Take off your Mask and Take Care of You

Are you a Sandwiched Boomer facing the challenges of parents growing older and children growing up? If so, you're probably changing your mask throughout your busy day - and if not that, certainly your attitude and facial expression. But you can harmonize your feelings with the face you show the world.

Bring congruency into your life. Notice that when you feel one way and act another, you're out of sorts. Work on synchronicity – that is, making what you feel match what you do. Integrate your core values and personal ideals into how you view the world – and live them.

It can be difficult to maintain a sense of optimism when circumstances are emotionally painful. But there are psychological pitfalls when you present a false self and mask your true identity. If your negative feelings stem from a void inside, examine what is missing in your life. It takes a lot of courage to exorcise you demons and the road to healing is long and hard. But you can hold yourself to a higher standard. Take off your mask and commit to feeling more positive about yourself.

How do you spend your free time away from all your responsibilities? A massage or facial may seem too extravagant in this tough economy. But taking a walk in the park or a hike in the hills with a friend can be a real energy booster - give it a try! And click on the title of this post for some tips on how to take better care of yourself.

The Masks that Hide You fromYour Partner

As members of the Sandwich Generation facing the challenges of aging parents and growing children, there's often not enough time or energy left to attend to your love relationship. During such stressful periods, problems in your marriage can seem insurmountable. And perhaps it feels like a masquerade. As hard as it may be, take off your masks and try to understand what each other is feeling. Make a commitment to talk honestly about what's going on and what you can do to change the situation. Recreate balance so you can nurture this most important relationship - you won't regret it.

Accept the changes both of you are making. By redefining your relationship, you will begin to feel more connected. And as your relationship grows, you will both be able to go from being afraid of your future to feeling excited about what’s ahead.

Seek out the support you need, often. It can be difficult to do it alone. Spend time with friends who understand what you're going through or who have had similar circumstances. See a couples therapist or talk with family members whose opinions you respect and trust.

Scroll down to "Comments" on the lower righthand corner of this post and share your relationship tips with our readers. And click on the title of this post to learn more about Boomer Couples and Re-examining Your Relationship.

The Masks We Wear as Our Kids Grow Up

You deserve the life you want. If you're having problems with changes, in your job, finances or family, take the time to evaluate the situation. Understanding and working through the impact is one of the most important things you can do for yourself.

As members of The Sandwich Generation, just like these masks, sometimes you may not know whether to laugh or cry. Handling the responsibilities of a family in flux can be overwhelming - especially when you growing kids are working toward moving out. As they experiment with being more independent and on their own, there can be tension all around. And when communication stalls, you can feel frustrated, even angry.

If you're confused about what to do next, consider seeing a family therapist. The guidance of an expert can make a big difference and talking together can be helpful all around. As you begin to put unfinished business to rest, everyone will be free to express themselves more directly. Then you can decide what family problems to work on and begin to move forward, step by step.

Log on to www.HerMentorCenter.com and go to Nourishing Relationships on the Home Page, where you'll find tips on how to manage family issues. Or click on the title of this post to read an article about Loving Your Kidults by Letting Go.

The Masks We All Wear

As members of the Sandwich Generation, don't we all wear masks at one time or another, pretending that everything is OK? There are many reasons people may act out this charade. It's not uncommon to hide personal pain, because putting it on display for all to see can be embarrassing and even destabilize relationships. Yet studies show that using denial as an emotional defense and 'acting as if' everything is fine can actually shift your feelings in a more positive direction. And keeping a 'stiff upper lip' when you feel powerless may, in fact, result in your having more control over a difficult situation.

Yet underlying bad feelings don't just disappear when you hide them as a form of self-medication. The transitions we go through can be complicated. And perspective is valuable, no matter whether you're hit in the face with a crisis, giving up roles that have defined you in the past or making a slow adjustment to changes in your identity. Try to take a step back as you look at what's going on for you emotionally.

We'll be giving you tips all week about how to work through transitions you may be facing. Clicking on the title of this blog will take you to HerMentorCenter.com and an article about Turning a Crisis into a Challenge.