Want Halloween Treats Instead of Tricks?

On Halloween, you don't have to dress up as a member of the Sandwich Generation - you likely already have that frazzled look about you. Caring for parents growing older and kids growing up can lead to stress and, in crisis, even depression. See if these practical insights can help with your negative emotions:

Knowledge is power. Gather information about ways to deal with how you are feeling - explore Internet search engines and sites or the self-help section of your local bookstore. And talk with friends and family who understand and whose opinions you respect.

Gratitude and forgiveness are compelling emotions. Use this to your advantage. Tell your partner, kids or parents about their positive qualities and what they mean to you. And forgive others who are important to you for some past wrongdoing or misunderstanding. Watch their reactions and see how that makes you feel.

Support is crucial – connect often. Enroll in a class or workshop through a university extension program or mental health center. Join an ongoing support group or attend a weekend retreat to share concerns, problem-solve and gain new perspective. A therapist or coach can be a sounding board and guide - someone to validate your ideas and help you follow through with your plans.

It can be difficult to maintain a sense of optimism when your circumstances are complicated and perhaps even painful. But you owe it to yourself to begin to cope with your changing moods. Recognize strengths and skills that are already an integral part of you. Release tension through humor to help you bounce back. And notice how a positive attitude supports what you do and who you are.

Beginning to talk about depression can increase your awareness, reduce the stigma and help minimize your symptoms. Think about exorcising your demons, once and for all. Don't disguise your true feelings, no matter what time of year. And this Halloween, take off your mask and commit to feeling emotionally stronger.

Sign the email list to the left of this post - you'll receive our free monthly newsletter, "Stepping Stones" and download a complimentary eBook about how to reach your goals. And in celebration of Halloween, we want to treat you to these tips about taking control of stress in a financial storm.

How to Exorcise Ghosts from the Past

Although Halloween today revolves around trick-or-treating and costume parties, in the past masks were worn to placate the evil spirits. You may not believe in witches and goblins, but when was the last time you thought seriously about ghosts that haunt you?

Your thoughts are mental products although they don't necessarily reflect an absolute reality. However, for you, they do represent how you feel. The bad feelings you have may be due to normal temperament, stress overload, situational sadness or even clinical depression. Did you know that 1 in 4 people actually suffer from depression at some time in their lives and close to 50% do not receive treatment? If you have had extreme sadness or feelings of helplessness and hopelessness for over two weeks, it's best to schedule an appointment with your medical professional to assess your symptoms and, if necessary, refer you to a specialist.

When there is no obvious trigger, do you try to minimize, ignore or dismiss how you feel? Instead, here are some ideas to help you better understand your negative emotions. You can learn how to reframe your thoughts and take better care of your emotional self. Begin by following these social support and self-care tips:

Honor your body to improve physical and emotional wellbeing. Pay attention to your exercise routine, your sleeping pattern and what gives you pleasure. Try to stay away from situations that cause stress and increase the ones that make you feel more relaxed and alive.

Focus on what you can accomplish rather than on what you can't. Look on the bright side of difficult situations as you create a balance between caring for others and your own needs. Take at least half an hour and read a book, listen to music or call a friend - it may help to mark it in your schedule until it becomes a regular part of your day. Although you can't always control external circumstances, you can control how you handle them.

Explore our website, Her Mentor Center for articles about what impacts the emotions of your family relationships as well as yourself. And log on here Wednesday for more practical insights that can help you beat the blues.

National Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Thriving after any serious illness is complicated and sometimes feels like an uphill struggle. Today's coping tips can help you support yourself - emotionally and physically - along the difficult course of dealing with beast cancer and its treatments.

As you move through this process, you find that staying informed and involved at each step gives a sense of power and resiliency. The National Cancer Institute, a part of NIH, has a wide range of materials to make this job easier. And here are some more tips to help you take charge of your life:

Accept your changing emotions as normal and give yourself permission to express them. After a brush with cancer, it is normal to feel many different emotions such as anger, fear, worry, anxiety, depression, stress or loss of control. It's OK to express these to people you trust and acknowledge them to yourself. Only then can you begin to cope with them.

Recognize the changes in your body. You may feel that your body has betrayed you, leaving you feeling vulnerable and with a loss of innocence about your own invincibility. You may need to grieve this loss. In addition, you may be experiencing side effects of the treatment such as fatigue, stiffness, lymphedema, weight gain, as well as menopausal symptoms. Once you clarify how your body is reacting, you can address each of the symptoms and alleviate them.

Take good care of yourself. Pamper yourself - you deserve it! Follow the guidelines of the American Cancer Society and set aside time for you. Begin an exercise program that includes aerobics, flexibility and strengthening exercises. Enjoy eating a more healthful diet rich in fruits and vegetables. Schedule relaxation time to decrease the stresses in your life. Learn visualization techniques. Think about what you really like to do and do it. Of course this is easier to say than it may be to do, but stick with your decision to make time for yourself. You can make it happen.

Take credit for the challenge you have faced and the changes you are making. Recognize and accept that you have faced many difficulties in your process of healing. Give yourself credit for the hard work you have completed to get to this point in your recovery. You have learned about yourself and made changes in the way you think, feel, act and react to yourself, others and the situation around you.

We celebrate your survival with you! You reflect the unity of women who are surviving breast cancer - and the men who love you.

Are You Feeling Down? Is Your Guy?

In today's society, it seems like there's a lot going on to get us depressed - the economy is still stalled, radioactive water is seeping into the Pacific Ocean around Japan, civil wars are breaking out in Africa and the Middle East, just for starters. Has absorbing all of this thrown you into a tailspin? We've talked before here on the blog about how to cope with your own stress and blues, how to rebuild a sense of resiliency to buffer you from anxiety and worry, and how to help your children when they are feeling pressured by the events around them.

Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Now we've heard from Jed Diamond, Ph.D., that we need to pay attention to the men in our lives too - according to Jed, they are beginning to catch up to women in their rates of depression. With cases of male depression traditionally being underreported, the concern, among Jed and others researching the issue, is that with the current economic stagnation, the rates of male depression and even suicide will rise even higher. Since men have been laid off in greater numbers and percentages during this economic downturn, it has been labeled a "mancession" by some.

When Jed joined us here for a virtual book tour, he discussed how male depression often manifests in irritable, mean behavior rather than in the symptoms we typically expect. His book, Mr. Mean: Saving Your Relationship from the Irritable Male Syndrome, highlights signs to notice that could be an indication of these deeper emotional concerns in your guy. You can find out more about this new epidemic on Jed's website.

And to learn about some of our Nourishing Relationships practical tips for managing the pressures you and your family face in these tough economic times, look for our empowering ebook, Taking Control of Stress in a Financial Storm: Practical Strategies and Resources for Success. It's available through our website, Her Mentor Center.

Virtual Book Tour: Dr. Gary Small

Today we are delighted to welcome Gary Small, M.D., director of the UCLA Memory and Aging Center and professor of psychiatry at UCLA's David Geffen School of Medicine. He'll be answering our questions - and yours as well - about the book he recently wrote with his wife, Gigi Vorgan, "The Naked Lady Who Stood On Her Head: A Psychiatrist's Stories of His Most Bizarre Cases."

Nourishing Relationships: Several of the stories in your book deal with how the mind affects the body. One of them gets into your experiences with the “Fainting Schoolgirls.” What is mass hysteria? Is it a common phenomenon?

Gary Small: In the “Fainting Schoolgirls” incident, I was investigating an outbreak of illness in a suburban grade school. The kids were rehearsing a performance, when suddenly 30 of them grabbed their stomachs and fainted. The principal told me that it started with one popular child who fainted and suddenly the rest of them went down like dominoes. The health department couldn’t find a cause and gave the “all clear,” but the community was in an uproar. The school seemed to be blocking my efforts to get to the bottom of things, and the parents took offense that a psychiatrist was suggesting that their kids might have had a psychosomatic illness. I nearly gave up my study until I attended the actual show – a little worried that the outbreak might recur – when one of the mothers sought me out and supported my theory of mass hysteria – she was convinced that her daughter’s physical symptoms were in fact psychological. My subsequent research proved my theory that when stressed out, the mind can make the body sick, and in a group setting, it can really get out of control.

When we face uncertainty, our minds crave explanations. If we have no way to account for symptoms, we feel out of control and our fear escalates. And, if we learn that our own minds may have caused these very real symptoms, we tend to feel more anxiety about what our minds might do next. People may worry that their brains are possessed by some outside spirit, or perhaps a poltergeist has taken charge of their willpower. They’d rather latch onto something like the mysterious poisonous water theory. In all the mass hysteria episodes I’ve studied and written about over the years, the lingering question for me is why they don’t happen more often. The essential ingredients – groups under psychological and physical stress, often hungry, tired, or both – come together almost daily all around the world.

NR: Why are people afraid of psychiatrists?

GS: There is clearly a stigma about “seeing a shrink” and admitting one has a problem. Sometimes people are in denial about their mental struggles and avoid or even attack psychiatry in an attempt to avoid anyone discovering their secret psychological issues. Also, mental illness is often perceived as a weakness. Many people still believe that they should be able to solve their problems on their own. Yet, in any given year, an estimated one of four adults—nearly 60 million people in the U.S—suffer from a mental disorder and most of them don’t get help, which is why it is so important for people to try to get beyond their fears.

Psychiatrists are sometimes viewed as probing mental detectives who take control of their patients’ minds rather than heal them. In my book, I attempt to debunk such misconceptions and demystify the treatment of mental illness. Despite the public’s misconceptions, psychiatric treatments diminish and often eradicate symptoms of psychosis, depression, and anxiety. Systematic studies have shown that often combining medicine and psychotherapy results in significant improvement.

NR: Why do you need a therapist if you can talk to a good friend?

GS: A psychiatrist or therapist, unlike a friend, has no agenda of their own when listening. When a friend gives you advice, he may be thinking about how your actions will affect him, as well as you. When you’re in therapy, it’s all about you, not the therapist. Also, anything you tell a therapist is strictly confidential, and unless your friend has the training, you may not be getting the greatest advice. Having good friends is important to our mental health, but if you need it, don’t hesitate to call a professional.

NR: In your book, one of the cases involves a woman who develops a so-called “serial addiction.” What exactly is that and is it really possible?

GS: When we think of addition, alcohol or drugs usually comes to mind, but a person can get addicted to almost anything they enjoy: food, tobacco, sex, gambling, the Internet, or even video games. Some people have addictive personalities. When they “kick the habit” of one thing, they simply move on to something new and get addicted to that. In The Naked Lady Who Stood on Her Head, a woman who has an eating disorder overcomes it. Then, her shopping gets out of control, and she just can’t stop until she moves on to something else. This kind of serial addict usually exhibits the same behavior patterns regardless of the object of their current addiction: They crave the experience all the time, have withdrawal when they can’t get it, are secretive and defensive about the behavior, and the addiction interferes with everyday life. Anyone who’s struggled with addiction or dependency, should be aware of the possibility of becoming hooked on something new.

NR: Another case involves a patient who discovers that her husband has a second wife and family. You give that as an example of a sociopath. How do you define sociopath and how can we tell if someone has that personality disorder?

GS: Sociopaths are people who think only of themselves. They have no conscience or empathy. Whether it’s an Bernie Madoff, Adolf Hitler or Charles Manson, they wreak havoc on other people’s lives. But what about the everyday sociopath who sneaks into your life and befriends you? When you discover his true colors, you’re shocked, you feel violated, and you often blame yourself for being duped. How can you spot these predators before they gain your trust?

First impressions count. If someone does not seem genuine, your impression may be accurate. Also, watch out for people who seem too good to be true. Sociopaths often anticipate your needs in order to get what they really want. Finally, look for typical character traits: no sense of remorse, short-tempered and quick to blame others, and few or no long-term relationships. Remember, sociopaths can be smart and even when you’re on alert, they can slip into your life. Don’t blame yourself, just cut them out and move on.

Thanks so much, Gary! You've given us bites of a delicious idea feast. Now, readers, it's up to you if you want more - he's ready to answer your questions. Just click on 'comments' at the bottom of this post and follow the prompts. If you don't have an account you can sign in as 'anonymous' - it's as easy as that!

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Worldwide, every year over 1 million women are diagnosed with breast cancer. Other than skin cancer, breast cancer is the most common one facing American women today. The likelihood is that 1 in 8 women in America will cope with this disease during her lifetime. In October, designated as National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, women are especially focused on early detection and improving the management of breast cancer, should it be diagnosed.

With mammography, MRI and physical exams leading to early detection, most breast cancers can be successfully treated today. The specific treatment can be worked out between you and your physicians, taking into account the tumor details. This year, an online word of mouth campaign, Until Every Woman Knows, has been started to raise awareness of a test that can help guide these treatment decisions.

With improved therapies, there are between 2 and 3 million American women living today who have survived breast cancer. As breast cancer survivors have learned, coping with any serious illness can take a toll on you - emotionally as well as physically. Here are some tips to help manage your recovery so that you can move forward with your life.

Accept your changing emotions as normal and give yourself permission to express them. After a brush with cancer, it is normal to feel many different emotions such as anger, fear, worry, anxiety, depression, stress or loss of control. It's OK to express these to people you trust and acknowledge them to yourself. Only then can you begin to cope with them. For some ideas about how to develop better communication with a loved one when a serious illness like cancer intrudes, see an article on our website, Boomer Couples: Deepening Your Conversations about Serious Illness.

Recognize the changes in your body. You may feel that your body has betrayed you, leaving you feeling vulnerable and with a loss of innocence about your own invincibility. You will need to grieve this loss. In addition, you may be experiencing side effects of the treatment such as fatigue, stiffness, lymphedema, weight gain, as well as menopausal symptoms. Once you clarify for yourself how your body is reacting, you can address each of the symptoms in your efforts to alleviate them.

Draw upon others for support. Your family and friends can provide a network of comfort, encouragement and assistance. You may also want to join a breast cancer support group, either in person or on-line. Support is helpful in several ways - it gives you someone to listen to you when you need to express yourself, someone to give you information and feedback, someone to help you with practical matters such as an errand that needs to be done. Support will be there for you if you look for it. It may feel awkward at first to ask for help, but you'll find friends want to do what they can for you.

You'll find more about the value of support on our website, Her Mentor Center.

So don't let anything get in the way of becoming aware of breast cancer and taking care of yourself if you need to deal with it. Join us again on Wednesday when we'll be offering more advice about living with a diagnosis of breast cancer. And for inspirational stories and tips about coping with significant stress, sign up for our newsletter, Stepping Stones, and receive a complimentary copy of our ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned.

Virtual Book Tour: "Irritable Male Syndrome"

Today we are delighted to welcome author and psychotherapist, Dr. Jed Diamond, to our blog for sandwiched boomers. Jed is the author of The Irritable Male Syndrome: Managing the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression. He has been researching this problem for years and has lots of wisdom to share. Now see for yourself:


Nourishing Relationships: How did you discover “Irritable Male Syndrome?”

Dr. Jed Diamond: When doing the research for my book series on “Male Menopause,” I found that the most common symptoms were irritability and anger. Although the media focus was on sexual dysfunction, I found that a much more destructive factor was the emotional disconnection occurring in relationships.

I received many letters from mid-life women expressing their pain and confusion:

“Last January a man came home from work with my husband’s face but he did not act at all like him. I've known this man for 30 years, married 22 of them and have never met THIS guy before. Mean, nasty, and cruel are just a few words to describe him.”

“He blames me for everything these days. If his socks or underwear are missing, I must have put them somewhere or done something with them to piss him off. The thing that bothers me the most is how unaffectionate he has become. My husband used to be the most positive, upbeat, funny person I knew. Now it's like living with an angry brick!”

As a psychotherapist, it broke my heart to see so many mid-life marriages falling apart, just when the couple could be enjoying their lives the most. I knew I needed to understand what was going on.

NR: What exactly is Irritable Male Syndrome and how common is it?

JED: IMS can be defined as a state of hypersensitivity, anxiety, frustration, and anger that occurs in males and is associated with biochemical changes, hormonal fluctuations, stress, and loss of male role identity.

The medical community is notoriously slow in recognizing new problems. However, A few pioneering practitioners are beginning to understand IMS. “IMS is incredibly common—up to 30 percent of men experience it,” says Chrisopher Steidle, M.D., clinical associate professor of urology at the Indiana University School of Medicine.

NR: How does someone know if they, or someone they love, are suffering from IMS?

JED: When I was conducting research for the book The Irritable Male Syndrome, I created a questionnaire that I gave to 1,000 men and women. The following 10 symptoms were the most common: Grumpy, Angry, Impatient, Tense, Hostile, Lonely, Stressed, Annoyed, and Touchy.

I put the full questionnaire up on my website at www.IMSquiz.com. Over the last five years more than 40,000 men and 20,000 women have taken the quiz and gotten their scores.

NR: I understand there are different types of IMS. Can you tell us about them?

JED: That was one of the most interesting outcomes of the research study. There were fifty symptoms that we explored and we discovered that they grouped together in fascinating ways. We found that there were 7 different sub-types of IMS: Grumpy, Fearful, Aggressive, Unloved, Jealous, Exhausted, and Impulsive.

NR: How is IMS related to male depression and aggression?

JED: When I began studying IMS, in myself, my clients, and the thousands of people who called and wrote to me, I was struck by the level of violence that was occurring. Although most cases of IMS didn’t lead to the most extreme forms of violence, murder or suicide, there was a great deal of verbal and sometimes physical abuse directed at others. I was also struck by the degree of hostility that was turned inward.

I see IMS as the tip of the iceberg that leads down one side into sadness, depression, and (if not treated), suicide; and down the other side into anger, aggression, and (if not treated), violence.

NR: What can be done to treat IMS?

JED: Fortunately, there are many things that can be done including the following:

1. Heal the sprained brain by restoring the neurotransmitter, serotonin.
Eat protein rich foods such as turkey, chicken, fish, and dairy products. Avoid anti-serotonin foods such as caffeinated sodas, coffee, or “diet sweetened” drinks or foods. Exercise more and get out in the sunshine.

2. Restore testosterone balance. Irritability can come from having too much testosterone (men that use steroids to build up muscles for sports) or too little. Surprisingly most men suffering from IMS have testosterone levels that are too low. Have your doctor test for both free and total testosterone.

3. Lower stress levels. Learn to meditate, take time off from work, or walk in the country. There are many ways to lower stress levels and all will help with IMS.

4. Work with a health-care provider who understands IMS. We are still in the early stages of understanding IMS and there aren’t many practitioners who are trained to deal with it. Find someone who understands the physiological, hormonal, psychological, interpersonal, sexual, and spiritual aspects of IMS.

NR: Are there things a woman can do to help rescue a relationship that is in trouble.

JED: I’ve gotten hundreds of letters from women who want to know what they can do to help the man in their lives, deal with their own wounds, and insure that their relationship survives this difficult period. In response I have written a new book, Mr. Mean:Rescuing Your Relationship from the Irritable Male Syndrome. The book will be out later this year and will address the most critical questions women are asking about IMS. Those who want to be kept informed can sign up at www.TheIrritableMale.com to receive my free e-newsletter.

Now it's your turn, readers - scroll down to 'Comments' on the lower righthand side of this post and follow the prompts to ask Dr. Diamond any questions you may have. And tomorrow we'll do a wrap-up of your concerns and Jed's responses right here. Learn more about Jed and his work - clicking on the title of this post will take you to his website, www.MenAlive.com.

Getting Help for SAD and January Depression

If you've tried the tips we've been talking about this week and nothing seems to help, you may have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) or a clinical depression. Consult your physician or a specialist in psychological disorders for constructive input about these conditions.

A diagnosis of SAD may be made when your mood, energy level and motivation are all down during the winter months. Several techniques can help you cope with this disorder: (1) get out into the sun, preferably for at least one hour per day of natural light; (2) keep your home window coverings open to the light and your office well lit; (3) if your symptoms continue, your physician may prescribe photo therapy with a special light, typically for an hour a day.

If your despair continues, or you have the signs and symptoms of clinical depression, see a psychologist or psychiatrist for evaluation and treatment. You will benefit from a professional's input as you learn to challenge your negative thoughts and gain skills to manage your feelings. Your doctor can discuss with you whether antidepressants will be of assistance in your treatment plan.

For more information about coping, click on the post title above to be linked to our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com and How to Manage Depression Short of Having Octuplets. And plan to stop by next week as we go over the steps for creating a set of realistic New Year's resolutions that you and other Sandwiched Boomers can achieve.

Optimize Your Opportunities after January Blues

Not only are we into a new month and a new year, but also into a new decade. What will the '10's bring for you? Now is the time to set the tone for this time in your life.

Turn crises into challenges and challenges into opportunities. Don't become overwhelmed. Instead, use this time to research things you want to do and changes you want to make. Remember that although you can't control what happens to you, you can control how you handle it. Think about the consequences of your decisions before you make a change. If you are unhappy with your current job, consider what you can do to make it more interesting and engaging.

Express gratitude for what you have. It may sound simple, but as you've heard many times, "Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have." What are the things and people in your life that you are grateful for? You'll find that when you increase your awareness of these positives, you'll be less likely to experience feelings of hopelessness and helplessness.

Look outside yourself to those in need. Studies have found that when you perform acts of kindness and giving to those who have less, you feel happier yourself. Around the holidays numerous organizations sent out requests for financial donations but all year long they need volunteers to help staff their programs. Consider what best fits your interests, abilities and schedule - then make your contribution with your feet.

To cope with financial issues, make plans that won't further impact your budget or credit card debt. In the current recession, many families are enjoying activities such as potlucks with friends, visits to local museums, taking daylight walks, borrowing a good book from the library. Make it a game to be creative in your quest for low-cost entertainment.

For some pointers on how to encourage and express gratitude, click on the post title above. It links you to our article, Five Steps to Gratitude Despite a Tough Economy, found, among others helpful to Sandwiched Boomers, on our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com.

Being Resilient after January Blues

Just as Janus, the Roman god of doorways, had two faces, one looking back and one forward, you too have the ability to make choices for your future, using the wisdom you have gained in your past.

Draw on your strengths. What worked for you before when you were feeling miserable? What core values served as your guide as you coped with frustrations and disappointments? Use these again as you face challenges in January and watch your resiliency come to the forefront. Don't hesitate to call upon the resources that are there for you.

Notice the control you do have over how you feel. When you change your thoughts from negative to positive ones, see how your emotions change. Make a decision to spend less time worrying and more counting your blessings. Instead of holding on to the family conflict that boiled up over the holidays, let go of your resentments and anger. When you begin to forgive, you stop feeling sorry for yourself and become more optimistic.

Identify activities that serve to reduce the stresses in your life - then include them in your schedule. If you're a Sandwiched Boomer, these can range from arranging for someone to help you with childcare or eldercare responsibilities to setting aside some time to sit down and listen to music, read a good book or just do some deep breathing. Get in touch with your spiritual connections for balance and grounding. When you are feeling relaxed and authentically free, you'll be better able to cope with the hassles you face this winter.

Get support from your family and friends. It was easier to connect during the holiday season, but make an effort to follow-up with your social network in January. Share your concerns with them and see if you gain a fresh viewpoint or validate your feelings. New support and discussion groups generally begin after the New Year and classes at local community colleges do as well. Reach out and join to gain insight and perspective. And don't forget to spend some time with friends just for the plain fun of it - laughter is a great tension reliever.

To read more tips on creating a positive outlook, even during the month of January, click on the post title above. It links you to our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com and our article, How Boomers Can Sing Rock and Roll Instead of the Blues.

Take Care of Yourself after January Blues

Are you already experiencing winter blues and frustrated with yourself for not doing what you set out to do this year? Today we'll look at how to better take care of yourself in 2010 and next week, we'll give you more help in keeping your New Year's resolutions.

Begin with some honest self-reflection. What is currently disturbing you the most? What do you feel good about? Consider both your physical and emotional reactions. Once you are aware of the real problems, you can begin to identify possible solutions and map out a plan to implement them.

Be realistic in your expectations as you set New Year's resolutions you are likely to achieve and goals you can accomplish. You may need to scrap your original list and come up with less grandiose aspirations. Don't beat yourself up for falling short of promises you made to yourself that were out of your reach. Who hasn't made mistakes? Take it one day at a time as you revise and come up with a Plan B.

Commit to an exercise plan that you will continue. Physical activity can release endorphins, reducing your level of stress. Studies have shown that 30 minutes of brisk walking reduces depression for several hours. A regular exercise routine also plays a part in achieving weight reduction and better sleep patterns. If possible, include some outdoor daytime exercise to take advantage of the natural light outside.

Establish eating habits that incorporate nutritious foods in well-balanced meals. During the holiday season, women can gain an average of five to seven pounds. Now get back to a healthier diet and smaller portions. Leafy green vegetables with their high levels of folic acid and oily fish, with vitamin B-12 and omega-3 fatty acids can play roles in maintaining an upbeat mood. Foods such as Brazil nuts are rich in selenium, needed to produce serotonin.

And click on the post title above to read about Five Ways Sandwiched Boomers Can Think Positive in Tough Times on our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com.

Do You Have the January Blues?

Feeling down in the dumps now that the holidays are over? If you're hoping for something uplifting on these dreary days and cold nights, you're not alone. T.S. Eliot may have said in The Waste Land that "April is the cruelest month," but studies have found that for the majority of Americans January is the most depressing month of the year, with the 24th being the worst day.

You may have experienced several of the reasons for these negative feelings and behaviors yourself. Your eager anticipation for the holidays is over, possibly replaced by the realities of a celebration that didn't live up to your expectations. Your clothes are tight from the extra pounds you put on from parties and your sweet cravings. Your loved ones are gone and you're feeling disillusioned and lonely. The weather is dreary with little chance of a break for several months. By the end of the first week of January, one-third to one-half of you have already caved in on your New Year's resolutions, leaving you feeling disappointed and frustrated. The credit card bills have arrived and you realize you spent more than you had planned. And while you may not have noticed the short days and long nights in December because of all the holiday lights, now it is painfully obvious that winter is clearly here.

For some 10% to 20% of Americans, winter depression is exacerbated by SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is brought on by the reduction in sunlight and the brain's response to this underexposure. For Sandwiched Boomers, stressed between caring for growing children and aging parents, these extra pressures may be an even greater strain this month.

Tune in all week for tips to help you deal with the January gloom and focus on the opportunities open to you. And click on the post title above to take you to our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com, and the article, 6 Ways to Manage Common Unhappiness. It will give you some techniques to get started.

NBCAM and Living with Breast Cancer

As breast cancer survivors have learned, coping with any serious illness can take a toll on you - emotionally as well as physically. This week, we'll be giving you some tips each day on how to manage your recovery so that you can move forward with your life. We begin today with acknowledging where you are coming from.

Accept your changing emotions as normal and give yourself permission to express them. After a brush with cancer, it is normal to feel many different emotions such as anger, fear, worry, anxiety, depression, stress or loss of control. It's OK to express these to people you trust and acknowledge them to yourself. Only then can you begin to cope with them.

Recognize the changes in your body. You may feel that your body has betrayed you, leaving you feeling vulnerable and with a loss of innocence about your own invincibility. You will need to grieve this loss. In addition, you may be experiencing side effects of the treatment such as fatigue, stiffness, lymphedema, weight gain, as well as menopausal symptoms. Once you clarify for yourself how your body is reacting, you can address each of the symptoms in your efforts to alleviate them.

Tomorrow we'll look at more ways to take care of yourself if you ever need to deal with a diagnosis of cancer and treatment options. For tips about how to develop better communication with a loved one when serious illness intrudes, click on the post title above to take you to an article on our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com, Boomer Couples: Deepening Your Conversations about Serious Illness.

Today's pink ribbon is by Vanessa Rumaz and can be found on Carol Sutton's site, http://www.carolsutton.net/download_pink-ribbon.html. All week, we'll be featuring different pink ribbons created by talented women and men to increase public awareness about breast cancer and encourage research on this disease.

Video Tips for Taking Care of Yourself in a Recession

You have probably noticed that the economic downward spiral has affected more than your pocket book. For most of us, it has also taken a toll on our feelings of well-being and security. Reports indicate that mental health calls due to financial pressure have increased more than 100% in the past months. If you are feeling signs of distress, check out our video tips for today to learn how to take better care of yourself.



To read some tips about how to create a healthier lifestyle for yourself and your family during the current financial downturn, click on the title above. It will link you to www.HerMentorCenter.com and our article, "Recover from Financial Panic by Investing in Yourself."

NABBW TELESEMINAR: Irritable Male Syndrome and Midlife - Rites of Passages for the Men in Your Life

National Association of Baby Boomer Women two-part Teleseminar:

Tuesday May 19, 2009
3:00 PM (EST)

Jed Diamond, PhD

Author of Male Menopause and The Irritable Male Syndrome. With over 40 years as a licensed psychotherapist, Jed Diamond has been a consultant for business executives who want to use the mid-life passage to achieve life-long personal and professional success. He is Director of the www.MenAlive.com, a program that helps men live long and well. Since its inception, Jed has been on the Board of Advisors of the Men's Health Network. He is also a member of the International Society for the Study of the Aging Male and serves as a member of the International Scientific Board of the World Congress on Men's Health.

In this teleseminar, you'll learn:

* The difference between male menopause, a mid-life crisis, and aging.
* The Irritable Male Syndrome - what it is and how to cope.
* Three things mid-life men need to know to stay healthy and live well.
* The Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome: Why midlife men turn mean.
* What is depression and why it's vital to understand it.
* The four key causes of male depression and aggression.
* Suicide: Why it is a predominantly male problem.
* Why men die sooner and live sicker: And what you can do about it.
* How to Bring your irritable man back to life.
* Are men an endangered species?
* Five mistakes women make and ways to get through to a man in denial.

Register for the call by clicking on the title of this post.
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PART II - Questions and Answers will follow
Tuesday May 26, 2009
3:00 PM (EST)

Communicate with Your Partner

These are turbulent times, filled with uncertainty and possibilities. How you communicate with your partner can make a big difference.

In stressful times, incidences of anxiety, depression and suicide ideation increase and rates of marital satisfaction decrease. Research indicates that close to half of all partners who cheat are trying to fill some emotional need. And job loss and financial instability can put tremendous pressure on traditional family life. But trust counters fear. Keep the lines of communication wide open. Make sure your partner understands what you are feeling and why. Talk about what’s going on and what you can do about it. You’ll both feel less out of control and ready to put ideas into action. Working together can help get you through these tough times.

Click on the title above to read an article on HerMentorCenter.com about communication from the male perspective.

Educate Yourself

With the G20 meetings scheduled this week to focus on the global economic crisis, Sandwiched Boomer families continue to be hit by the recession and job losses. If these changes are hitting close to home, here are two tips to help you get started on building flexibility into your family:

Educate yourself about family finances. Get involved with the family budget as you seek out ways to reduce your expenses. Keep track of minor expenditures that can add up, like dinners out, entertainment and credit card interest rate costs. Think outside the box as you educate yourself on new possibilities open to you. They may involve dramatic changes like downsizing your home, selling some possessions or even giving up plans for early retirement.

Expect a husband who has lost his job to have an emotional reaction. It's normal to feel frustrated, tense, and anxious at this time. But look for signs of more serious emotional changes such as depression, anger, or feelings of worthlessness. Stress can lead to dysfunctional responses like excess drinking, gambling or acting out. Acknowledging the common effects of job loss will help you avoid conflicts over minor issues.

Click on the title above to take you to our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com where we offer you additional articles to help educate you and improve your coping skills. Look at past articles archived in the Nourishing Relationships section and the Newsletter Library section. You are welcome to sign up for our free newsletter, Stepping Stones, on the website. The link above takes you to our article, Seven Ways to Delay Gratification in a Troubled Economy, that gives you further tips.

Nadya Suleman and New Possibilities

The situation may be changing for Nadya Suleman. Apparently her father is buying a house where she and her family will move. And she'll be getting help to raise her octuplets. Television's Dr. Phil McGraw said that Suleman will accept help from Angels in Waiting - a nonprofit volunteer group that offers childcare.

Public sentiment about the birth took a sharp turn when it was learned that all 14 of Suleman's children were conceived through in vitro fertilization, and that she is unemployed and single.

The road ahead will be difficult for Suleman and likely all of her children. There will be developmental, emotional, physical and financial needs that she will be hard pressed to meet. A final reminder of the potential consequences of a decision that is not well thought out:

If your bad feelings stem from a hunger inside that needs to be satisfied or a serious emotional problem, take the time to examine your own life. That will give you the chance to focus on greater personal awareness and your own emotional growth without jeopardizing the wellbeing of others.

This complex situation has sparked so much public attention. Everyone has been weighing in - why not you?

Where Nadya Suleman Can Find Support

All Nadya Suleman ever wanted was to be a mom: "I longed for certain connections and attachments with another person that I really lacked, I believe, growing up.” She thinks that motherhood cured her depression. But child birth should not be used as a form of self- medication.

Knowledge is power. Use it to your advantage. Get information about ways to deal with how you're feeling - explore the Internet or the self-help section of bookstores. Think about the natural and logical consequences of the decisions you are making. Talk about how you are feeling with friends and family whose opinions you respect.

Support is a valuable tool - connect often. Accept the changes in your family, whatever they are, even if you feel caught in the crossfire. Find a class or workshop through your local university extension program or mental health center. Join an ongoing group or attend a weekend retreat to share concerns and gain new perspective.

You may be confused about what to do next. Don't be afraid to seek out a parenting coach or a family therapist. Although you may see yourself as a natural, this is a unique situation. Learning skills and techniques from experts can make a big difference and talking with someone outside of the family about your concerns and frustrations can be a lifesaver.

Sandwiched Boomers, where do you turn when you need some help?

What's the Story with Nadya Suleman?

You're Sandwiched Boomers with opinions that matter. Do you want to weigh in on the challenges that Nadya Suleman is facing? She's the 33 year old unemployed single mother who, last month, gave birth to octuplets conceived through in vitro fertilization.

Nadya grew up as an only child and had always dreamed of having a large family. Reporters, pundits and bloggers have called her irresponsible and selfish, as she already has six children under the age of seven at home. They say it takes more than love to care for eight babies, especially if you don't have a clear source of income or enough support to help raise them.

Suleman called her childhood dysfunctional and said she didn't have much control over her environment. But she's not alone. Almost everyone has some identity issues or feelings of powerlessness growing up.

This week we'll focus on tips that can help you take better care of your emotional self. If you want to read an article on www.HerMentorCenter.com about How to Turn a Crisis into a Challenge, click on the title above. And tune in tomorrow.