Sixty Minute Solutions for Less Stress

If you’re looking for less stress and more mental freedom, you may be a candidate for a tech detox. Instead of 24/7 connectivity and instant gratification that’s no longer so gratifying, how about creating a sacred space where you can daydream and relax?

There’s a backlash brewing in the digital world as more boomers turn gray and information overload increases. How tense are you lately? Stress can manifest physiologically with headaches or stomach upset, emotionally by feelings of irritability or overwhelm, behaviorally through changes in your eating or sleep patterns, cognitively with memory loss or trouble concentrating.

If you can’t afford to take time off and unplug in the south of France, here are practical tips to develop a different mindset and restore balance right here at home:

Seek solitude. Set limits by saying 'no' to others and 'yes' to yourself. A physical place with little opportunity for distraction will free up your thoughts. Try not to worry about mistakes from the past or what the future will bring. As you disconnect, stay in the moment. Carve out an hour every day for quiet time and discover what brings you peace of mind.

Change your attitude. Emotional discomfort can be an opportunity for greater self understanding, and awareness is always the first step toward change. Learn how to face uncertainty with a positive attitude or turn pessimistic ideas into more optimistic ones. Six sessions with a cognitive therapist can teach you a lot about how to reframe your thoughts and gain a different perspective.

Practice meditation. Find ways to attend to your mind and spirit. Learn about techniques of deep breathing or develop a yoga discipline. Drop your thoughts into the space between breaths and steer your mind away from constant stimulation. Think about nothing and completely clear your head. Mindfulness is a concept derived from Buddhism that's central to meditation and involves being present and observant without judgment.

Want to share some ideas about how you disconnect and find moments of mental tranquility? Just click on 'comments' below and follow the prompts. And log on Wednesday for more practical tips about de-stressing your life.

How to Make a Good Marriage Better

You know what they about a stable marriage that’s moving along with no major hurdles - ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.’ But you may feel that your relationship just hasn’t reached its full potential or that something is missing. Believe it or not, you can break out of the routine and recapture some of the magic.

According to the field of interpersonal neurobiology, the brain is constantly changing. And that has a lot to do with your daily interactions. All relationships, especially loving ones, alter the brain circuits that shape memories and emotions. Think about when you first met your spouse - the immediate attraction, the flow of attachment hormones, the we-can’t-live-without-each-other interdependency.

This alchemy continues throughout life, and how we treat each other matters. In a loving relationship, we can change each other’s neural functions when we decide to be more mindful, attentive and compassionate. And holding hands is enough to reduce stress and minimize physical pain. So whether you want to release euphoria-inducing chemicals like dopamine and adrenaline or change the wiring in your brain, here are some ideas to consider:

Invest emotionally. Make time for each other just as you would for any valuable asset. Remember why you fell in love and keep romance alive. A gentle touch or quick hug releases oxytocin, a hormone that facilitates bonding as well as reduces stress levels. When you're feeling tense, an affectionate moment can help you feel relaxed, closer, more loved. Studies show that celebrating positive events predict greater relationship satisfaction than commiserating over negative ones. The efforts you both make will be returned in multiples.

Eliminate boredom. Although lightheartedness is often one of the first casualties of hectic family life, when the kids grow up you may feel a void and realize your relationship isn't exciting anymore. Do you wonder who is this person and what did I first see in him? If so, talk to your partner about how you feel, without judging or accusing. And come to the conversation prepared with suggestions for change. Plan some adventures and discover new activities you both enjoy. Take on a physical challenge together and train to make it happen. Have fun together, laugh and bring humor into your daily life. Being playful can lead to greater intimacy.

Interested in sharing how you've worked to change your relationship? Just click on ‘comments’ below and follow the prompts. And log on Wednesday for more practical insight about refreshing your marriage.

Attaining Happiness Without a Winning Lottery Ticket

Is happiness really as simple as a warm puppy? Stopping to smell the flowers? Or as materialistic as a winning lottery ticket? There have been scores of philosophers and theologians over the years attempting to define happiness and to identify its components. But recently Michael J. Fox, living with Parkinson's for over 20 years put it more plainly:

I really love being alive. I really love my family and my work. I love the opportunity I have to do things. That's what happiness is.

If you're working to increase your happiness, perhaps you've already begun with the strategies we talked about earlier this week - increasing your gratitude and engaging by using your character strengths. Today, using Fox's formula of affirmative focus, family and meaningful work accomplishments, we have four more tips for you in the quest to attain true happiness.

Savor the pleasurable events and emotions you experience. First immerse yourself in these activities, being mindful so that your experience is rich and deep. Then set aside time later to re-live and enjoy the event and your feelings all over again. You'll find that your body becomes more relaxed, your thoughts more focused and your mood more upbeat.

Build and nurture personal relationships. Studies continue to show that positive relationships provide a buffer for the stresses we all encounter and are correlated with greater happiness, well-being, optimism, improved health, even a longer lifespan. And they work to create an upward spiral - the happier we are, the more we attract additional positive relationships.

Create a meaningful life by helping others. When you make a commitment to help others, your altruism also benefits you by increasing your levels of joy and contentment. Receiving a windfall of money - like that coming from a lottery win - doesn't actually lead to a long-term rise in happiness when spent on oneself, once basic needs are met. Yet spending a portion of that money on others - either as a gift or as a charitable donation - is correlated with an increase in happiness.

Set goals for yourself and work to achieve them. Striving for and accomplishing a goal leads to increased self-esteem and a sense mastery and efficacy. When you overcome challenges along the way, it creates even deeper well-being and feelings of control. And the optimism that you have about future meaningful successes can generate authentic happiness.

President Abraham Lincoln, who went through great trials and difficulties, shared his view:

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

How happy will you decide to be? Can you get there without depending on a lottery ticket?

Brief Training in Meditation Eases Pain

One reader's response to yesterday's post on how seeing photos of a loved one can help reduce pain: "I treasure photos of the people I love. I have them posted all over my house. Most important, I love looking at photos of my beloved husband, who died suddenly five months ago. I posted a wonderful photo of him on my computer desktop. His mouth is slightly open and it looks as if he is about to speak to me. So I often talk to him, and enjoy continuing our connection."

Her connection seems like a form of meditation, which leads into our thoughts for today. A recent study shows as little as an hour of mindfulness training is enough to reduce pain.

Researchers compared mindfulness meditation subjects' responses to mild electrical shocks with the responses of a control group that was not trained in meditation. The latter group was instructed to relax or given math problems as a distraction. Not only did the meditation subjects feel less pain than the control group while meditating, but they also experienced less pain sensitivity while not meditating.

Researchers say the meditation training seemed to have reduced general pain sensitivity even after the experiments were over. Participants who were mindful tended to be less anxious on subjective assessments.

The mindfulness training lessened the awareness and sensitivity to pain by reducing anxiety and teaching people to pay attention to the sensations at present rather than anticipating future pain. According to one researcher, "With the meditation training they would acknowledge the pain, they realize what it is, but just let it go. They learn to bring their attention back to the present."

Both of us will be traveling the rest of the week, so this is our last post until next Monday. But you members of the Sandwich Generation can still talk amongst yourselves. Just click on 'Comments' below and start a conversation - about your loved ones, meditation, mindfulness or whatever is on your mind - and we'll pick up on it next week.