So You Didn't Win the Lottery...Now What?

If you're reading this blog post today, the overwhelming odds are that you didn't win the record-breaking lottery over the weekend. Americans spent $1.5 billion in their magical thinking quest to win the jackpot, fantasizing about how they would happily spend the $640 million that was to be paid out to the winner. As it happened, there were three winners so the final after-tax take home this year for each will be about $100 million. Still, nothing to sneeze at.

Are you wondering how others have fared after winning the lottery? In many cases, not well. Over 1/3 of past winners were in serious financial trouble within five years, some facing bankruptcy. Others saw their health deteriorate or addictions spiral out of control. Relationships often turned sour, with friends or family taking advantage of them. And after an initial spurt in elation, most were not any happier than they were before winning.

So now that you don't have to spend time counting your fortune or interviewing and hiring a wealth adviser, here are two approaches to think about as you seek to achieve the authentic happiness you thought a winning number would bring:

Bring your experience of gratitude into the forefront. Keeping a gratitude journal can help you become more aware of what brings you pleasure. Several times a week, count your blessings and write about three specific experiences for which you were thankful that day. They could include a dramatic sunset, warm hug from a friend, tender compliment from your partner, touching story, beautiful violin concerto, delicious dessert. As you focus on these and choose not to take them for granted, you'll be increasing your level of joy. Express your gratitude to others who have made a positive difference in your life - you'll feel happier and so will they.

Engage in the world around you using your personal strengths. When you're absorbed in a challenging activity you love and are skillful at, you'll feel more alive and authentic. Your energized focus and immersion in the task at hand create flow. This peak experience is accompanied by deep feelings of fulfillment and happiness. Identifying, developing and utilizing your character strengths at work and in your leisure interests bring you flow and a sense well-being that is genuine and lasting.

For more practical and winning tips for achieving happiness, check in with us here again on Wednesday.

If you had hoped to use your lottery winnings to help with finances after your kids boomeranged home, we've also got some useful strategies for you. Log onto our interview on the Fox Business website with boomer Casey Dowd, Repopulated Empty-Nests: What to Do When Your Kids Move Back Home and let us know how our tips work for you.

More about Teens and Substance Abuse

Whitney Houston’s daughter Bobbi Kristina is left to face the world without her mother’s guidance. Apparently she has also struggled with substance abuse and family close to her are worried about her. If you're having a hard time coping, find the tools that can make a difference in your life. And trust yourself as you look inside for understanding and answers to your problems.

Honor your body. Notice what makes you feel better. Pay attention to your exercise routine, what you eat, your sleeping habits and what gives you pleasure. Reduce the situations that cause stress and increase the ones that make you feel healthier and more alive. Spend time relaxing and rejuvenating as you counteract burnout. Attend to your mind and your spirit - set aside quiet time to practice your own form of meditation.

Implement what you know about resiliency. Recognize how your character strengths support what you do. Integrate your values and ideals into how you view the world. Knowledge is power, so use it to your advantage. Gather information about ways to deal with how you are feeling - explore Internet search engines or the self-help section of bookstores. Release tension through laughter and watch yourself begin to bounce back.

Find perspective. Whether you're hit in the face with a crisis, adjusting to changes in your identity or making a slow transition into the next chapter of your life, expect a cascade of feelings - anxiety, the desire to hold on, resentment, sadness, fear, eventually a sense of freedom. The emotional roller coaster ride is normal. If you have the fortitude to step back, take a deep breath and face the situation squarely, you can't help but grow from the challenges.

Although addictive tendencies can be inherited, there’s good news. Research indicates that teens with close family ties are less likely to be vulnerable. It turns out that ‘hugs not drugs’ may have a basis in reality. Let’s hope Bobbi Kristina uses the emotional pain as a chance to grow. And that her family continues to give her the support she needs during this painful time.

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Teaching Our Teens about Celebrity Substance Abuse

At the 84th annual Academy Awards last night, Whitney Houston, the female lead in 'The Bodyguard,' was one of Hollywood's beloved who was memorialized.

Whitney Houston was a celebrity with a unique singing style, but for years battled addiction. She died an early death at 48, struggling with self esteem issues and worrying she wasn’t pretty or good enough.

Some of those around Whitney condoned her erratic behavior and basked in her limelight. Maybe they didn't look out for her well being, or just weren't able to save her. Her story reminds us of other celebrities our young people emulate, like Michael Jackson, who experienced the psychological turmoil that can accompany fame.

As a member of the sandwich generation, you may have teens struggling with peer pressure and experimenting with drugs or alcohol. These are challenging times, but there are lots of supportive resources for them to choose from - so talk to your kids. And encourage them to get help, to rely on family and friends who have their back, to develop an exercise program or a spiritual path. And choose from the ideas below as you help them find their way:

Direct them to the help they need now. If their actions involve excessive acting out, frequent conflicts, avoidance or depression, they may be using drugs or alcohol. Encourage them to work with a mental health professional or substance abuse counselor. It's important that they develop positive self-regard, confidence and life skills. The treatment should focus on areas like anger management and stress reduction.

Try to shield them from the negative impact and consequences. Their behavior may stem from an emotional conflict, social problems or a hunger deep inside. Focus on your relationship and build trust so they will feel more accepted, nurtured and confident to take a step on their own behalf. Give them support as they begin to talk about what's going on.

Give yourself an emotional break. As a parent, you may be feeling frustrated, angry, disappointed. Take a deep breath and try to focus. You can change how you feel by reframing pessimistic ideas into neutral ones. Learn about constructive responses to difficult situations and you'll have access to more choices about how to react.

Practice open and honest communication. When you continue to get worried and upset, you're giving your kids the message that you don't trust them. Talk out conflicts and misunderstandings. Use the same conversational etiquette you would with anyone else you care about and respect. Teach them active listening skills and sending I-messages. It is a gift that will last a lifetime.

Log on here Wednesday for more practical tips about helping your kids withstand the inevitable pressures that accompany the teen years.

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Virtual Book Tour: Dr. Gary Small

Today we are delighted to welcome Gary Small, M.D., director of the UCLA Memory and Aging Center and professor of psychiatry at UCLA's David Geffen School of Medicine. He'll be answering our questions - and yours as well - about the book he recently wrote with his wife, Gigi Vorgan, "The Naked Lady Who Stood On Her Head: A Psychiatrist's Stories of His Most Bizarre Cases."

Nourishing Relationships: Several of the stories in your book deal with how the mind affects the body. One of them gets into your experiences with the “Fainting Schoolgirls.” What is mass hysteria? Is it a common phenomenon?

Gary Small: In the “Fainting Schoolgirls” incident, I was investigating an outbreak of illness in a suburban grade school. The kids were rehearsing a performance, when suddenly 30 of them grabbed their stomachs and fainted. The principal told me that it started with one popular child who fainted and suddenly the rest of them went down like dominoes. The health department couldn’t find a cause and gave the “all clear,” but the community was in an uproar. The school seemed to be blocking my efforts to get to the bottom of things, and the parents took offense that a psychiatrist was suggesting that their kids might have had a psychosomatic illness. I nearly gave up my study until I attended the actual show – a little worried that the outbreak might recur – when one of the mothers sought me out and supported my theory of mass hysteria – she was convinced that her daughter’s physical symptoms were in fact psychological. My subsequent research proved my theory that when stressed out, the mind can make the body sick, and in a group setting, it can really get out of control.

When we face uncertainty, our minds crave explanations. If we have no way to account for symptoms, we feel out of control and our fear escalates. And, if we learn that our own minds may have caused these very real symptoms, we tend to feel more anxiety about what our minds might do next. People may worry that their brains are possessed by some outside spirit, or perhaps a poltergeist has taken charge of their willpower. They’d rather latch onto something like the mysterious poisonous water theory. In all the mass hysteria episodes I’ve studied and written about over the years, the lingering question for me is why they don’t happen more often. The essential ingredients – groups under psychological and physical stress, often hungry, tired, or both – come together almost daily all around the world.

NR: Why are people afraid of psychiatrists?

GS: There is clearly a stigma about “seeing a shrink” and admitting one has a problem. Sometimes people are in denial about their mental struggles and avoid or even attack psychiatry in an attempt to avoid anyone discovering their secret psychological issues. Also, mental illness is often perceived as a weakness. Many people still believe that they should be able to solve their problems on their own. Yet, in any given year, an estimated one of four adults—nearly 60 million people in the U.S—suffer from a mental disorder and most of them don’t get help, which is why it is so important for people to try to get beyond their fears.

Psychiatrists are sometimes viewed as probing mental detectives who take control of their patients’ minds rather than heal them. In my book, I attempt to debunk such misconceptions and demystify the treatment of mental illness. Despite the public’s misconceptions, psychiatric treatments diminish and often eradicate symptoms of psychosis, depression, and anxiety. Systematic studies have shown that often combining medicine and psychotherapy results in significant improvement.

NR: Why do you need a therapist if you can talk to a good friend?

GS: A psychiatrist or therapist, unlike a friend, has no agenda of their own when listening. When a friend gives you advice, he may be thinking about how your actions will affect him, as well as you. When you’re in therapy, it’s all about you, not the therapist. Also, anything you tell a therapist is strictly confidential, and unless your friend has the training, you may not be getting the greatest advice. Having good friends is important to our mental health, but if you need it, don’t hesitate to call a professional.

NR: In your book, one of the cases involves a woman who develops a so-called “serial addiction.” What exactly is that and is it really possible?

GS: When we think of addition, alcohol or drugs usually comes to mind, but a person can get addicted to almost anything they enjoy: food, tobacco, sex, gambling, the Internet, or even video games. Some people have addictive personalities. When they “kick the habit” of one thing, they simply move on to something new and get addicted to that. In The Naked Lady Who Stood on Her Head, a woman who has an eating disorder overcomes it. Then, her shopping gets out of control, and she just can’t stop until she moves on to something else. This kind of serial addict usually exhibits the same behavior patterns regardless of the object of their current addiction: They crave the experience all the time, have withdrawal when they can’t get it, are secretive and defensive about the behavior, and the addiction interferes with everyday life. Anyone who’s struggled with addiction or dependency, should be aware of the possibility of becoming hooked on something new.

NR: Another case involves a patient who discovers that her husband has a second wife and family. You give that as an example of a sociopath. How do you define sociopath and how can we tell if someone has that personality disorder?

GS: Sociopaths are people who think only of themselves. They have no conscience or empathy. Whether it’s an Bernie Madoff, Adolf Hitler or Charles Manson, they wreak havoc on other people’s lives. But what about the everyday sociopath who sneaks into your life and befriends you? When you discover his true colors, you’re shocked, you feel violated, and you often blame yourself for being duped. How can you spot these predators before they gain your trust?

First impressions count. If someone does not seem genuine, your impression may be accurate. Also, watch out for people who seem too good to be true. Sociopaths often anticipate your needs in order to get what they really want. Finally, look for typical character traits: no sense of remorse, short-tempered and quick to blame others, and few or no long-term relationships. Remember, sociopaths can be smart and even when you’re on alert, they can slip into your life. Don’t blame yourself, just cut them out and move on.

Thanks so much, Gary! You've given us bites of a delicious idea feast. Now, readers, it's up to you if you want more - he's ready to answer your questions. Just click on 'comments' at the bottom of this post and follow the prompts. If you don't have an account you can sign in as 'anonymous' - it's as easy as that!