Tools for Coping with Roller Coaster Market

Are you unnerved by the current stock market's dramatic volatility, with its wild swings down and up? If you're feeling anxious about how the national and global economic unrest will affect your personal and family finances, you're not alone. You may be rethinking how you will handle your planned retirement, your kids' college educations, supporting your needy parents, even your day-to-day expenses. While we here at Nourishing Relationships and Her Mentor Center are not financial experts, we do have some coping tips that can help you deal with the emotional overload you may be experiencing. In support of our readers - baby boomers, gen X'ers or others - we are now giving you a gift of our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success free of charge for a limited time.

When you download our free ebook, you'll find practical tips for reducing stress, getting some control over your expenses, understanding the role financial instability plays in your marriage, creating new ways of flexible family living within this turbulent economy and investing in your own physical and emotional well-being.

And if you're a part of the Sandwich Generation - caring for growing children and aging parents - we've found a website that sells some helpful tools. It's called asaneapproach.com and we'd like to share it with you.

You've often heard us talk here at Nourishing Relationships about the importance of creating a written contract when your family is dealing with difficult issues - a teenager's rights and responsibilities, a boomerang kid's privileges and duties, your sibling's roles vis-à-vis aging parents. It's important to clarify expectations on both sides and deal with boundary complexities so they don't sabotage your family relationships.

A Sane Approach offers agreements you can modify to fit the specifics of your family; there are two that may be particularly useful to you in the coming months. In response to the economic downturn, if you're expecting a boomerang kid, their downloadable contract for an adult child moving home can be used to organize the policies you've agreed to implement. Or if you're caring for an elderly parent, their document can help you and your siblings determine exactly how you will share obligations and decision-making.

We hope you'll get some help in keeping your balance in the midst of this financial turmoil and download our free ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success. Let us know how these tips work for you.

Women in the Sandwich Generation: Begin to Create a Plan for Your Future

Are you busy balancing your work and family life, raising kids and caring for aging parents? Although you're likely making plans for your kids' college and for your parents' care right now, you need to also be thinking about what's next for you.

How ready are you? You may want to watch how Jeannie, a 48 year old new mom, is planning for her future. And see how Maryann has put a long-term care plan in place, so her son won't be in the stressful position she was as her mom needed more help.

A recent survey found that more than 50% of boomers may not have enough money to maintain their current living standards in retirement. Consequently, many will be working past the traditional retirement age so they can save enough to comfortably retire.

How much longer do you plan to work? With the economic downturn, perhaps you can't afford to retire and are counting on your benefits. Or you may think it's important for you to stay engaged and connected, be productive, feel empowered. There are also questions about your 'after work life' that deserve consideration. Do you know what it will cost to live in retirement? Have you budgeted and saved enough money? This information can help you understand some of these retirement issues.

Want to increase your awareness and plan for your unique lifestyle and goals? Learn more about AARP's new educational program - Decide, Create, Share. You'll be able to assess your future needs across home, community, health, legal and finances. Discover how ready you are for the future and use the tips provided to help you stay on track.

Isn't it really all about you living life on your own terms and staying in charge? Browse around HerMentorCenter.com for information and articles to help you care for your family and still nourish yourself. Sign the email list to the left of this post and receive a monthly newsletter full of practical tips for you. And then you can download a free ebook about how to reach your goals. Now's the time for you apply the same competence and energy to yourself that you give to others?!

Abby Sunderland: A Free Range Kid

When 16 year old Abby Sunderland attempted to become the youngest person to sail solo around the world, there was a lot of controversy - some called it reckless and accused her parents of child abuse. Others who think childhood quests are an endangered species applauded Abby's confidence, sailing prowess and sense of adventure.

You may be interested in learning more about Abby. Here MSNBC traces her journey through articles and video. And Abby talks about her love of the sea and sailing experience as well as her inspiration and motivation.

Who hasn't had dreams of wanderlust? When my husband was the surgeon on a naval aircraft carrier, and our children were toddlers, the three of us followed his ship along the Mediterranean for six months. Here's an article in Politics Daily that traces the history of young and older women who took a chance that resulted in a unique experience. Just like Abby and her parents, they likely weighed the risks and made a decision.

Parenting is about values. It can be a tough choice between assuring kids' safety and encouraging their independence. If you value self-reliance and independence, perhaps you would choose the free-range option. You may decide that you can live with the worry and that the risks are manageable. There is no right answer.

As your teenagers begin to drive and enjoy their newfound freedom, letting go may be harder than you thought. Are you having trouble cutting the apron strings? If you are still trying to protect them from life’s normal ups and downs, begin to take a step back by following these practical tips:

Remember what it was like for you growing up. How did you use your personal strengths and resources to become more self sufficient? Put some of these good ideas to work now. Give your growing kids emotional support but let them explore and learn for themselves.

Give up old habits of micromanaging. Modern technology makes it so easy to stay connected. But you have to let go sooner or later. When you continue to get worried or upset, you’re giving your children the message that you don’t trust they can handle life on their own.

Minimize your financial assistance. Sure, you need to take care of the basic necessities, but encourage your kids to take on more personal responsibility. Beginning in high school, insist that they get a part-time job and open a bank account. Pull back as they learn new time and money management skills.

Teach your children how to problem solve. Negative feelings are sometimes difficult to face head-on, but the rewards can be more honesty and a renewed sense of trust. Help them learn to cooperate and compromise. Be flexible in resolving your family issues, as you see the situation from their perspective as well as from your own.

Here's an article from the growing child's perspective. In the Huffington Post, a young woman writes about how comfortable not leaving the nest can be, especially with ongoing financial support. She offers tips to parents about what may motivate their children to move on. Isn't your ultimate goal for them to be on their own?

If you want to read more about how to reach your goals, please join the email list to the left of this post. You can receive our free monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones, and download a free ebook about courage. And if you're wrestling with some of these family issues yourself, how about weighing in?

Kids of Michael Jackson: Still Sad but Doing OK

At the anniversary of Michael Jackson's death, his children are likely feeling the sadness that is typical for all of us when we lose someone we love. In her book, On Death and Dying, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross first identified the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and, finally, acceptance.

Working through these feelings is easier with the support of family. And it's evident, in recent comments made by Katherine and Germaine, that the Jackson family is rallying around the children. 'They're spending time with their cousins and that family love will keep them going.'

If you're caring for your grandkids under stressful circumstances, what follows are ideas to consider as you nurture them and yourself:

It is necessary to mourn what you have lost. In divorce, it may be the dreams you had for the future. In death, the sadness about not having the loved one as a part of your life. As you work to communicate openly, all of you can feel safe enough to talk and grieve together.

Accept the changes in the family, whatever they are, even if you're in the crossfire. Validate the children's feelings and withhold blame regarding their parents. While you're showing support, try not to take a particular side or excuse bad behavior. Remember that your primary concern here is to attend to the immediate concerns and needs of the children.

Protect the children from the comments of others. Whether the absent parent's behavior stemmed from a serious emotional problem or a hunger deep inside, now you can shield the children from its impact. Focus on your relationship with them and build trust so that they'll feel more accepted, nurtured and confident.

You may want to watch this Fox News report on the one year anniversary of Michael Jackson's death. Need more information about positive role models as you reach for your goals as a grandparent? Sign our email list to the left of this post and download a free ebook, "Courage and Lessons Learned."

Revisiting the Courage of Captain Sully Sullenberger

As members of the sandwich generation, you may have your hands full with the challenges of parents growing older and kids growing up. But that's no reason to neglect what you need.

Perhaps there's a goal you've wanted to reach for a long time - start a small business, rekindle an old friendship, run a 5K? When you think about working toward a goal and the inevitable changes that go along with that, you may wonder: How do I access my strengths? What can help me grow? Who will I be then?

There are a lot of people we can look to who have had the courage to reach deep inside and make something happen. Take, for example, Captain Chesley (Sully) Sullenberger, the pilot who landed the passenger jet on the Hudson River. Bravery and humility - often at the heart of fairy tales - are qualities that can inspire all of us to be the best that we can be. And, with the doom and gloom of the economic crisis, we want to feel hopeful again.

Learn to be as prepared as possible ahead of time. Sullenberger was ready. He's a former air force fighter pilot, an expert in safety reliability methods and has 40 years of flying experience. Although you may not need training for an emergency landing, you can become equipped for what lies ahead. If you're making an important presentation at work, setting guidelines for your kidult who can't find a job and is moving back home or talking to your dad about giving up the car keys, learn as much as you can about the issues. Research the subject, write out talking points and get feedback from those whose opinions you value.

This week on the blog we'll be writing short vignettes about people whose names you probably recognize. In their stories, you’ll find practical tips about drawing on your own strengths to create the life you want. Try on these strategies and see how they can work for you.

If you want to read more about Captain Sullenberger and his remarkable act of courage, sign the email list to the left of this post and download our free ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned. And if you would like to stay in touch with him, you can follow Sully on his Facebook page.

The New Normal after Separation

Do you want to know an unexpected finding from the Framingham Heart Study, conducted over six decades? Happiness is contagious and the secret may very well be in the connection. Social relationships correlate positively with happiness. If your friend becomes happy, that increases your probability by 15%.

If you've recently separated from your partner, this can be a lonely time for you. Although your marriage may be over, it's important that your children feel secure and know that you'll be there for them. It may help if you let family and friends support you. And you'll feel more connected if you tell them how grateful you are that they're in your life.

Take one step at a time. You can do it, as you have with other turning points in your life. The strength that has guided you in the past will ultimately surface and help you through this process. Even in the midst of confusion, begin by putting one foot slowly in front of the other. Don't try to rush anything.

Following the breakup of the family, your children may feel more vulnerable. If the separation is recent, perhaps they still hope that you will reconcile. Or if the reality of the situation is just setting in, they could blame you and feel frustrated or angry. Be patient and available to listen carefully to their reactions to the family changes. Consider seeing a family therapist as they sort it all out.

All week we'll be sharing practical tips to help you reconnect after separation. Want to get going right now? Sign our email list to the left of this post and download the free ebook about courage and how to take the first steps toward a new goal.