Gratitude: A Healthy Thanksgiving Recipe

These are hard times. And life is hectic for all of us - especially around Thanksgiving, when we remember how our families celebrated in years past. Holiday images in the media can be seductive and exaggerated. Before you know it, you're rushing around and trying to conform to unrealistic expectations.

Photo courtesy of Jeff Ratcliff, FreeDigital Photos.net

Perhaps you're worried that old family dynamics will surface as soon as you all get together. Will the cousins wonder why your 35 year old son is moving back home? Or what if your mom's inquisitive nature scares off your daughter's new boyfriend?

Thanksgiving can be lots of fun. But it can also be about confronting old wounds, suffering through conversations with dysfunctional relatives or counting the minutes until it's over. And this can lead to emotional overload.

This year, just try to relax and refuse to focus on negative issues. As they say, 'The rocks come with the farm.' Learn to love those rocks - they make it more interesting. And consider that what you're feeling is pretty typical in all families. Sometimes it takes a holiday get-together to fully appreciate what you do have. When deciding what to bring to the Thanksgiving table, how about a hearty dish of gratitude? And invite your family and friends to join you. I'll get the ball rolling - here are a few things I'm grateful for:

My husband's support
The hug of a grandchild
Inner strength
The people I love
My good fortune
Second chances

Now it's your turn. Click on 'Comments' at the bottom of this post, follow the prompts and share your gratitude with our readers. Or email us at Mentors@HerMentorCenter.com to let us know what you're thankful for. We'll post your comments here on Wednesday. And why not try this idea when your guests gather around the Thanksgiving table?

Tips for Grandmothers During the Holidays

This time of year, the role of grandmother can be most rewarding, especially if you and you grandchild spend some of the winter holidays together. Ours just visited for Thanksgiving and we all enjoyed being together to celebrate. While buying and giving presents is important, the most significant gift you can give your grandchild is your presence, attention and love. And you know the best gift you can receive back is a great big hug. For some budget-friendly and fun activities to do with your grandkids this holiday season, here's 100 free things to choose from.

'Grand Mothers' come in all sizes and shapes, as well as names - Grandma, Nana, Bubbe, Granny, or whatever special name your grandkids have for you. Grandchildren may live near or far; be in preschool, grade school, college or beyond; from intact or blended families. What grandmothers share in common is a deep desire to maintain a loving bond with their grandchildren. Here are some tips for creating enriched relationships:

When your grandchildren live far away, the most salient issue is developing connections. You probably don't have the opportunity to see them more than every few months, particularly in this economy. You will likely need to enlist the aid of your adult children to help you form the bonds between you and their kids. How you connect will change as they grow and will certainly flow from your own interests and creative talents. Whatever you choose, your efforts will be well worth it when you see how excited they get when you visit. For some new ideas about connecting at a distance, take a look the article on our HerMentorCenter.com website, Create Meaningful Bonds with Your Grandchildren across the Miles.

When your grandkids are babies, help them develop a full impression of you. You can best do this by using all the sensations that babies respond to. Let them begin to identify your voice by cooing to them on the phone or sending them tapes or CD's with you singing, reading or speaking to them. They can begin to recognize your face from pictures of you in their room or on the computer via iChat or Skype. Have a special song or book that you share with them as you cuddle on each visit. Wear the same perfume - or even a dab of vanilla – whenever you visit so that they learn to associate that with you.

Even if you can't spend the holidays together, continue to use phone calls, letters, cards, texting and emails to stay in touch. After a visit, you can create a scrapbook for them of pictures and souvenirs from your time together. Their memories of you will be enhanced when they have something tangible to look at and savor over and over again, like Family Photo Books. You can write them stories or poems about what you do together, with them as the star of the piece.

During the rest of the year, learn about your grandchildren's activities and interests so you can engage with them about topics that mean a lot to them. Pay attention to their friends when you go to their birthday parties, sports events or special occasions - then you can ask about them later when you have returned home. Integrate what you find out and keep up with their changing activities. All of your efforts will help cement the connections between you.

Check back with us again on Wednesday when we’ll have some more tips for you grandmothers to put in place this holiday season.

Tips for Keeping Peace in the Family at Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is here - complete with exaggerated media images of how the day should be - and you may be trying to conform to unrealistic ideals. As a member of the sandwichgeneration with extra demands on your time and added responsibilities, are you on emotional overload? If so, just remind yourself that nothing's perfect.

Following these common sense strategies will help you create a calmer holiday for you and your family:

1. Realize that anticipatory anxiety is common. Financial burdens and extra chores when entertaining family can make you feel apprehensive and stressed. Accept that this is a normal reaction.

2. Don't take everything personally. Make sure that you have reasonable expectations. Some family members may be struggling with financial or marital issues that have absolutely nothing to do with you.

3. You don't have to be all things to all people. If your favorite aunt can't seem to get along with her ex-husband's new wife, don't invite them to this dinner. That will make it easier for everyone.

4. Avoid hot button issues. Sibling rivalry and unfinished family business are bound to surface. Put aside differences and, despite how hard it may be, go for the higher ground. Walk away from misunderstandings but agree to finish the conversation later.

5. Bury the hatchet. If in the past you have stifled your feelings and then blown up later, don't let your emotions fester. With an important relationship, admit the part you play in the conflict and deal with it.

6. Talk in generalities. If there is tension in the room, discuss the value of apologizing for wrongdoings. Then encourage others to discuss how this quality has enhanced their personal relationships.

7. Practice letting go. You may be feeling childhood pain or longing for family who are gone and now only in your memories. Realize that forgiveness and gratitude are a gift you give yourself.

While taking care of your family during this hectic time, remember to pay attention to your own needs. Plan ahead and accept help from others when they offer. And try to include fun and laughter in what you do. During the holiday season, while you may wish for peace on earth and peace in your family, don't overlook the importance of your own peace of mind.

We send you warm thoughts and gratitude for being part of our community of amazing women. Here's an article in the Huffington Post from one of you. Our heartfelt best wishes to you and yours for a wonderful Thanksgiving and a list full of things to be thankful for.

Becoming Thankful and Grateful

When you're a member of the Sandwich Generation, it's not easy to take care of your family in flux - growing children and aging parents. With all the stresses you face daily, preparing for Thanksgiving may seem like another added burden. But this year, why not make a plan to bring some new traditions to your holiday table which will lower your levels of stress and raise the levels of meaning for the whole family?

In your busy life, sometimes it's hard to focus on what you are thankful for but once you do, you can begin to acknowledge the part others play in your happiness. A leader the field of Positive Psychology, Dr. Marty Seligman studies what brings Authentic Happiness to your life. He has created questionnaires to help you recognize your gratitude, optimism, strength, compassion and love as well as techniques to increase your positive emotions. Here are some steps to help you get started in looking at your gratitude:

Begin to consciously notice what brings you joy. Strange as it may sound, you'll need to actually set aside time to pay attention to what you are experiencing when you are feeling happy and grateful. Awareness is the first step toward creating any change.

Count your blessings. Each evening, note three things that happened during the day for which you are thankful. Be specific as you describe what happened to you. It could be a loving conversation with your partner, a hug from your teenage daughter, a lunch date with an old friend.

Re-live and savor each of these events. Spend time re-creating in your mind the happiness of the experience. You will feel your body becoming more relaxed, your emotions more positive and your thoughts more focused. The joys of life are not only in present activities but also in remembering pleasurable occasions you have already experienced.

Think about what you did to open yourself to these moments. Then decide to direct your actions to include more of these delights in your life. Recognizing your own personal power will strengthen your belief in yourself as well as your willingness to consider the part others play in your happiness.

Realize why this piece of good fortune came your way. It will help you identify the people you're grateful to have in your life. You can then thank them for playing a part in improving your world.

Deciding to focus on giving thanks means a whole new mindset. When you count your blessings - at Thanksgiving or any time during the year - you can act on the gratitude you experience and live a rich life no matter what else is going on around you.

Thanksgiving is More Than Turkey Day

With Thanksgiving just a week away, are you busy making shopping lists, planning menus and creating seating charts? What about also setting aside some time to reflect? Think about the people, experiences and circumstances for which you are thankful. The stress of preparing for the holidays sometimes stands in the way of focusing on all we have to be thankful for - so take a deep breath and step back for a moment to relish, with gratitude, the gifts of family and friends. To help you begin, you'll find some tips for reducing holiday stress on our website.

Even with a difficult economy, we can still find a lot to be grateful about, especially during the holidays, when families and friends traditionally draw together. Let a heartfelt 'thank you' be your mantra during this season - you can do it without making a dent in your budget. And, having just observed Veterans Day, please remember those serving our country, who are far away from home during these holidays.

As we pay more attention to the contributions of others and learn not to take good things for granted, we are more aware of all we have to be thankful for. And conveying your gratitude can help you feel happier as well as the person you thank. Sonja Lyubomirsky and other psychologists studying happiness have found that after expressing gratitude you'll experience more contentment and improved self-esteem as well as closer connections - you'll even sleep more soundly.

If you decide to express your appreciation for what you have by giving back to your larger community, you can check your local paper or the Internet to find out what the needs are. Some families are adding a new Thanksgiving tradition this year by volunteering at a homeless shelter, serving a holiday meal at a soup kitchen, preparing or driving dinners through a meals-on-wheels program, or visiting those in hospitals and nursing homes who aren't able to celebrate with family. Talk with your family and friends about what they'd like to do.

Visit us again later this week when we'll have some tips about how to focus on reducing your stress and acknowledging your gratitude as you get ready for Thanksgiving this year.

How was your Thanksgiving?

How was your Thanksgiving? For many Sandwiched Boomers, Thanksgiving was spent with family and friends gathered around the table. Most spent a few moments expressing their gratitude for the gifts of love and friendship they enjoy as well as for the many blessings bestowed on them. Saying thank you is one of the first phrases parents try to teach their children, but as adults - especially in this cruel economy - it is often difficult for us to express our gratitude.

We know that in 1621, the Pilgrims first spent a day of giving thanks for their abundance in the "new world." But it took over 100 years, not until 1777, when all of the 13 colonies joined together in a one-time thanksgiving celebration. And it was another 12 years later, in 1789, that President George Washington proclaimed a National Day of Thanksgiving. Why did it take so long - 168 years - to establish a holiday that now seems to be the favorite among Americans? Maybe it's harder than you think to say, "thank you." We'll look into that all this week.

Even with the harsh economic news - jobless rates way up and the stock market remaining somewhat down - we can still find a lot to be grateful about, especially during the holidays. Families and friends traditionally draw together for support in times of crisis and this year is no different. The gift of appreciation - a heartfelt thank you - can be a daily present this holiday season for those you love. And the cost won't cut into your tight budget at all.

If you want to make some changes in the way your family and friends celebrate the holidays this year, click on the post title above. You'll find some tips for creating new holiday rituals in our article, What the Sandwich Generation Brings to the Holiday Table.

Morocco, Thanksgiving and our Thanks to You

There are so many different ways that the Moroccan people creatively express themselves - through their carpets, jewelry, ceramics, wood carvings, leather goods. The winding alleyways of the souks are full of local artwork. The kiosks are colorful and the vendors thankful for your interest in what they do.

And on this important holiday we have a lot to be thankful for even in these hard times. As always, members of the sandwich generation, we're thankful to have you involved in the work we do. Our heartfelt wishes to you and your family for the best Thanksgiving!

Today is Black Friday. Falling on the day after Thanksgiving, it officially begins the holiday shopping period. Historically a surge of shoppers helped stores break into profitability. But this year, with the deteriorating economy, there have been rampant promotions of up to 70% throughout November. The power of this landmark day for the retail industry may be fading.

The question remains whether people will be spending money on holiday gifts as credit markets remain frozen, layoffs loom and consumer spending shrinks. What will you be doing - rushing out early and putting your credit card to good use? Or staying home, reluctant to even tempt yourself?

Noticing how you react, Sandwiched Boomers, can give you a window into your own psychology. Whether or not you spend money shopping today, it doesn't cost anything to invest in your relationships. So savor the memories of Thanksgiving and enjoy the dividends of family and friends.

As members of the Sandwich Generation, are you ready to be there for your family and take care of yourself this Thanksgiving day?

If you get annoyed, go for the high ground and walk away. There's a greater possibility of conflict with a family member who is unreasonable. Despite how hard it is, don't take the bait

With a relationship that matters, bury the hatchet. If in the past you have gone underground and then blown up later, don't let these feelings fester. Acknowledge the part you play and deal with it now.

Forgiveness is a gift. Whether family members are with you in person or in your memories, practice the power of letting go of childhood pain.

Let others know what they mean to you. Talk to your partner, children and parents about how good it is to have them in your life. Focus on the positives and share what you love about them.

We have great memories of the time we've spent with you the past few years. And we're grateful to have you as a part of our blogging community. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

As a longstanding member of the Sandwich Generation, are you tired of preparing the Thanksgiving dinner and ready to pass the baton to the next generation? What follows are some tips that will help you create new holiday rituals:

Make this Thanksgiving a rite of passage. If you want to be a guest instead of the hostess, tell your family how you feel. Whether you're edging your kidults out of the nest or taking a well deserved break, begin to shift the responsibility of family get-togethers to the next generation.

Pass on the family legacy. Let your adult children know how much you value keeping the family close. Ask for what you want and be willing to help out. Teach by example as they watch how you lovingly take care of your own aging parents.

Encourage your children to preserve the old family traditions. Give them your support while they begin to create some new customs of their own. And remember to express your appreciation for all they do.

Whether your emerging adult children decide to create new wave recipes or cook the meal in the microwave, it's now out of your control. Sit back and relax - all you have to do is pass the cranberries.

We got ahead of ourselves yesterday, so let's back up. For the Sandwich Generation, long before the Thanksgiving meal, there's a lot riding on family. This can create pressure for everyone. With blended families, there's the challenge of logistics - accommodating the needs of others and still not compromising your own too much. And when family members live in different cities it's hard to determine which is easier, going back home or having visitors on your turf. Of course, there are all the memories of holidays past coupled with the expectations of today - sometimes unrealistic and often unfulfilled.

Realize that what you are experiencing is normal and stress is common at this time of year. Here are a few ways to restore balance:

If you're traveling home, remember to pack your patience. Internalized memories or old family dynamics are bound to surface. Unfinished business - like sibling rivalry and the fight for mom's attention - is baggage that is often too large to fit in the overhead compartment. So make a decision this year to try and leave it behind.

Explore the possibility of the out of town guests staying in a hotel. It's more difficult to have others around while preparing the meal and uncomfortable for the guests. Making a decision to house visitors elsewhere could be a relief for all of you - and the beginning of a new family tradition.

Identify your core values. A core value is about being, not about doing. For example, you may set a goal of being more relaxed rather than trying to make everything perfect. Decide to live up to these standards. Begin to take action as you create a more congruent way of life.

Ever since 1789 when President George Washington declared Thanksgiving a holiday, Americans have been going home. But it can be complicated when old family dynamics surface in the midst of the meal. This week we'll be addressing what the Sandwich Generation can bring to the table in order for the holiday to run smoothly.

Make a conscious decision to put aside misunderstandings. Realize that if you arrive at dinner with no complaints, an open mind and an accepting heart, you'll be in a better emotional place to enjoy the family time together.

Before the meal, begin a conversation about gratitude. Encourage your children and your parents to talk about what they are thankful for and how recognizing these kind of feelings can become a part of their daily lives.

Serve as a role model for your extended family. Pause to recognize the talents, skills and positive character traits of others. By openly acknowledging their personal strengths, you'll show your support as well as make them feel good about themselves.

Log in and share some of your ideas about what works for you and your family.

Family holiday stress was the subject of our last Steppping Stones newsletter and several readers emailed to let us know how timely it was.

With the smell of Thanksgiving turkey still in the air, take a minute to be mindful of how the day was for you. And with the holidays of December right around the corner, think about how you want to celebrate them. What is it that you are full of and what fills you up?

Know that the messiness and exhileration of family dynamics can lead to understanding yourself and others better. Conflict can serve as an invitation to grow when you honor the importance of relationships. A lot of people feel that, with family, there are no returns or exchanges even with a gift receipt. So embrace the holiday season and rejoice in the love, support and connection of your family.

Last week we touched on the lessons we can take from Veterans Day as we give thanks for the love of our own family members. Now that Thanksgiving is only a few days away, it becomes even more meaningful to express your gratitude for their presence in your life. Here are a few more ways to apply the message of Veterans Day to Thanksgiving.


Recognize the importance of revealing the love you have for each other. Those who have been in harm's way know the meaning of the words, "it's too late." Don't put off sharing your love; decide to make it a priority. Each day, acknowledge those you love, and who love you, as if it were your last.


Understand the value of friendship. Those in the service have trusted and leaned on each other as they've shared their experiences and relied on their camaraderie. Know that we are here to take care of our friends and family – close and extended – difficult though it may be at times.


Family and community support is there for the taking when you know where to look and how to ask for it. Be open to the reality that you might need to utilize the input and generosity of others. You are not diminished when you allow another to help you.


Draw upon your own strength. You will learn more about your capabilities when you are tested by hard times than when everything is going well for you. Resiliency is increased each time you get up and put one foot in front of the other. Bravery comes in many actions – facing an illness, providing for your family, starting a new career - not only on the battlefield.


Just as those in the foxholes feel the honest emotions of fear, anger, pain, guilt, anxiety and loneliness, allow yourself to experience these emotions when they are a part of your life. Sandwiched between caring for your offspring and your parents, you will feel stressed and anxious at times. Acknowledge these feelings, and then begin to deal with them.


If you remember the fragility and transience of life as you move through it, you will savor each good moment you have. To live your life to the fullest is a lasting mark of respect you can pay to your family and to the veterans who have sacrificed the innocence of their youth for you.


So after having paid tribute to the men and women of the Armed Services on Veterans Day, make a commitment to employ some of these techniques to honor your own family as you celebrate Thanksgiving together. You will find that, as a part of the Sandwich Generation, it makes your time with each member more meaningful and relevant.

Veterans Day, traditionally November 11, will be observed this Monday. It gives us the opportunity to pay tribute to the men and women of the Armed Services. As we do, we embrace them in all of their complexity.


As the average age of men and women in the Armed Forces rises, many are a part of the Sandwich Generation, concerned about caring for family members at home as they continue their service to the country. Their burden becomes especially apparent on Veterans Day, a time for all of us to honor American veterans of all wars.


Yet, even on Veterans Day, controversy surrounds the most meaningful ways to pay homage to those who have served in the past and support our troops who are still in harm's way. Society's view of veterans has reflected how Americans feel about the wars their country fights. Veterans reminiscing in Ken Burns' recent documentary series on World War II noted how unity in the country was palpable at that time, acknowledging the bravery and service of the young men and women of the "Greatest Generation."

Now, however, as during the Vietnam war, Veterans Day is as likely to touch off a storm of anti-war protest as it is to perpetuate a peaceful time of reflection and thanksgiving. There are heated discussions about whether or not to show flag-draped coffins returning from Iraq, how the names of those who have given their lives in service are to be used, and whether veterans are treated fairly by their employers.


What lessons can we, Baby Boomer members of the Sandwich Generation ourselves, take from veterans - those who have stood up for the rest of us and given their all to protect our way of life? As we respect their unique bravery, we can direct what we learn to our own family situation by applying the same principles to those closest to us.


Begin by expressing the gratitude you feel for what your family members have given you – protection, opportunities, love, strength, enjoyment of life. You have doors open to you now because of them. This can begin with something as simple as a heartfelt "thank you," and develop into a more textured and thoughtful recognition of what you are thankful for.


Think about additional examples that may work for you in your family and we will discuss more of them next week.