Have Some ‘Catch-up’ with Your Sandwich Generation

July is Sandwich Generation month. According to a 2011 report from the Pew Research center, 30 million Americans are unpaid care-givers for their aging parents. And many of them are still raising children or supporting a boomerang kid.

Photo courtesy of social media arts - flickr.com

If you’re a member of the Sandwich Generation, you know that there's a lot to chew on. When your secretary says there’s a nurse on the line, do you wonder if it’s the school or the cardiac care unit? It can be a struggle when you’re worried about your children, your folks, and how you're going to pay for it all.

This month, when we honor those sandwiched between growing kids and parents in decline, it’s the perfect time to play catch-up with yourself. You can create new scripts instead of resorting to old thought patterns that bring you down. Here are 7 ideas that can help change your perspective and your quality of life:

Attend to your needs. Let frustration, exhaustion, or guilt wash over you but try not to give in to them. As you assume greater responsibility for your parents, make nurturing yourself a priority. If you’re feeling centered when your teens are pushing the limits, you’re better able to meet the challenges. You deserve to take better care of your emotional self.

Release emotions. If you have pent up feelings about particular family members, writing can be cathartic. It helps you regulate negative emotions and savor positive ones. Let go of judgment and you'll open up to a deeper, more expressive experience. Read between the lines of your journal and trust what you discover - ways to resolve conflict, to gain closure, to find inner strength.

Seek solitude. Set limits by saying 'no' to others and 'yes' to yourself. A physical place with little opportunity for distraction will free up your thoughts. Try not to worry about mistakes from the past or what the future will bring. Carve out quiet time each day and discover what brings you peace of mind.

We want to hear from you - tell us about your greatest challenges and how you're managing them. And please log on again on Wednesday for more practical tips about nourishing your family without staving yourself.

The Sandwich Generation: Preparing for the Holidays

The economic struggles and crisis in confidence have lasted far too long. And the hardships are particularly evident during the holiday season. Are you feeling stretched by the financial pressure? If you're facing tough buying decisions, the responsibilities of the holidays may even be getting you down. These are challenging times for the Sandwich Generation.

This year you may just have to let go of the idea of a perfect Christmas, Hanukah or Kwanzaa.

Photo courtesy of Asnat - Flickr.com

Even though it's important to honor the tradition of giving, the accumulation of material things can't hold a candle to the gift that matters most. Bringing cheer to others is a great way to cheer you up as well. And you can do it without breaking into your savings account. With the holidays fast approaching, you certainly don't want to add more pressure to your life. So follow these ideas to keep stress in check as you focus on more joy and less stuff:

Give the gift of connection. Put more heart in your relationships. Arrange a regular weekly date with your parents. Invite them to lunch, a museum or the movies. Send a card to an old friend with whom you've lost contact. Enclose a recent family photo, your email address and a promise to keep in touch. Drive an elderly neighbor to the grocery store, a doctor's appointment or the library.

Give to a worthy cause. Get the family or a group of friends together and spend a couple of hours helping out at a homeless shelter. Pass forward gifts you've received or bring some hardly used toys and clothes. Buy a small present for a homeless person you regularly pass on the street and make eye contact when you give it. Put a big smile on your face and help cook Christmas dinner at a soup kitchen. Make a donation to Aunt Mary's favorite charity; every gift counts no matter how much you spend.

We appreciate your reading our blog posts and passing them on to your family and friends. Here's our early gift to you - thanks for your support and loyalty!

Tips for Keeping Peace in the Family at Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is here - complete with exaggerated media images of how the day should be - and you may be trying to conform to unrealistic ideals. As a member of the sandwichgeneration with extra demands on your time and added responsibilities, are you on emotional overload? If so, just remind yourself that nothing's perfect.

Following these common sense strategies will help you create a calmer holiday for you and your family:

1. Realize that anticipatory anxiety is common. Financial burdens and extra chores when entertaining family can make you feel apprehensive and stressed. Accept that this is a normal reaction.

2. Don't take everything personally. Make sure that you have reasonable expectations. Some family members may be struggling with financial or marital issues that have absolutely nothing to do with you.

3. You don't have to be all things to all people. If your favorite aunt can't seem to get along with her ex-husband's new wife, don't invite them to this dinner. That will make it easier for everyone.

4. Avoid hot button issues. Sibling rivalry and unfinished family business are bound to surface. Put aside differences and, despite how hard it may be, go for the higher ground. Walk away from misunderstandings but agree to finish the conversation later.

5. Bury the hatchet. If in the past you have stifled your feelings and then blown up later, don't let your emotions fester. With an important relationship, admit the part you play in the conflict and deal with it.

6. Talk in generalities. If there is tension in the room, discuss the value of apologizing for wrongdoings. Then encourage others to discuss how this quality has enhanced their personal relationships.

7. Practice letting go. You may be feeling childhood pain or longing for family who are gone and now only in your memories. Realize that forgiveness and gratitude are a gift you give yourself.

While taking care of your family during this hectic time, remember to pay attention to your own needs. Plan ahead and accept help from others when they offer. And try to include fun and laughter in what you do. During the holiday season, while you may wish for peace on earth and peace in your family, don't overlook the importance of your own peace of mind.

We send you warm thoughts and gratitude for being part of our community of amazing women. Here's an article in the Huffington Post from one of you. Our heartfelt best wishes to you and yours for a wonderful Thanksgiving and a list full of things to be thankful for.

Health Care Law: How Politicians can Cooperate with Each Other

Health Care reform issues continue to generate polarized opinions and spark confrontations. Even as President Obama reveled in defeating opposition on health care, he admitted that he hasn't succeeded in breaking down partisan gridlock and changing the tone in Washington as promised before his election. He said, "It hasn't changed. Yet."

But now that the Health Care bill has been signed into law, it's time to figure out how to work together. The following tips can benefit all kinds of relationships - political ones as well as your own:

Minimize emotional overload. Feeling flooded or overcome by emotion can lead to the 'fight or flight' response. Agree to stop arguing and postpone a difficult discussion until you are both calm enough to listen.

Distraction can be a powerful defense. Take several deep breaths, release any negative feelings and develop thoughts about the situation that are more constructive.

Pay attention to the conversation without planning a rebuttal. Try to be empathic and ask questions that can lead to greater understanding. Look at the issues from a perspective that may be quite different from your own.

Sometimes you do know what's best, so take a stand and hold your ground. Practice patience as the other side begins to appreciate your point of view. Then you'll be in a better position to negotiate a compromise or a mutually agreeable solution.

Instead of immediately fighting back the next time you face what could turn into a hostile interchange, modify your approach. Grow from these experiences as you take the opportunity to turn negative feelings into positive ones, teach or learn a life lesson, form a growing connection.

As members of the Sandwich Generation, learn more about growing from experiences by signing up for our e-book,Courage and Lessons Learned , to the left of this post.

Teens Helping Each Other

We heard from a reader about a website that supports teen action. Check out www.dosomething.org/abuse, to see a video that's a response by teenagers to the Rihanna/Chris Brown problem.

The media continues to be on top of this issue and a spokeswoman on TV earlier this week sent a clear message to young people - this is about you and you need to separate the issue from the celebrities - look at the bigger picture. Violence is not normal or acceptable and you have to take responsibility for yourself.

As members of the sandwich generation, you've got your hands full. But take the time to turn your kids on to the website. Watch the video with them. Oprah Winfrey and president Obama are both strong advocates for informing and educating our youth. Click on the title above to read an article about Winfrey's support of Obama.

If your growing children are going through a rough time, help them recognize the value of support from others. Talking to friends and family can clarify their needs as they work through their feelings. Listening to a second or third objective opinion will provide them with further insight, direction and encouragement.

With the school year over and the camp season about to begin, this week in-between is perfect for three generational family vacations. We figured it's a good time for us to focus on what is known as the Club Sandwich Generation.

As the offspring of Baby Boomers marry and start their own families, the responsibilities of the Sandwich Generation grow. You're already in the middle of your family in flux – squeezed between children growing up and parents growing older. Now another layer is added, the grandchildren. The sandwich is sometimes harder to eat, but always appetizing.

It's been said that you don't experience perfect love until the birth of your first grandchild. Boomers often describe this event as an opportunity to slow down and savor one of life’s most precious gifts. Iris put it best: "For too many years I've been caught up between the dramas of my grown children and aging parents. My new grandson has been a welcome distraction - and I am enraptured by him. Believe me, this whole experience - seeing my son as a dad and getting to know my grandson - is by far the richest part of getting older."

Having just returned from our family vacation, I have fresh, firsthand experience about being an involved grandma while still respecting the new role that your adult children are developing. So log on the rest of the week for some helpful tips about this energizing challenge.