Parents Refusing to Leave Campus

When you dropped your kids off at college, were you the one dragging your heels? This generation of parents has been described as clinging, especially when they refuse to leave the campus. In fact, a number of college administrators have introduced blunt language into orientation schedules, including a specific time to say goodbye. The message is clear: release your anxieties and your adult children to this adventure, and enjoy the ride yourself. The lesson, not taught in the traditional curriculum, is about letting go. Parenting expert, Michelle Borba, gives practical advice for parents of college bound kids.

Some colleges have developed parents-only workshops for those who are intensely involved in their child's academic career. Liaisons give explicit advice on how to minimize the pain of separation and hovering behaviors. 'Velcro' parents may be invited to a reception while the students meet their roommates and begin to settle in. Read more about this in the New York Times.

Does all this feel like a conspiracy to exclude you? After all, it's almost as big a transition for you as for your kids. But as you say goodbye to your adult kids, learn to say hello to yourself.

Recognize that you may feel ambivalent about this new chapter. Bond with friends as you discuss your situation with those who care about what you're going through. You'll discover that you have a lot in common and that they feel the same about their own experiences - this can be validating and comforting.

Log on Wednesday for practical ideas about how to put yourself front and center. Click here right now to get started today. On HerMentorCenter.com, you can read lots of articles about family relationships, sign up for our complimentary newsletter and download a free ebook about how to reach your goals.

Chelsea and Marc: Interfaith Wedding

Who doesn't love a wedding? But with months and months of planning, it only lasts a short while - and then there's the marriage. If history is prologue, neither former first daughter, Chelsea Clinton, nor longtime boyfriend, Marc Mezvinsky, had great role models for marital bliss. And that's even without the religious issues - she was raised Christian and he's Jewish.

This much publicized union is affirmation of America's shifting religious landscape. There has been a gradual increase in interfaith marriages over the past two decades and more than 25% U.S. households now are mixed-faith. Despite changing attitudes, it's still not easy to make marriage work.

If you're members of the sandwich generation with a loved one who has recently tied the knot, you know that marriage constitutes a major change. Emotional reactions at times of transition are common and normal. And in making the necessary adjustments, some conflict is inevitable - all couples get angry and have arguments. Whether a marriage will last depends, in part, on how you prepare for the challenges. You'll find that some of these tips may serve you well:

Keep your communication open and honest. Talk out misunderstandings before they become arguments. Don't resort to low blows or get side-tracked by pointing out questionable character traits. Practice active listening skills and sending I-focused messages to clarify that what you're saying is your own opinion.

Use cooperation and compromise. Be direct yet flexible as you make your way through disagreements. Look at the issue from your partner's perspective and practice empathy. Ask yourself if being right and winning the fight is more important than your relationship.

Log on all week as we talk about tips to resolve the inevitable conflicts in marriage. Let us know the strategies that work for you by clicking on 'Comments' at the bottom of this post.

And here's what the New York Times and Huffington Post have to report about Chelsea and Marc's wedding - not so much, as befitting a couple who value their privacy.

Staycations Our Readers Have Enjoyed

Some great Staycation ideas have been shared with us this week by readers across the Untied States. You are welcome to try some of them out yourselves this summer.

A reader from Los Angeles had a unique Staycation activity. "We took a tour of the subway system in Los Angeles. We got off on each stop and looked at the art work in the station. It was really fun for all of us - the kids thought it was a blast!"

We heard from a Chicago reader who plans to repeat one of her favorite activities from last summer. "My husband and I are planning to take the train downtown for a free concert at Millennium Park. We really enjoyed it last summer."

One reader from St. Louis says, "We like to sit in the "cheap seats" at the back of the Muny Opera. It's a great way to enjoy a summer evening - sitting outside, listening to pretty music, and watching the stars."

Another tip for low cost performances comes from a reader in New York. "In Times Square you can line up to get tickets to Broadway shows at half price for performances that day. It takes time, but it's well worth it to save that much money on the tickets."

A mother writes in about last year's Staycation with her kids. "Last summer we did a staycation for the first time. We had a great time doing all sorts of things. But the best was getting a new family pet for the kids. They wanted a dog but my husband is allergic so we compromised on a fish. We all went to the library and then to the pet store to decide on which one to get. The kids learned how to clean the fish bowl, how often to feed the fish, who they named "Swimmy," and even about the life cycle of fish. It's been a year now and Swimmy is still a part of our family. The kids enjoy him (?) every day. We are planning another staycation for this summer. Thanks for some new ideas."


Sally Wendkos Olds, author of "Super Granny" had visited our blog for a Virtual Book Tour on April 30. Now she has added a Comment about some vacation plans she has with her family next month. "I enjoyed reading your post and also your article about family "staycations." In about 4 weeks we'll be taking daughters and granddaughters for a week's vacation on the New Jersey shore. We'll be going to the same community we've been going to for the past ten years, where we've built memories, created crafts items that we all still use, and given the sisters and the cousins a chance to spend time with each other in a setting where people can pretty much come and go as they please since we're close enough for everyone to walk alone to the beach. Every time we talk about doing something else for the week, we can never come up with anything we like as well."

Now that you have heard lots of good ideas for low cost vacations and Staycations, plan to get out there this summer and enjoy yourselves!

In honor of Sandwich Generation month, and as we end our week of tribute to Sandwiched Boomers, we have one last recommendation - the new blog by journalist Jane Gross - www.NewOldAge.blogs.nytimes.com.

The New York Times, in describing the New Old Age:

"Thanks to the marvels of medical science, our parents are living longer than ever before. Adults over age 80 are the fastest growing segment of the population, and most will spend years dependent on others for the most basic needs. That burden falls to their baby boomer children, 77 million strong, who are flummoxed by the technicalities of eldercare, turned upside down by the changed architecture of their families, struggling to balance work and caregiving, and depleting their own retirement savings in the process.

In The New Old Age, Jane Gross explores this unprecedented intergenerational challenge and shares the stories of readers, the advice of professionals, and the wisdom gleaned from her own experience caring for her late mother in her waning years."

Consider this a valuable new resource for you and your family. Jane speaks from her own experience in caring for her mother - one of her first posts was 'what I wish I'd done differently.' The information on the blog is pertinent and current - in the first two weeks of posting, she has already covered the car key situation and long term insurance. And the blog is definitely resonating for readers - there were 693 comments on the day Jane wrote about 'our parents, ourselves.' Do yourself a favor and check it out - let us know what you find helpful in your own quest.