The Empty Nest in Tough Economic Times

These are tough times, with so many baby boomers suffering from unemployment, money problems and foreclosure. There are plenty of reasons to feel anxious and sad. And if you're dealing with the empty nest, that may feel like the last straw.

Give yourself an emotional break and see what happens. Understand that even though your kids have moved out, you're still needed although not in the same way. Letting go of your parenting responsibilities means letting go of the family role you've played so far. Sit back and breathe in deeply as you appreciate this opportunity to create different relationships within your family.

Practice letting go. Cry if it helps - it's natural to feel plenty of emotion at this turning point. Try to visualize one door closing and another door opening. Relax into feeling more calm and carefree. Let yourself get excited by the possibility of exploring what you want to do with all the free time you now have.

Decide to write regularly in a journal. As you think about all that is happening in your life right now, you will naturally acknowledge the pressure you're feeling. And by identifying and dealing with what is going on for you emotionally, you'll learn to take more control over this process of change. You'll find that journaling is a great tool for reducing stress and increasing self-awareness.

The Newsletter Library of HerMentorCenter.com is packed full of information that can help you move forward. You'll learn from other womens' experiences. And then why not buy Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm for only $2.45 - it will change your attitude and help you cope in these difficult times.

Sleep-away Camp: Ambivalence for the Kids and You

My first memories are of Girl Guide camp in Canada, where we slept in tents and cooked our meals over an open fire. After many experiences at camp, I met my husband when we were both counselors in the mountains of North Carolina. And camp has been a family tradition ever since.

What about you? Just as you're settling into the lazy days of summer, are you shifting gears to get the kids ready for sleep-away camp? If this is a first, there may be ambivalent feelings all around. In new situations, there are many unknowns, and it's easy to let them get the best of you. Yet camp can be a great opportunity for kids to develop their independence, strengths and interests. 'Camp is full of possibilities,' says one dad who is savoring memories as his sons talk about their summer at camp.

But, like any new experience, the anticipation leading up to departure can cause anxiety for your kids and for you. Because you focus so much on their needs, it may be hard to step back and not worry: What if the girls in her bunk are mean to her? What if he doesn't shower regularly? Perhaps you'll find it easier to let go if you feel your kids are well prepared. So after you check off the items on the packing list, sew the labels in all their clothes and give instructions about reapplying sunscreen and staying hydrated, read this. Here the Centers for Disease Control provides tips for kids to stay safe and healthy at camp.

You know your kids and what will set their minds at ease. Talking to others about the fun times of camp can be reassuring to a child who's not sure what to expect. Perhaps if they're aware that feeling lonely the first couple of days is normal, they won't be surprised if it happens. Why not write a letter that will be waiting for them at camp, as well as pack a special item from home, so they'll realize that you're thinking about them? And know that the counselors will help them get into the flow of the program. This PBSkids article sheds light on the subject of homesickness.

See this as the first day of the rest of your family life. At camp your kids will gain confidence while making new friends and developing lifelong skills. Trust that they can take care of themselves. In this article about how to love your kidults by letting go, the focus is on emerging adult children. Consider that you're getting a head start - today sleep-away camp, tomorrow college!

Grandmothers Hold On and Let Go

Over spring break, I had a chance to think about the eternal balance for grandmothers as well as mothers - between holding on and letting go. I recognized the dilemma as we took our visiting grandsons to an amusement park that offered trapeze lessons. I watched each of them climb up the tall ladder, perch on the small landing, reach for the bar of the trapeze and then leap out into the air, swinging freely on the trapeze.

After a few swings, each one raised his legs up, hooked them over the bar, and hung by his knees, letting go of his hands and swinging back and forth upside down. Although each was, of course, attached to a tether protecting from harm in case of a fall, the freedom of the moment was palpable.

After being let down, each boy rolled off the net. Their huge grins and swaggering walk testified to the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that each boy attained. They had experienced first hand the flood of emotions generated by holding on and letting go - anticipation, anxiety, fear, daring, courage, exhilaration, fulfillment and pride, among others.

And I too understood the complexity of holding on and letting go - of children, grandchildren, aging parents. Having practiced it for years with my children, I was finally getting a little more skillful at it with my grandchildren. I recognized that although they loved to cuddle with me when they were younger, as they matured they were becoming a bit more distant, especially in public. And this was all just fine - I didn't take it personally. I realized that even in their letting go, we would always have bonds to hold on to. It's a growing experience - for all of us.

To continue growing yourself, download a complimentary copy of our e-book, Courage and Lessons Learned. You'll receive it when you sign up for our newsletter email list on the box to the left of this post.

The Masks We Wear as Our Kids Grow Up

You deserve the life you want. If you're having problems with changes, in your job, finances or family, take the time to evaluate the situation. Understanding and working through the impact is one of the most important things you can do for yourself.

As members of The Sandwich Generation, just like these masks, sometimes you may not know whether to laugh or cry. Handling the responsibilities of a family in flux can be overwhelming - especially when you growing kids are working toward moving out. As they experiment with being more independent and on their own, there can be tension all around. And when communication stalls, you can feel frustrated, even angry.

If you're confused about what to do next, consider seeing a family therapist. The guidance of an expert can make a big difference and talking together can be helpful all around. As you begin to put unfinished business to rest, everyone will be free to express themselves more directly. Then you can decide what family problems to work on and begin to move forward, step by step.

Log on to www.HerMentorCenter.com and go to Nourishing Relationships on the Home Page, where you'll find tips on how to manage family issues. Or click on the title of this post to read an article about Loving Your Kidults by Letting Go.

The Empty Nest: A Chance to Reinvent Yourself

One reader sums it up: "I am a full believer that the better way to avoid the problems of empty nest is balance. Your entire life cannot be the kids. Throughout the child rearing days a portion of your time and mind should go to continuing to build the relationship with your spouse. Another important portion of your time and mind should go to nurturing yourself. Doing what you love to do. When the kids are gone you have more time to dedicate to both of these. There is always a sense of loss, but there is something there to fill the void."

Practice letting go. Try to visualize one door closing and another door opening. Relax into feeling more calm and carefree. Let yourself get excited by the possibility of exploring what you want to do with the free time that is now available to you.

Decide to write regularly in a journal. Think about what's happening in your life right now and you'll see that there's no right or wrong way to feel. Accept that you, too, are on a more independent path now. By identifying and dealing with what is going on for you emotionally, you'll learn to take greater control over this process of change.
Recognize that you now have full license to put energy into reinventing yourself. The lid has been lifted off the box – embrace new options that you may not have imagined possible. Continue to move away from center stage regarding your kids and move toward your own deferred plans and goals. It's the best time to enjoy the chance to fulfill your dreams.

Some think that putting yourself first is selfish, no matter what the stage of life. But that's not what the experts say. So click on the title of this post for tips on what we call self-fullness. And keep us posted on your progress!

The Empty Nest and the Sandwich Generation

For those of you in the Sandwich Generation, there are lots of circumstances that lead to an empty nest - your growing children moving to college, moving away to take a job or moving into marriage or a committed life with a partner. And any of these situations may require major role shifts for all the family.

Watch the video below about a transition that unfortunately resulted in problems for everyone. But if you read the August blog posts we suggest, you'll see that that there are solutions.



Accept your ambivalence about the empty nest. Discuss your situation with friends who care about what you're going through. You'll discover that you have a lot in common and that they feel the same about their own experiences. That can be validating and comforting. Practice letting go. Try to visualize one door closing and another door opening.

Clicking on the title of this post will take you to HerMentorCenter.com and an article about what you can learn from President Obama's Mother-in-law. Then, at the top lefthand corner of that article, you'll see "Return to Home Page." Click on that and then on Newsletter Library and Nourishing Relationships for more tips about adapting to other role changes.

Baby Boomers and the Empty Nest

Now that autumn is here and your college-aged kids have moved out, you may be feeling unsettled, even melancholy. This can be a complicated time of transition for some families - but not all.

For some parents 'no kids at home' represents a fresh start. Here's what Mira had to say after her youngest child went away to college: "This is the only time I've been completely free since my daughter was born. I spent months after she went away to college just relaxing and doing whatever I wanted, until I got bored. And now I've enrolled in graduate school - I'm going to pursue my passion for learning and an MBA."

So let's figure out what it is that you're really thinking about - how they'll get along in school or how you'll adjust to the empty nest?

All week we'll be focusing on this timely topic and we want to hear from you. If your kids are away at school, what are the unexpected feelings you are dealing with? And, if this transition is behind you, what words of wisdom can you share with all of us?

Settle into the subject by clicking on the title of this post. That will take you to HerMentorCenter.com and an article about How to Love your Kidults by Letting Go.

A dramatic chase scene in order to elude the press corps, followed by a secret meeting under the cover of darkness - that sure sounds mysterious. Yet makes sense in this complicated political campaign, full of inuendo and little closure.

But doesn't it actually parallel conflict resolution in real life? You have an argument with your partner over some issue that is important to both of you and then - after calming down and thinking it over - a productive discussion follows. But that's not the end of it, even though you both know what the final result should look like. You have to figure out who gives up what, who's really in charge and what do you get in return for compromising.

It's not that easy for Hillary Clinton right now. She is going through a normal letting go process while, at the same time, trying to hold on to her voters and concede the race. Even though she has a 30 million dollar debt, she has played an incredible role in womens' history. Whether or not she wants the vice presidency, she now has no choice but to make a gracious exit and help unite the party.

The dynamics have been turned upside down, with Barack Obama the victor and Clinton the vanquished. These kind of shifts can be tricky, as he gears up to be the democratic nominee. Hopefully their meeting was the first step in mending wounds and moving forward - that includes reaching out and bringing Clinton's supporters into the coalition.

Obama has stated clearly that his plan to choose a vice presidential candidate will consist of an involved process with detailed feedback from close advisors. In the end politics, like relationships, are very much about the people. And that decision is entirely up to him.

Barack Obama has found his voice again - asking the voters to embrace change, even if it is coming from an imperfect messenger. And after Hillary Clinton's very narrow victory in Indiana yesterday, and despite her expressed determination to continue the fight, the political pundits are all but declaring the race over.

Think about how you deal with a difficult situation, as Sandwiched Boomers, when the outcome is inevitable and ultimately you have no choice but to let go. You may be facing the end of a role you took for granted or the control you once had. Every loss, even a symbolic one, needs to be mourned – such as the marriage of your child, which signals the end of your own youth, or caring for an aging parent, which triggers the fear of being a burden to your children.

During a time of loss and grieving, some emotional, physical or behavioral reactions are normal. You may find that you're angry, feel anxious or sad, perhaps even depressed. Without your familiar comfort zone, it’s difficult to be grounded. There can be changes in familiar patterns, like how much or little you sleep or eat. Or you notice a difference in your ability to focus or concentrate and to remain interested in activities or others. If you're not at ease with yourself, you may withdraw or avoid social situations altogether.

Any major life change is challenging and transition is always a process that takes time and patience. But know that what you are experiencing is common and normal, for you and for Hillary Clinton. And, with a positive attitude, there are many hidden gifts to be found along the way.