Caring for the Caregiver

If you're a member of the Sandwich Generation, you want to care for those you care about. But, at times, the emotional stress of nurturing multiple generations can be overwhelming. There are demands from every direction and you often have too little time, too little money, and too little help.

Photo courtesy of gbaku - flickr.com

The best way to have patience and compassion for your aging parents and growing kids is learn to be patient and compassionate with yourself. Here are tips on how to do just that:

Balance for the caregiver. Find a happy medium between your responsibilities to others and to yourself. Take a break for a long walk, a nap or a yoga class. Spend time with a friend who makes you smile. Release tension by watching a sitcom or a funny movie. Laughter triggers the release of endorphins and a good mood helps you make better decisions.

Embrace change. As you set goals and move toward them, continue an active process of getting to know your true self. Write about your passions as well as what you really value, care about and want. An unused journal won't help make your dreams come true but a well loved and often used one might do just that.

Start a play revolution. Think about your fondest memories of playing as a child. There must be similar activities you could integrate into your life right now. How can you reconnect to your creative and playful side? And how far are you willing to go outside your comfort zone? Just imagine the potential benefits to your physical health, level of happiness and feelings of wellbeing.

Build resilience. Although you can't prevent what happens to you, you can have some control over how you handle it. Work on changing your mindset. If you reframe your pessimistic thoughts, you can turn anxiety into energy. A good attitude can make a difference, so look for the lessons in what you're going through.

This month, as we celebrate you, Sandwich Generation caregivers, try to love yourself. If you don’t feel that you have control over your life, set limits that work for you. And let others lend a helping hand and give back some of the love you deserve.

Have Some ‘Catch-up’ with Your Sandwich Generation

July is Sandwich Generation month. According to a 2011 report from the Pew Research center, 30 million Americans are unpaid care-givers for their aging parents. And many of them are still raising children or supporting a boomerang kid.

Photo courtesy of social media arts - flickr.com

If you’re a member of the Sandwich Generation, you know that there's a lot to chew on. When your secretary says there’s a nurse on the line, do you wonder if it’s the school or the cardiac care unit? It can be a struggle when you’re worried about your children, your folks, and how you're going to pay for it all.

This month, when we honor those sandwiched between growing kids and parents in decline, it’s the perfect time to play catch-up with yourself. You can create new scripts instead of resorting to old thought patterns that bring you down. Here are 7 ideas that can help change your perspective and your quality of life:

Attend to your needs. Let frustration, exhaustion, or guilt wash over you but try not to give in to them. As you assume greater responsibility for your parents, make nurturing yourself a priority. If you’re feeling centered when your teens are pushing the limits, you’re better able to meet the challenges. You deserve to take better care of your emotional self.

Release emotions. If you have pent up feelings about particular family members, writing can be cathartic. It helps you regulate negative emotions and savor positive ones. Let go of judgment and you'll open up to a deeper, more expressive experience. Read between the lines of your journal and trust what you discover - ways to resolve conflict, to gain closure, to find inner strength.

Seek solitude. Set limits by saying 'no' to others and 'yes' to yourself. A physical place with little opportunity for distraction will free up your thoughts. Try not to worry about mistakes from the past or what the future will bring. Carve out quiet time each day and discover what brings you peace of mind.

We want to hear from you - tell us about your greatest challenges and how you're managing them. And please log on again on Wednesday for more practical tips about nourishing your family without staving yourself.

Sandwich Generation Siblings: Caring for Aging Parents

Today we're focusing on issues that may arise among siblings once parents begin to decline. If your interactions feel like when you were kids fighting for who gets the biggest piece of cake, here are some tips that may help your family right now:

Recognize why you're upset. There's likely a lot going on as you try to keep all the balls in the air. Worrying about your parents' well-being and the decisions you will have to make on their behalf is stressful. At the same time you may be facing loss on many levels - your parents as you knew them, fears about their declining health and eventual death.

Divide the responsibilities. Love for your parents and shared memories are what you have in common with your siblings. Now is the time to support each other. If you live far away but have the financial wherewithal to send money from time to time, don't hesitate - and call often. If you live local, are hands-on and don't think the others are doing enough, try to understand the guilt they may be feeling.

Talk about your emotions. Whether its frustration, sadness or grief, have a conversation with your siblings or with friends who understand what you're going through. It can be cathartic to put it all on the table and easier to sort out. And those who have been in your situation may guide you to a different perspective and possible solutions.

Focus on individual qualities. We all have unique skills and strengths. Which of your siblings has some free time and manages money well or lives close to your folks and is persuasive enough to gain their cooperation? Try to recognize these and put the best use of everyone's talents to work.

Be proactive. Arrange a family meeting and try to resolve any longstanding disputes. Include your parents in conversations and discuss their preferences about how they want to live as they decline. As difficult as this may be, it will minimize confusion and conflict in the long run.

Put what you're learning into play. You don't have to wait until you're incapacitated to consider some of these issues, write a will or create a legacy. Be a good role model for the benefit of your children. Remember, they’re watching.

The Sibling Bond and Aging Parents

We just got home from the Blue Ridge mountains of North Carolina and a reunion with my husband’s brothers and their wives.

Visiting with family always reminds me of how the internal scripts and imprinted patterns that shape us continue their impact throughout our lives. I guess a broad range of emotions weave the tapestry of family life for all of us.

Like the sagas of Cain and Abel or Rachel and Leah, stories about sibling bonds are fascinating. Archetypal tales interest us because relationships with our own brothers and sisters can have a mix of love and rivalry, pride and resentment. And sibling rivalry, with its complex feelings of guilt, can lead to a cascade of emotions - empathy, shame, even manipulation.

Think about the specific dynamics between you and your siblings and how they have played out over the years. It’s not unusual for kids to feel that mom had a favorite - what impact did this have on your family? And consider what defines your relationships - birth order, personality, values, common interests, similar character traits?

Now look at what's going on between you and your siblings as your parents begin to decline.

The statistics are staggering. According to estimates from the National Alliance for Caregiving, 65 million Americans serve as family caregivers for an ill, disabled or aging relative. That's 29 % of the adult U.S. population involving 31 percent of all households. Some provide 20 hours of care a week, and only 1 in 10 who get help from others think the care is split equally.

It’s difficult when you have to take time away from work and family. And then there’s the added stress of caring for parents in decline. When faced with this kind of dilemma, many of us revert back to less adaptive attitudes and behaviors. Siblings can become inflexible and competitive instead of cooperative and collaborative when managing family problems.

Click on ‘comments’ below and share how your family is dealing with these inevitable challenges. And log on here Wednesday for tips that may help you begin to sort things out.

Mommy Wars Post Tax Day

Moms continue to reflect and speak out about the economy – the nation’s and their own family’s. Women recognize that life can be full of stress and anxiety, especially when extra financial worries erupt at tax time. Whether you’re a work-at-home mom or pursue a career outside the house, we can all choose to attack the problems, not each other. These tips can help you become part of the solution as you develop a personal safety net to fall back on now and in other difficult times:

Reconsider your assumptions, refocus and reframe your thoughts. When you look at things from a different perspective, you’ll be able to come up with fresh ways to deal with the stresses you face. Expressing your gratitude for the gifts you have will create a better mood for you and those around you.

Gather information from counselors, Internet sites, seminars or self help books about how to minimize the impact of pressures you are now experiencing. Find out what resources are available in the community to help manage your tensions.

Practice relaxation techniques on a daily basis. Learn deep breathing or guided imagery to help you unwind and settle down. Go for a walk early in the morning and enjoy the sights, sounds, and aroma of the world just getting up. If you have a few minutes in the house, refresh and relax by putting your feet up and listening to some soothing music.

Ask for help and turn to those around you for support. When you let your friends and family know what you need from them, they are more likely to come to your aid. Clarify what’s necessary to achieve your goals. When you’re not feeling so overwhelmed by your responsibilities and commitments, your outlook will be more positive and optimistic.

Communicate honestly with your spouse, growing children and aging parents. Talk out disagreements before they become heated, out of control arguments. Don't put a lid on your emotions, just on expressing them in an aggressive manner. Instead, develop a direct, assertive style to express your needs. When conflicts arise, agree to be flexible and cooperative as you work toward reaching a compromise.

And lets use this same conversational etiquette when we talk with each other – about taxes, moms, women’s roles or politics. November is still six months away and we can help set a civil tone for the dialogue.

Tax Day Minus One and More

Women are used to multi-tasking, thinking about and dealing with many issues at the same time. Still, your head may be spinning today with the complex activities going on - Emancipation Day, the celebration of President Lincoln’s freeing of slaves in the District of Columbia 150 years ago, Patriot's Day with the 116th running of the Boston Marathon and Tax Day tomorrow when 144 million income tax returns are due to be filed.

Women and taxes are in the news again as the debate continues between moms who work in and outside the home – begun by Hilary Rosen’s comment about Ann Romney - while the Senate discusses the so-called Buffet Rule. Is our society ready to redefine caregiving as productive labor, with support and tax credits? Wherever you stand on these issues, you know that for women it’s a struggle to balance the logistical, emotional and financial demands of work and family. When you’re also caring for an aging parent, you may begin to feel overwhelmed by all of your responsibilities.

If you're a Sandwiched Boomer supporting both your growing children and aging parents, you may have already consulted with a tax advisor about claiming both sets as dependents. After all, you want to conserve as much of your nest egg as you can. With your reduced funds being stretched ever thinner in this economy by the generations surrounding you, Tax Day thrusts your finances front and center.

What about also considering the non-monetary contributions you make to your family in flux? The time, energy, thoughts and emotions you devote to your children and elderly parents can exhaust your core just as your expenses deplete your cash reserves. Are you beginning to feel like a woman on the verge? Instead, use your Tax Day perspective to try out these tips to improve your health and wellbeing:

Maintain balance as you invest your energies in family, career and yourself. You may not be able to attain the perfect level of achievement in any of these, but you can enjoy a sense of accomplishment in your growing strength. To avoid burnout as you shift between caring for your kids and your parents, set aside time for yourself.

Take better care of yourself. When you cope with stress before it becomes chronic, you're better able to take care of your loved ones as well as yourself. As you strive to limit your responsibilities to others, you'll find you have more time for fun and fulfillment in your own life. Go for it – you know you deserve it.

Check back with us again on Wednesday for more tips to help you through tax time. And for some suggestions about coping with stress due to economic troubles you may be facing, consider our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success.

Caution, Curves Ahead

Last week, I was driving down one of the canyons in Los Angeles, quickly moving the steering wheel left and right as the road twisted and turned. It was like playing an arcade game, trying to keep your car on the virtual road, going as fast as you can. In those videos, the sharp curves keep switching and obstacles suddenly appear, causing you to crash and burn if you're not reacting fast enough.

It may be fun to play on a screen but what about when life itself mirrors this wild experience? If you find yourself in the midst of a constant stream of challenges, threatening to devastate you, you're probably looking for a way to tone down the level of your reactions and emotions. Here are two ways to begin:

Give up the illusion of control. If you're a sandwiched boomer, you've probably already noticed that you don't have very much control over the way your growing children or aging parents behave. Juggling work and parenting responsibilities, do you still somehow hold on to the belief that you can determine the way those around you act? This is the time to let go of your unrealistic expectations and the belief that you can create a perfect outcome. What you can change is how you react to what comes your way. Choose to focus on looking inside as you shift to more positive emotions. And turn the challenges coming at you as opportunities for growth.

Give up the guilt. When things don't turn out the way you expect, do you blame yourself? Whether it's trouble maintaining a balance between work and family or your needs and your partner's, don't beat yourself up for your choices - learn from them. Instead of dwelling on past mistakes, forgive yourself, let go of your negative feelings and allow yourself the opportunity to regroup and try something else. You're doing the best you can so give yourself some credit and ease up. After all, you're human, not all-knowing, and you deserve another chance. Friends can give you support and perspective as you share your feelings and concerns.

Stop by again Wednesday for more tips on plotting a course for yourself. And if you're stressed from dealing with the ups and downs of the economy, consider our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success.

Best Senior Living Blogs

We're pleased to share exciting news with you. Our blog, Family Relationships , has been nominated by SeniorHomes.com to the Best of the Web 2012 in the Best Senior Living Blogs by Individuals category. The Best of the Web 2012 contest highlights senior living and caregiving websites, blogs, and resources on the web for consumers and senior living professionals.



If you've enjoyed our posts on caring for aging parents, please visit our nominee page. Follow the instructions at the top of that page and vote for us to become a finalist. You can even cast a ballot twice in this contest on our nominee page, once by liking us on Facebook and once by recommending us as +1 on Google. Voting ends on March 2 - please give us your support!

Love is More Than a Four Letter Word

With Valentine's Day less than a week away, we continue our focus on the many aspects of love. Filled with the deep pleasure of engagement, we often talk about loving a person, an idea, a place, an experience. The great sense of pure joy and energy springing from such love can keep you warm the rest of the season - a must, now that Punxsutawney Phil has predicted six more weeks of winter.

digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Here are two more forms of love to consider this week:

Love what you do. Whatever it is you do each day - a job outside the home, a hobby, volunteer work, caring for your aging parents or growing children - you'll be more fulfilled if you're immersed in it. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi coined the term flow for the experience of focused involvement in an activity. In flow you have a greater sense of clarity and timelessness, with your passion becoming its own reward. Challenge yourself to live a meaningful life to its fullest by creating flow, knowing that you can accomplish your goals. And experience love by making a commitment to act on what you feel.

Love who you are. It's not always easy to love yourself, is it? Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies, seeing our faults more clearly than our strengths. Other times we over estimate our strong points, seeing ourselves through rose-colored glasses. Two thousand years ago, Socrates entreated each of us to Know Thyself. Your challenge today is to recognize your authentic being. When you embrace your frailties and at the same time encourage your growth and the development of your abilities, you can begin to truly love yourself. Learn to feel comfortable in your own skin - accept and be true to who you are.

We hope you enjoy your day of love next week - whatever object of your affections you choose to celebrate. Want to tell us about your love? Click on the comment link below and tell us who or what brings happiness to your life.

Sandwiched Boomers: Gift of Health

Americans are very busy spending lots of money on gift cards. With the holidays now right around the corner, your stress level may be stuck on high. And if that's so, a medical gift card, which some credit card companies and health care providers issue, could be exactly what the doctor ordered.

Photo courtesy of Shoshana - Flickr.com

The targeted audience for these medical gift cards are members of the Sandwich Generation. They're the ones buying presents for parents who have increasing health needs. They're also looking to gift their kidults, who are concerned about fitness and in college or living on their own. This gift can be used toward a variety of health related services – prescription co-pays, medical or dental visits, contact lenses, even some wellness programs, elective surgery and gym memberships.

We know you're probably trying to maintain a life in balance while still honoring the complexity of the holiday season. See if you can figure out what means the most to you. Then make a decision to focus on what you want to do, not on what you have to do. Let this time of year be a major step toward taking care of your own needs. As you begin to lay the groundwork for change in your gift giving rituals, treat yourself to better health by keeping your stress in check. Log on here tomorrow - we'll have some tips about taking care of you during the holiday season.

Did your holiday celebration begin last night with lighting the first candle, eating latkes, playing games and opening gifts? If so, we wish a Happy Hanukah to all of you!

The Sandwich Generation: Preparing for the Holidays

The economic struggles and crisis in confidence have lasted far too long. And the hardships are particularly evident during the holiday season. Are you feeling stretched by the financial pressure? If you're facing tough buying decisions, the responsibilities of the holidays may even be getting you down. These are challenging times for the Sandwich Generation.

This year you may just have to let go of the idea of a perfect Christmas, Hanukah or Kwanzaa.

Photo courtesy of Asnat - Flickr.com

Even though it's important to honor the tradition of giving, the accumulation of material things can't hold a candle to the gift that matters most. Bringing cheer to others is a great way to cheer you up as well. And you can do it without breaking into your savings account. With the holidays fast approaching, you certainly don't want to add more pressure to your life. So follow these ideas to keep stress in check as you focus on more joy and less stuff:

Give the gift of connection. Put more heart in your relationships. Arrange a regular weekly date with your parents. Invite them to lunch, a museum or the movies. Send a card to an old friend with whom you've lost contact. Enclose a recent family photo, your email address and a promise to keep in touch. Drive an elderly neighbor to the grocery store, a doctor's appointment or the library.

Give to a worthy cause. Get the family or a group of friends together and spend a couple of hours helping out at a homeless shelter. Pass forward gifts you've received or bring some hardly used toys and clothes. Buy a small present for a homeless person you regularly pass on the street and make eye contact when you give it. Put a big smile on your face and help cook Christmas dinner at a soup kitchen. Make a donation to Aunt Mary's favorite charity; every gift counts no matter how much you spend.

We appreciate your reading our blog posts and passing them on to your family and friends. Here's our early gift to you - thanks for your support and loyalty!

Caring for Yourself and Aging Parents at Holiday Time

Amidst all the celebrating during these holidays, if you're a Sandwiched Boomer, torn between caring for growing children and aging parents, you may be bogged down by your responsibilities and having a hard time getting into the spirit of the season. I know I did when I was taking care of my parents a decade ago. They moved in with me after my mother developed cognitive impairment due to a stroke, and they lived with us until their deaths years later. When I was just too exhausted, my husband insisted we get help and that made a huge difference in all of our lives.

Image: Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

While you're busy caring for others, remember to take good care of yourself too. Make time for fun and take advantage of free time you set aside for yourself. You can nurture yourself even when you're focused on nourishing others. Remember what Ben Franklin said about how to keep yourself young: We do not stop playing because we grow old, We grow old because we stop playing!

If you're a Sandwiched Boomer, we've got some resources to help you take better care of yourself, manage daily hassles and reduce long-term stress. Use them to create some energy so you can enjoy the holidays this year.

AARP recently hosted an event focused on identifying what can be done to support caregivers, bringing together 10 authors - including Gail Sheehy and Walter Mosley - who have hands on experience themselves caring for loved ones. You can view the archived webcast of the event on the AARP website.

If you're caring for a loved one at home, find out about respite care options and caregiver resources that will give you the break you need. You may want to consult the Private Duty Homecare Association, which is devoted to overcoming the challenges of aging in place. And you can a look at their past webinars on various aspects of at-home care, which may help your loved one maintain a sense of independence and feelings of security. Home Instead Senior Care can also help overcome obstacles in assisting your loved one's aging in place, including gift ideas for the holidays.

When you feel you are no longer able to care for a loved one by yourself, you may begin looking for other options. Assisted Living Today has compiled a series of articles to help determine the best type of care for your loved one. Especially helpful is the information in their Assisted Living Care Guide. For those of you who have a parent with Alzheimer's or other dementia their Memory Care Guide provides facts about different types of facilities caring for those with Alzheimer's Disease as well as questions and answers to help you make decisions about caring for your loved one.

November was Alzheimer's Awareness month, bringing attention to the estimated 5 million who suffer from this disease. The Alzheimer's Association provides information and support to those with Alzheimer's as well as for their caregivers.

If you want to read more about eldership, AgeSong features Dr. Nader Shabahangi who has been writing about the aging process and the need for community to ensure a positive outlook - for caregivers as well as their loved ones. You may find his white papers interesting and informative, especially if you're caring for a loved one.

Treat yourself to an important holiday gift this year - your decision to take good care of yourself even with the pull of your aging parents and growing children. You deserve it.

Learning to Flourish

Now that the kids are back in school and their homework is starting, we've got some news about a book you might like to read yourself. The field of Positive Psychology - with its emphasis on creating a meaningful, healthy life - is especially important to us here at NourishingRelationships. Recently a pillar in the field, as well as a friend and mentor, Dr. Marty Seligman, enlarged on his work with Authentic Happiness and established a revision of his theory in his new book, Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being.


In his revised theory, Seligman has added two more elements to his original three constructs that make up a life well-lived. All five, each with the support of essential character strengths and virtues, come together to create well-being. He uses the mnemonic PERMA to stand for these 5 components of thriving: Positive Emotions, Engagement, Positive Relationships, Meaning and Purpose, Achievement. Lets take a look at each of these to see how they might relate to you:

Positive Emotions involve pleasure and enjoyment, often during a satisfying sensory experience. You may feel a positive emotion while eating a delicious meal, hearing a beautiful symphony, walking on the beach, sharing a hug with your grandchild. Days full of these positive emotions make up what Seligman terms a pleasant life.

Engagement comes with flow, the experience of being so involved in an activity that you lose track of time and place. During this type of total absorption you feel at one with what you are doing. You may be fortunate to experience flow from your work or a hobby that you love. This type of immersion Seligman has labeled an engaged life.

Positive Relationships are necessary for well-being and therefore comprise one of the two new additions to Seligman's theory of thriving. Here on our blog and at our website, HerMentorCenter.com, we give practical tips to develop and maintain positive relationships with your family. When the pressure rises from caring for growing children and aging parents, the deep relationships you have built with a significant other and close friends can help buffer your stress and enhance your well-being.

Meaning and Purpose entail a commitment to something larger than yourself - the circle can include family, community, country, humanity, spiritual guidance. You may be involved in volunteer activities that bring deep satisfaction and the recognition that you can make a difference in repairing the world. Seligman has described this as a meaningful life.

Accomplishment is the second addition in this revised theory and the final tenet of well-being. Striving to achieve a goal strictly for its own sake can motivate a determined person, using her talents, to overcome difficulties. And the sense of triumph that comes from mastery over a challenging test is priceless.

Will these Positive Psychology tidbits encourage you to enjoy your own learning experience as the new school year begins? Knowing more about the constructs of well-being can help you decide how to focus your personal and family life. We hope our efforts together can be the driving force for you to thrive as you live a pleasant and engaged life, connected to others, complete with meaningful and purposeful accomplishments. What could be better?

Tools for Coping with Roller Coaster Market

Are you unnerved by the current stock market's dramatic volatility, with its wild swings down and up? If you're feeling anxious about how the national and global economic unrest will affect your personal and family finances, you're not alone. You may be rethinking how you will handle your planned retirement, your kids' college educations, supporting your needy parents, even your day-to-day expenses. While we here at Nourishing Relationships and Her Mentor Center are not financial experts, we do have some coping tips that can help you deal with the emotional overload you may be experiencing. In support of our readers - baby boomers, gen X'ers or others - we are now giving you a gift of our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success free of charge for a limited time.

When you download our free ebook, you'll find practical tips for reducing stress, getting some control over your expenses, understanding the role financial instability plays in your marriage, creating new ways of flexible family living within this turbulent economy and investing in your own physical and emotional well-being.

And if you're a part of the Sandwich Generation - caring for growing children and aging parents - we've found a website that sells some helpful tools. It's called asaneapproach.com and we'd like to share it with you.

You've often heard us talk here at Nourishing Relationships about the importance of creating a written contract when your family is dealing with difficult issues - a teenager's rights and responsibilities, a boomerang kid's privileges and duties, your sibling's roles vis-à-vis aging parents. It's important to clarify expectations on both sides and deal with boundary complexities so they don't sabotage your family relationships.

A Sane Approach offers agreements you can modify to fit the specifics of your family; there are two that may be particularly useful to you in the coming months. In response to the economic downturn, if you're expecting a boomerang kid, their downloadable contract for an adult child moving home can be used to organize the policies you've agreed to implement. Or if you're caring for an elderly parent, their document can help you and your siblings determine exactly how you will share obligations and decision-making.

We hope you'll get some help in keeping your balance in the midst of this financial turmoil and download our free ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success. Let us know how these tips work for you.

Resiliency Among the Israelis

You've probably noticed that we often blog about building resiliency and moving forward after experiencing difficult challenges. I'm just back from Israel, a country filled with some of the most resilient people in the world. Native Israelis are called Sabras - after the cactus - tough and prickly on the outside but soft and juicy on the inside. I've been wondering how the Israeli's remain creative, optimistic, and involved in the midst of the stresses they face every day.

We found that the country is filled with people working energetically to invent new technologies, improve the lives of others, create beauty in their surroundings. They seem to focus their energies on innovation rather than stagnation and hope rather than despair. Some say the crane is the national bird of Israel - not one that flies but the large construction machines you see everywhere involved in the new buildings.

As we were leaving, I asked the taxicab driver how he was a able to remain cheerful every day and he remarked, "I look forward not backward. And I'm a dreamer. I try to achieve 60% of my dreams."

How about you? What are your dreams? What are you doing to make them happen? If you're a Sandwiched Boomer, caring for aging parents while you are still raising growing children, your stress levels may make it difficult to nourish yourself at the same time. Tune in on Wednesday and you'll find some tips to help you too work toward accomplishing your goals and building your resiliency when you meet barriers along the way.

Three Cheers for the Sandwich Generation

July is Sandwich Generation Month, a chance to pay tribute to adult children who are juggling the demands of raising their own children while caring for their aging parents. The number of Americans 65 and older is projected to increase from 40 million in 2010 to over 88 million by 2050, doubling the ranks of those experiencing this stressful combination of responsibilities.

We expect to take care of our growing children. After all, isn't that in the parenthood job description? Even after the last kid moves out and we are settling into the empty nest, if one of them drops out of college, loses their job or separates from a partner and boomerangs back, we let them come home. But with ailing parents it can be even more complicated.

From time to time, we all feel like there aren't enough hours in the day. But for the sandwich generation, that's especially true. The stress, guilt and exhaustion that come from trying to keep so many balls in the air can be overwhelming. One goal of Sandwich Generation Month is to raise awareness. Here are some tips so you don't have to cope with all the demands by yourself:

Encourage your parents' independence. Identify what they really need you to do and what they can handle. Have respect for their dignity, experience and wisdom as they make decisions and take responsibility. Step back so they do as much as they can for themselves.

Find professionals to help you out. Put this into place ahead of time if you live far away or before there is a crisis. Do your parents need a geriatric assessment or the support of a social service agency? Learn about health care advocates, specific gerontologists, in-home help and the continuum of care concept.

There are community resources available. Take advantage of them. Home health and companion care companies help with chores such as cooking, cleaning, laundry and grocery shopping. And adult day care centers encourage supervised time for your parents to socialize while you get a break.

Sign the email list to the left of this post and receive our free monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones, full of information to help you, members of the Sandwich Generation. You can also download our complimentary ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching Your Goals. And log on again Wednesday for more tips that can put your mind at ease.

New Ways to Help Your Aging Parents

For all you Sandwiched Boomers out there, we've come across two new creative developments to help you care for your aging parents while you are busy raising your kids. We've tried them out ourselves and want to share with you our excitement about them.

The first is a new kind of software, made especially for older seniors who are not yet comfortable with navigating the Internet. It's called Seniorama and is made by an Israeli software company, Softarama. Seniorama is a senior-friendly operating system with a very simple graphic user interface that enables the elderly and the disabled to utilize basic computer applications - email, browse the Internet, use Skype, play brain games - allowing them to stay connected with family and friends, sharpen their minds, overcome loneliness and more. You can open up a whole new virtual world to your elderly parents, even those with failing eyesight.

Seniorama transforms any PC into an intuitive, easy-to-use machine, from start-up to shutdown, in a way that is suited for non-computer-savvy older seniors and anyone who may have visual problems, learning difficulties, cognitive impairment or a neurological disease of any sort. It provides a clear format for those who require a larger screen view.

Users easily send and receive email, play brain-fitness games, view family photos, browse the Internet and enjoy video chats. They can also customize their email address book and read Word, Powerpoint and PDF documents. Because it includes voice as well as video calling, there is an option to have emails read out loud. And, also reassuring for seniors, there is 24-hour email support available.

If you think you would like to introduce it to your aging parents, you can find out more about Seniorama on their website. If you decide to purchase the easy to install software, the company is offering a significant discount to you, our readers.

We've also received information about a helpful toolkit called Caring for Your Parents: Senior Emergency Kit. Created by the Home Instead Senior Care network and Humana, it's designed to help organize your elderly parent's medical and financial information in one central place. If you'd like your own copy, you can download the materials from their website at SeniorEmergencyKit. You'll find more helpful resources and information there about reducing the caregiver stress you're likely to be experiencing as a Sandwiched Boomer.

And for a lively discussion with baby boomer T.B. Fisher about lessons he's learned over the years, check in with us on Wednesday for a Virtual Book Tour. He'll be answering questions about his new book, Bought In: Reignite, Retool, Rebrand.

Tax Day and Sandwiched Boomers

Are you rushing to finish up your income tax returns? This year, due to the celebration of Emancipation Day last Friday in the District of Columbia, citizens have until midnight tonight to get their tax returns postmarked and in the mail. If you're a Sandwiched Boomer you may be asking yourself, "have I taken all of the deductions I'm legally allowed?" When you're supporting both your growing children and your aging parents, you may want to consult with your tax advisor to see if you are eligible for claiming both sets as dependents. After all, you want to conserve as much of your nest egg as you can. With your reduced funds being stretched even thinner by the generations surrounding you, Tax Day brings your finances front and center.

Image: Arvind Balaraman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

But what about also considering the non-monetary contributions you make to your family in flux? The time, energy, thoughts, emotions you devote to your children and elderly parents can exhaust your core just as your expenses deplete your cash reserves. How is all this affecting you? Are you becoming anxious and angry - on the verge of taking out your frustrations on those around you? Instead, use your Tax Day perspective to look for ways to cope with your stress and preserve more of your health and well-being. Taking better care of yourself can lead to a win-win outcome for everyone in your extended family. When you avoid the burnout that often comes from chronic stress, you're better able to take care of your loved ones as well as yourself.

Here on our blog and on our website, HerMentorCenter.com, we've highlighted the importance of self-care for Sandwiched Boomers. Now you can review the Top 10 Self-fullness Tips for Sandwiched Women and find suggestions about How to Nourish the Sandwich That is You. As guests of Dr. Sandra Haymon, we provided tips for caregivers on blogtalk radio, where you can listen to our complete interview free of charge.

And here are more tips to keep in mind, on Tax Day and everyday:

Maintain balance as you invest your energies in family, career and yourself. You may not be able to attain the perfect level of achievement in any of these three, but you can enjoy a sense of accomplishment in your growing strength. To avoid burnout as you run between caring for your kids and your parents, Psychology Today encourages you to set aside time for yourself to refuel. As you strive to limit your responsibilities to others, you'll find you have more time for fun and fulfillment in your own life.

Practice relaxation techniques on a daily basis to help manage the tensions you are feeling. Make time to go for a walk, exercise at the gym, listen to soothing music or just put your feet up. Learn deep breathing or guided imagery to help you unwind and settle down. Contact your local psychological association to find out what other resources are available in your community. Gather information from Internet sites such as webMD, seminars or self help books about how to minimize the impact of the pressures you are now experiencing.

Ask for help and get support from those around you in order to reduce the stress in your life. Make a concrete plan about what you need and how your can achieve your goals. Consult the Department of Health and Human Services' Eldercare Locator for the names of local resources. When you are not feeling so overwhelmed by your responsibilities and commitments, your negative feelings are not as likely to boil over. Particularly if one of your parents has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, you can use all the help you can get - from the Alzheimer's Association website as well as assistance from other caregivers.

Keep communication open with your spouse, children and aging parents. Talk out disagreements before they become heated arguments that get out of control. Don't put a lid on your emotions, just on expressing them in an aggressive manner. Instead, learn what the Mayo Clinic recommends about developing a direct, assertive style to express your needs. When conflicts arise, agree to be flexible and cooperative - and work toward reaching a compromise.

Your life as a Sandwiched Boomer can be full of stress and anxiety. But when you use these tips and resources, it can help you develop a safety net to fall back on when you need it. For more suggestions about coping with stress in these difficult economic times, consider our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success.

The Top 100 Senior and Boomer Blogs

Michelle Seitzer has just published the impressive list of the Top 100 Senior and Boomer Blogs. This year, it's even broken down into categories and descriptions. As a member of the Sandwich Generation facing the challenges of parents growing older and kids growing up, this list is for you. And if you work with seniors or want to network, you'll find a wealth of useful information and helpful resources. We appreciate your including us, Michelle! Here's what she has to say:


"Here’s an updated version of our first Top 100 Senior and Boomer Blogs and Websites, to help you stay up-to-date on the latest advances in boomer blogs and senior sites spanning a colossal range of topics. Peruse and use this new list as your hitchhiker’s guide to the most interesting, engaging, helpful, and heartwarming offerings in the virtual galaxy today."

How to Fight Inertia

As Sandwiched Boomers, chances are you're bombarded daily by challenges with aging parents and growing children. You may also be trying to balance home and work responsibilities. And that's without your commitment to stay healthy, lose weight and exercise regularly. Just thinking about your hectic lifestyle can stop you in your tracks. If this is your life and you're feeling the time crunch, follow these guidelines.

Photo by Nuttakit

Make a start, any start. Buy a journal or borrow one of the notebooks your child isn't using and do your homework. Write out some specific long term goals and break these down into smaller, more manageable short term objectives. Begin with the one that seems easiest to implement and take the first step. Don't forget to consider the character strengths and personal resources you have that will help you achieve your goals.


Create weekly or even daily to-do lists. For example, if a regular exercise program is your ultimate goal, begin by penciling in a 20 minute walk twice a week after carpool or during your lunch hour. Organization and planning may sound like dirty words. But the more you concretize what you plan to do, the greater the chances are that you'll follow through with your intentions.

Give yourself a break and see what happens. Let go of any negative thoughts about yourself in relation to getting stuff done. Actively dispute the idea that you are lazy, apathetic or can't get a handle on the process. Choose a simple mantra that rings true for you - such as 'yes I can' - and repeat it often.

Sign the email list to the left of this post to receive a free monthly newsletter, "Stepping Stones" and download a complimentary ebook about how to reach your goals. And log on Wednesday for more tips about fighting inertia.