Sixty Minute Solutions for Less Stress

If you’re looking for less stress and more mental freedom, you may be a candidate for a tech detox. Instead of 24/7 connectivity and instant gratification that’s no longer so gratifying, how about creating a sacred space where you can daydream and relax?

There’s a backlash brewing in the digital world as more boomers turn gray and information overload increases. How tense are you lately? Stress can manifest physiologically with headaches or stomach upset, emotionally by feelings of irritability or overwhelm, behaviorally through changes in your eating or sleep patterns, cognitively with memory loss or trouble concentrating.

If you can’t afford to take time off and unplug in the south of France, here are practical tips to develop a different mindset and restore balance right here at home:

Seek solitude. Set limits by saying 'no' to others and 'yes' to yourself. A physical place with little opportunity for distraction will free up your thoughts. Try not to worry about mistakes from the past or what the future will bring. As you disconnect, stay in the moment. Carve out an hour every day for quiet time and discover what brings you peace of mind.

Change your attitude. Emotional discomfort can be an opportunity for greater self understanding, and awareness is always the first step toward change. Learn how to face uncertainty with a positive attitude or turn pessimistic ideas into more optimistic ones. Six sessions with a cognitive therapist can teach you a lot about how to reframe your thoughts and gain a different perspective.

Practice meditation. Find ways to attend to your mind and spirit. Learn about techniques of deep breathing or develop a yoga discipline. Drop your thoughts into the space between breaths and steer your mind away from constant stimulation. Think about nothing and completely clear your head. Mindfulness is a concept derived from Buddhism that's central to meditation and involves being present and observant without judgment.

Want to share some ideas about how you disconnect and find moments of mental tranquility? Just click on 'comments' below and follow the prompts. And log on Wednesday for more practical tips about de-stressing your life.

Goodbye to Kids at College, Hello to Yourself

If your kids are settled into college by now, it's time to catch your breath. How about luxuriating in a bubble bath or something equally unfamiliar? Don't you deserve it after years of caring for your family in flux? And here are a few ideas to think about as you begin this new chapter:

Discover your passion. What do you really value and care about? What do you imagine is your life purpose now? Take advantage of the extra time and follow your dream of returning to school or changing jobs. Join a hiking group, volunteer program or exercise class. Sign up for bridge or yoga. Put you front and center for a change.

Learn more about what you want. What nurtures your creative thinking or stimulates your curiosity? Identify your natural talents that come so easily you often don't notice. Think about your greatest personal strengths. These could be attributes as diverse as a love of learning or a sense of humor.

Consider how others view you and your contributions. Who uses you as a role model and why? What in your life experience has led you to wisdom? Honor these insights and find ways to share what you already know well with others who could benefit from your knowledge.

Decide to make a start - any start. Now, finally, it's about you. Why not pick up a journal and write about your feelings and plans for the future. You can begin with some specific goals and break them down into manageable short term objectives. Think about their purpose and what that means to you. Consider your internal and external resources and how they will help you achieve your goals.

With Parents' Weekend right around the corner, here's what to expect. And when packing for the event, don't forget to take along your new attitude. It will help ease your college kids' minds about how you're adjusting to life without them.

We encourage you to spend time exploring our website, HerMentorCenter.com. You'll find lots of articles about how to nourish you. On the homepage menu, click Newsletter Library and Nourish Relationships and then on the specific topics that interest you.

Want more information? Download our complimentary eBooks Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching Your Goals. and Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm Let us know how you're doing and give other readers some tips about how to make a fresh start – we're all in this together. Just click on 'comments' at the end of this post and follow the prompts.

How Sandwiched Boomers Can Fight Inertia

This is a continuation of the tips offered on Monday about how to fight inertia. As Sandwiched Boomers with so much on your plate, you may feel overwhelmed and not know where to begin. Take it slow and easy. If some days you can't follow through with your plans, don't let frustration sap your enthusiasm. Think about all those New Year's resolutions you made when you were young and didn't know better. And then remember the inertia that followed the failure of your short-lived goals. Don't fall victim to that kind of logic.

Photo by Filomena Scalise

Make a public commitment to those who want to see you succeed. By telling your family about your intentions, you create a reality that'll keep you feeling motivated. You'll find it may be easier to lose weight by joining a support group or to stop smoking through an organized program.

Lower your expectations. And, for sure, don't expect anything near perfection. Actually, there is no perfection, so relax. Start out small and be OK with baby steps. If Aunt Bess has moved into the nursing home across town, your only choices aren't either to go daily or not at all. Pile the kids in the car one Sunday a month and enjoy an hour in the park with her and your family.

Give up the pleasure principle – that is, having exactly what you want when you want it. Next time you eat out, instead of finishing up with apple pie a la mode, visualize a thinner you in that little black dress at your upcoming high school reunion. Delaying immediate gratification for future goals will lead to feeling better about yourself - and nourish you way beyond your last bite of dessert.

Savor your power. Positive reinforcement is a major part of any behavior modification program, so reward yourself for a job well done. Choose a pleasurable activity that nurtures you, like a trip to the spa or a yoga class. This kind of attitude will sustain you as well as promote greater self care. And as your goals take shape, you'll shape up.

Our website, HerMentorCenter.com, has lots of complimentary articles full of strategies about how to reach your goals. And in this difficult economic climate, our ebook, Taking Care of Stress in a Financial Storm, may be the best $2.45 gift you can give yourself. The information will help you look beyond the present moment. Why not take this chance to get closer to your goals? As you realize that you are making progress, every day will present a new opportunity.

Say Goodbye to Your College Kids and Hello to Yourself

After you've said goodbye to your college kids, it's time to say hello to you. Imagine that you're the woman in the photo below, journaling your way into the next chapter of your life.

Engage in an active process of learning more about what you want to do. What nurtures your creative thinking? What stimulates your curiosity? Identify your natural talents. What comes so easily you often don't notice it? How about the acquired skills you have used successfully? Think about what you consider to be your greatest personal strengths. These could encompass, among others, attributes as diverse as a love of learning, a sense of humor, loyalty to others.

Discover what you feel passionate about. What do you really value and care about? What are your dreams? What do you imagine is your life purpose now? Take advantage of the extra time and follow your dream of returning to school or changing jobs. Join a hiking group, volunteer program or exercise class. Learn more about bridge or yoga. Put yourself front and center for a change.

Consider how others view you and your contributions. Who uses you as a role model and why? What in your life experience has led you to wisdom? Honor these insights and find ways to share what you already know well with others who could benefit.

Now, finally, it's about you. So decide to make a start - any start. Write out some specific goals and break them down into manageable short term objectives. Reflect on their purpose and what that means to you. Consider your character strengths and personal resources – and how they will help you achieve your goals.

Want an example of what to expect at Parents' Weekend? When packing for the events, don't forget to take along your new attitude. It will help ease your college student's mind about how you're adjusting.

We encourage you to spend time looking around our website, HerMentorCenter.com. You'll find information on all aspects of family relationships by clicking on 'Newsletter Library' and 'Nourish Relationships', and then on the specific subjects that interest you. Write us about your concerns and ask some questions - click on 'comments' below this post and then follow the prompts - we want to hear from you!

Wrap-up of the Virtual Book Tour

Yesterday we interviewed Dr. Dorothea Hover-Kramer about her book, "Second Chance at Your Dream," for our Virtual Book Tour. She kicked off the comments by sharing a tip about energy psychology and self care:

Most of us are busy and need quick ways to release stress and tension. Here's one I'd like to invite you to use as often as needed today. When you notice a strong unhappy feeling or negative thought, treat it quickly by repeating a reminder phrase such as "I release……" while tapping several meridian 'acupoints,' which are where the eyebrow meets the nose, at the outer eye, below the eye, under the lip, at the collarbone and at the side of the hand. Each of these points relates to bone, connective tissue and your body's information messaging system.



A reader asked about the similarity between the yoga practice of deep breathing and what is taught in energy psychology.

Dorothea:

Yoga is wonderful and I do some every day, but energy psychology is actually an approach to psychotherapy that utilizes the body's energy system - meridian acupoints, biofield and energy centers - to bring relief to emotional distress. It has proved to be highly effective in relieving trauma, both recent and past.

Another shared that journaling has helped her stay centered, on top of her feelings and tap into her creativity.

Dorothea:

Thank you for sharing how you value writing your thoughts and feelings down. It's so important that we pay attention to our needs. Women are most often the family caregivers and it's all too easy to become distracted from the need to nurture ourselves so we CAN give to others.

One useful question for the beginning of the day is to ask what you really want for yourself today. At the end of the day, take stock and explore how you paid attention to your goal. While gently rubbing the mid-chest area, affirm: "I deeply and profoundly accept myself with all my gifts, talents and abilities."

Readers had questions about how to learn more about energy psychology and begin to apply it. "I am the poster woman for the sandwich generation and I like the idea of honoring myself. How do I find the time to do that?" And "If I have very little free time, what's the one best thing I can do to take care of my aging self?"

Dorothea:

About having enough time to honor yourself, think of the reality that we have 5,000-8,000 thoughts an hour. If those thoughts (the inner self talk) are in any way self-depreciating, the body will feel that and respond by limiting gene expression and repressing immune function.

If you can change even 5 of those thoughts to those of self-appreciation, there will be a change. The human psyche is wired for growth, self-healing and joy. As we align with those energies, we shift our environments within and outside of ourselves.

Thank you for asking about what approach from energy psychology might be best for taking care of yourself with limited time. I suggest starting by taking note of inner self-talk which might give a clue to beliefs that may be limiting to you.

For example, telling oneself " I have very little time" could perpetuate a sense of never having enough time for anything and feeling anxious. In contrast, telling oneself, "I now take the time I need to release negativity" (as suggested in my earlier post with the tapping) may free up emotional energy.

I always encourage taking time to affirm yourself by gently holding the heart area and affirming, "with each breath I increase my sense of peace, with each breath I increase my vitality, with each breath I enhance my coping skills." Positive self-affirmations attract the desired qualities and allow them to resonate within.

One of Dorothea's loyal readers said:

I have shared your book with several friends and family - of all ages. I just want to put in a plug that your book, while aimed at the second half, is also helpful and can be quite useful for those in the "first half" as well. This book is a wealth of useful insight and information that can benefit anyone who is willing to apply it.

Dorothea:

Thank you for spreading the good news about the book and with your friends of all ages. While the book is certainly for anyone, the needs of boomer women and people in the sandwich generation are especially challenging because of time pressures and juggling so many roles at once. Conscious self-care is essential and I would like to share as much as possible to ease others' burdens.

Readers, if you have a favorite book that you think others would enjoy, email us a brief description at Mentors@HerMentorCenter.com. We'll see if we can arrange a Virtual Book Tour and we'll definitley share the titles with all of you.