Happy New Year

It's a common saying, but so true - time flies! Over the next few days, as you welcome the new year, will you be cleaning the slate or clearing your head in preparation for a fresh start in 2010? It's a time to assess the past year - what was good, what was hard and what you want to change. And as Sandwiched Boomers, relationships may be close to the top of your list.

As we all know, 2009 has been a difficult year. The financial crisis created losses on many levels - jobs, comfort, security, income, dreams. But there were many gifts as well, as families banded together and made important decisions about how to move forward despite the odds.
This will be our last blog post of 2009, and we want to thank you for joining us on this journey - we are grateful for your commitment. As you prepare to usher in the new year, take a moment to think about what you need from us as you face the challenges of a family in flux. Whether you've been a quiet observer or more actively involved, we want you to know that this blog is for you. Click on the title above for an article about how to think positive in tough times. And spend some time reading other articles at HerMentorCenter.com that may be of interest. Our best to you in 2010!

Change Comes When You Least Expect It

The Labor Department announced today that the unemployment rate is now the highest in over 25 years, 8.5 percent. If they were to add in workers forced to work part-time and the so-called "discouraged" workers who are no longer hoping to find employment, the rate would be 15.6%. Over 3.25 million jobs have been lost in the past 5 months alone. And the average workweek is now 33.2 hours, a new record low. Economists predict we will pull out of this but not for some time. For now, it's important for you to hang in there and draw upon your strength and adaptability as a family.

One of our readers, Sally Olds, weighed in on the situation earlier this week, saying, "And still, women make only 80 cents for every dollar men make. This, in addition to all their work on the home front. Just as women's work was more highly valued during the "Rosie the Riveter" days during World War Two, maybe women's financial contributions to their families during these tough times will result in more appreciation and more equitable income."

There will be new perspectives and positives that come out of this ordeal for you and your whole family. Be proud of how you all are rising to the challenges. Recognize your strengths, assets, resources and the foundation of the family that will carry you through this transition. Change comes when you least expect it. The realities of the economy may eventually improve the careers of women even more than feminism alone did. In the meantime, your flexibility will serve you in good stead.

When you click on the title above, it will take you to our article, How to Turn a Crisis into a Challenge, which can help guide you as you face additional challenges in your life.

Take Care of Yourself

If you are a Sandwiched Boomer taking care of growing children and aging parents as you continue to manage your career and cope with the financial chaos all around, you may think that you don't have any time to devote to your own needs. But it is crucial for you to find a way to get the self-care you need in these trying times.

Take better care of yourself. Discover how to nourish yourself and set aside the essential time for this. Take a walk, stop to watch a beautiful sunset, listen to soothing music. Practice deep breathing to relax and positive imagery to improve your mood. Reach out to your friends for support. Draw on your spiritual connection for grounding as you find your center.

Stay optimistic and flexible. Redefine the crisis you are facing as a challenge and your fears as opportunities for change. Review how you have solved other major problems before. Focus on what you can do about solutions even though you didn't create the problem itself. Remind yourself of all you are grateful for as you rebalance your life. Don't give up when things don't work out as you originally expected. Instead, put your Plan B in place.

To learn about additional ways to nurture yourself, click on the title above to take you to our article, Top Ten Self-fullness Tips for Sandwiched Women.

Educate Yourself

With the G20 meetings scheduled this week to focus on the global economic crisis, Sandwiched Boomer families continue to be hit by the recession and job losses. If these changes are hitting close to home, here are two tips to help you get started on building flexibility into your family:

Educate yourself about family finances. Get involved with the family budget as you seek out ways to reduce your expenses. Keep track of minor expenditures that can add up, like dinners out, entertainment and credit card interest rate costs. Think outside the box as you educate yourself on new possibilities open to you. They may involve dramatic changes like downsizing your home, selling some possessions or even giving up plans for early retirement.

Expect a husband who has lost his job to have an emotional reaction. It's normal to feel frustrated, tense, and anxious at this time. But look for signs of more serious emotional changes such as depression, anger, or feelings of worthlessness. Stress can lead to dysfunctional responses like excess drinking, gambling or acting out. Acknowledging the common effects of job loss will help you avoid conflicts over minor issues.

Click on the title above to take you to our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com where we offer you additional articles to help educate you and improve your coping skills. Look at past articles archived in the Nourishing Relationships section and the Newsletter Library section. You are welcome to sign up for our free newsletter, Stepping Stones, on the website. The link above takes you to our article, Seven Ways to Delay Gratification in a Troubled Economy, that gives you further tips.

Families in Financial Flux

As Leo Tolstoy put it in Anna Karenina, "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." And what about other family traits? Are families who are flexible all flexible in the same way? And are rigid families each set in their own ways?

Today, families are being shaken up in record numbers as financial turmoil hits home. With all the job-related uncertainties facing them, families must be able to make changes in order to adjust to the current economic climate. They may even need to adapt to role reversals when a husband experiences a job loss. But how can they bend without breaking?

Even before the current recession, women have made up 46% of the workforce. This percentage will likely increase since men held 82% of the 2.5 million jobs that have already been lost since November. With more and more companies faltering and failing, the jobless rate continues to rise. As more men lose their jobs, the financial responsibilities of families are increasingly falling on the already burdened shoulders of women. When a woman becomes the sole breadwinner, the dynamics of the relationship change for everyone - husband/father, wife/mother and children. And as the family deals with the job loss, domestic stability may crumble and tensions climb. But it doesn't have to be that way. You can make adjustments at home that will help you all adapt to the turbulent changes in our society.

Tune in all this week as we give you some tips to help you combat the reorganization your family life may be facing as the economy continues to impact everyone. And click on the title above to take you to our website and an article, Five Ways Sandwiched Boomers Can Think Positive in Tough Times, with more suggestions to help you cope.

Recover from Financial Panic by Investing in Yourself

The financial crisis has affected many people and involved losses on many levels –jobs, income, money in the stock market, a certain comfort level, retirement funds, a sense of security, dreams for the future. And, inevitably, these feelings of loss are accompanied by a period of grieving. Ever since Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross first identified the stages of mourning in her seminal book, “On Death and Dying,” bards, mental health experts and pundits have waxed philosophical about this process.

These stages are universal and can relate to any catastrophic personal loss. Kübler-Ross maintained that the steps do not necessarily come in any particular order, nor are all of them necessarily experienced by everyone. If you or your loved ones have lost money, trust or confidence, evaluate where you are in this process by the stages and comments below:

• Denial – “Others may be worried about money issues but this can’t be happening to me.”
• Anger – “Why me? I haven’t done anything to deserve this financial mess.”
• Bargaining – “I’ll do anything if you just help me secure my retirement account.”
• Depression – “I’m so discouraged, what’s the point in even trying to save?”
• Acceptance – “These problems are serious, so I might as well prepare for the long haul.”

Dr. Kubler-Ross describes the final stage of acceptance as generating the energy to reinvest in new objects. As you begin to recover from the economic upheaval, don’t you think you will be best served by investing in your own wellbeing?

Tune in all week as we give you some tips for taking care of yourself in this financial crisis. And to help you get started, click on the title above to take you to our article, Sandwiched Boomers: 7 Tips on Fighting Inertia.

Boomers and Pay Caps

President Barack Obama plans to impose a pay cap on executives whose firms receive government financial rescue funds. It's shocking that some companies have given out bonuses while receiving government aid. As sandwiched boomers, you may be in the midst of making some critical decisions yourself. Here are some ideas that may help in the midst of this financial crisis.

Get to know the subconscious money script that you learned in childhood from your parents. If your family was extremely frugal, you may follow their example and have the same fiscal habits. Or, having felt deprived, maybe you go in the opposite direction and spend with abandon. Understanding the dynamics of how you spend and why will free you up to explore new money management options.

Turn calamity into catharsis. Pull back in order to reach your goals and see thrift as a virtue. Make it OK to put off buying a new car or a new dress now so that you can have a better life later. Begin to put some money, no matter how little, in personal savings every month. As you make sacrifices, keep track of your values - like restraint, accountability, self-reliance, working hard, determination.

As we come to the end of the holiday week, hold on to the feelings that come from sharing good times with family and friends. And take in some final thoughts about how to care for yourself in tough times.

As Sandwiched Boomers, you may be wondering how you will pay college tuition for your children, help your parents on a fixed income and ever be able to retire. But while you can’t always control what happens, you can control how you deal with it. Your response to the financial crisis depends largely on your interpretation. The sense you make of it all is called ‘reframing.’ And here you do have a choice – either to imagine that circumstances will never change or that you can find a silver lining within the dark clouds.

So, for example, if you’re concerned about the impact on your family, remind yourself that families grow stronger when they weather challenges together. By acknowledging your feelings and thoughts and gently redirecting your attention to the positive, you decrease your stress. And when you’re not feeling so defeated, you'll make choices that will better maximize the opportunities ahead.

This season, with all the problems facing our country, Sandwiched Boomers may have to let go of the idea of a perfect holiday. But that's not so bad. Even though you may be stretched financially, it always feels good to be able to give of yourself. And you know there are plenty of others much worse off, right?

Volunteer at a place that could really use your help. Get the family or a group of friends together and spend a few hours at a homeless shelter. Bring some toys or warm clothes that are in good shape, and a big smile on your face.

Small changes can represent a new beginning. The holidays don't have to look like a Norman Rockwell painting. Take heart as you give a little that feels like a lot. And in these hard times, that's a good lesson for all of us.

For Sandwiched Boomers, the financial debacle precipitated losses on many levels besides the stock market. And with the holidays just around the corner, the crisis in confidence couldn't have come at a worse time. This week our blog's focus is on how the gift of connection with family and friends can help reduce holiday stress.

Stress is the body's response to any stimulus - external or internal - perceived as taxing personal resources. Think about what's going on for you. Does food become your comfort and challenge, eating the cookie dough instead of baking it? Is gift giving your major source of stress, as you search for the best holiday bargains? At the annual office party, will you be busy at the buffet table instead of networking?

You may be creating more stress for yourself by sticking to old routine and operating on automatic pilot. Symptoms of stress can creep up on you or appear suddenly at any time. Notice if you're feeling the pressure in any of the following ways:

Physiological - headaches, stomach upset

Emotional - feeling irritated, overwhelmed

Behavioral - overeating, physical withdrawal

Cognitive - trouble concentrating, memory loss

Log on all week for tips to manage stress that don't cost you anything except time. And let us hear about some ideas that work for you.

The American Psychological Association, in a survey of 2500 people from all across the country, found that stress levels have increased significantly in the past two years, especially in the last six months. Over 80% of the responders said that money was a significant worry for them. And that was before the financial meltdown of the past month. So today we have two more tips for you to avoid feeling pressured and out of control by the roller coaster economy.

Learn stress reduction strategies by attending a seminar, group, meditation or yoga class. Contact your local psychological association to find out what other resources are available in your community such as a mindfulness program. Consult with your religious counselor to discover if meditative prayer is comforting for you. Once you learn a technique that feels right, incorporate it into your daily schedule so that tensions do not build up. Gather information from the Internet or self help books about how to minimize the impact of the financial pressures you are now experiencing.

Keep communication open with your spouse, children and aging parents. Talk out disagreements before they become heated arguments that get out of control. Be honest about stating your needs and desires clearly. Don't put a lid on your emotions, just on expressing them in an aggressive manner. When conflicts arise, agree to be flexible and cooperative - and work toward reaching a compromise if possible.

Tomorrow we look at some additional strategies for coping with the stressful economic environment.

Across the United States and around the world, the effects of the financial crisis continue to spread – foreclosures are widespread, banks are being taken over, stock markets are erratic, credit is frozen and bankruptcies are increasing. Even with the planned infusion of trillions of dollars by the government, no one can predict with certainty the long-term effects on the economy. Hope is building that the Obama administration will create solutions but most pundits agree that this collapse will not right itself in the near future.

How is all this affecting you? Are you anxious and angry - on the verge of taking out your frustration over the financial news on those around you? This is a good time for you to look inward and reflect on your actions within the family. Only by becoming aware of the potential for abuse can you honestly assess your own behavior.

While a number of factors have been recognized as causes of domestic violence – mental illness, substance abuse, certain innate personality traits, low self-esteem, poor impulse control and a history of being battered - social stressors have been identified as having a particularly strong impact. Poverty, lack of control and feelings of powerlessness can lead to a perceived need to dominate family members. And this is linked to increased levels of mistreatment. During the current plummet of world markets, those who abuse are more likely to express their feelings of frustration in more belligerent ways.

If you are finding yourself more prone now to yell at the kids or scold the dog or or get annoyed with your aging parents, tune in this week for some tips to help reduce the stress you are feeling so that you don't take it out on those you love.

Yesterday we looked at the new kind of boomerang living arrangements created as a result of the current financial meltdown. Sandwiched Boomers - as well as the generations before and after them - are moving into these situations in record numbers. Many positive results can come out of shared housing if you plan ahead. Today we have some tips to help take the sting out:

Have a family meeting to set guidelines before you move in together. All of you need to be frank and honest about your needs. Each of you will be giving up some autonomy and control so you can expect to have some situations where push comes to shove. Each of you can present your positions for the best and worst case scenarios. Then decide how you want to compromise so that everyone gets some of what they want. Put any absolute deal breakers out on the table so that they can be discussed in detail.

Work out a schedule for shared responsibilities, chores, and finances. If there is to be a division of labor, gain consensus about making the various tasks equitable. When children/grandchildren are part of the mix, arrive at a clear timetable with regard to babysitting so that no one feels exploited.

Set boundaries so that everyone's privacy is respected. Living together with roommates in a college dorm is one thing but sharing space with family members can get awkward. Identify signals to use when one of you wants to be alone. The last time you all lived together, the circumstances were likely quite different. Old issues around power or dependency can resurface in this close environment, particularly when there may be a difference of opinion about how to handle issues with children.

And see the comment yesterday from Dina who adds, "Mediation between merging families can be invaluable. A mediator can assist families in teasing out those hidden issues and negotiating norms that respect everyone's needs."

Tomorrow we will have some more suggestions for getting the most out of your family togetherness.

Families today are facing a new kind of housing crisis as the economy continues to spiral downward. When one spouse in a two-career marriage loses a job, making the monthly mortgage payment becomes difficult, especially for Sandwiched Boomers. Senior citizens who have been able to pay for housing from their retirement accounts find they must cut back on that expense when their retirement funds are down by 20%. When a mortgage that began with an artificially low interest figure calls for a rate increase or a balloon payment, the cost becomes prohibitive to the nuclear family.

These scenarios are not about GenX and GenY kidults boomeranging back home, with connotations of immaturity or irresponsibility. Rather they reflect adults struggling with the real effects of a global financial meltdown not faced in over 75 years. A recent AARP study revealed that more than ¼ of the foreclosures and delinquencies last year occurred among those 50 and over. These seniors and their adult children are looking carefully at what to do to ease the economic woes that have hit everyone hard.

In some cases, younger families are moving back in with one of their parents, pooling their funds for mortgage payments. This helps both the young couple having trouble making ends meet and the older parents coping with reduced retirement income. Others have turned to 'granny flats' - guest suites or small guesthouses. Seniors who give up their individual, larger homes move in to the compact units on their children's property.

Another response by some who are feeling the effects of the economic crisis is to rent out rooms in their house or condo. In Los Angeles, the listing of rooms for rent in private homes was up 72% in October from the same time last year. Reminiscent of the small boarding houses prevalent in the first half of the 20th century, this new surge may foster more socialization among strangers who are thrown together on a daily basis.

Irrespective of the type of arrangement and the reason you will be combining two families into one home, you will need to do some serious planning before you take the plunge. Tomorrow we will give you some tips to put into play before sharing your daily life with your extended family - or a stranger - in a whole new way.

Now that the election process is complete, president elect Obama and Sandwiched Boomers are still faced with the enormity of the tasks that lie ahead - a deep financial crisis, two wars, terrorism and an environment in peril. Parents continue to ponder, how will I pay the mortgage and grocery bills, manage my kids’ college tuition and health insurance?

In his speech Tuesday night, Obama acknowledged that 'the climb will be steep' - but as a people together we will get there. He made encouraging statements: I'll listen to you, especially when we disagree. Victory is only the chance we have to make a change. Now the real work begins – with a new spirit of service, patriotism and sacrifice.

This is the time to manage our expectations. And wait, at this history-making moment, to find answers to many questions: Will there be a seismic shift in American politics? Is this when we will put the dark stain of racism behind us? Will Obama deliver on his promises and reach across party lines? Can this be the election that inspires a generation of public service?