Virtual Book Tour: Getting Old is a Full Time Job

We are so pleased to be hosting Dr. Susan Lieberman today to talk about her new book, Getting Old is a Full Time Job: Moving on From a Life of Working Hard. Susan writes about her insight into the 12 "jobs" of retirement - ranging from Strategist to Script Writer to Soul Catcher. Susan has a gift for using the challenging issues in her own life as a starting point for her highly accessible books. We enjoyed visiting with her here several years ago as she talked about The Mother-in-Law's Manual and her learning curve as a MIL.

Susan, after your last book on mothers-in-law, how did your new one come into being?

I started the Houston chapter of a national group called The Transition Network. It’s for professional women 50 and over moving from their mainstream work to 'What’s Next?'

We meet once a month and focus on our lives and our many different kinds of transitions. I love the women I have met through TTN. They are smart, reflective and candid, and as I listened to them, I heard a recurring theme. We kept judging ourselves, often negatively, against the criteria we used when we were building our professional lives. For example, I would be sitting in the kitchen happily sipping tea and reading the New York Times, something that makes me happy, when I would ruin it by castigating myself for still being in my robe at 9:30. It hit me that when we retire, rewire, shift down or switch our focus, we needed to develop a new template for success. That was the beginning point for the book.

It seems that instead of going to therapy, when I need to work out my own issues, I sit down at the computer, and I needed to figure out what retirement meant for me.

Are you really retired? You have started a new business and written two books since you left a full time teaching job. Do you consider that retired?

I love this question. People often want to help me understand how busy and engaged I am and not at all a “retired person,” as if that were a minor illness. Yes, I AM retired. Here is what that means to me: I have not stopped being productive or engaged in the world. I am just not driven by external demands, by how others want me to spend my time on or by what others think it is important to achieve. My life now is much more determined by internal interests and desires. I am the CEO, COO, HR Director, shareholder, vending machine operator and janitor of this company called MY LIFE. I get to do my own performance appraisals, and now, finally, I can spend my time as I wish. I don’t work 50 or 60 hours a week any more, and I avoid work that makes me unhappy.

In Getting Old Is A Full Time Job, you talk about 12 jobs waiting for us in retirement. Which of these most captures your attention?

Hands down, the hardest job for me is Purveyor of Pleasure. I was really good at working. I had a 50-year history of successful work. I was not so good at playing, at figuring out what that meant for me, besides working well. After I left my full-time job, I was determined to “have fun.” The problem was I couldn’t figure out what was, for me, fun. I don’t much like sports, I don’t sew or garden. I am a good cook but I didn’t really want to be a better cook. I couldn’t work it out until someone suggested I substitute the word “pleasure” for “fun.” Then I got it.

Writing books for me is deep pleasure. I won’t describe it as FUN. It’s hard work, It can get intense and frustrating. But it gives me so much pleasure to do the interviews, work out what I think is important to say and play with saying it in ways that other people find accessible and useful.

It doesn’t give me much pleasure to do the marketing. Using my mainstream template for success, which included economic gain and recognition of accomplishments, of course I should be spending lots of time marketing. Using the success template for this stage of my life, I should just be writing another book and enjoy it, even if I don’t get rich or famous. So please, buy a book because I am not working on many ways to get people to do that.

The other job that captures my attention is Director of Physical Planning. I just told you I am not much for physical exercise so getting myself to the gym and walking several mile a couple times a week takes discipline. It isn’t, for me, fun or even pleasurable, but feeling good, being able to wrestle with my grandkids, being able to do what I want IS fun, so I know I have to make myself stay in shape and not allow myself to be diverted. Not having to do it at 6:30 A.M. also makes the job easier.

You don’t sound so very old. How did you pick this title?

I am 69. I started working on the book when I was 67. I didn’t feel OLD then nor do I now…but I am not young. I am not really middle aged any more. What has happened to my generation is that 18 additional years have been inserted in to the average life span. So people at 90 and people at 70 all fall into the same post-middle aged category and we are, of course, not the same.

But getting old is not a curse. It’s what happens. If I am not getting older, I am getting deader. Sixty is not the new forty. What it is, rather, is the new sixty. My sixty is not the same as my grandmother’s sixty but my son is forty, and he and I are not in the same place.

So often, when someone finds out I am sixty-nine, they say, “Oh my, you don’t look sixty nine,” as if it would be a bad thing if I did. First, I look about average. Half the people I know my age look better and half probably don’t look as good – and that’s been true since I was 19. Second, what should 69 look like? And third, what if I did look 69? Would I need immediate plastic surgery? Of course, most women – men, too – like feeling attractive. I like it too – but how I feel and how I think, how flexible I am in body and sprit, how much more able I am now to forgive, overlook and understand is what’s important, not how many wrinkles in my neck.

My friend, Irene, told me I couldn’t use the word OLD in a book title because no one wants to talk about feeling, getting or being old. But really, that’s what was on my mind, that is what interested me…how I do this aging bit in a way that makes sense for me since I am, without regard to my wishes, going to be doing it—if I’m fortunate.

Who is the audience for Getting Old is a Full Time Job?

I think this book is for people about 55-75, those who are retired or thinking about some sort of retirement. Dick Goldberg, a tough critic who is national director of Coming of Age, told me this was a good book for men because it talks about jobs, and men like jobs. I very much wanted to write a book that appealed to both men and women so that made me happy. But just this week I got two compliments that made me even happier.

One came from my good friend Sue in St. Louis and who called to ask me for 15 books. Why on earth, I asked, do you need 15 books? “Well, my mother took my copy, loved it and now wants to give it to all her friends and neighbors.” And, Sue added, “You should feel good because my mother doesn’t like anything!” The other pleasing comment came from a woman in my breakfast club who told me she had given a copy to her housekeeper for Christmas, and her housekeeper loved the book as well.

To write a book that appeals to a 55 year-old petroleum engineer, a 64 year old housekeeper, an 82 year old crotchety grandmother and my wonderful sister-in-law who is still working flat out as an architect makes me button-bursting proud. And it reinforces my notion that because 21st Century aging and retirement is quite different than what has come before, we don’t have enough models, enough visible ways of thinking through this stage that Mary Catherine Bateson calls Second Adulthood and we all need to be talking together about how to do retirement as well as we did other stages in our lives – or better.

Thanks for joining us today, Susan and filling us in on your latest pleasure in retirement, Getting Old is a Full Time Job. Readers, if you want to ask Susan questions about how to get started on your own 12 jobs, just click on "Comments" below and follow the prompts. Susan would love to hear from you - and so would we!

Women in the Sandwich Generation: Begin to Create a Plan for Your Future

Are you busy balancing your work and family life, raising kids and caring for aging parents? Although you're likely making plans for your kids' college and for your parents' care right now, you need to also be thinking about what's next for you.

How ready are you? You may want to watch how Jeannie, a 48 year old new mom, is planning for her future. And see how Maryann has put a long-term care plan in place, so her son won't be in the stressful position she was as her mom needed more help.

A recent survey found that more than 50% of boomers may not have enough money to maintain their current living standards in retirement. Consequently, many will be working past the traditional retirement age so they can save enough to comfortably retire.

How much longer do you plan to work? With the economic downturn, perhaps you can't afford to retire and are counting on your benefits. Or you may think it's important for you to stay engaged and connected, be productive, feel empowered. There are also questions about your 'after work life' that deserve consideration. Do you know what it will cost to live in retirement? Have you budgeted and saved enough money? This information can help you understand some of these retirement issues.

Want to increase your awareness and plan for your unique lifestyle and goals? Learn more about AARP's new educational program - Decide, Create, Share. You'll be able to assess your future needs across home, community, health, legal and finances. Discover how ready you are for the future and use the tips provided to help you stay on track.

Isn't it really all about you living life on your own terms and staying in charge? Browse around HerMentorCenter.com for information and articles to help you care for your family and still nourish yourself. Sign the email list to the left of this post and receive a monthly newsletter full of practical tips for you. And then you can download a free ebook about how to reach your goals. Now's the time for you apply the same competence and energy to yourself that you give to others?!

Photos from National Parks

Here are some photographs of the vacation one of our readers and her husband took as they began their life in retirement:"My husband and I retired in May and celebrated with a motor trip to several National Parks - Bryce, Zion, Shasta, Crater, Grand Tetons, Glacier and Yellowstone. The weather was glorious, the trees, streams, mountains, flowers magnificent and the various shades of green a wonder to behold. After 25 years of raising kids and being cooped up in offices, spending three weeks in nature was truly a breath of fresh air.

Of course, we also had a chance to spend a lot of time together - with some power struggles about whose turn it was to drive and which route to take. Aware of some challenges ahead - such as sharpening our communication and negotiating skills - we tried to just be in the moment most of the time."

Are you facing a transition that may disrupt the equilibrium in your marriage? Do you want information about re-examining your long-term relationship? Clicking on the title of this post will take you to www.HerMentorCenter.com and an article about Boomer Couples and Change.

Baby Boomers, Finances and Family Commitment

According to the research conducted by Age Wave, postponing retirement isn't the only issue Baby Boomers are grappling with as a result of the economic upheaval. Fiscal responsibility and commitment to family weigh heavily on the hearts and minds of those who participated in the study:

Needed: Financial Rehab

• Lessons Learned - Only 4% of respondents strongly agree that Americans behave in a financially responsible fashion. 81% said that to "live within your means" was the most important financial advice parents could pass on to their children - jumping up from 69% a year ago. "Begin saving at an early age" came in second (65%).
• A Call for Financial Fitness at Every Age - An overwhelming 95% of respondents agree that financial management should be a standard part of high school curricula. Although 35 states mandate sex education, only three - Utah, Tennessee and Missouri - have, to date, made personal finance courses a requirement.
• Seeking Financial Peace of Mind - A majority of all survey participants (56%) agree that the best thing about having money is "feeling secure." In recent months, we have seen Americans go "back to basics" as evidenced by an increase in the savings rate, now over 4%, twice the savings rate over the past decade, and household credit card debt has dropped almost 10% from the prior year.

Am I My Brother's Keeper?

• What We Value Most - The majority of respondents (58%) said that loving family and relationships are at the heart of what we hold most dear today - twice as important as being wealthy (33%) and twenty times more important than wielding power and influence (3%).
• Brother Can You Spare a Dime (or $50,000, or a bedroom)? With growing uncertainty about both government benefits and work security, millions of men and women are turning back to their families for financial assistance.
• The Sandwich Generation has Turned Into Multigenerational "Rubik" Families - Four out of ten respondents now worry they will have to financially support their parents or in-laws. This growing interdependence extends to siblings, with nearly a quarter of Millennials worrying they will need to provide care and support for siblings as well.

Baby Boomers, the Economy and Retirement

In early 2009, a study about the effects of the economy on retirement was initiated by Age Wave, a thought-leader on the baby boomer generation. Dr. Ken Dychtwald, CEO of the company, wrote about the results in an article for TheHuffingtonPost.com. We’ll be sharing them with you over the next few days - we think you’ll find them interesting:

The current economic reckoning has created vast financial losses and uncertainty during the last year, triggering all generations to reassess the funding, timing and purpose of retirement. To learn precisely how this past year has altered Americans' retirement hopes, worries, and plans, Age Wave and Harris Interactive have surveyed thousands of Americans. The results uncovered mounting fears and shifting plans, but also a renewed focus on what's important and an optimistic outlook about the possibilities for retirees' new role in American life.

A new era of cautious self-reliance is emerging from a truly unnerving fiscal dilemma. For many people, their retirement dreams have vaporized. Each of the four generations polled is trying to alter its game plan in fascinating ways to seek peace of mind and to make the best of the years ahead. The study revealed 4 key illuminating findings:

Resetting the Retirement Clock

• Seven-Year Money Setback - Nearly 60% of Americans have lost money in mutual funds, 401(k) plans, or the stock market. Respondents think it will take an average of seven years for their investments to recover.
• Uncovered Medical Costs are the Retirement Wildcard - The single biggest worry among those 55+ is that they will be unable to afford uncovered medical expenses (46%). This is now a greater concern than either lack of personal savings (18%) or uncertain entitlements (11%).
• Retirement Postponed - For the first time in U.S. history, we may witness a significant increase in the retirement age as respondents say on average they will now need to postpone retirement by 4.2 years - which will also adjust the "work-to-retirement ratio."

Log in tomorrow for more results from this timely study. And share some of your own thoughts about the economy's effects on you and your family.

Baby Boomers and a Call to Action

Reagarding the economic stimulus package, early in the week President Obama said, "No plan is perfect, and we should work to make it stronger. Let's show people all over our country who are looking for leadership in this difficult time that we are equal to the task."

The last couple of days, pushing hard to get a plan passed, he remarks, "The time for talk is over, the time for action is now." As Baby boomers in a tough economy, do these words apply to you? Are you doing all you can to make this challenging situation work for your family?

You may have to stay at your job longer than you expected if you are a Baby Boomer nearing retirement. Or perhaps you’ll upgrade skills that will enable you to keep your job. Research findings indicate that, if you enjoy your work, there is added value in the stimulation, engagement and camaraderie it provides.

Alter your expectations and focus on the long run as you put off present pleasures for future gains. Appreciate the changes you are making now for your future wellbeing. Let off steam and reduce stress - discover low cost fitness by gardening or scaling steps. Barter services by cooking a meal or building shelves in exchange for personal training. Fight the force of negativity and believe in yourself to awaken the strength within.

Chicken Little thought the sky was falling - but with all the anxiety and panic, avoid a knee jerk reaction. Instead of an automatic response, think about what’s driving your fear before reacting. It’s true that conspicuous consumption marked the rise and fall of empires. But you don’t have to go to the extreme of chopping wood and carrying water. Just be patient and tighten your belt - call an old friend, using free Sunday minutes, write a letter to the editor, play a game with your kids, thank your lucky stars.

Sandwiched Boomers and Multi-generational Housing

The stimulus package is growing larger by the day in the Senate, where the addition of a new tax break for homebuyers sent the price tag well past $900 billion. "It is time to fix housing first" said the Republican Senator from Georgia Wednesday night as the Senate agreed without controversy to add the new tax break to the stimulus measure, at an estimated cost of nearly $19 billion.

The tax break was the most notable attempt to date to add help for the crippled housing industry. In the meantime, Multi-generational households are making a comeback for Sandwiched Boomers – especially with the rise in unemployment for new college graduates and the financial pinch felt by aging parents who are seeing their retirement income dwindle. Don’t be disappointed if you were dreaming about the empty nest. This new living arrangement can reduce stress, with more family members sharing household responsibilities, financial expenses and emotional support – as long as guidelines are clearly set and upheld.

Let us know if you're living with grown children, grandchildren or parents and how it's working out.

As we come to the end of the holiday week, hold on to the feelings that come from sharing good times with family and friends. And take in some final thoughts about how to care for yourself in tough times.

As Sandwiched Boomers, you may be wondering how you will pay college tuition for your children, help your parents on a fixed income and ever be able to retire. But while you can’t always control what happens, you can control how you deal with it. Your response to the financial crisis depends largely on your interpretation. The sense you make of it all is called ‘reframing.’ And here you do have a choice – either to imagine that circumstances will never change or that you can find a silver lining within the dark clouds.

So, for example, if you’re concerned about the impact on your family, remind yourself that families grow stronger when they weather challenges together. By acknowledging your feelings and thoughts and gently redirecting your attention to the positive, you decrease your stress. And when you’re not feeling so defeated, you'll make choices that will better maximize the opportunities ahead.

We are delighted to have Carol White with us today discussing her book, “Live Your Road Trip Dream.” According to Carol this detailed, step-by-step manual of real-life information on organizing the trip you've always wanted to take will have you on your adventure in no time.

Nourishing Relationships: Whatever made you and Phil believe that you could actually take off and travel for a year?

Carol: Phil and I believe that if we want something bad enough, we can make it happen - kind of the "dream it, do it" philosophy - with a generous dose of hard work thrown in! We had retired in our early 50s and had been banging around traveling, playing with the grandkids, reading, working out and just generally catching our breath from a lifetime of work. We started playing with the idea of taking a really long trip and seeing all those places in the US that we had always wanted to visit and before you know it - we were off.

N.R. So, what did you discover along the way?

Carol: We found so many amazing things, both about ourselves and about our country. We found that most people everywhere are really good people with generous hearts and an uplifting spirit - regardless of age, income, geography or occupation. Happiness is truly within - not from what you have or do. We found that every part of our great country has something interesting - we visited all 48 of the contiguous states and all 43 of our National Parks in those states and the vastness and variety is just amazing. We found that the children inside us began to creep out of us about the fourth week and we had such a great time just being kids - doing what we wanted when we wanted and exploring so much along the way. When was the last time you had that kind of freedom? We found that you really can be with your spouse 24/7 and still like each other. Phil claims that the secret to doing that is learning to say "yes, dear" in a genuine and caring way. Smart man, I say!

N.R. What is your #1 piece of advice for others who might want to do this?

Carol: We say, set your date to leave now and begin working towards it. Whether it is a year away or ten - you'll get there if you have a goal. Write it down, look at it everyday. It was unbelievable to us how quickly things started happening that moved us towards our goal every day. The hardest thing was getting the family to believe that we were really going to do this. My daughter said "You can't do that - parent's don't run away from home for a year!" We said, "just watch us..." Actually, one of the things that we spend a lot of pages on in the book, is helping people think through what their obstacles are going to be - we all have them - and then how they might accommodate taking care of Mom, volunteering at the school, - whatever it is for you - in order to make your dreams come true.

N.R. How did all of this lead to your book?

Carol: People all along the way kept saying, "Oh, we'd love to do what you are doing, but what did you do about...?" And their laundry list of questions would begin. After hearing the same issues over and over, and knowing that we too had faced, and solved, those issues, we decided that maybe we should write down what we had learned for others who might be interested. On the waning month of the trip, we began to reminisce about all we had done and all we had learned and just started jotting down ideas of what would be important for other people to know. When we returned and did some research, we found that there weren't any books that address the issues from A-Z, so we decided to write such a book. One problem. Neither of us were writers, nor did we know anything about publishing. After a couple of forays into the traditional publishing world, we ultimately decided to form our own company (hey, we weren't doing anything anyway, right?) and learn to publish and market it ourselves. After four years, four printings, and two editions, were have become road trip experts and our book has become the award-winning, best selling, ultimate guide to road trip planning.

N.R. So what's next in your lives?

Carol: We are still traveling, talking to people about road tripping, and we are National Spokespeople for the RV Industry (RVIA) who does the "Go RVing" campaign. Even though you don't have to have an RV to do a trip of this type, it is certainly worth considering as the type of vehicle for your trip. I will be speaking December 6-7 in Scottsdale AZ at the "Festival of the Wise" (www.festivalofthewise.com) - a boomer gathering that is shaping up to be a lot of fun. We've also spoken at the National AARP convention, been a speaker for AAA here in Oregon, been quoted and featured in hundreds of newspapers and magazines, and been on lots of radio and TV - we are having a great time. What we are finding now is that I'm being asked to do writing for other websites and magazines professionally and I have developed a book marketing consulting practice based on the success that I have had with our book. No matter what the next opportunity is - we'll be there to embrace it. Retirement is the greatest time in life.

We want to thank Carol for a lively conversation and great ideas. Now, Sandwiched Boomers, take a moment out of your hectic life - It's your turn to dream about your next adventure.

Click on "comments" below on the right, type in your questions and follow the easy directions: which are, after posting your comment, select "anonymous" as your profile if you don't have any of the others mentioned, click on "post," then type in the word verification. You may have to do the word verification twice, as there seems to be a glitch in the system today. Thanks!

We finish this roller-coaster week just as we began it - drawing on the support of one another as we attempt to bring a sense of order to our lives. When you are feeling adrift amidst the economic turmoil, turn to what grounds you and work from there.

Robin has a lot on her mind and sometimes seems overwhelmed by everything she wants to accomplish. Don't get stopped in your tracks when you consider all you have written down on your "wish list." Take things one at a time and do what you can when you can. And don't beat yourself up.

Robin writes us, "I am psychologically 'consumed' with the following thoughts:

When will I be able to finish all my paintings that I should finally be able to do now that I have retired from teaching?
How will I survive this jumbo amortized loan I'm "stuck" with?
Should I sell my house in this poor real estate market? I will barely have enough equity to buy something else and I must have 3 bedrooms - 2 for myself and my daughter and one more for my studio and visiting children.
Will I have enough time left to finish my work - painting, drawing, illustrating, printmaking - or at least accomplish something each day in my studio?
How can I begin de-cluttering my house?
When do I make the time for meeting once a month with my teacher friends, retired or still working? Or to start a sewing class again?
How can I find a way to pay my bills and credit cards off?
Where does loving my children and dog fit in?
And what about time for just quietly staring in the morning and being inspired by the hills and mountain view from my backyard? Or listening to music? Or simply letting my mind wander?"

Use this weekend to find your own beauty and serenity as you discover your center and life force. I know I will - I am going to visit my grandchildren!

Investors in Wall Street were more optimistic yesterday as the buying pressure pushed the market up over 900 points, the largest one-day gain ever. Nevertheless, uncertainty about the current state of the economy continues to weigh on Sandwiched Boomers. Today we share more stories from readers who are looking for direction.

Barbara writes that she is concerned about making a career change in these uncertain times. She tries to gather information from people who work in the field she is interested in pursuing and she relies on her friends for support while she considers the change.

"I graduated from an Education program 10 years ago. Although I've worked in the position, I have never felt it was my calling. I have finally made the decision to leave teaching and want a career that pays more than I would make being a teacher. I would also like to enjoy my time at work and feel connected to what I am doing. I worry that I will not find a position because of my lack of experience and education in a new field. I worry that I will not make enough money to buy a home, enjoy life and retire comfortably."

Mary has spent years focusing on her family but now that she wants to look inward, she's not really sure how to do it. In the past, she often used humor to put things into perspective, but now her confusion about how to move forward is palpable.

"I'm a single mother of five children and frankly, the last 12 years have been spent surviving. I managed that and then some. As silly as this sounds, I have achieved all my long-term goals and the lack of new goals is almost as stressful as the journey here. I was so focused on stabilizing this family, I never thought about what comes after the right job, the right house, the right ratio of adults to children. I feel completely and utterly adrift. I've always been the most successful at coping by being able to triage incredibly well and only focusing on whatever crisis was going to cause one of the three H's, Health issues, Hunger or Homelessness. When it comes to things outside those three...I don't really know where to start."

The effects of the financial crisis continue to spread across America and around the world - mortgages are labeled "toxic," banks are taken over, stock markets roller-coaster up and down with dizzying speed, credit is frozen, and bankruptcies are declared. How will all this affect you? No one can predict with certainty the long-term effects on the economy, but the pundits agree that coordinated efforts will be the best response to the meltdown.

In the spirit of joining together, this week we want to share with you some of the concerns our readers have expressed at our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com. In these uncertain times, you may find yourself in the same situation. Today, we highlight two women who have been dealing with job loss.

Vera tells us she tries to accept what is going on, finds comfort in her spirituality and uses humor to help her cope. "I turned 50 in June. I Iost my job due to the owner selling and the new owner had his own team. It seems that everyone wants a fresh-faced college kid and experience means very little. I am searching and applying for jobs but going through a lot of disappointment. It is getting harder and harder to remain positive as I watch my retirement dwindle to almost nothing and still no job in sight."

Tina says she turns to her family and friends for support and tries to take better care of herself as she pursues her job search. "After losing my job last March, I don't know what to do. I would really like to totally change my career, but with little money and even less of an idea as to what I want to do next I am stuck! I tend to get depressed, but try to at least do some research and get information everyday. I know no one can fix this mess but me."

The process of women coming together and sharing their wisdom has long been recognized as a positive approach for achieving solutions. Do you have any advice for Vera and Tina? What worked for you when you were faced with job loss? Please let us - and your fellow Sandwiched Boomers - hear from you. We are all in this together!

Comments about retirement were varied, from being bored and now working again to loving it - so there's not one size fits all. Whether you're beginning to play with the idea of retirement or the gold watch presentation is just around the corner, here are some tips for Sandwiched Boomers.

Approach this stage of life with humor - and don't take yourself too seriously. This is a major life change and yet a positive attitude will enhance your transition and the experiences that follow.

Be aware of your motivation. Being able to reflect and evaluate are valuable skills. Hone them, and discover what is driving you and what you want at this point in your life. Do you want to focus on volunteering, working in a different way, taking better care of your body, or spending more time with family and friends? Make choices for reasons that are right for you.

Much ado about all or nothing. Perhaps leaving your job, at this time, is not feasible for emotional or financial reasons. Look for ways to satisfy some of your unmet needs while still working. This is also good preparation for when that change does occur.

Go with the flow. Recognize and accept that any transition involves a process of change. Follow your dream yet don't automatically say no to anything. Be willing to open your heart and explore all possibilities.

Make a list but don't check it twice. We all have a myriad of wishes that have not come true because life sometimes has a way of intervening. Be patient with yourself and the situation if you have to change course. At this stage of life, anything can happen.

Now is a chance like never before. And balance can be the key to unlocking the good life. How would you create your own sense of equilibrium? Think about being involved in community service and pleasuring yourself. Plan to have a purpose and to have fun. Find ways to be productive and playful. Enjoy the magic of the seesaw.

As a Baby Boomer, are you in agreement with the results of an American Association of Retired Persons' position paper - that the definition of work in retirement will be uniquely yours? Fully 80% of those who responded to the survey expect to continue some type of work after they reach retirement age.

Many women don't have control over the decision regarding changes in their work situation. They may be faced, unexpectedly, with the loss of a job or a business. Or, out of financial necessity, they have no choice but to continue supporting themselves and their families. In addition, the aftermath of 9/11 and the economic downturn drove women into the workforce who otherwise would have reduced their workload or retired completely.

The recent New Face of Work Survey, conducted by the Princeton Survey Research Associates International, found that the majority of their interviewees had an interest in post retirement careers that help others. Over 70% of the women in their 50's agreed that “It is very important that a job in retirement gives a sense of purpose,” and allows them to stay involved with other people. The shift to a "working retirement" is definitely a baby boomer phenomenon.

As you consider feathering a new nest that works for you, here are some ideas to get you started. Altering your surroundings at home can even stimulate you to modify your outlook on life. This shift can give you the impetus to explore new areas and discover adventures outside your familiarity. Remember that any process takes time and, by definition, involves flexibility.

1. It is never too early - or too late - to begin gathering information about the changes you plan to initiate. What do you need to learn more about? Speak to as many people as possible who have already explored or gone through this experience. Surf the net and be on the lookout for books you can read or seminars you can take to learn more. Talk to anyone who is in a position to inform, educate and help you.

2. As the Greek sages told us centuries ago, know thyself. Increase your self awareness by examining who you are now and who you want to become. Are your old dreams still meaningful to you? What else are you committed to now? What 'contracts' have you made with yourself or your significant other that impact your choices today? Now that you do not have the daily responsibilities of 24 hour, hands-on parenting, will you have more time for yourself? Do you expect to work, play, volunteer, or continue to explore your options? Keeping a journal will provide some structure as you brainstorm, set new goals and put your plans in motion.

3. Once you have created the dream, let your priorities determine what is realistic. Are you alone in making the decision? Is this change financially feasible? Are there work or personal issues to take into consideration? Are there others in your household whose needs you will consider?

4. Understand that emotional reactions at times of transition are both common and normal. Allow yourself to express and accept your feelings as they emerge. Although you may regret what you have given away, you will also feel relieved about less clutter. Perhaps you will vacillate between enthusiasm about how your new digs reflect the current you and sadness about what you have left behind. Your interest in exploring new opportunities may fluctuate with your fears of the unknown.

As you begin feathering your grown-up nest, be mindful of what you need. Have confidence in yourself and trust that you will maintain in your life what is truly meaningful. While drawing from past experiences, traditions and values, you will create a present for yourself that is rich and rewarding.

With more flexibility in your beliefs about communication between the sexes, you can begin to appreciate and integrate the unique opinions and attitudes of the men who mean the most to you. Here are more comments from our poll.

Adam reflected on the process he and his second wife were still working on in couples’ counseling. “I’m committed to being fully present, to making requests and talking about what I need instead of complaining. I'm also trying to satisfy my wife’s requests and needs. This has become the core dynamic of our successful life together. We'll schedule appointments to sit down and talk without distractions, then make agreements based on what is best for ‘us’. Sometimes we revisit these agreements a month later but usually not. But we both try to compromise and avoid resentment.”

Like Adam, Carl was in the midst of a learning curve, thanks to the intervention of couples’ therapy. He was discovering the benefit of bringing feelings to conscious awareness as well as the value of sometimes even keeping his thoughts to himself. “I’m determined not to overplay my hand. My two older brothers taught me to be brutal and use my words like a weapon. I need to remember to slow down, to be patient. Especially since my wife is a person with a particularly painful background and certain fears.”

When Jeremy closed his business he was worried about adjusting to an unstructured lifestyle. Retirement has brought many gifts to him and his wife, including fuller and deeper conversations. He attributes this in part to being under less pressure. He also gives specific credit to his own efforts. “Retirement has made it easier to talk to my wife. I’m no longer driven by making it in the business world or by work deadlines. I’m trying to be more reflective as well as more positive. My wife appreciates that. It’s obvious that my change in attitude has made a difference. She is more responsive to me and to what I need from her.”

As you can see, not all men think alike. This Father's Day give the gift of understanding to your partner, your Father, your brothers and your sons.