Say Goodbye to Your College Kids and Hello to Yourself

After you've said goodbye to your college kids, it's time to say hello to you. Imagine that you're the woman in the photo below, journaling your way into the next chapter of your life.

Engage in an active process of learning more about what you want to do. What nurtures your creative thinking? What stimulates your curiosity? Identify your natural talents. What comes so easily you often don't notice it? How about the acquired skills you have used successfully? Think about what you consider to be your greatest personal strengths. These could encompass, among others, attributes as diverse as a love of learning, a sense of humor, loyalty to others.

Discover what you feel passionate about. What do you really value and care about? What are your dreams? What do you imagine is your life purpose now? Take advantage of the extra time and follow your dream of returning to school or changing jobs. Join a hiking group, volunteer program or exercise class. Learn more about bridge or yoga. Put yourself front and center for a change.

Consider how others view you and your contributions. Who uses you as a role model and why? What in your life experience has led you to wisdom? Honor these insights and find ways to share what you already know well with others who could benefit.

Now, finally, it's about you. So decide to make a start - any start. Write out some specific goals and break them down into manageable short term objectives. Reflect on their purpose and what that means to you. Consider your character strengths and personal resources – and how they will help you achieve your goals.

Want an example of what to expect at Parents' Weekend? When packing for the events, don't forget to take along your new attitude. It will help ease your college student's mind about how you're adjusting.

We encourage you to spend time looking around our website, HerMentorCenter.com. You'll find information on all aspects of family relationships by clicking on 'Newsletter Library' and 'Nourish Relationships', and then on the specific subjects that interest you. Write us about your concerns and ask some questions - click on 'comments' below this post and then follow the prompts - we want to hear from you!

The Empty Nest in Tough Economic Times

These are tough times, with so many baby boomers suffering from unemployment, money problems and foreclosure. There are plenty of reasons to feel anxious and sad. And if you're dealing with the empty nest, that may feel like the last straw.

Give yourself an emotional break and see what happens. Understand that even though your kids have moved out, you're still needed although not in the same way. Letting go of your parenting responsibilities means letting go of the family role you've played so far. Sit back and breathe in deeply as you appreciate this opportunity to create different relationships within your family.

Practice letting go. Cry if it helps - it's natural to feel plenty of emotion at this turning point. Try to visualize one door closing and another door opening. Relax into feeling more calm and carefree. Let yourself get excited by the possibility of exploring what you want to do with all the free time you now have.

Decide to write regularly in a journal. As you think about all that is happening in your life right now, you will naturally acknowledge the pressure you're feeling. And by identifying and dealing with what is going on for you emotionally, you'll learn to take more control over this process of change. You'll find that journaling is a great tool for reducing stress and increasing self-awareness.

The Newsletter Library of HerMentorCenter.com is packed full of information that can help you move forward. You'll learn from other womens' experiences. And then why not buy Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm for only $2.45 - it will change your attitude and help you cope in these difficult times.

We have received several interesting comments to our recent blogs, two of which we want to highlight today. They represent the range of issues we Boomer Sandwich Generation women are dealing with these days.

Audrey, a college admission counselor, knows that when our offspring leave for college, we parents have many reactions to the empty nest - sadness, relief, loneliness, satisfaction, the realization that our hands-on parenting days are over. We also have more of a valuable commodity, free time. She has created a program which takes advantage of the increased availability of our time, energy and interests. Through her new program called "Back to College for a Day," she has organized interesting lectures on a variety of topics by Los Angeles area professors. If you want more information about her program, set for October 27, 2007, visit her website at www.backtocollegeforaday.com.

Then there is the other end of the spectrum.


Concerning our interview with Carol O'Dell, one woman expressed the complex challenges of caring for an emotionally difficult aging mother while still trying to honor the needs of her own family. As she put it, "I feel badly for her but am not prepared to put the quality of my family life on the line."

Just as in the aptly named children's game, tug-of-war, we may feel like we are in a battle zone - pulled simultaneously from both sides and stretched to the limit in the middle. It is a struggle for each of us to sense our own breaking point – which we must do if we are to learn how to protect ourselves for the long haul. It's not easy to put limits on the connection with your aging parents, but you may need to place that relationship in the context of the rest of your life. Trust yourself as you design a plan that works for all of you, yourself included.

Let us know how you are grappling with these same kinds of issues in your own extended family - we can all learn from each other.