Grandmothers Value Special Holiday Celebrations

Now that we are into December, the holiday season has begun in earnest, prompting grandmothers into action as they search for ways to prepare for holiday celebrations with the grandkids. Chanukah begins tonight and Christmas and Kwanzaa are just over three weeks away. So we've got more tips today about how to enjoy the holidays with your grandchildren, whether they live close to you or far away.

When your grandkids live nearby, you benefit by being an integral part of their lives. You likely have the chance to spend time with them weekly, participate in significant events and learn first-hand about their latest interests and achievements. The main concern then becomes boundaries - on all sides. It's vital for you not to undermine your adult children's authority, even if you pitch in to help with child-care. And it's just as imperative for you to retain your own personal identity and not become submerged in the role of grandmother only. You'll enjoy the relationship more when you also have some separation from it.

When you are part of the special kind of grandmothering that is becoming more common today, flexibility is the key. If you son or daughter has divorced, you might lose some contact with your grandchild, especially if the situation between the parents is strained. You may need to maintain a relationship with your child's ex in order to spend time with your grandkids - it helps to discuss this with your own child, as this can be a touchy subject. Your time with the grandkids is likely determined by which parent has them that day, not when you want to see them. So you'll need to be flexible in your planning. Divorce is difficult for everyone and your grandkids may blame themselves and act out behaviorally, making it difficult for you to manage them. Or they may withdraw from you, afraid that you will leave too. Help them adapt by accepting their feelings. Avoid criticizing either parent to your grandkids so they don't feel their loyalty is being tested when they are with you. You can get some ideas about celebrating holidays with your grandchildren post-divorce in an article we wrote for the website Divorce360.com.

Patience is called for if you become a step-grandmother. You will need to give your new grandchildren time to accept you, so begin slowly. They probably have relationships - and holiday rituals - with their birth grandparents so don't try to rush them into considering you in the same way. Let them know that you are not trying to take the place of their other grandparents, but only adding to their circle of caring adults. Learn about them - their early years, their interests and talents, their personalities. Keep your expectations realistic as you build a relationship that leads to love between you. And talk to your children about possibly adding new traditions your family holiday meal that include everyone.

The unifying concept for good grandmothering is respect - for your children, their partners, your grandkids - and for yourself. Show that you appreciate and value each individual's needs and rights - especially at holiday time. When you do that, you set the stage for building strong bonds between everyone in the family all through the year.

Tips for Grandmothers During the Holidays

This time of year, the role of grandmother can be most rewarding, especially if you and you grandchild spend some of the winter holidays together. Ours just visited for Thanksgiving and we all enjoyed being together to celebrate. While buying and giving presents is important, the most significant gift you can give your grandchild is your presence, attention and love. And you know the best gift you can receive back is a great big hug. For some budget-friendly and fun activities to do with your grandkids this holiday season, here's 100 free things to choose from.

'Grand Mothers' come in all sizes and shapes, as well as names - Grandma, Nana, Bubbe, Granny, or whatever special name your grandkids have for you. Grandchildren may live near or far; be in preschool, grade school, college or beyond; from intact or blended families. What grandmothers share in common is a deep desire to maintain a loving bond with their grandchildren. Here are some tips for creating enriched relationships:

When your grandchildren live far away, the most salient issue is developing connections. You probably don't have the opportunity to see them more than every few months, particularly in this economy. You will likely need to enlist the aid of your adult children to help you form the bonds between you and their kids. How you connect will change as they grow and will certainly flow from your own interests and creative talents. Whatever you choose, your efforts will be well worth it when you see how excited they get when you visit. For some new ideas about connecting at a distance, take a look the article on our HerMentorCenter.com website, Create Meaningful Bonds with Your Grandchildren across the Miles.

When your grandkids are babies, help them develop a full impression of you. You can best do this by using all the sensations that babies respond to. Let them begin to identify your voice by cooing to them on the phone or sending them tapes or CD's with you singing, reading or speaking to them. They can begin to recognize your face from pictures of you in their room or on the computer via iChat or Skype. Have a special song or book that you share with them as you cuddle on each visit. Wear the same perfume - or even a dab of vanilla – whenever you visit so that they learn to associate that with you.

Even if you can't spend the holidays together, continue to use phone calls, letters, cards, texting and emails to stay in touch. After a visit, you can create a scrapbook for them of pictures and souvenirs from your time together. Their memories of you will be enhanced when they have something tangible to look at and savor over and over again, like Family Photo Books. You can write them stories or poems about what you do together, with them as the star of the piece.

During the rest of the year, learn about your grandchildren's activities and interests so you can engage with them about topics that mean a lot to them. Pay attention to their friends when you go to their birthday parties, sports events or special occasions - then you can ask about them later when you have returned home. Integrate what you find out and keep up with their changing activities. All of your efforts will help cement the connections between you.

Check back with us again on Wednesday when we’ll have some more tips for you grandmothers to put in place this holiday season.

Super Granny: Great Stuff To Do With Your Grandkids

Author and grandmother Sally Wendkos Olds is here today to talk about her new book. Super Granny: Great Stuff to do with Your Grandkids. It's an up-to-the-minute 21st century treasure trove of activities that help grandmothers enjoy, communicate, and really connect with their grandchildren.

Activities in the book are grouped by age, from infancy to adolescence, with something for the most computer-savvy granny and kid, along with more traditional projects. Handy icons throughout the book help pinpoint projects that suit your pocketbook, energy level, and interests. A bonus is the listing of current, informative Web sites to follow up suggestions in the book.

Especially fun for us is that Rosemary's concept of writing poems to her grandchildren is one of the 75 stories highlighted by Sally.

NR: Why did you write Super Granny?

Sally: When some of my friends have heard about a few of the things I’ve done with my grandchildren, they have become really interested and conversely I have learned so much from hearing about what my friends who are grandparents do with their grandchildren that I thought it would be fun to share some of the activities that both generations enjoy.

Also, writing about this stage of life feels like a natural progression for me – other books of mine have covered breastfeeding, working parenthood, sexual turning points throughout life, and other aspects of child & adult development.

NR: What are some things you have done with your own grandkids?

Sally: I've done all kinds of things: art in the bathtub, make-a-plate, emailing, composing on the computer, going to school for Grandparents’ Day, having a personal library of children’s books, jogging together, text-messaging with teens - even though we're so much slower than they are!

Some ideas I've gotten from other grandparents are: letting the children eat dessert first, creating art from seashells, taking a grandchild to breakfast, making a birth book or a group quilt, and of course, as Rosemary does, writing poems for and to your grandchildren.

NR: How are today’s grandmothers different from those in the past?

Sally: Today’s grandmothers are more likely to be working, to be physically active, to be technologically proficient, to have really busy lives. We’re similar, though, to grandmothers of the past in treasuring this special relationship and wanting to be emotionally close to our grandchildren, even when we can’t be physically close.

NR: How does your book help grandmothers who live far from their grandchildren?

Sally: There are so many activities that speak to the needs of these grandmothers & their grandchildren. I was especially sensitive to grandmothering across the miles because I live this situation. None of my grandchildren have ever lived closer than a 2-hour drive away, and 3 of them have lived either on the west coast of the U.S. or in Europe, while I have lived in New York. I have stayed emotionally close to my grandchildren, and so in Super Granny I emphasized some ways other grandmothers can do this. Special icons in the book point to activities especially good for long-distance grandmothering. Some examples are: email, writing special letters or poems, talking and seeing each other through services like Skype & webcams, texting, digital photos, shared vacations, making videos, family blogging.

NR: In today’s economy, a lot of grandmothers have to cut back on spending. What suggestions do you have for activities that don’t cost much?

Sally: Almost all the activities in the book cost little or nothing. These activities are specially marked as being either free or “dirt-cheap.” Some examples are: making a birth book; teaching babies to sign, playing games; fostering creativity in music, arts, and crafts; taking them shopping at thrift and secondhand stores; becoming your family’s cultural historian; sharing inexpensive sports like jogging, softball, cycling; involving grandkids in your political and civic activities.

NR: On the other hand, what are some activities worth splurging on?

Sally: Creating memories by giving grandchildren special experiences, like taking them away for a weekend or more; taking them to performances like the circus or theater; skiing, river-rafting, and pursuing other expensive activities with them; encouraging charitable giving; creating & publishing your own family book; taking them on a Segway tour. I spent a wonderful day with my 7-year-old granddaughter at the American Girl Store café in New York. Super Granny offers suggestions to make such experiences well worth the financial outlay.

NR: Why is it more rewarding to see grandchildren without their parents?

Sally: The grandparent/grandchild connection is unique. Seeing the child alone helps you forge this special relationship without having to worry about treading on the toes of the parent, or being too presumptuous, or not knowing just what your boundaries are. Also when the parent isn’t present, you’re the primary caregiver, confidante, companion. The child turns to you with questions, requests for help, and confidences, and is often freer to ask questions she/he might not ask a parent.

NR: Why is it better to see only one grandchild at a time?

Sally: It enables you to have a more intimate relationship than when more than one grandchild is present. You don’t have to worry about lavishing too much attention on one child rather than another, or choosing among activities for different ages. You can devote yourself totally to the one you’re with.

NR: Thank you for joining us today, Sally. We agree that Super Granny is the ultimate resource for today’s super grannies, with super-powers to captivate the grandkids! If any of you have questions for Sally or want to share your own ways of connecting with your grandkids, send them in and Sally will respond today or tomorrow. And click on the title above to take you to Sally's webpage highlighting all of her books.