Have Some ‘Catch-up’ with Your Sandwich Generation

July is Sandwich Generation month. According to a 2011 report from the Pew Research center, 30 million Americans are unpaid care-givers for their aging parents. And many of them are still raising children or supporting a boomerang kid.

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If you’re a member of the Sandwich Generation, you know that there's a lot to chew on. When your secretary says there’s a nurse on the line, do you wonder if it’s the school or the cardiac care unit? It can be a struggle when you’re worried about your children, your folks, and how you're going to pay for it all.

This month, when we honor those sandwiched between growing kids and parents in decline, it’s the perfect time to play catch-up with yourself. You can create new scripts instead of resorting to old thought patterns that bring you down. Here are 7 ideas that can help change your perspective and your quality of life:

Attend to your needs. Let frustration, exhaustion, or guilt wash over you but try not to give in to them. As you assume greater responsibility for your parents, make nurturing yourself a priority. If you’re feeling centered when your teens are pushing the limits, you’re better able to meet the challenges. You deserve to take better care of your emotional self.

Release emotions. If you have pent up feelings about particular family members, writing can be cathartic. It helps you regulate negative emotions and savor positive ones. Let go of judgment and you'll open up to a deeper, more expressive experience. Read between the lines of your journal and trust what you discover - ways to resolve conflict, to gain closure, to find inner strength.

Seek solitude. Set limits by saying 'no' to others and 'yes' to yourself. A physical place with little opportunity for distraction will free up your thoughts. Try not to worry about mistakes from the past or what the future will bring. Carve out quiet time each day and discover what brings you peace of mind.

We want to hear from you - tell us about your greatest challenges and how you're managing them. And please log on again on Wednesday for more practical tips about nourishing your family without staving yourself.

Mommy Wars Post Tax Day

Moms continue to reflect and speak out about the economy – the nation’s and their own family’s. Women recognize that life can be full of stress and anxiety, especially when extra financial worries erupt at tax time. Whether you’re a work-at-home mom or pursue a career outside the house, we can all choose to attack the problems, not each other. These tips can help you become part of the solution as you develop a personal safety net to fall back on now and in other difficult times:

Reconsider your assumptions, refocus and reframe your thoughts. When you look at things from a different perspective, you’ll be able to come up with fresh ways to deal with the stresses you face. Expressing your gratitude for the gifts you have will create a better mood for you and those around you.

Gather information from counselors, Internet sites, seminars or self help books about how to minimize the impact of pressures you are now experiencing. Find out what resources are available in the community to help manage your tensions.

Practice relaxation techniques on a daily basis. Learn deep breathing or guided imagery to help you unwind and settle down. Go for a walk early in the morning and enjoy the sights, sounds, and aroma of the world just getting up. If you have a few minutes in the house, refresh and relax by putting your feet up and listening to some soothing music.

Ask for help and turn to those around you for support. When you let your friends and family know what you need from them, they are more likely to come to your aid. Clarify what’s necessary to achieve your goals. When you’re not feeling so overwhelmed by your responsibilities and commitments, your outlook will be more positive and optimistic.

Communicate honestly with your spouse, growing children and aging parents. Talk out disagreements before they become heated, out of control arguments. Don't put a lid on your emotions, just on expressing them in an aggressive manner. Instead, develop a direct, assertive style to express your needs. When conflicts arise, agree to be flexible and cooperative as you work toward reaching a compromise.

And lets use this same conversational etiquette when we talk with each other – about taxes, moms, women’s roles or politics. November is still six months away and we can help set a civil tone for the dialogue.

Tax Day Minus One and More

Women are used to multi-tasking, thinking about and dealing with many issues at the same time. Still, your head may be spinning today with the complex activities going on - Emancipation Day, the celebration of President Lincoln’s freeing of slaves in the District of Columbia 150 years ago, Patriot's Day with the 116th running of the Boston Marathon and Tax Day tomorrow when 144 million income tax returns are due to be filed.

Women and taxes are in the news again as the debate continues between moms who work in and outside the home – begun by Hilary Rosen’s comment about Ann Romney - while the Senate discusses the so-called Buffet Rule. Is our society ready to redefine caregiving as productive labor, with support and tax credits? Wherever you stand on these issues, you know that for women it’s a struggle to balance the logistical, emotional and financial demands of work and family. When you’re also caring for an aging parent, you may begin to feel overwhelmed by all of your responsibilities.

If you're a Sandwiched Boomer supporting both your growing children and aging parents, you may have already consulted with a tax advisor about claiming both sets as dependents. After all, you want to conserve as much of your nest egg as you can. With your reduced funds being stretched ever thinner in this economy by the generations surrounding you, Tax Day thrusts your finances front and center.

What about also considering the non-monetary contributions you make to your family in flux? The time, energy, thoughts and emotions you devote to your children and elderly parents can exhaust your core just as your expenses deplete your cash reserves. Are you beginning to feel like a woman on the verge? Instead, use your Tax Day perspective to try out these tips to improve your health and wellbeing:

Maintain balance as you invest your energies in family, career and yourself. You may not be able to attain the perfect level of achievement in any of these, but you can enjoy a sense of accomplishment in your growing strength. To avoid burnout as you shift between caring for your kids and your parents, set aside time for yourself.

Take better care of yourself. When you cope with stress before it becomes chronic, you're better able to take care of your loved ones as well as yourself. As you strive to limit your responsibilities to others, you'll find you have more time for fun and fulfillment in your own life. Go for it – you know you deserve it.

Check back with us again on Wednesday for more tips to help you through tax time. And for some suggestions about coping with stress due to economic troubles you may be facing, consider our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success.

Caution, Curves Ahead

Last week, I was driving down one of the canyons in Los Angeles, quickly moving the steering wheel left and right as the road twisted and turned. It was like playing an arcade game, trying to keep your car on the virtual road, going as fast as you can. In those videos, the sharp curves keep switching and obstacles suddenly appear, causing you to crash and burn if you're not reacting fast enough.

It may be fun to play on a screen but what about when life itself mirrors this wild experience? If you find yourself in the midst of a constant stream of challenges, threatening to devastate you, you're probably looking for a way to tone down the level of your reactions and emotions. Here are two ways to begin:

Give up the illusion of control. If you're a sandwiched boomer, you've probably already noticed that you don't have very much control over the way your growing children or aging parents behave. Juggling work and parenting responsibilities, do you still somehow hold on to the belief that you can determine the way those around you act? This is the time to let go of your unrealistic expectations and the belief that you can create a perfect outcome. What you can change is how you react to what comes your way. Choose to focus on looking inside as you shift to more positive emotions. And turn the challenges coming at you as opportunities for growth.

Give up the guilt. When things don't turn out the way you expect, do you blame yourself? Whether it's trouble maintaining a balance between work and family or your needs and your partner's, don't beat yourself up for your choices - learn from them. Instead of dwelling on past mistakes, forgive yourself, let go of your negative feelings and allow yourself the opportunity to regroup and try something else. You're doing the best you can so give yourself some credit and ease up. After all, you're human, not all-knowing, and you deserve another chance. Friends can give you support and perspective as you share your feelings and concerns.

Stop by again Wednesday for more tips on plotting a course for yourself. And if you're stressed from dealing with the ups and downs of the economy, consider our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success.

Love is More Than a Four Letter Word

With Valentine's Day less than a week away, we continue our focus on the many aspects of love. Filled with the deep pleasure of engagement, we often talk about loving a person, an idea, a place, an experience. The great sense of pure joy and energy springing from such love can keep you warm the rest of the season - a must, now that Punxsutawney Phil has predicted six more weeks of winter.

digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Here are two more forms of love to consider this week:

Love what you do. Whatever it is you do each day - a job outside the home, a hobby, volunteer work, caring for your aging parents or growing children - you'll be more fulfilled if you're immersed in it. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi coined the term flow for the experience of focused involvement in an activity. In flow you have a greater sense of clarity and timelessness, with your passion becoming its own reward. Challenge yourself to live a meaningful life to its fullest by creating flow, knowing that you can accomplish your goals. And experience love by making a commitment to act on what you feel.

Love who you are. It's not always easy to love yourself, is it? Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies, seeing our faults more clearly than our strengths. Other times we over estimate our strong points, seeing ourselves through rose-colored glasses. Two thousand years ago, Socrates entreated each of us to Know Thyself. Your challenge today is to recognize your authentic being. When you embrace your frailties and at the same time encourage your growth and the development of your abilities, you can begin to truly love yourself. Learn to feel comfortable in your own skin - accept and be true to who you are.

We hope you enjoy your day of love next week - whatever object of your affections you choose to celebrate. Want to tell us about your love? Click on the comment link below and tell us who or what brings happiness to your life.

Learning to Flourish

Now that the kids are back in school and their homework is starting, we've got some news about a book you might like to read yourself. The field of Positive Psychology - with its emphasis on creating a meaningful, healthy life - is especially important to us here at NourishingRelationships. Recently a pillar in the field, as well as a friend and mentor, Dr. Marty Seligman, enlarged on his work with Authentic Happiness and established a revision of his theory in his new book, Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being.


In his revised theory, Seligman has added two more elements to his original three constructs that make up a life well-lived. All five, each with the support of essential character strengths and virtues, come together to create well-being. He uses the mnemonic PERMA to stand for these 5 components of thriving: Positive Emotions, Engagement, Positive Relationships, Meaning and Purpose, Achievement. Lets take a look at each of these to see how they might relate to you:

Positive Emotions involve pleasure and enjoyment, often during a satisfying sensory experience. You may feel a positive emotion while eating a delicious meal, hearing a beautiful symphony, walking on the beach, sharing a hug with your grandchild. Days full of these positive emotions make up what Seligman terms a pleasant life.

Engagement comes with flow, the experience of being so involved in an activity that you lose track of time and place. During this type of total absorption you feel at one with what you are doing. You may be fortunate to experience flow from your work or a hobby that you love. This type of immersion Seligman has labeled an engaged life.

Positive Relationships are necessary for well-being and therefore comprise one of the two new additions to Seligman's theory of thriving. Here on our blog and at our website, HerMentorCenter.com, we give practical tips to develop and maintain positive relationships with your family. When the pressure rises from caring for growing children and aging parents, the deep relationships you have built with a significant other and close friends can help buffer your stress and enhance your well-being.

Meaning and Purpose entail a commitment to something larger than yourself - the circle can include family, community, country, humanity, spiritual guidance. You may be involved in volunteer activities that bring deep satisfaction and the recognition that you can make a difference in repairing the world. Seligman has described this as a meaningful life.

Accomplishment is the second addition in this revised theory and the final tenet of well-being. Striving to achieve a goal strictly for its own sake can motivate a determined person, using her talents, to overcome difficulties. And the sense of triumph that comes from mastery over a challenging test is priceless.

Will these Positive Psychology tidbits encourage you to enjoy your own learning experience as the new school year begins? Knowing more about the constructs of well-being can help you decide how to focus your personal and family life. We hope our efforts together can be the driving force for you to thrive as you live a pleasant and engaged life, connected to others, complete with meaningful and purposeful accomplishments. What could be better?

Resiliency Among the Israelis

You've probably noticed that we often blog about building resiliency and moving forward after experiencing difficult challenges. I'm just back from Israel, a country filled with some of the most resilient people in the world. Native Israelis are called Sabras - after the cactus - tough and prickly on the outside but soft and juicy on the inside. I've been wondering how the Israeli's remain creative, optimistic, and involved in the midst of the stresses they face every day.

We found that the country is filled with people working energetically to invent new technologies, improve the lives of others, create beauty in their surroundings. They seem to focus their energies on innovation rather than stagnation and hope rather than despair. Some say the crane is the national bird of Israel - not one that flies but the large construction machines you see everywhere involved in the new buildings.

As we were leaving, I asked the taxicab driver how he was a able to remain cheerful every day and he remarked, "I look forward not backward. And I'm a dreamer. I try to achieve 60% of my dreams."

How about you? What are your dreams? What are you doing to make them happen? If you're a Sandwiched Boomer, caring for aging parents while you are still raising growing children, your stress levels may make it difficult to nourish yourself at the same time. Tune in on Wednesday and you'll find some tips to help you too work toward accomplishing your goals and building your resiliency when you meet barriers along the way.

New Ways to Help Your Aging Parents

For all you Sandwiched Boomers out there, we've come across two new creative developments to help you care for your aging parents while you are busy raising your kids. We've tried them out ourselves and want to share with you our excitement about them.

The first is a new kind of software, made especially for older seniors who are not yet comfortable with navigating the Internet. It's called Seniorama and is made by an Israeli software company, Softarama. Seniorama is a senior-friendly operating system with a very simple graphic user interface that enables the elderly and the disabled to utilize basic computer applications - email, browse the Internet, use Skype, play brain games - allowing them to stay connected with family and friends, sharpen their minds, overcome loneliness and more. You can open up a whole new virtual world to your elderly parents, even those with failing eyesight.

Seniorama transforms any PC into an intuitive, easy-to-use machine, from start-up to shutdown, in a way that is suited for non-computer-savvy older seniors and anyone who may have visual problems, learning difficulties, cognitive impairment or a neurological disease of any sort. It provides a clear format for those who require a larger screen view.

Users easily send and receive email, play brain-fitness games, view family photos, browse the Internet and enjoy video chats. They can also customize their email address book and read Word, Powerpoint and PDF documents. Because it includes voice as well as video calling, there is an option to have emails read out loud. And, also reassuring for seniors, there is 24-hour email support available.

If you think you would like to introduce it to your aging parents, you can find out more about Seniorama on their website. If you decide to purchase the easy to install software, the company is offering a significant discount to you, our readers.

We've also received information about a helpful toolkit called Caring for Your Parents: Senior Emergency Kit. Created by the Home Instead Senior Care network and Humana, it's designed to help organize your elderly parent's medical and financial information in one central place. If you'd like your own copy, you can download the materials from their website at SeniorEmergencyKit. You'll find more helpful resources and information there about reducing the caregiver stress you're likely to be experiencing as a Sandwiched Boomer.

And for a lively discussion with baby boomer T.B. Fisher about lessons he's learned over the years, check in with us on Wednesday for a Virtual Book Tour. He'll be answering questions about his new book, Bought In: Reignite, Retool, Rebrand.

Tax Day and Sandwiched Boomers

Are you rushing to finish up your income tax returns? This year, due to the celebration of Emancipation Day last Friday in the District of Columbia, citizens have until midnight tonight to get their tax returns postmarked and in the mail. If you're a Sandwiched Boomer you may be asking yourself, "have I taken all of the deductions I'm legally allowed?" When you're supporting both your growing children and your aging parents, you may want to consult with your tax advisor to see if you are eligible for claiming both sets as dependents. After all, you want to conserve as much of your nest egg as you can. With your reduced funds being stretched even thinner by the generations surrounding you, Tax Day brings your finances front and center.

Image: Arvind Balaraman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

But what about also considering the non-monetary contributions you make to your family in flux? The time, energy, thoughts, emotions you devote to your children and elderly parents can exhaust your core just as your expenses deplete your cash reserves. How is all this affecting you? Are you becoming anxious and angry - on the verge of taking out your frustrations on those around you? Instead, use your Tax Day perspective to look for ways to cope with your stress and preserve more of your health and well-being. Taking better care of yourself can lead to a win-win outcome for everyone in your extended family. When you avoid the burnout that often comes from chronic stress, you're better able to take care of your loved ones as well as yourself.

Here on our blog and on our website, HerMentorCenter.com, we've highlighted the importance of self-care for Sandwiched Boomers. Now you can review the Top 10 Self-fullness Tips for Sandwiched Women and find suggestions about How to Nourish the Sandwich That is You. As guests of Dr. Sandra Haymon, we provided tips for caregivers on blogtalk radio, where you can listen to our complete interview free of charge.

And here are more tips to keep in mind, on Tax Day and everyday:

Maintain balance as you invest your energies in family, career and yourself. You may not be able to attain the perfect level of achievement in any of these three, but you can enjoy a sense of accomplishment in your growing strength. To avoid burnout as you run between caring for your kids and your parents, Psychology Today encourages you to set aside time for yourself to refuel. As you strive to limit your responsibilities to others, you'll find you have more time for fun and fulfillment in your own life.

Practice relaxation techniques on a daily basis to help manage the tensions you are feeling. Make time to go for a walk, exercise at the gym, listen to soothing music or just put your feet up. Learn deep breathing or guided imagery to help you unwind and settle down. Contact your local psychological association to find out what other resources are available in your community. Gather information from Internet sites such as webMD, seminars or self help books about how to minimize the impact of the pressures you are now experiencing.

Ask for help and get support from those around you in order to reduce the stress in your life. Make a concrete plan about what you need and how your can achieve your goals. Consult the Department of Health and Human Services' Eldercare Locator for the names of local resources. When you are not feeling so overwhelmed by your responsibilities and commitments, your negative feelings are not as likely to boil over. Particularly if one of your parents has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, you can use all the help you can get - from the Alzheimer's Association website as well as assistance from other caregivers.

Keep communication open with your spouse, children and aging parents. Talk out disagreements before they become heated arguments that get out of control. Don't put a lid on your emotions, just on expressing them in an aggressive manner. Instead, learn what the Mayo Clinic recommends about developing a direct, assertive style to express your needs. When conflicts arise, agree to be flexible and cooperative - and work toward reaching a compromise.

Your life as a Sandwiched Boomer can be full of stress and anxiety. But when you use these tips and resources, it can help you develop a safety net to fall back on when you need it. For more suggestions about coping with stress in these difficult economic times, consider our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success.

How to Fight Inertia

As Sandwiched Boomers, chances are you're bombarded daily by challenges with aging parents and growing children. You may also be trying to balance home and work responsibilities. And that's without your commitment to stay healthy, lose weight and exercise regularly. Just thinking about your hectic lifestyle can stop you in your tracks. If this is your life and you're feeling the time crunch, follow these guidelines.

Photo by Nuttakit

Make a start, any start. Buy a journal or borrow one of the notebooks your child isn't using and do your homework. Write out some specific long term goals and break these down into smaller, more manageable short term objectives. Begin with the one that seems easiest to implement and take the first step. Don't forget to consider the character strengths and personal resources you have that will help you achieve your goals.


Create weekly or even daily to-do lists. For example, if a regular exercise program is your ultimate goal, begin by penciling in a 20 minute walk twice a week after carpool or during your lunch hour. Organization and planning may sound like dirty words. But the more you concretize what you plan to do, the greater the chances are that you'll follow through with your intentions.

Give yourself a break and see what happens. Let go of any negative thoughts about yourself in relation to getting stuff done. Actively dispute the idea that you are lazy, apathetic or can't get a handle on the process. Choose a simple mantra that rings true for you - such as 'yes I can' - and repeat it often.

Sign the email list to the left of this post to receive a free monthly newsletter, "Stepping Stones" and download a complimentary ebook about how to reach your goals. And log on Wednesday for more tips about fighting inertia.

Staying Warm on Valentine's Day

With record snow throughout much of America and cold winds blowing, it may be hard to stay warm. If you've got someone to cozy up to, you know that love alone does not guarantee the success of a close relationship. It also takes work, commitment and communication to build strong connections.

If the weather weren't enough, couples today are dealing with huge stresses of all sorts - fears of economic meltdown, actual job loss, threats to safety and security, concerns about retirement finances, and, for Sandwiched Boomers, issues arising from children growing up and aging parents growing older. Partners rely on each other to help buffer the impact of these stresses - and, hopefully, to make coping with them a little easier. Here are some tips that you and your partner can use - on Valentine's Day and throughout the year - to keep the fires of love burning bright.

Devote time and energy to your relationship. Make time for each other. It is well worth it - your efforts will come back to you many times over. Even if your days are filled with chores, let your date nights reflect romance, sensuality and affection.

Share with your partner what you love about him or her. Don't hesitate to give compliments when you think of them. Express the gratitude you feel at having your partner in your life. As you remember why you first fell in love, your feelings will grow even deeper and richer.

Focus on the positives in your relationship. Draw on your partner for support when you need it. Recognize that your mutual trust lets you enjoy being playful and sharing a laugh together. Your relationship can rejuvenate you when the stresses of the world outside weigh you down.

Remind yourselves of the commitment you made and the love you created. Plan date nights even when you don't have something special to celebrate. Draw on humor to lighten the mood. As you recall the joyous times you shared in the past, you will be forming new memories for your future together.

Do something unique this Valentine's Day. Studies of long-term relationships have found that couples who share novel experiences together actually increase their marital satisfaction and happiness. Why not begin by planning a brand new celebration of your love on February 14th this year?

Build new memories as you enjoy each other. Be playful and have fun together. Laugh and bring humor into your daily life. Plan some adventures - discover new activities you both like to do. All of these bring more pleasure into your relationship and encourage real intimacy between you.

Savor your special times together, whatever they are. When you give all of your attention to enjoying a positive time, you can build memories of these happy occasions and re-live them whenever you want.

A survey of women after last Valentine's Day found that 2/3 of them were disappointed in the way the day had turned out for them. Either their expectations were too high or the realities too low. In either case, why not talk with your partner before Valentine's Day and decide to do something different this year. You can make it a special day for you both, even if you are a Sandwiched Boomer coping with the stresses of growing children and aging parents.

Happy New Year

Our best wishes to all of our Her Mentor Center and Nourishing Relationships readers for a happy, healthy, fulfilling New Year!

Join us again in 2011 as we continue to share our tips for success in nurturing yourself. Learn how these strategies can work for you whether or not you're a Sandwiched Boomer, challenged by caring for growing children and aging parents. Let our insights and encouragement empower you to reach your goals.

To a New Year of growth, meaning and achievements,

Rosemary and Phyllis

Focus on Your Assets

With the New Year approaching, do you think it's too late to start making lists and outlining dramatic changes for yourself? Novelist Mary Anne Evans (AKA George Eliot) wisely advised, It is never too late to be what you might have been. So decide what you want to be and then begin the process to make it happen in 2011.

And just in case you've had trouble in the past taking the first step toward change, our article Sandwiched Boomers: 7 Tips on Fighting Inertia, available on our website, Her Mentor Center, gives you suggestions for overcoming these hurdles.

Here are some more practical tips to help you focus on the positive qualities you possess and how you can apply them:

Engage in an active process of getting to know your true self and what you want to do. Think about what you would see if you held up a mirror to your inner self. What nurtures your creative thinking? What stimulates your curiosity? What do you really value and care about? What are your dreams and passions? When you can honestly answer these questions for yourself, you can begin to identify what is your life purpose. Only then can you go about achieving it.

How would you like to share your "assets" with others? Your expertise can be directed to giving back to those in need, to the next generation, to the community, country, world. Begin to practice small acts of kindness – let a harried mother go ahead of you in the grocery line, give up the parking space to an elderly gentleman, smile at the sales clerk who looks like she’s having a bad day. At this stressful holiday time, your thoughtfulness and consideration can mean even more to those around you.

Just as you would calculate liabilities as well as assets when determining your financial net worth, you can look at the areas that you would like to enhance in your personal life. This provides a focus for your actions toward self-improvement. Let 2011 become the beginning of changes that you have been planning to make but never quite began before.

After you identify your strengths and the direction you want to take, start to develop a concrete plan of action you can follow. Establish short-term objectives that will move you, step by step, toward the long-term goals you have set for yourself. Whether you're dealing with growing children, aging parents or your own self-discovery, create your personal vision for 2011 using your newly completed asset inventory.

For more insight and tips about achieving the goals you set for yourself in 2011 check out our article, 8 Strategies to Turn Your New Year's Resolutions into Reality.

And if you want to get a running start on dealing with the pressures of the weak economy in 2011, you can purchase our ebook, TAKING CONTROL OF STRESS IN A FINANCIAL STORM: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success.

Making Your Own Top Ten List

Now that 2010 is ending, you'll find all kinds of lists on the Internet: the 10 films most likely to be nominated for an Academy Award; the 20 most interesting people, the 5 best books. In addition to spending some of your spare time reading through these lists, how about taking some personal time this week to create your own list – of your 10 most important assets?

It may seem unusual for you, a member of the Sandwich Generation, to concentrate on yourself instead of on the needs of your growing children or aging parents. But take a deep breath, put your feet up for a moment and allow yourself to focus on and embrace your own development at this pivotal time.

Creating your inventory will give you a leg up on beginning 2011 from a position of power - but how do you begin? To help you, we've created a short list to help you focus on your assets - not the financial ones, which may still be down, but the personal strengths you own. Use this process to discover some of your hidden passions. Reflect on your answers or discuss them with a trusted friend as you create an expanded sense of yourself. Whether or not you're a Sandwiched Boomer, here are some tips to get you started:

Keeping a journal will help you clarify your thoughts and feelings as you look at all aspects of your life. As you begin to make an inventory of your assets, include what you have done and the value you have created in the past - as student, family member, career associate, community volunteer, friend. Now think about what you are currently doing in your life that you feel proud about - the gift of time that you give to you growing children and aging parents as well as those around you.

Identify your strengths. What are some of your natural talents? These are the things that come so easily you often don't notice it. And how about the acquired skills you have used successfully? You may have worked hard to perfect them. Both your talents and your skills make up your abilities - your greatest personal strengths. Think about what they are and how you use them. These could encompass, among others, attributes as diverse as a love of learning, a sense of humor, loyalty, an appreciation of beauty, the ability to love and be loved. Recognize how you apply them in your life everyday.

Consider how others view you and your contributions. Who uses you as a role model and in what areas? Realize that all of your life experiences have led you to the wisdom you now possess. Honor this insight and find ways to share what you already know well with your own children – or, if they are already grown, mentor students learning to read, become a Big Sister, coach a soccer team at the youth center.

To read more tips about how to build your strengths and prepare to utilize them, look to the left of this post where you can sign up for our Her Mentor Center newsletter, Stepping Stones, and receive our ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching for Your Goals, as a complimentary gift from us.

Strategies for Success at Work

Now the summer is over and the kids have gone back to school, are you thinking about re-charging your career? That might mean a renewed dedication to your current position, consideration of a job change, or starting your own business. If you're re-entering the workforce after a layoff, the issues can be even more complex.

But how do you find the time and energy to revive your career when you are also caring for growing children and aging parents - especially if you are a sandwiched boomer? Here are some practical strategies for success when negotiating the demands of work and motherhood:

Find your unique passion and cultivate it. What brings you joy and the ability to be fully engaged in your job? Recognize the creativity and excitement that emerge as you follow your dreams. When you are in flow, you won't notice the day flying by as you immerse yourself in your projects.

Set carer goals that you can accomplish. Work hard at your job and treat it with the significance it deserves. However, if you are a parent, remember that your work at home is just as important as your career. Pay attention to what is going on in your family and have contingency plans for how to keep members feeling secure.

Put in effort and practice hard to excel. When you strive for your personal best, repetition becomes you partner in success. Set long-term goals as well as realistic and incremental steps to reach them. Give yourself credit when you achieve an objective and, as you set the next one, aim to move ever closer toward your ultimate goal.

Brainstorm and think outside the box. Be creative when you are faced with a complex situation. Often you can improvise when a solution doesn't readily appear. Use your skills to develop resiliency. Your first plan may not work but keep revising until you have plans that you can implement.

Bring all your resources into play. Draw upon you friends, extended family and available community services to help you through the challenges you are facing. Learn to cooperate with others and use teamwork as you strategize and move toward accomplishing your objectives and goals. Relish the support that comes from those who care about you.

Another resource for you is our website, Her Mentor Center. Visit often for support, information and direction as you manage your career and cope with the demands of your family-in-flux. In this tough economy, you'll find our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm, provides you with practical strategies for success.

Time for Me

With summer drawing to a close, the kids going back to school and the vacation luggage back to the basement, are you wondering what changes Labor Day will bring? If you're torn between work and family - or family and you - how can you find the balance between your varied roles without accumulating any more guilt along the way?

No matter what challenges you face in your career and at home with children growing up and parents growing older, it's not selfish to set aside time for you. Vow to put your feet up and think about yourself for once. What brings you happiness? What relieves the stress you face every day? What will bring a sense of harmony to your life?

It's time to let go of the part you have played as the 'good girl,' responding to the needs of others first, and for once, listen to your own voice, quiet as it may be. Schedule in some private time and do something that gives you pleasure - take a walk by the water, enjoy the beauty of a sunset, immerse yourself in a good book. Think of this as a personal retreat that provides the opportunity to reconnect with and re-center yourself.

Recognize that it is healthy to receive as well as to give. Ask for what you need from your family members and seek out professionals for their expertise and guidance. You don't have to do everything yourself. Let your spouse, children and siblings know exactly how you feel, what you want from them, and how they can do their share. Taking help when it is offered doesn't diminish your abilities.

Guilt runs rampant among women, who often worry that they're not doing enough for their loved ones. Remind yourself that you're dancing as fast as you can, given the realities of your life situation. You don't have to be the perfect mother, daughter, wife or grandmother. Set your own reasonable standards rather than falling in the trap of trying to live up to others' expectations.

As you decide to take better care of you, you'll discover the strength to find balance in life. Develop a firm core within yourself - it will sustain you as you continue to nurture your growing and changing family. Look for more tips to help you nurture yourself on our website, HerMentorCenter.

And continue the discussion with us on Wednesday as we host Donna Henes, author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. "Mama Donna," as she is affectionately called, will be here to answer your questions about recognizing the wisdom and power you have achieved - and the liberation that comes with it in your prime.

Resiliency in Difficult Times

Do you feel inundated by bad news coming at you from all sides? The oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is spreading and the gushing thousands of feet below the surface has yet to be fully contained; new unemployment figures in the U.S. confirm the dismal private sector job creation that continues to lag; international conflicts rage and at home citizens are divided about immigrants' rights. World news reflects the tensions you may be feeling in your own relationships. How do you deal with the challenges coming from the rich but often problematic complexity of your family life? Here are some tips for you:

Draw upon your own strength. You will learn more about your capabilities when you are tested by hard times than when everything is going well for you. Resiliency is increased each time you get up and put one foot in front of the other. Bravery comes in many actions - facing an illness, providing for your family, starting a new career - not only on the battlefield. To learn more about identifying your Character Strengths, visit the Authentic Happpiness website and take the VIA Survey of Character Strengths. Use the ones that seem to define you - Signature Strengths - to support your progress through tough times.

Just as those in the foxholes feel the honest emotions of fear, anger, pain, guilt, anxiety and loneliness, allow yourself to experience these emotions when they are a part of your life.

Especially if you are a Sandwiched Boomer, it's easy to become overwhelmed by all you have on your plate. Torn between caring for your growing children and aging parents, it's normal to feel stressed and anxious at times. Don't blame yourself. Once you are able to acknowledge these feelings, then you can begin the long process of coping with them.

If you remember the fragility and transience of life as you move through it, you will savor each good moment you have. Integrate and reflect on all you have achieved in balancing your work and family with your own needs. Living your life to the fullest is a lasting mark of respect you can pay to your family and to the veterans you honored this week who have sacrificed the innocence of their youth for you.

For some role models of courage, look to the left of this post. When you sign up for our monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones, you will receive a link to a complimentary copy of our ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned. There you'll find stories of resiliency and practical strategies for success in difficult times.

Listening and Being Heard on Mother's Day

Likely, you'll leave your pet at home if you're going out for Mother's Day. So who's there to listen attentively to your every word? Whether you're spending some time with your children or your mother on Sunday, you'll appreciate being heard - and knowing how to be a good listener goes along with that, Sandwiched Boomer or not.

Research shows that money, title, or good health has less effect on life satisfaction than strong personal relationships. So this Mother's Day, make a commitment to do what you can to improve the communications in your relationship with your mom as well as your grown children.

Just as you recognize it with your aging mother, let your kids know that the gift of time is one of the most precious presents you can receive. Spend some quality time with these close family members, talking and reminiscing. Look through old family photographs and share stories about when everyone was younger. The time you spend together will nourish you when you're apart.

For some special time with your mom or grown children, you will all feel more valued if you screen out the daily hassles and concentrate just on each other - plan an activity that you will both enjoy. Let yourselves become absorbed and delight in these pleasurable activities. Pay attention to the details. Talk about what you are doing, appreciating and enjoying. Linger awhile in order to make it last.

If you have some old issues to work out with your mother or your kids, you may be able to move forward in addressing them by apologizing or forgiving. When you apologize, you free yourself from shame or guilt and when you forgive, from dwelling on anger or resentment. Forgiveness doesn't necessarily excuse the action, but does free you from ruminating about it. It releases you from the past and becomes a gift you give to yourself.

Allow yourself to express the gratitude you feel having this family in your life. Enjoy your day and savor these moments. Reflect on the positive feelings you have from the past and cultivate rich memories now to sustain you in the future. And have a happy Mother's Day.

For a unique gift to your mom or your kids in honor of Mother's Day, why not arrange for them to have a copy of our new ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned? It's easy to do, just click on the link to the left.

Nourishing Relationships - Literally as Well as Figuratively

Since we write a blog with a name like Nourishing Relationships, you know that we recognize the importance of nurturing - encouraging growth and development. Generally we focus on improving and strengthening family relationships with partners, growing children and aging parents so that everyone can thrive. For many women, a significant part of caregiving involves nourishing their family and friends in a literal way - by preparing food for the body as well as for thought.

Breaking bread with family and friends has gone on since the beginning of societies and communities. Eating together reinforces ties as diners linger over the meal, sharing stories and just enjoying one another. Food is more than just sustenance - it sends a powerful message of love and caring.

As foodies ourselves, we are both always on the lookout for new recipes and exciting presentations. So, over the weekend at a niece's baby shower, I was delighted to meet two engaging young women who blog together about food, sharing recipes with their readers. Danielle and Erin blog at www.crispytarts.blogspot.com and present some mouth-watering recipes - with beautiful pictures to accompany them.
You can stop by their blog and try out some yourself - I'm planning to go for the lemon bars.

What about your own relationship with food? Are you challenged by the perpetual cycle many women encounter - of dieting and then "falling off the wagon?" Remember that you need to take care of yourself before you can successfully take care of others. If you've made lifestyle changes that honor both a healthy body and at the same time the enjoyment of good food, why not share your solutions here? Nourish us with your wisdom!

Looking for just the right nudge to begin making changes in your own life? You'll find practical tips laced in with inspiring stories of strength in our new ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned. Simply sign up for our free newsletter, Stepping Stones, and you will receive a complimentary copy of the ebook. You'll find the subscription link just to the left of this post or at our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com. And a healthful bon appetit!

Building Memories on Valentine's Day

A survey of women after last Valentine's Day found that 2/3 of them were disappointed in the way the day had turned out for them. Either their expectations were too high or the realities too low. In either case, why not talk with your partner before Valentine's Day and decide to do something different this year. You can make it a special day for you both, even if you are a Sandwiched Boomer coping with the stresses of growing children and aging parents.

Do something unique this Valentine's Day. Studies of long-term relationships have found that couples who share novel experiences together actually increase their marital satisfaction and happiness. Why not begin by planning a brand new celebration of your love on February 14th this year?

Savor your special times together, whatever they are. When you give all of your attention to enjoying a positive time, you can build memories of these happy occasions and re-live them whenever you want.

Plan some exciting adventures to bring back the feelings of exhilaration you had when you first fell in love. You can discover new activities you both like to do - take a class, travel, go on an outing. The thrill of a new discovery can release dopamine and bring more pleasure into your relationship, encouraging real intimacy between you.

For more tips on how to generate meaningful conversations with your loved one, click on the blog post title above. You can read our article, Boomers and the Valentine's Gift of Discourse, and browse through additional articles on our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com