Learn About Virtual Book Tours

We've been keeping our Virtual Book Tours a secret for too long. Over the past year and a half, here at NourishingRelationships.blogspot.com, we've featured more than 15 authors and their recently published books. You may be wondering why this sort of event has come to be known as a Virtual Book Tour. Because it's like the old book signings, but you don't have to take off your bunny slippers.



Do you see "Archives," to the left of this post? Scroll down to the month you want and click, and then click once again on the specific date of the Virtual Book Tour that interests you. Here's a list to get you started.

2008:

May 22 - "Distress Free Aging: A Boomer's Guide to Creating a Fulfilled and Purposeful Life"
June 19 - "Too Young to Retire: an off the road map to the rest of your life"
July 31 - "A Journey Well Taken: Life after Loss"
October 23 - "Live your Road Trip Dream"

2009:

January 21 - "You Want Me to do What? Journaling for Caregivers"
January 29 - "Wild Things"
April 30 - "Super Granny: Great Things to do with Your Grandkids"
May 28 - "The Blue Cotton Gown: A Midwife's Memoir"
June 11 - "The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, A Daughter and the Town That Raised Them"
July 23 - "Second Chance at Your Dream"

Enjoy your reading - and we'll keep you posted on when the next Virtual Book Tour is coming up.

Staycations Our Readers Have Enjoyed

Some great Staycation ideas have been shared with us this week by readers across the Untied States. You are welcome to try some of them out yourselves this summer.

A reader from Los Angeles had a unique Staycation activity. "We took a tour of the subway system in Los Angeles. We got off on each stop and looked at the art work in the station. It was really fun for all of us - the kids thought it was a blast!"

We heard from a Chicago reader who plans to repeat one of her favorite activities from last summer. "My husband and I are planning to take the train downtown for a free concert at Millennium Park. We really enjoyed it last summer."

One reader from St. Louis says, "We like to sit in the "cheap seats" at the back of the Muny Opera. It's a great way to enjoy a summer evening - sitting outside, listening to pretty music, and watching the stars."

Another tip for low cost performances comes from a reader in New York. "In Times Square you can line up to get tickets to Broadway shows at half price for performances that day. It takes time, but it's well worth it to save that much money on the tickets."

A mother writes in about last year's Staycation with her kids. "Last summer we did a staycation for the first time. We had a great time doing all sorts of things. But the best was getting a new family pet for the kids. They wanted a dog but my husband is allergic so we compromised on a fish. We all went to the library and then to the pet store to decide on which one to get. The kids learned how to clean the fish bowl, how often to feed the fish, who they named "Swimmy," and even about the life cycle of fish. It's been a year now and Swimmy is still a part of our family. The kids enjoy him (?) every day. We are planning another staycation for this summer. Thanks for some new ideas."


Sally Wendkos Olds, author of "Super Granny" had visited our blog for a Virtual Book Tour on April 30. Now she has added a Comment about some vacation plans she has with her family next month. "I enjoyed reading your post and also your article about family "staycations." In about 4 weeks we'll be taking daughters and granddaughters for a week's vacation on the New Jersey shore. We'll be going to the same community we've been going to for the past ten years, where we've built memories, created crafts items that we all still use, and given the sisters and the cousins a chance to spend time with each other in a setting where people can pretty much come and go as they please since we're close enough for everyone to walk alone to the beach. Every time we talk about doing something else for the week, we can never come up with anything we like as well."

Now that you have heard lots of good ideas for low cost vacations and Staycations, plan to get out there this summer and enjoy yourselves!

Honoring Grandmothers

Yesterday we had an informative chat with Sally Olds, author of Super Granny: Great Stuff to Do With Your Grandkids. Click on the title above to see more about Sally's books. Today we want to highlight some of the interesting comments we had from our readers about the art of grandmothering and Sally's responses.

One question was about whether or not to discuss a grandparenting idea with the parents ahead of time. Sally weighed in with her wise counsel: "For some of the more elaborate and time-consuming activities or any that call for advance planning, yes, you want to bring the parents into your planning. One time I wanted to take a granddaughter to a show on Broadway, and her mom said that she had planned to do that and was looking forward to it, so I backed off. You want to offer special treats -- but not in a way that you'll tread on the parents' delicate toes!"

In response to a question about activities with special needs grandchildren, Sally offered these words of advice: "Yes, special needs kid require special thinking about activities that will be fun and rewarding for both of you. I'll be happy to give you some specific suggestions if you tell me the ages of the children and the nature of their special needs. Although my book is organized according to age levels, these categories are flexible and will differ according to individual children."

One grandmother was concerned about competition between herself and the other grandmother. Sensitive to the situation, Sally recommended focusing only on her time with her grandchild. "This issue of competition with the other grandparents is a biggie for many people. Every grandparent is different and has different things to offer to the grandchildren. I think that if YOU don't see the situation as competitive that your grandchildren won't either. It's hard to avoid the sense that you have to give gifts that are just as expensive or take the kids on outings that are just as strenuous or do other things that the other grandparents do. But if you're enthusiastic about an activity, the kids will pick that up and will enjoy doing it. Like one granny in my book takes her grandchildren fishing near her home. Doesn't cost a lot of money, doesn't take a huge amount of energy, but she loves it -- so the kids love it too. Just pretend (in your own mind) that the other grandparents don't exist, and make your grandkid plans without even thinking about the other grands!"

Another granny wanted help in keeping her teenage grandson entertained when he'd rather be with his friends. Sally gave her opinion, full of the great ideas that you'll find in her book, "Ahhh, the dilemma of adolescence! Yes, to teenagers their friends are the most important people in their lives -- for the moment. But you'll be there for the long haul, and as I wrote in SUPER GRANNY, "there will always be a place somewhere in their lives for a loving, interested, supportive grandmother." Some ways to spend time with your grandson could include taking him out for breakfast before school -- an hour when he won't be doing anything else (except sleep), being the legally required adult in the car while he practices his driving, either sharing a sport or taking him to see one of his choice, taking a city tour on a Segway (google to find the closest available city for this), or asking him to teach you how to text, make a video to put on youtube, or some other technical task.

Jealousy between her grandchildren was one grandmother's worry. Sally's had experience with this issue too and shares her suggestions with us: "It's hard when grandchildren live so far away you can't see them more than once or twice a year. I know because I'm in this situation. And like you, I also have grandchildren who live much closer. You mention that the different sets of grandchildren get jealous because of the different activities you do with the nearby ones and the faraway ones. If they're old enough for you to explain the difficulties of doing the same things with all the grandchildren, you can be upfront in telling them that this is not what you have chosen, but that you love them all and you want to do as much as possible to show this. You can then ask both sets of grandchildren to tell you what they would like to do with you, and then do everything that you can to fulfill their requests. I just asked my 12-year-old granddaughter whom I see only twice a year to email me a list of what she wants to do when she and her family come to visit this summer. I got a good list -- and everything on it is doable. It's often surprising how modest the children's requests can be."

Our thanks go out to Sally for sharing her special book, Super Granny, with us. You can see more about her books by clicking on the title above. And an early Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers and grandmothers out there!


We also had an interesting comment from a reader on Wednesday's post about step-grandmothers. The situation combined the issues of grandmothering after a divorce and step-grandmothering - and created a perfect storm for tension and mistrust. Luckily for our reader, the grandkids had more loving women in their lives to make up for it. Here's what she said;

"My ex-step-Mom was Grandma to my children. When she decided to divorce my Dad after 20+ years, I was understanding and supportive. And, I continued to be -- even when Dad began to jump through hoops to save the marriage. She'd already let go. I was open with her. Open for communication and told her she would be Grandma as long as she 'wanted' to be.

Things got ugly. She became non-communicative. Kids asked questions. I had to fend off the ugly. A year after, it's all finally resolved and my children have lessened the questions (now six and seven of age).

She calls out of the blue. Apology, requesting forgiveness, and I know insinuating rebuilding the relationship. I do not trust this now; my kids have come to see that she left them as a Grandma. They have my Mom and my wonderful MIL."

Although we can't control what other people do, we can decide how we want to react to them. Our reader is able to be flexible in her responses to her now ex-stepmother - inclusive, understanding, open at first; then wary and protective of her children when she needed to be; now turning to other positive influences and people in her life. As time goes on, the situation may change once more and her resiliency will be called into play again. What about you?

Super Granny: Great Stuff To Do With Your Grandkids

Author and grandmother Sally Wendkos Olds is here today to talk about her new book. Super Granny: Great Stuff to do with Your Grandkids. It's an up-to-the-minute 21st century treasure trove of activities that help grandmothers enjoy, communicate, and really connect with their grandchildren.

Activities in the book are grouped by age, from infancy to adolescence, with something for the most computer-savvy granny and kid, along with more traditional projects. Handy icons throughout the book help pinpoint projects that suit your pocketbook, energy level, and interests. A bonus is the listing of current, informative Web sites to follow up suggestions in the book.

Especially fun for us is that Rosemary's concept of writing poems to her grandchildren is one of the 75 stories highlighted by Sally.

NR: Why did you write Super Granny?

Sally: When some of my friends have heard about a few of the things I’ve done with my grandchildren, they have become really interested and conversely I have learned so much from hearing about what my friends who are grandparents do with their grandchildren that I thought it would be fun to share some of the activities that both generations enjoy.

Also, writing about this stage of life feels like a natural progression for me – other books of mine have covered breastfeeding, working parenthood, sexual turning points throughout life, and other aspects of child & adult development.

NR: What are some things you have done with your own grandkids?

Sally: I've done all kinds of things: art in the bathtub, make-a-plate, emailing, composing on the computer, going to school for Grandparents’ Day, having a personal library of children’s books, jogging together, text-messaging with teens - even though we're so much slower than they are!

Some ideas I've gotten from other grandparents are: letting the children eat dessert first, creating art from seashells, taking a grandchild to breakfast, making a birth book or a group quilt, and of course, as Rosemary does, writing poems for and to your grandchildren.

NR: How are today’s grandmothers different from those in the past?

Sally: Today’s grandmothers are more likely to be working, to be physically active, to be technologically proficient, to have really busy lives. We’re similar, though, to grandmothers of the past in treasuring this special relationship and wanting to be emotionally close to our grandchildren, even when we can’t be physically close.

NR: How does your book help grandmothers who live far from their grandchildren?

Sally: There are so many activities that speak to the needs of these grandmothers & their grandchildren. I was especially sensitive to grandmothering across the miles because I live this situation. None of my grandchildren have ever lived closer than a 2-hour drive away, and 3 of them have lived either on the west coast of the U.S. or in Europe, while I have lived in New York. I have stayed emotionally close to my grandchildren, and so in Super Granny I emphasized some ways other grandmothers can do this. Special icons in the book point to activities especially good for long-distance grandmothering. Some examples are: email, writing special letters or poems, talking and seeing each other through services like Skype & webcams, texting, digital photos, shared vacations, making videos, family blogging.

NR: In today’s economy, a lot of grandmothers have to cut back on spending. What suggestions do you have for activities that don’t cost much?

Sally: Almost all the activities in the book cost little or nothing. These activities are specially marked as being either free or “dirt-cheap.” Some examples are: making a birth book; teaching babies to sign, playing games; fostering creativity in music, arts, and crafts; taking them shopping at thrift and secondhand stores; becoming your family’s cultural historian; sharing inexpensive sports like jogging, softball, cycling; involving grandkids in your political and civic activities.

NR: On the other hand, what are some activities worth splurging on?

Sally: Creating memories by giving grandchildren special experiences, like taking them away for a weekend or more; taking them to performances like the circus or theater; skiing, river-rafting, and pursuing other expensive activities with them; encouraging charitable giving; creating & publishing your own family book; taking them on a Segway tour. I spent a wonderful day with my 7-year-old granddaughter at the American Girl Store café in New York. Super Granny offers suggestions to make such experiences well worth the financial outlay.

NR: Why is it more rewarding to see grandchildren without their parents?

Sally: The grandparent/grandchild connection is unique. Seeing the child alone helps you forge this special relationship without having to worry about treading on the toes of the parent, or being too presumptuous, or not knowing just what your boundaries are. Also when the parent isn’t present, you’re the primary caregiver, confidante, companion. The child turns to you with questions, requests for help, and confidences, and is often freer to ask questions she/he might not ask a parent.

NR: Why is it better to see only one grandchild at a time?

Sally: It enables you to have a more intimate relationship than when more than one grandchild is present. You don’t have to worry about lavishing too much attention on one child rather than another, or choosing among activities for different ages. You can devote yourself totally to the one you’re with.

NR: Thank you for joining us today, Sally. We agree that Super Granny is the ultimate resource for today’s super grannies, with super-powers to captivate the grandkids! If any of you have questions for Sally or want to share your own ways of connecting with your grandkids, send them in and Sally will respond today or tomorrow. And click on the title above to take you to Sally's webpage highlighting all of her books.