joy. As we align with those energies, we shift our environments within and outside of ourselves.

Thank you for asking about what approach from energy psychology might be best for taking care of yourself with limited time. I suggest starting by taking note of inner self-talk which might give a clue to beliefs that may be limiting to you.

For example, telling oneself " I have very little time" could perpetuate a sense of never having enough time for anything and feeling anxious. In contrast, telling oneself, "I now take the time I need to release negativity" (as suggested in my earlier post with the tapping) may free up emotional energy.

I always encourage taking time to affirm yourself by gently holding the heart area and affirming, "with each breath I increase my sense of peace, with each breath I increase my vitality, with each breath I enhance my coping skills." Positive self-affirmations attract the desired qualities and allow them to resonate within.

One of Dorothea's loyal readers said:

I have shared your book with several friends and family - of all ages. I just want to put in a plug that your book, while aimed at the second half, is also helpful and can be quite useful for those in the "first half" as well. This book is a wealth of useful insight and information that can benefit anyone who is willing to apply it.

Dorothea:

Thank you for spreading the good news about the book and with your friends of all ages. While the book is certainly for anyone, the needs of boomer women and people in the sandwich generation are especially challenging because of time pressures and juggling so many roles at once. Conscious self-care is essential and I would like to share as much as possible to ease others' burdens.

Readers, if you have a favorite book that you think others would enjoy, email us a brief description at Mentors@HerMentorCenter.com. We'll see if we can arrange a Virtual Book Tour and we'll definitley share the titles with all of you.

Video Tips for Taking Care of Yourself in a Recession

You have probably noticed that the economic downward spiral has affected more than your pocket book. For most of us, it has also taken a toll on our feelings of well-being and security. Reports indicate that mental health calls due to financial pressure have increased more than 100% in the past months. If you are feeling signs of distress, check out our video tips for today to learn how to take better care of yourself.



To read some tips about how to create a healthier lifestyle for yourself and your family during the current financial downturn, click on the title above. It will link you to www.HerMentorCenter.com and our article, "Recover from Financial Panic by Investing in Yourself."

As your anxiety rises from the uncertainty of the economic turmoil, take action to prevent your increasing stress from boiling over onto your family. Here are two more tips, be you a Sandwiched Boomer or not:

Ask for help and get support from those around you in order to reduce the stress in your life. See a financial planner to set some goals and make a concrete plan about how to achieve them. Where you can, take action to relieve your worries. When you are not feeling so overwhelmed by your responsibilities and commitments, your negative feelings are not as likely to boil over. Learn how to say "no" to new jobs and see if you can eliminate some of the tasks you are currently doing.

Practice relaxation techniques on a daily basis to help manage the tensions you are feeling. Make time to go for a walk, exercise at the gym, listen to soothing music or just put your feet up. Learn deep breathing or guided imagery to help you unwind and settle down. When your body is relaxed, your mind follows suit.