Teaching Our Teens about Celebrity Substance Abuse

At the 84th annual Academy Awards last night, Whitney Houston, the female lead in 'The Bodyguard,' was one of Hollywood's beloved who was memorialized.

Whitney Houston was a celebrity with a unique singing style, but for years battled addiction. She died an early death at 48, struggling with self esteem issues and worrying she wasn’t pretty or good enough.

Some of those around Whitney condoned her erratic behavior and basked in her limelight. Maybe they didn't look out for her well being, or just weren't able to save her. Her story reminds us of other celebrities our young people emulate, like Michael Jackson, who experienced the psychological turmoil that can accompany fame.

As a member of the sandwich generation, you may have teens struggling with peer pressure and experimenting with drugs or alcohol. These are challenging times, but there are lots of supportive resources for them to choose from - so talk to your kids. And encourage them to get help, to rely on family and friends who have their back, to develop an exercise program or a spiritual path. And choose from the ideas below as you help them find their way:

Direct them to the help they need now. If their actions involve excessive acting out, frequent conflicts, avoidance or depression, they may be using drugs or alcohol. Encourage them to work with a mental health professional or substance abuse counselor. It's important that they develop positive self-regard, confidence and life skills. The treatment should focus on areas like anger management and stress reduction.

Try to shield them from the negative impact and consequences. Their behavior may stem from an emotional conflict, social problems or a hunger deep inside. Focus on your relationship and build trust so they will feel more accepted, nurtured and confident to take a step on their own behalf. Give them support as they begin to talk about what's going on.

Give yourself an emotional break. As a parent, you may be feeling frustrated, angry, disappointed. Take a deep breath and try to focus. You can change how you feel by reframing pessimistic ideas into neutral ones. Learn about constructive responses to difficult situations and you'll have access to more choices about how to react.

Practice open and honest communication. When you continue to get worried and upset, you're giving your kids the message that you don't trust them. Talk out conflicts and misunderstandings. Use the same conversational etiquette you would with anyone else you care about and respect. Teach them active listening skills and sending I-messages. It is a gift that will last a lifetime.

Log on here Wednesday for more practical tips about helping your kids withstand the inevitable pressures that accompany the teen years.

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Michael Jackson's Kids: Doing the Best They Can

Michael Jackson often experienced the emotional turmoil that can accompany global fame. He was grateful for the the wisdom and strong support of his mom. Although your family may not be in the public eye, if your adult children are in trouble and you're suddenly cast into the role of parent, you could be feeling the stress.

There will be a huge void to fill and you may be confused about your role now. Don't be afraid to see a family therapist, child psychologist or parenting coach. Understanding your particular circumstances and learning new skills can make a big difference the second time around. And talking with an expert with an objective perspective can truly be a lifesaver.

While Michael Jackson was alive, a main priority was to protect his privacy and his children. And their grandmother has had their best interests at heart, knowing their pain in losing the only parent they knew. Without a lot of fanfare, Katherine Jackson has made a coordinated effort to bring stability to the children's lives. Hearing her talk about the activities and attributes of all three of them, she sounds like any proud parent would. Apparently they will do some traveling over the summer and be in private school, instead homeschooled, in the fall.

In accepting Michael's posthumous Lifetime Achievement Award last January, Prince choked up while thanking fans for their support since his dad's death. And Paris spoke about her love for her dad. What little information the media has received about the family this year – and that's a good thing for the Jackson children - makes you think that they're all doing the best they can.

Here's another video from Fox News about how Jackson's children are managing. The newscaster talks about Prince, Paris and Blanket being less reclusive, listening to their dad's music and spending time with their cousins. Even though they're growing up in the spotlight, don't you think they deserve to live a normal life?

With Independence Day around the corner, take your cues from Jackson's mom and respect the growing independence of your grandchildren. And whether you are celebrating with family and friends, or enjoying a quiet and relaxing day, happy 4th of July!

Kids of Michael Jackson: Still Sad but Doing OK

At the anniversary of Michael Jackson's death, his children are likely feeling the sadness that is typical for all of us when we lose someone we love. In her book, On Death and Dying, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross first identified the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and, finally, acceptance.

Working through these feelings is easier with the support of family. And it's evident, in recent comments made by Katherine and Germaine, that the Jackson family is rallying around the children. 'They're spending time with their cousins and that family love will keep them going.'

If you're caring for your grandkids under stressful circumstances, what follows are ideas to consider as you nurture them and yourself:

It is necessary to mourn what you have lost. In divorce, it may be the dreams you had for the future. In death, the sadness about not having the loved one as a part of your life. As you work to communicate openly, all of you can feel safe enough to talk and grieve together.

Accept the changes in the family, whatever they are, even if you're in the crossfire. Validate the children's feelings and withhold blame regarding their parents. While you're showing support, try not to take a particular side or excuse bad behavior. Remember that your primary concern here is to attend to the immediate concerns and needs of the children.

Protect the children from the comments of others. Whether the absent parent's behavior stemmed from a serious emotional problem or a hunger deep inside, now you can shield the children from its impact. Focus on your relationship with them and build trust so that they'll feel more accepted, nurtured and confident.

You may want to watch this Fox News report on the one year anniversary of Michael Jackson's death. Need more information about positive role models as you reach for your goals as a grandparent? Sign our email list to the left of this post and download a free ebook, "Courage and Lessons Learned."

The Children of Michael Jackson One Year After His Death

This week marks a year since Michael Jackson died. After his untimely death, a major focus was the future of his children, Prince, Paris and 'Blanket.' According to Jackson's will, his mother was to raise them - and the judge granted her permanent custody. All the while, pundits were busy predicting who would really take care of them.

The number of boomer grandparents assuming care and financial responsibility for grandchildren continues to increase. Statistics show that over 2.9 million grandparents are raising more than 4.5 million grandchildren. This is particularly true in families that involve a habitual drug user, a single parent or one with a chronic illness.

Despite the superstar status of the Jackson family, there is something quintessentially human and familiar about them. Hasn't each of us, as a result of death or divorce, had a complicated situation in our own family? Do what you can to maintain structure and continuity. By stabilizing the children's environment with a familiar routine, they'll begin to feel less anxious and more secure. Children are resilient. As you consistently model hopeful thinking and positive actions, they are bound to thrive.

If you're caught up in the middle of a painful tragedy or complex crisis, log on to the blog all week for ideas to consider as you begin to take better care of your grandchildren and yourself.

Ready to get started? You can learn more about Michael Jackson and fatherhood from Wikipedia. Read an article about how to turn a crisis into a challenge on Her Mentor Center. And if you click on 'Comments' below, you can share your practical tips about caring for your grandkids.

Michael Jackson: Best Interests of the Children

When Michael Jackson was alive, his first priority was to protect his children. Now, having lost the only parent they know, what's in the best interests of the children? Hopefully there will be a coordinated effort to bring stability to their lives. Prince and Paris understand that Debbie Rowe is their biological mother. And the Jackson family seems to be working toward an agreement that she will be involved.



If you're suddenly thrown into the role of caregiver for your grandchildren, there will be a huge void to fill. And you may be confused about how best to handle the situation. But there are many options available. Don't hesitate to see a family therapist, child psychologist or parenting coach. Learning skills and techniques from experts can make a big difference the second time around. And talking with someone outside the family can be a lifesaver.

The Jacksons have a large extended family and Michael's children can't have too many loving arms. Perhaps this applies to you and your family, as well. Learn more about family values by clicking on the title of this post for an article about the Obamas.

And spend time on HerMentorCenter.com where you'll find information about healing the pain in family relationships. Just go to the menu in the upper lefthand corner of the Home Page and click on 'Nourishing Relationships' to read a variety of articles about how to manage the challenges of parents growing older and children growing up.

Michael Jackson: The Mourning Process

Michael Jackson's children are likely going through a mourning process that is typical for all of us when we lose someone we love. In her book, On Death and Dying, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross first identified the five stages of grief as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Working through these feelings that accompany loss is easier with the support of family and friends. This is evidenced in recent comments by Janet Jackson about her niece speaking at her father's memorial: "I was really proud ... People said to me that Michael's daughter speaking really gave them a sense of how he was as a father, in her words. Paris is incredibly smart; they are all so smart. She's a sweet girl. The kids are doing well. They're with all their cousins; that family love will keep them going."



Like Michael Jackson's children, you may be struggling emotionally as the result of a family loss. Realize that mourning is a way to express your feelings of grief. Perhaps you're experiencing feelings of sadness about not having that parent or child as a part of your life. You may need to let go of the dreams you had for the future. By keeping the lines of communication open, you and your family can support each other. And feel safe enough to talk about the loved one who died and what you're going through.

Click on the title of this post to read about Nadia Suleman, her octuplets and how to deal with a cascade of unfamiliar emotions. And while you're at HerMentorCenter.com, browse other articles that may be helpful. Go to the Home Page menu - you'll find lots of information under 'Nourishing Relationships.'

Michael Jackson: Protecting his Kids

Friends and family of Michael Jackson all agree that his children meant the world to him. And he went to great lengths to protect himself and his family from exposure to the media.



Perhaps you have a child in trouble and your grandchildren are in a delicate situation. Protect them from the comments of others as best you can. Whether the absent parent's behavior stemmed from a hunger inside, a serious emotional problem or habitual drug use, now you can shield the children from the impact. Focus on your relationship with them and build trust so that they'll feel more accepted, nurtured and confident.

It seems as if Jackson's family is trying to do what's best for the children. Since his death, Prince, Paris and "Blanket" have been seen playing with their cousins, on vacation with their teacher, preparing to go to school.

It's never easy for children in troubled families - and celebrity staus can complicate the situation. Clicking on the title of this post will take you to HerMentorCentor.com and an article about how the parents of Britney Spears stepped in to take care of their grandsons.

Michael Jackson: Who's Your Daddy?

It's clear that Debbie Rowe is the biological mother of Michael Jackson's two older children but there's ongoing speculation about who's the father. Michael Lester, their godfather, told Matt Lauer on the Today Show that he donated sperm in 1996. Are the children hearing about this in the media and how may it affect them? You'd think their godfather would be less self serving and more concerned about their best interests.



If you're Sandwiched Boomers caught either in the middle of a soap opera, a complex crisis or a painful tragedy, here are some ideas to consider as you begin to take better care of your grandchildren and yourself:

Accept the changes in the family, whatever they are, even if you feel caught in the crossfire. Validate the children's feelings and withhold blame regarding their parents. While you show support, try not to take a particular side or excuse bad behavior. Remember that your primary concern here is to attend to the immediate needs of the children.

Do what you can to maintain structure and continuity. By stabilizing the children's environment with a familiar routine, they'll begin to feel less anxious and more secure. Children are resilient - as you model positive and hopeful thinking, they are bound to thrive.

Clicking on the title of this post will take you to HerMentorCenter.com and an article about How to Turn a Crisis into a Challenge.

Michael Jackson: What About the Kids?

Michael Jackson was finally laid to rest last Friday, close to two months after his untimely death. Despite speculation about the end of his life, one of his most important requests has been honored - to secure the future of his children, Prince, Paris and "Blanket." According to Jackson's will, his mother would raise them and, early on, the judge did grant her permanent custody. There have been questions about the role of Debbie Rowe, the biological mother of the older two children. Pundits and the public have been busy speculating about whether or not she'll retain parental rights and get to know them now.


Despite the superstar status of the Jackson family, there is something quintessentially human about them. Haven't most of us, as a result of a death or divorce, had a situation in our own family with complicated issues? Perhaps you can relate in some ways.

The numbers of boomer grandparents assuming care and financial responsibilities for grandchildren are increasing. Recent statistics show that more than 2.9 million grandparents are raising 4.5 million grandchildren. This is particularly true in families that involve a single parent, a habitual substance abuser or a member with chronic illness.

Log on all week as we offer practical tips about these valuable relationships. Enjoy Labor Day - and don't forget to click on the title of this post to read an article about creating meaningful bonds with your grandchildren.

Michael Jackson and the Media Frenzy

The media frenzy around the death of Michael Jackson was polarized, just like his life. From some there were eulogies of love and devotion. From others there was tabloid sensationalism. You wonder if the speculation about what led to his death will ever be put to rest.

There's something wrong when our society sees fame and celebrity as core values. The intensity of the public spotlight can be traumatic in and of itself. And it's sad that the power to create and destroy is in the hands of pop culture and the media. A gentle soul and vulnerable, Michael Jackson's life was open to public commentary and scrutiny. It looks like perhaps it was just too much for him.



Don't let anything like that happen to you. If you're having a hard time coping, develop the tools and strategies that can make a difference in your life. And trust yourself as you look inside for greater self-understanding and answers to your problems. Use any emotional discomfort you may feel as the signal for a chance to grow.

Focus your thoughts on what you can accomplish rather than on what you cannot. Release your mind from worries and try to work on feeling more empowered. Be grateful for what you have by getting outside yourself and focusing on others in need. Set goals and then begin to follow through with your plans by taking small steps.

Clicking on the title of this post will take you to HerMentorCenter.com and more information on How to Manage Unhappiness.

On Stage, Michael Jackson Felt Alive

Yes, being on stage made Michael Jackson feel alive. And his love of dancing and singing - obvious to anyone who saw him perform - thrilled his fans. In efforts to savor the memories, fans worldwide have bought more than 9 million of Michael Jackson's albums since his death.



Try to think about what makes you feel alive - especially if you or loved ones are struggling emotionally at this time. Implement some of these ideas and see if they help:

Honor your body by noticing what makes you feel better, both physically and emotionally. Pay attention to your exercise routine, what you eat, your sleeping habits and what gives you pleasure. Reduce the situations that cause stress and increase the ones that make you feel healthier and more alive. Spend time relaxing and rejuvenating as you counteract burnout. Attend to your mind and your spirit - set aside quiet time to practice your own form of meditation.

Implement what you know about resiliency. Recognize how your character strengths support what you do. Integrate your values and ideals into how you view the world. Knowledge is power, so use it to your advantage. Gather information about ways to deal with how you are feeling - explore Internet search engines or the self-help section of bookstores. Release tension through laughter and watch yourself begin to bounce back.

Clicking on the title of this post will take you to HerMentorCenter.com and more tips on How to Nurture Yourself.

Michael Jackson and Family Loss

Michael Jackson's death was a loss to millions but those most affected were his family. If you are struggling with emotional or drug issues, you owe it to your family and yourself to find support.

Get the help you need now. Work with an individual therapist or a life coach who will guide your healing as you decide how to move forward. It's important to develop positive self-regard, confidence and the life skills for this. The therapy should focus on areas like anger management and stress reduction. Stay in treatment as long as you need in order to figure out why you're having these feelings and what to do about them.



For a problem with drug addiction, get help through a treatment center. Abusing prescription drugs can be medically dangerous, so be sure to find a center that specializes in prescription drug withdrawal and rehabilitation. A treatment program that confronts addiction directly will also address other problems you face and help you find solutions that will prevent a relapse.

If you feel overwhelmed by it all and don't know where to begin, click on the title of this post and read an article on 7 Tips to Fight Inertia.

Michael Jackson: A Life of Fame and Pain

Michael Jackson was living proof of the emotional cost of a life spent in the public eye, often experiencing the psychological turmoil that can accompany global fame. He was fragile and, because of his sensitive nature, delicate personality or preexisting emotional problems, it was hard for him to handle the pressure and stress.



You may not have experienced the artistic stature or personal trials that Michael Jackson did - nor have a star dedicated to you on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. But the emotional turmoil you feel may be just as painful.

Give yourself an emotional break. Perhaps you've built up feelings of frustration, anger or disappointment, even despair. Take a deep breath and free yourself from negative thoughts. Although you can't necessarily change what happens to you, you can change how you handle it. Reframe pessimistic ideas into neutral or optimistic ones. By learning about constructive responses to difficult situations, you'll have access to more choices about how to react.

Want more tips on improving your frame of mind? Clicking on the title of this post will take you to HerMentorCenter.com and an article about How to Sing Rock and Roll instead of the Blues.

Michael Jackson and the High Cost of Fame

Coming from a family of entertainers with a demanding stage-dad, Michael Jackson had been in the limelight since he was a young boy. Super stardom was all he knew. Although talented, famous and adored, his was a lonely life - one full of contradictions. He tried to create his own private reality around castles, theme parks and pet chimpanzees. In his own mind he was a modern-day Peter Pan. In the mind of others he was "Wacko Jacko" and his bizarre behavior often overshadowed his musical brilliance.



You may have been entertained by Michael Jackson, as so many were. But, more important, you may understand how he could be affected by the strain of it all. Are you feeling pressure about finances, work, family or health? That can really get you down. All this week we'll be offering tips about what to do when you feel your life is spinning out of control.

Want to start right now? Just clicking on the title of this post will take you to HerMentorCenter.com and an article entitled Seven Stops on the Less Stress Express.

While you're there, spend some time on the site. Click on 'Newsletter Library' and 'Nourishing Relationships' on the menu at the upper left hand corner of the homepage. You'll find lots of ideas about how to begin taking more control of your life.