Teaching Our Teens about Celebrity Substance Abuse

At the 84th annual Academy Awards last night, Whitney Houston, the female lead in 'The Bodyguard,' was one of Hollywood's beloved who was memorialized.

Whitney Houston was a celebrity with a unique singing style, but for years battled addiction. She died an early death at 48, struggling with self esteem issues and worrying she wasn’t pretty or good enough.

Some of those around Whitney condoned her erratic behavior and basked in her limelight. Maybe they didn't look out for her well being, or just weren't able to save her. Her story reminds us of other celebrities our young people emulate, like Michael Jackson, who experienced the psychological turmoil that can accompany fame.

As a member of the sandwich generation, you may have teens struggling with peer pressure and experimenting with drugs or alcohol. These are challenging times, but there are lots of supportive resources for them to choose from - so talk to your kids. And encourage them to get help, to rely on family and friends who have their back, to develop an exercise program or a spiritual path. And choose from the ideas below as you help them find their way:

Direct them to the help they need now. If their actions involve excessive acting out, frequent conflicts, avoidance or depression, they may be using drugs or alcohol. Encourage them to work with a mental health professional or substance abuse counselor. It's important that they develop positive self-regard, confidence and life skills. The treatment should focus on areas like anger management and stress reduction.

Try to shield them from the negative impact and consequences. Their behavior may stem from an emotional conflict, social problems or a hunger deep inside. Focus on your relationship and build trust so they will feel more accepted, nurtured and confident to take a step on their own behalf. Give them support as they begin to talk about what's going on.

Give yourself an emotional break. As a parent, you may be feeling frustrated, angry, disappointed. Take a deep breath and try to focus. You can change how you feel by reframing pessimistic ideas into neutral ones. Learn about constructive responses to difficult situations and you'll have access to more choices about how to react.

Practice open and honest communication. When you continue to get worried and upset, you're giving your kids the message that you don't trust them. Talk out conflicts and misunderstandings. Use the same conversational etiquette you would with anyone else you care about and respect. Teach them active listening skills and sending I-messages. It is a gift that will last a lifetime.

Log on here Wednesday for more practical tips about helping your kids withstand the inevitable pressures that accompany the teen years.

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Women, Friendship and Reconnecting

September is National Women's Friendship Month, so take the time to recognize and nurture the friends who play an important role in your life.

Midlife is a great time to reconnect. When you're young, friends help form your identity. As a teenager, with the need for acceptance by peers, your self esteem is impacted by how they see you. Later on, when your family becomes more self sufficient, friends often return to the forefront. And as you plan the next chapter of your life, you can turn to them for guidance and comfort.

Here's an article from the New York Times about the mutual admiration and friendship between tennis champions Chris Evert and Martina Navratilova that grew stronger the more they competed against each other.

Results from a number of research studies support the value of friendship. Having good girlfriends lowers our stress, enhances our moods, protects us from diseases, increases our self confidence and actually even helps bring healing to our bodies.

Whether you exchange emails daily, meet for coffee once a month or spend an annual weekend away, make a concerted effort to spend time together. Grow into the closeness, understanding and trust at the heart of women's friendships - it's one of the best gifts you can give to others as well as yourself.

Log on to the online community for women, Girlfriendology.com, and be inspired to appreciate and celebrate your friendships.

Helping the Teens Who Admire Rihanna

Rihanna's situation has been tried in the court of public opinion. And it doesn't seem as if anyone is in favor of her taking Chris back. It must be hard for her to be a public face in private pain. But she is dealing with a reality that all teenagers need to be informed about – that physical and emotional abuse are dangerous. Rihanna has the platform to demonstrate the benefits of making smart choices. And she can act in her own best interests, for herself and all the young fans who admire her and continue to watch her every move.

Help your troubled teenagers feel better about themselves. As they work through their self esteem and dependency issues, they will make better decisions about their relationships. And by accepting the person they are becoming, they will be less afraid of being alone and more excited about what’s ahead in their future.

Your attitudes and behavior are a daily example for your growing children. Clicking on the title of this post will take you to www.HerMentorCenter.com and an article about how to nourish yourself.