Coping With Your Aging Dad on Father's Day

Father's Day gives us the chance to salute our dads and say thanks for all they're done for us. As a young girl, mine taught me how to swim, stand on my head and play tennis; as a teen, how to be responsible and accomplish my goals; as an adult how to feel cherished. As we all grow and mature, our relationships with our fathers change but the bond of love is constant.

If your dad has become more fragile as he ages, it's likely that your connection has been transformed. As more Baby Boomers become caretakers for their aging fathers, the stress of struggling with the issues this raises can be overwhelming. It's easy to become weighed down by the duties and responsibilities of caring for Dad. When you feel sandwiched between the demands of career and family, try these tips to help sustain you:

Get help. You don't have to do it alone. Reach out, create a network, hire someone to assist Dad as often as you think it's necessary. Have support systems in place, even if it's over his objections. Make good use of community interventions, respite care, support groups and adult caregiver resources.

Involve your siblings. Be honest with your family about your needs. Engage them in the problems and the solutions. Ask for practical help and delegate responsibilities. Have them set aside personal agendas and work together toward goals on which you've agreed.

Consider your present challenge as a teachable moment. Learn from the experience and apply these lessons to other areas of your life. What insight have you gained about dealing with your own healthy aging process? How can you talk to your children about your wishes when you become older?

Look for positives. Think less about what you're losing and more about the chance you may be gaining. Spending more time with your father, you'll have the opportunity to give back to him emotionally what he's given to you. And you may learn a lot about yourself and your capacity for resiliency as you care for Dad in the last years of his life.

If you're part of the Sandwich Generation, these may be especially difficult times. Rely on whatever sustains you as you search for a way to nourish yourself. Call on friends for support as well as your faith, spirituality, and sense of humor.

This weekend, if you can, let Dad know how much you appreciate the role he has played in your life. If your father is no longer alive, share stories about him with your children and grandchildren so they will know the kind of man he was. And a very Happy Father's Day to all the men in our lives.

Caution, Curves Ahead

Last week, I was driving down one of the canyons in Los Angeles, quickly moving the steering wheel left and right as the road twisted and turned. It was like playing an arcade game, trying to keep your car on the virtual road, going as fast as you can. In those videos, the sharp curves keep switching and obstacles suddenly appear, causing you to crash and burn if you're not reacting fast enough.

It may be fun to play on a screen but what about when life itself mirrors this wild experience? If you find yourself in the midst of a constant stream of challenges, threatening to devastate you, you're probably looking for a way to tone down the level of your reactions and emotions. Here are two ways to begin:

Give up the illusion of control. If you're a sandwiched boomer, you've probably already noticed that you don't have very much control over the way your growing children or aging parents behave. Juggling work and parenting responsibilities, do you still somehow hold on to the belief that you can determine the way those around you act? This is the time to let go of your unrealistic expectations and the belief that you can create a perfect outcome. What you can change is how you react to what comes your way. Choose to focus on looking inside as you shift to more positive emotions. And turn the challenges coming at you as opportunities for growth.

Give up the guilt. When things don't turn out the way you expect, do you blame yourself? Whether it's trouble maintaining a balance between work and family or your needs and your partner's, don't beat yourself up for your choices - learn from them. Instead of dwelling on past mistakes, forgive yourself, let go of your negative feelings and allow yourself the opportunity to regroup and try something else. You're doing the best you can so give yourself some credit and ease up. After all, you're human, not all-knowing, and you deserve another chance. Friends can give you support and perspective as you share your feelings and concerns.

Stop by again Wednesday for more tips on plotting a course for yourself. And if you're stressed from dealing with the ups and downs of the economy, consider our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success.

Brotherly Love and Sisterly Love

Philadelphia has been known as the city of brotherly love since William Penn first named it over 300 years ago and today one of the LOVE sculptures by Robert Indiana has a prominent place on the University of Pennsylvania campus.

With two sons, four grandsons and a brother of my own, I know a little about how brothers show their love. They're physical with each other - playing or sparring - and they compete in just about any way they can. Although they're fiercely protective of one another from any outsider, they seem to enjoy challenging each other with glee and abandon when it's just them. It's their way of showing respect and acceptance - that they are strong enough to take it. Brotherly love isn't often openly or verbally expressed in warm and fuzzy terms - either between actual brothers or between men friends - rather it's conveyed in doing things together.

What about sisterly love? Mostly it centers on connection and communication as a way of creating emotional intimacy. When sisters do compete and juggle for position, generally it's about relationships - who gets more of the love. That can cause jealousy - over who is cherished, more admired, with greater influence in drawing others closer. So women reach out beyond their siblings - their friendships are often as loving, committed and attached as those between actual sisters. The loyalty and devotion of long-term women friends binds them together and builds a sense of inner strength and personal security in each. We are both more grounded and more willing to take a chance flying because of shared links to our sisterhood.

What is your take on brotherly and sisterly love? Your close friendships? Will they be a part of your Valentine's Day experience tomorrow? Who is dear to you? Are your friendships closer than your actual sibling relationships? Share your feelings and start a discussion through the Comment link below.

National Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Thriving after any serious illness is complicated and sometimes feels like an uphill struggle. Today's coping tips can help you support yourself - emotionally and physically - along the difficult course of dealing with beast cancer and its treatments.

As you move through this process, you find that staying informed and involved at each step gives a sense of power and resiliency. The National Cancer Institute, a part of NIH, has a wide range of materials to make this job easier. And here are some more tips to help you take charge of your life:

Accept your changing emotions as normal and give yourself permission to express them. After a brush with cancer, it is normal to feel many different emotions such as anger, fear, worry, anxiety, depression, stress or loss of control. It's OK to express these to people you trust and acknowledge them to yourself. Only then can you begin to cope with them.

Recognize the changes in your body. You may feel that your body has betrayed you, leaving you feeling vulnerable and with a loss of innocence about your own invincibility. You may need to grieve this loss. In addition, you may be experiencing side effects of the treatment such as fatigue, stiffness, lymphedema, weight gain, as well as menopausal symptoms. Once you clarify how your body is reacting, you can address each of the symptoms and alleviate them.

Take good care of yourself. Pamper yourself - you deserve it! Follow the guidelines of the American Cancer Society and set aside time for you. Begin an exercise program that includes aerobics, flexibility and strengthening exercises. Enjoy eating a more healthful diet rich in fruits and vegetables. Schedule relaxation time to decrease the stresses in your life. Learn visualization techniques. Think about what you really like to do and do it. Of course this is easier to say than it may be to do, but stick with your decision to make time for yourself. You can make it happen.

Take credit for the challenge you have faced and the changes you are making. Recognize and accept that you have faced many difficulties in your process of healing. Give yourself credit for the hard work you have completed to get to this point in your recovery. You have learned about yourself and made changes in the way you think, feel, act and react to yourself, others and the situation around you.

We celebrate your survival with you! You reflect the unity of women who are surviving breast cancer - and the men who love you.

Surviving Breast Cancer

As you recognize from all the pink ribbons around, October is National Breast Cancer Awareness month. Yet soon the month will be over and done - just as breast cancer can be diagnosed and treated. Between 2 and 3 million American women today have survived this health challenge and are living cancer-free. But thriving after any serious illness is complicated and sometimes feels like an uphill struggle.

Today's coping tips can help you support yourself - emotionally and physically - along the difficult course of dealing with breast cancer and its treatments. As women move through this process, many find that staying informed and involved at each step gives them a sense of power and resiliency. The National Cancer Institute, a part of NIH, has a wide range of materials to make this job easier. Here are some more tips from us to help you take charge of your life.

Take good care of yourself. Pamper yourself - you deserve it! Follow the guidelines of the American Cancer Society and set aside time for you. Begin an exercise program that includes aerobics, flexibility and strengthening exercises. Enjoy eating a more healthful diet rich in fruits and vegetables. Schedule relaxation time to decrease the stresses in your life. Learn visualization techniques. Think about what you really like to do and do it. Of course this is easier to say than it may be to do, but stick with your decision to make time for yourself. You can make it happen.

Redirect yourself toward active goal setting. When a serious illness strikes, you may feel like your life is completely out of control. To regain a sense of direction, reflect on what priorities are important to you and then set a goal within your reach. Identify your strengths and build on them as you plan how to achieve your objectives. Journaling may be helpful as you consider strategies and options. Initiate your plan in small steps and review your progress regularly.

Make something positive come out of the situation. Women who are able to find some positive meaning in such a negative situation often experience growth as well as a greater sense of control and feelings of confidence and optimism. Think about how you can use the unique perspective you have gained to make the rest of your life richer and more meaningful. Nancy G. Brinker supported her sister Susan in her unsuccessful fight against breast cancer and later founded Susan G. Komen for the Cure. It has become the world's largest grassroots network of breast cancer survivors and activists and the largest source of nonprofit funds dedicated to winning the fight Susan ultimately lost.

Take credit for the challenge you have faced and the changes you are making. Recognize and accept that you have faced many difficulties in your process of healing. Give yourself credit for the hard work you have completed to get to this point in your recovery. You have learned about yourself and made changes in the way you think, feel, act and react to yourself, others and the situation around you.

You can read one woman's story about her experiences with breast cancer on our website in an early newsletter. Feel free to browse around and read other archived newsletters that interest you. Then sign up to receive your own copy of our free monthly newsletter in its new format, Stepping Stones, emailed directly to you. When you do, you'll receive a complimentary copy of our ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned.

Families Learn and Grow in the National Parks

Vice President Biden made news this week by visiting Yellowstone and the Grand Canyon with his daughter. Last year, President Obama brought his own family to these majestic national treasures. But you don't have to be a politician or a celebrity to enjoy "America's best idea," as Ken Burns dubbed the National Parks. Make a plan to spend time with your family in the great outdoors - be inspired, educated and motivated to protect our rich environment.

The last post encouraged you to engage in the world around you and find role models to inspire you. Here are two more tips to keep in mind:

Learn something new. The National Parks provide a unique and ideal environment for learning - whether it's about the geysers, hot springs, mudpots or fumaroles of Yellowstone, the hoodoos of Bryce Canyon, the waterfalls and giant sequoias of Yosemite or the powerful landscape of the Grand Canyon. If you're more interested in the wildlife of the region, there are bald eagles, bison, bears, moose, elk, wolves to observe and study. The wildflowers and groves of trees can provide endless opportunities for education. Many national and state parks offer kids the chance to become Junior Rangers and you can follow up your visit by reading more about the history of the parks and the Native Americans who once roamed these lands.

Challenge yourself to take some risks. The parks present numerous opportunities to try activities that may be new to you - riding a mule on tenuous mountain paths, whitewater rafting down rapids, hiking up a rocky trail to a waterfall, camping out under the open skies, horseback riding through meadows. You'll find that the excitement of mastering a new skill carries over into a new sense of confidence in the rest of your life. And your children will love the new experiences.

To learn more tips about managing your challenges, especially if you are a Sandwiched Boomer, visit our website Her Mentor Center. And look for information about purchasing our ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success, which is available for download in PDF format.

Sandwich Generation: Make it Happen

As Valentine's Day approaches, you don't have to feel down in the dumps. If you're single and a member of the Sandwich Generation, do you have an aging parent who's not feeling so well or an adult chld who's going through a rough period? Reach out and see what happens to you when you bring a smile to their face.

Give back some love. Go outside your normal routine and get in touch with a relative or neighbor you've been meaning to call or visit - it could brighten the day for both of you. Studies show that when you shift attention away from yourself to others, you actually feel better.

Volunteer your time. Nothing makes the day more special than a good deed. And the payback of altruism or giving back can help you see the situation from a much better perspective. Spending the day in a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter helps those in need, increases your connections and can improver your sense of self.

Focus on a relationship plan. If it's what you want, you can define objectives that will move you in that direction. Tell those you trust that you would appreciate being fixed up. Make a list of what you expect in a partner and what changes you may be willing to make. Join a singles group or a dating website. Take whatever steps you think are vital to improve your chances.

Still need more encouragement to feel good about yourself? Clicking on the title of this post will take you to our website, HerMentorCenter.com, and an article about how to turn a crisis into a challenge.

Coping with Stress and Anxiety

You may be feeling anxious because of the economic meltdown, security fears brought on by acts of terrorism or natural disasters such as the earthquake in Haiti. Whatever the reason for your high level of stress, if you want to keep it in check, try on the following tips to restore a sense of hope to your life:

Use relaxation techniques. Set aside time for a regular routine of deep breathing, guided imagery, meditation, or other stress reduction methods to alleviate your feelings of anxiety. Decide to put off worrying - much of what we fear never actually happens anyway.

Focus on what you can control in your life and what you can accomplish, not what you can't. Let go of negative thoughts and unrealistic expectations. While you often can't control circumstances, you can control how you handle them. Clearly define your goals or aspirations and keep focused on them. Make something positive come out of a negative situation just as people across the world did in providing aid to Haiti after the devastating earthquake there.

Draw on your strengths. Use those you have relied on in the past as well as those you have developed more recently. Brainstorm new ways to apply the abilities you have in a novel way as you create new opportunities for yourself.

Be patient with yourself. Know that you will recover your balance and serenity at your own pace. As long as you keep moving forward, you will eventually reach your destination.

To learn more about strategies to help meet the challenges of the Sandwich Generation, visit our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com. And click on the post title above to be linked to our article there, Top Ten Self-fullness Tips for Sandwiched Women.

Reducing Stress and Anxiety

Seeing pictures of the people of Haiti - or those of Kabul or Iraq or the unemployment lines in America, take your pick - you may be filled with deep emotions yourself. How you deal with this stress and anxiety depends on many factors in your life, especially what has worked for you in the past. When you've felt frustrated and helpless before, what has helped you regain a sense of control? Was it humor or redirecting your focus or occasional distancing or rededication or creating a Plan B - or another strategy that worked for you? Here are some activities that you can try on for size to help you in the process of coping today:

Talk about your thoughts and feelings with family and friends and reach out to others in your support system. Be open to asking for help and validation of your emotions. You may want to consult a professional counselor for a non-judgmental ear and help in sorting out your concerns. Start a journal to aid you in the process of confronting your anxiety.

Maintain balance in your life between personal needs, work, and your family obligations. Don't overcommit yourself even as you retain a normal routine. If you are a Sandwiched Boomer, plan to carve out some special time for yourself even in the midst of caring for your growing children and aging parents. Remember to be open to the healing effects of laughter.

Exercise moderately several times a week. Find an activity that you enjoy and will stick with - walking with friends, keeping fit through dance or yoga classes, training at the gym. Get enough rest and sleep to allow your body to recover from the stresses of the day.

Eat sensibly, following a balanced diet of healthy foods rich in nutrition that serve as a natural defense against stress. Avoid the use of drugs and alcohol to self-medicate and limit your use of sugar, caffeine and cigarettes to avoid their contribution to your jitteriness.

Tomorrow we'll share several more techniques to help you manage your anxiety and high levels of stress. If you click on the post title above, you can read one of the articles on our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com, for some additional tips, Five Ways Sandwiched Boomers Can Think Positive in Tough Times.

Friday, we'll be weighing in on tonight's State of the Union speech and its theme of assisting the Sandwich Generation.

A New Age of Anxiety and Stress

The mid- 20th century was known as the age of anxiety - spawning even an epic poem, a symphony and a ballet bearing that name. If you were a Baby Boomer growing up in the '50's, you probably learned to 'drop and cover' or even had a family bomb shelter to help cope with the existential fears of nuclear holocaust.

Now into only the first ten years of the 21st century, anxiety and stress levels have risen again at a monumental rate. A national health survey found that 75% of the general population experiences at least some stress every two weeks, with half of these rated at moderate or high levels. Our fears about terrorism, financial collapse, and global warming are mixed with our reactions to the devastating effects of natural disasters - earthquakes, flooding, hurricanes, and tsunamis.

The result of these real catastrophes is magnified by the 24/7 coverage of them by cable and Internet news services, leaving many of us feeling anxious, stressed and emotionally exhausted. As uncomfortable as you may feel, what you are experiencing is a normal response to an abnormal situation. Stress is a reaction by the body to an enormous demand placed on it. And those in the Sandwich Generation know about the extreme pressures of caring for their growing children and aging parents - all the while trying to stay above water.

There is a wide range of reactions and symptoms of stress and anxiety. Have you noticed any of these yourself?

Physical reactions such as: sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, headaches, body tension - being just plain jittery with a pounding heart and a knot in your stomach;

Emotional responses such as: anxiety, fear, frustration, feelings of vulnerability - the recognition of being unable to control the situation;

Cognitive changes such as: confusion, forgetfulness, difficulty concentrating, hyper-vigilance - finding you really can't think as clearly as before;

Behavioral reactions such as: isolation, irritability, restlessness, impatience, aggressive behavior - avoiding or pushing away friends and family.

If you are dealing with these kinds of symptoms, join us this week as we share some strategies and techniques for resolving your stress levels and reducing your anxiety. And click on the post title above to take you to our article, How to Turn a Crisis into a Challenge, on our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com.

NBCAM and Surviving Breast Cancer

All this week we have been focused on October as National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Soon the month will be over and done - just as breast cancer can be diagnosed, treated and cured. Between 2 and 3 million American women living today have survived breast cancer and are thriving. Here is our final tip this week, for them:

Take credit for the challenge you have faced and the changes you are making. Recognize and accept that you have faced many difficulties in your process of healing. Give yourself credit for the hard work you have completed to get to this point in your recovery. You have learned about yourself and made changes in the way you think, feel, act and react to yourself, others and the situation around you.

We celebrate with you! The different pink ribbons we have highlighted this week reflect the unity in diversity of women who are surviving breast cancer - and the men who love them. Today's pink ribbon is by Gordon Smith and can be found on Carol Sutton's site, http://www.carolsutton.net/download_pink-ribbon.html.

For more tips on how to successfully face a crisis in your life, click on the post title above. It takes you to our article, How to Turn a Crisis into a Challenge, on our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com

Your Voices

We hear from women facing difference kinds of challenges every day - personal, family, career. Here's a sample of some of the kinds of issues they are confronting. How about you? What are your concerns? What helps you cope?

One reader is surprised by how fast time has changed her from the young woman she once was:

"I don't like to look in the mirror. Though I feel the same inside, I am shocked by how old and frumpy I appear in pictures with my children and grandchildren. How do I begin to face these inevitable physical changes? I'm only in my 50's. I never thought I'd be facing these issues at this age. I am just beginning this transition and am fighting all the way. When did my face change so much while I wasn't looking? I have older friends who think I'm being foolish. Their attitude is, "that's the way it goes, accept it!" But I'm not ready to yet. I have considered counseling to find a way to accept aging. I'm looking for a good book on the subject of adjusting to the physical changes of the 50's and beyond."

Another reader has been dealing with her grief at the loss of her husband and has discovered a few ways to help lift some of her pain:

"I am grieving the death of my husband and soul-mate of 32 years who passed away last year after being diagnosed with cancer just 3 months earlier. We were also partners in our business for the past 20 years, and I am now having trouble maintaining enthusiasm for it. My view of the future right now is primarily focused on my 4-year-old grandson, plus continuing to help others in any way I can. I am a strong survivor, but at 63, I am having trouble re-establishing my sense of identity and perspective as a single person. My best therapy is spending quality time with my 4-year-old grandson! I have attended grief classes and continue to have meaningful communication with understanding friends. I begin and end each day by cultivating a spirit of gratitude, and I release a great deal of grief through journaling. I devote much of my time assisting a blind elderly aunt, and enjoy writing to friends and family who need moral support. I have planned to begin a fitness program as a way to maintain both my physical and emotional health, but haven't followed through as yet." 


Another is focused on her career and how she is coping with menopause:

"I wonder if my thoughts of a career change are driven by my perimenopause. I tell myself I shouldn't fear going through financial changes because of changes I've planned in my career direction. I'm consulting with career counselor and connecting with colleagues and friends to get support, job information, and relaxation. I think about how I can take care of perimenopause and provide support to other women going through the same journey. I use yoga and meditation to start my day right and have regular massages." 
 
 



What kinds of issues are challenging you? Do you have any words of support for your sisters out there? Let us hear from you. You can express your thoughts to us several ways: go to "Comments" below and leave a note, anonymously if you prefer; or click on the post title above to take you to the "About You" section of our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com, where you can write as much as you want; or just email us at Mentors@HerMentorCenter.com. We're waiting to hear from you!

Your Personal Health Plan Reduces Your Stress

The proposed national healthcare bill remains in the news as more town meetings are set up to discuss the details. The latest poll by the Pew Research Center indicates Americans are interested in the issue but currently more of them oppose the legislation than support it, 44% to 38%.

Whatever your stance on the bill being drafted by Congress, you can develop your own personal health plan that will ensure a healthier lifestyle for you. With the economy continuing to stall and family responsibilities growing, your stress levels may be climbing, especially if you are a sandwiched boomer. Today's video segment gives you some tips on how to reduce the stress by increasing your self-fullness.



If you would like more information about transforming roadblocks in your life into building blocks for a healthier lifestyle, click on the title of this post. It links you to our archives at our website, HerMentorCenter.com, and the article, How to Turn a Crisis into a Challenge.

Change Comes When You Least Expect It

The Labor Department announced today that the unemployment rate is now the highest in over 25 years, 8.5 percent. If they were to add in workers forced to work part-time and the so-called "discouraged" workers who are no longer hoping to find employment, the rate would be 15.6%. Over 3.25 million jobs have been lost in the past 5 months alone. And the average workweek is now 33.2 hours, a new record low. Economists predict we will pull out of this but not for some time. For now, it's important for you to hang in there and draw upon your strength and adaptability as a family.

One of our readers, Sally Olds, weighed in on the situation earlier this week, saying, "And still, women make only 80 cents for every dollar men make. This, in addition to all their work on the home front. Just as women's work was more highly valued during the "Rosie the Riveter" days during World War Two, maybe women's financial contributions to their families during these tough times will result in more appreciation and more equitable income."

There will be new perspectives and positives that come out of this ordeal for you and your whole family. Be proud of how you all are rising to the challenges. Recognize your strengths, assets, resources and the foundation of the family that will carry you through this transition. Change comes when you least expect it. The realities of the economy may eventually improve the careers of women even more than feminism alone did. In the meantime, your flexibility will serve you in good stead.

When you click on the title above, it will take you to our article, How to Turn a Crisis into a Challenge, which can help guide you as you face additional challenges in your life.

Take Care of Yourself

If you are a Sandwiched Boomer taking care of growing children and aging parents as you continue to manage your career and cope with the financial chaos all around, you may think that you don't have any time to devote to your own needs. But it is crucial for you to find a way to get the self-care you need in these trying times.

Take better care of yourself. Discover how to nourish yourself and set aside the essential time for this. Take a walk, stop to watch a beautiful sunset, listen to soothing music. Practice deep breathing to relax and positive imagery to improve your mood. Reach out to your friends for support. Draw on your spiritual connection for grounding as you find your center.

Stay optimistic and flexible. Redefine the crisis you are facing as a challenge and your fears as opportunities for change. Review how you have solved other major problems before. Focus on what you can do about solutions even though you didn't create the problem itself. Remind yourself of all you are grateful for as you rebalance your life. Don't give up when things don't work out as you originally expected. Instead, put your Plan B in place.

To learn about additional ways to nurture yourself, click on the title above to take you to our article, Top Ten Self-fullness Tips for Sandwiched Women.

Moving Along with Your New Year's Resolutions

Now that you have begun, here are some more tips to keep you moving toward your goal of achieving your New Year's resolutions.

Continue taking small steps. They will eventually get you where you want to go if you keep moving forward. Don't overwhelm yourself by trying to make strides that are too difficult. Continue to set short-term objectives as you progress toward your long-term goal. You may need to refine your strategies along the way as you discover what works best for you.

Keep track of what you are doing. Keep a daily journal focused on how you are implementing your behavior change. Record the pattern of your scheduled walks. Develop a detailed budget and observe how you are spending cash. Write down what you eat every day to give you insight and motivation.

Buddy with a partner. Having someone share your journey makes the process more enjoyable. Join a support group where you can talk about your frustrations, particularly if you are working on abusive or self-destructive behavior. Talk with friends and family about your progress or lack of it. See a professional or look to the Internet for information and resources.

For more encouragement, click on the title above to take you to our article, How to Turn a Crisis into a Challenge at www.HerMentorCenter.com. It will guide you in setting up some steps to take when you are making changes in your life.

Even in the best of times, Sandwiched Boomers face a myriad of challenges caring for growing children and aging parents. Here are two ways to begin the process of dealing with your complex emotions in these difficult times.

Focus your thoughts on what you can accomplish rather than on what you cannot. Look on the bright side of difficult situations as you create a balance between caring for others and nurturing your personal needs. You may even want to make a schedule until this becomes a routine that is factored into your daily life. Although you often cannot control external circumstances, you can control how you handle them.

Knowledge is power. Use it to your advantage. Gather information about ways to deal with how you are feeling - explore Internet search engines or the self-help section of bookstores. Talk about how you are feeling with friends and family whose opinions you respect. Schedule a few sessions with a therapist or a life coach.

And check back tomorrow for more suggestions.

Presumptive Presidential nominee John McCain has again demonstrated his commitment to put country before party. Concerned about Americans of the Gulf Coast in the path of Hurricane Gustav, he suspended most of the activities of the Republican Convention on Monday. Touring the emergency management center in Mississippi for closed-door briefings before the storm hit, McCain said, "We must redirect our efforts from the really celebratory event of the nomination of president and vice president of our party to acting as all Americans."

Calling on his party to "act as Americans…not as Republicans" McCain has asked corporations sponsoring the convention to focus at this time on fundraising not partying, support not celebration, the Red Cross, not the red states. Cindy McCain mirrored her husband's focus, reminding us, as Hanna and Ike form behind Gustav, “The challenges will continue in the days ahead. I would ask that each one of us commit to join together to aid those in need as quickly as possible. This is a time when we take off our Republican hats and put on our American hats.” In response, Republicans at the convention in St. Paul have been using some of their downtime to raise money for relief efforts along the Gulf Coast. One telethon raised more than $1 million in the course of an hour Monday afternoon.

As Sandwiched Boomers facing challenges in your own lives, you may find yourselves in the same dilemma McCain struggled with - making difficult decisions about when to direct your efforts to meeting your own needs and when to put others first.

The full range of athletes on the USA Olympic team in Beijing demonstrates that age and family responsibilities are not the barriers to participation that you might think. Four members of the team are over 50. After training for five decades, sailor John Dane III became an Olympiad for the first time as a 58 year-old. And at age 56, shooter Libby Callahan becomes the oldest female Olympic participant of all time.

Just as significant are the 20 mothers on the USA Olympic team, including past medalists - swimmer Dara Torres, basketball player Lisa Leslie, and softball player, Jennie Finch. Dara Torres stands out as a role model for any mothers wondering if it is too late to begin again. Now age 41, she began participating in the Olympics twenty-four years ago, swimming in the 1984, 1988, 1992 and 2000 Games. Retiring, getting married and wanting to start a family, she skipped the 2004 Games and had a child two years ago. Swimming for fitness after the birth of her daughter, Tessa, she thought she was done with competitive swimming but found that her times were better than ever.

Dara marched in the Beijing opening ceremonies 8 long years after her last Olympics with 9 medals to her credit, the most of any USA athlete coming into these Games. Swimming in individual and relay team competition, she won 3 silver medals this week, losing gold in the freestyle individual event by only one one-hundredth of a second. She now can boast of a record 12 Olympic medals in her career - so far! Asked "what will you tell your daughter, Tessa, about your record at this Olympics," Dara said, "You don't have to put an age limit on your dreams."

Like Dara and these other athletes, answer with a resounding, "I can do it!" when you question whether you are too old to reach for your goals. It's never too late to challenge yourself. Use your maturity and drive as tools to make you more efficient as you strive to achieve. As Dara herself said, "To me, if it helps anyone else out there who is in their middle-aged years, putting off something they couldn't do because they thought they were too old or maybe because they had a child, they thought they couldn't balance things as a parent - if it shows anyone you can do it, I'm absolutely thrilled."

Yesterday Cari commented on the process that slowly evolved after her grandduaghter was born - and that's an important point. As you very well may know, if you jump in too quickly without assessing a situation, you're more likely to get into trouble.

As a club sandwich boomer with a first grandchild, try not to offer advice unless asked. You don’t have to say whatever comes to mind. If your suggestions are requested, present them in an open-ended way so that your adult children are free to accept or reject. Remember how you felt when your mother or mother-in-law shared their opinions about how to raise your children?

Talk about the challenges. Don’t be afraid to communicate with your children in a non-confrontational way. You will all be more comfortable and appreciative of your relationship if you don't let issues fester. However, don’t expect that the results of your talk will follow a pre-determined path. Often the fact that there is conversation is more important than the outcome of any one particular discussion.

Be aware of your feelings. You may be ambivalent about babysitting often when it begins to impact the pursuit of your personal interests. Choose a balance between your own needs and the responsibilities of your grand-parenting role. It's necessary to set the kind of limits that work for you.