Michael Jackson: Best Interests of the Children

When Michael Jackson was alive, his first priority was to protect his children. Now, having lost the only parent they know, what's in the best interests of the children? Hopefully there will be a coordinated effort to bring stability to their lives. Prince and Paris understand that Debbie Rowe is their biological mother. And the Jackson family seems to be working toward an agreement that she will be involved.



If you're suddenly thrown into the role of caregiver for your grandchildren, there will be a huge void to fill. And you may be confused about how best to handle the situation. But there are many options available. Don't hesitate to see a family therapist, child psychologist or parenting coach. Learning skills and techniques from experts can make a big difference the second time around. And talking with someone outside the family can be a lifesaver.

The Jacksons have a large extended family and Michael's children can't have too many loving arms. Perhaps this applies to you and your family, as well. Learn more about family values by clicking on the title of this post for an article about the Obamas.

And spend time on HerMentorCenter.com where you'll find information about healing the pain in family relationships. Just go to the menu in the upper lefthand corner of the Home Page and click on 'Nourishing Relationships' to read a variety of articles about how to manage the challenges of parents growing older and children growing up.

Excitement about the Inauguration

With Barack Obama's inauguration as the 44th President of the United States tomorrow, some are expecting high drama. This ceremony has always been seen as a sacred renewal but, with our country in crisis and the election of the first African American president, this may be the most exciting one in memory.

Today is Martin Luther King Day, a national day of service to others. The activites building up to the inauguration are taking place close to where King made his famous "I have a dream" speech in 1963. His words inform a lot of the emotion evoked by this election - the idea of volunteering, sacrificing, giving back.

Pundits are calling the president elect AbeBama and he has claim to Lincoln's legacy – high emotional intelligence, open to new ideas and engaging people through plain speaking.

Despite a crisis in confidence and no model for how to fix what our country is going through, there's solidarity around this new leader. Barack Obama says he knows there's work to be done and it's time to do it. He's as hopeful as ever. Are you?

Click on the link above to read about what Oprah's support of Obama has to do with Sandwiched Boomers. And stay tuned as we look at the events of this week in light of the new first family.

Hillary Clinton brought women into the political process with an intensity not seen since they campaigned passionately for the right to vote. And what happened to her candidacy is what countless Sandwiched Boomer women have experienced. Finally positioning themselves for the big job, after years of taking care of others - including the families of their partners - it is given to someone else.

Moving into the White House will bring big changes for Michelle Obama and her family. She says that she will be a mother first, caring for her daughters, attending their school events and ballet recitals. But Michelle is a lawyer and a strong woman – a role model in a unique position and committed to helping working families.

When Hillary told her supporters to get behind Barack Obama, she knew what she was talking about. What political issues are most important to your family and what do you hope the new administration will do about them?

Now that the election process is complete, president elect Obama and Sandwiched Boomers are still faced with the enormity of the tasks that lie ahead - a deep financial crisis, two wars, terrorism and an environment in peril. Parents continue to ponder, how will I pay the mortgage and grocery bills, manage my kids’ college tuition and health insurance?

In his speech Tuesday night, Obama acknowledged that 'the climb will be steep' - but as a people together we will get there. He made encouraging statements: I'll listen to you, especially when we disagree. Victory is only the chance we have to make a change. Now the real work begins – with a new spirit of service, patriotism and sacrifice.

This is the time to manage our expectations. And wait, at this history-making moment, to find answers to many questions: Will there be a seismic shift in American politics? Is this when we will put the dark stain of racism behind us? Will Obama deliver on his promises and reach across party lines? Can this be the election that inspires a generation of public service?

Last night, 'Yes we can' became 'Yes we did' as Barack Obama was elected the 44th President of the United States. This is the triumph of the American dream, Sandwiched Boomers. It's is what other countries have admired about our country, as a place where all things are possible. And now it's safe to say to our children and grandchildren, that - with hard work - you really can be anything you want.

John McCain made a gracious concession speech, urging the Republican party to get behind this transformational event and find ways to come together. And Barack Obama made a commitment to heal the divide: "For those whose vote I didn't win tonight, I hear your voices, I need your help, I'll be your president too."

This was the election over hope and fear. Now the question is how realistic are the expectations and will they be met? Obama faces daunting challenges and seems to recognize the gravity and magnitude of the work that lies ahead. He said last night that it won't happen in the first year, perhaps nor in the first term.

What do you think? Will the country maintain it's enthusiasm and go from cynical, fearful and doubtful toward the promise of a better day?

Today is a presidential election of historic proportions, Sandwiched Boomers. It's an opportunity to set our country on a new path - for our families and our future. The polls are open and voters are already making their voices heard. Despite the long lines, a record turnout of over 140 million voters is expected.

It's a singular moment. On the Democratic side, Illinois Senator Barack Obama, the first black nominee of either major party, has infused the American political experience with speeches that have motivated young supporters like never before. Republicans, in choosing Arizona Senator John McCain and Sarah Palin, paired a man of deep experience, compelling background and a stubborn independent streak with the first woman ever on a GOP ticket.

The election comes with the nation's financial institutions in crisis, the stock market in convulsions and government's effort to restore equilibrium to the economy. The candidates agree that it's time to get America back on track. And both are ready to hit the ground running.

The stakes are high today. Emotions run deep, as history is in the balance. So do your part - fulfill your civic duty - get out and vote.

Last night, Barack Obama delivered his acceptance speech after becoming the first African-American major-party presidential nominee in the history of the United States. During his 50-minute address, the culmination of the Democratic Party's four-day national convention in Denver, Obama promised to repair "the broken politics of Washington."

He challenged John McCain on issues at home and abroad. More combative and sharply focused, Obama addressed doubts about his readiness to lead and answered critics who say his rhetoric is vacant.

Talking specifically about the changes that this country needs, he spoke to restoring moral standing and a sense of common purpose. He said, "this election isn't about me, it's about you," and called for individual and mutual responsibility. Obama's comment that "it's time for us to change America," symbolized his grass roots approach.

Some of the pundits called Obama's speech a masterpiece, others saw it as transformational. His moral outrage was palpable, his inner strength apparent. Personal and open, he tried to find the middle ground on tough issues like abortion and gay marriage. Showing that he has the fight in him, he seemed to be the Barack Obama the Democrats have been waiting for - as if he's growing into the possibility of being the next President of the United States.

The Democratic convention seems to be heating up, as promised. Last night, Bill Clinton erased his harshest critique of Barack Obama - that he wasn't ready for the job - by comparing Obama's age and experience to himself as a candidate 16 years ago.

Clinton's shower of praise for Obama was carried forward by Senator Joe Biden, who proceeded to further establish the candidate's credentials. Talking about the American dream slipping away, he touched on several Sandwich Generation issues - should mom move in now that dad is gone? what are the consequences of cutting health care benefits at work? with no raise this year, how are we going to afford to send the kids to college?

In referencing John McCain, Biden said that what this country needs is a wise leader not a good soldier - and that McCain's ideas represent more of the same, not change. He stated that we cannot afford another four years of this abysmal failure. Biden ended his speech with a message of hope: in honor of our parents and for the future of our children and grandchildren, let's get back up together.

Obama made a surprise appearance at his own party. And the crowd went wild when he said how proud he is to have the Biden family - joining them on stage were Joe's mom, wife, children, grandchildren and other family members - with him to take America back. Surrounded by all those loved ones, I'd call that a Sandwiched Boomer moment.

Introduced by her daughter, Chelsea, Senator Hillary Clinton began with, “I’m a proud mother…………and a proud supporter of Barack Obama,” setting the tone for her convention speech. She went on to tell the crowd that, no matter who you voted for, we’re all on the same team and none of us can afford to sit on the sidelines.

She addressed the key issues that she has embraced – child care, a universal health plan, balance of work and family, women’s rights. And she emphasized that, as a single party with a single purpose, the Democrats need leaders who can tap into American optimism and confidence.

Clinton challenged her supporters: were you in it for me or for the issues that are so significant to all of us? She said that she ran in order to stand up for those who have been invisible for the past 8 years - and it's time to show ourselves and the world that there are no limits to what is possible.

She tapped into the hearts of the delegates, reminding them to think of the needs of their family, honor the sacrifices of those who came before them and fill the lives of their children and grandchildren with possibility and hope.

Did Clinton fire up her fierce supporters enough to shift their loyalty? Was her speech a sock to the jaw of Democratic disunity? Let us know your thoughts.

The first night of the Democratic Convention was a parade of the past and the future. Senator Edward Kennedy, ailing in the twilight of his 46 year career, displayed bravery and determination as he expressed his support for Barack Obama.

The story Michelle Obama told was the story of the American dream. While in the context of letting us know more about her personal family experience, we saw the uniqueness and greatness of opportunity in this country - how the descendents of slaves can reach the pinnacle of success. She talked about a new tide of hope and fighting for a world as it should be. She referenced others like Senator Hillary Clinton, who put so many cracks in the glass ceiling so our sons and daughters can aim a little higher.

The question is whether or not Michelle's narrative can serve to bridge the divide. Will Michelle become a role model - or, at least, encourage some of the Clinton supporters to begin shifting their loyalty in order to truly unite the party?

Denver, with its clutch of skyscrapers spiking out of the Colorado plains, has put on its best clothes for the convention. It's a hub of Democratic activity, with the fired-up delegates hoping to seal any cracks in party unity. Everyone is waiting for today and the show to kick off in earnest.

Barack Obama's personal story, the roller-coaster ride of the primary season and the nomination of Joe Biden as Vice-President have captured the attention of the country. Biden has been described as an outstanding public servant with deep experience and a fighting spirit. An acknowledged foreign policy sage, he is a welcome addition to the ticket for change. On a personal note he's an strong advocate for Sandwiched Boomers, having designed his own home to include space for his elderly parents.

The next few days promise to be emotion-filled. With a possible appearance by Senator Ted Kennedy, a heart-thumping roll call for Senator Hilary Clinton, the much-awaited Bill Clinton address to his party and the lovefest that the Democrats expect will follow, hold on - it's time to fasten your seatbelts.

If you think that the U.S. Supreme Court functions as the Founding Fathers might have envisioned it - an august body, removed from the input of ordinary Americans, part of the system of checks and balances, and impervious to the day-to-day winds of political climate change - think again.

This week, the Supreme Court has come down with two decisions that are certain to lead to lively discussions and debates. Yesterday, as they struck down the District of Columbia's right to regulate gun ownership and upheld the right of private citizens to own guns for self-defense, the close 5-4 decision was split along familiar lines of liberal vs conservative justices, with Justice Anthony Kennedy joining to form the majority, with Justices Roberts, Alito, Scalia and Thomas. In another decision, presented earlier this week, the court again ruled 5-4, with Justice Kennedy again joining the majority - only this time with the four judges on the other side of the ideological split, Justices Bader Ginsburg, Breyer, Stevens and Souter. That decision prohibited - as cruel and unusual punishment - the institution of the death penalty when the accused was found guilty of raping a child. Earlier in the month, Justice Kennedy again joined with the liberal bloc to form the majority opinion that the inmates at Guantanamo have the constitutional right to bring their case for release into federal courts. Clearly the Supreme Court has demonstrated its active role in addressing many of the issues important to the American public today.

Interestingly, both presumptive Presidential candidates John McCain and Barack Obama have come out in support of the Supreme Court decisions, although Congressmen and Senators have taken sides for and against. So what does all of this mean to you as Sandwiched Boomers? Issues of great importance to you and your families are likely to be brought before the Court in the next several years and with four of the Justices already over 70 - Justice Stevens is 88!- it is almost certain that at least one new Supreme Court Justice will be nominated by the new President and considered for confirmation by the Senate. So get informed and involved in the coming election. Learn about the candidates and their policies. Make choices about whom you want to represent you and your family for the next four or six years. Your votes could affect the make-up of the Supreme Court as well as that of Congress and the White House.

A dramatic chase scene in order to elude the press corps, followed by a secret meeting under the cover of darkness - that sure sounds mysterious. Yet makes sense in this complicated political campaign, full of inuendo and little closure.

But doesn't it actually parallel conflict resolution in real life? You have an argument with your partner over some issue that is important to both of you and then - after calming down and thinking it over - a productive discussion follows. But that's not the end of it, even though you both know what the final result should look like. You have to figure out who gives up what, who's really in charge and what do you get in return for compromising.

It's not that easy for Hillary Clinton right now. She is going through a normal letting go process while, at the same time, trying to hold on to her voters and concede the race. Even though she has a 30 million dollar debt, she has played an incredible role in womens' history. Whether or not she wants the vice presidency, she now has no choice but to make a gracious exit and help unite the party.

The dynamics have been turned upside down, with Barack Obama the victor and Clinton the vanquished. These kind of shifts can be tricky, as he gears up to be the democratic nominee. Hopefully their meeting was the first step in mending wounds and moving forward - that includes reaching out and bringing Clinton's supporters into the coalition.

Obama has stated clearly that his plan to choose a vice presidential candidate will consist of an involved process with detailed feedback from close advisors. In the end politics, like relationships, are very much about the people. And that decision is entirely up to him.

Barack Obama is now the presumptive Democratic candidate yet Hillary Clinton has not given up the fight. It feels like a marriage gone wrong. Any relationship therapist would agree that there are two sides to every story - and the reality is usually somewhere in the middle.

There have been inuendos and accusations - from the quality of character to what constitutes a lie - all in the spirit of being judged more worthy of staying in the race and coming out a winner. Initial counseling sessions often begin with "why are you here and what went wrong?" Hillary had the money, the man and the motivation. But she wasn't prepared for the challenge of someone like Obama who had the message people wanted to hear.

So is Hillary a fighter or a spoiler, having stayed at the party too long? It's never easy to leave the spotlight, pick up the pieces and move on with your life. But no matter what advice others give you or what support you still have, first you have to be ready to let go of dreams and hopes. And apparently she's not there yet.

At the close of the primary season today, do you think the run for the Democratic presidential nomination will finally be over? It's not unlike situations in families where a certain result is expected and, due to complicating circumstances, the outcome changes. There are subsequent feelings of surprise and disappointment - or, on the other hand, excitement and hope.

Life and politics are unpredictable. You have to admire Hillary Clinton's optimism, her fortitude and tenacity. And you can't accuse her of not playing out her hand. But, at this juncture, it depends on the math not the psychology. It is expected that the magic number of 2118 super delegates will soon be guaranteed and Obama will have the nomination.

The buzz is that it's time to unify the party and prepare for the general election. Just like a family in crisis, there are issues that must be addressed - how to let go with grace, treat each other with respect, understand individual needs, assess strengths and resources, determine mutual goals and work together while moving toward achieving them.

Senator Clinton has given her heart and soul to this process and wants to be sure that the dream stays alive. Obama's mantra has been embrace change, even if it's coming from an imperfect messenger. Despite the strange political dynamic, he has declared that they will be working together in November. Obama plans to meet with Clinton when the dust settles, at a time and place of her choosing. Now that sounds like a good start.

Barack Obama has found his voice again - asking the voters to embrace change, even if it is coming from an imperfect messenger. And after Hillary Clinton's very narrow victory in Indiana yesterday, and despite her expressed determination to continue the fight, the political pundits are all but declaring the race over.

Think about how you deal with a difficult situation, as Sandwiched Boomers, when the outcome is inevitable and ultimately you have no choice but to let go. You may be facing the end of a role you took for granted or the control you once had. Every loss, even a symbolic one, needs to be mourned – such as the marriage of your child, which signals the end of your own youth, or caring for an aging parent, which triggers the fear of being a burden to your children.

During a time of loss and grieving, some emotional, physical or behavioral reactions are normal. You may find that you're angry, feel anxious or sad, perhaps even depressed. Without your familiar comfort zone, it’s difficult to be grounded. There can be changes in familiar patterns, like how much or little you sleep or eat. Or you notice a difference in your ability to focus or concentrate and to remain interested in activities or others. If you're not at ease with yourself, you may withdraw or avoid social situations altogether.

Any major life change is challenging and transition is always a process that takes time and patience. But know that what you are experiencing is common and normal, for you and for Hillary Clinton. And, with a positive attitude, there are many hidden gifts to be found along the way.

As Sandwiched Boomers planning your family's summer vacation, does Clinton's proposal of gas tax relief go to the heart of the matter or seem like an emotional ploy to garner more votes? And has what you've heard from Obama this past week made up for some of his former pastor's remarks?

Today may very well signify game change or game over. Instead of taking the race all the way to the convention, let's hope the Democratic party begins to unite behind one candidate for President. It's time to focus on the issues that matter.

Whether you're a Democrat or Republican, you're entitled to understand the candidates' positions on your deepest concerns - health care, education, housing, jobs, food and gas prices. As members of the Sandwich Generation dealing with the challenges of growing children and aging parents, what matters most to you? Now is the time to let your voices be heard.

Be sure to log in on Thursday for our Virtual Book Tour - featuring Anne Kreamer, author of "Going Gray."

The North Carolina and Indiana primaries are on Tuesday and the stakes are high. There's a lot of speculation about the potential outcome but trying to read the tea leaves may be an exercise in futility.

The mantra has been "Hillary can't win," because of the numbers, because Bill put his foot in his mouth one time too many, because she'll go to any lengths in order to get the nomination, because too many people just don't like her. Yet Clinton has stayed in the race and, by not giving up, has recently had a string of wins. She is busy raising more money, winning respect and gaining momentum.

When Reverend Wright's attitude went from wounded to arrogant, it hurt Obama's campaign and "yes we can" was called into question. Pundits wondered how he would unite all Americans with such fierce loyalty to an Afro-centrist church. As he tried to focus on the issues important to voters, rather than the media frenzy, eyebrows were raised about Obama's ability to handle the tough times. Yet he hung in there, stayed calm and on task, eventually speaking out strongly against Reverend Wright.

As Sandwiched Boomers, you have so much life experience under your belt. So - when you're in a race that is too close to call, what personal qualities allow you to pull ahead? What kind of lessons have you learned when certain loyalties brought unexpected consequences? And what have you done to help turn the tide?

It has been six weeks since the last Democratic primary in Mississippi. As Sandwiched Boomers, you know what can happen when the stakes are high. Much like in arguments you may have with aging parents, growing children and partners, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have gone on the offensive. And Clinton's attacks have had an effect. Obama has put aside his role as a reformer, focused on change, in order to get nasty too.

Emotions are high with the country on the edge of deciding whether Obama will be the next Democratic presidential candidate. Although the polls show that Clinton is up by 5%, if she doesn't win by double digits on Tuesday there will be pressure from the party for her to stop her campaign.

What is the present conflict you are dealing with in your family relationships: Is it time for your Dad to stop driving but he refuses to listen to your rationale? Do you want your boomerang daughter to commit to some house rules without wanting it all her way? Is the discussion with your husband about how to spend your tax return going nowhere?

Think about when you usually pull out all the stopppers in order to win an argument. Evaluate the skills and resources that are to your advantage at these times.

How does it feel to go against your nature so that you can come out on top? What most often works to win the hearts and minds of those who are most important to you? And do you always know when it's time to let it go?

What did Barack Obama's speech this morning have to do with Sandwiched Boomers? While discussing the complexity of his relationship to Reverend Wright, he was also referring to the macrocosm - the voter's relationship to the American family and, on some level, our relationship to our own family.

At one time or another we've all been distracted by the negatives - having to care for an aging parent who didn't take good care of us growing up or or having to deal with an adult child who has lost his job and boomeranged back home. But we always have a choice, no matter how difficult - we can focus on what is within our control, take the high road and create change.

How can you use this as a teachable moment for your own family? We all know that it's a lot easier to condemn others than to look at ourselves. What does 'your dreams don't have to come at the expense of my dreams' mean to you. And how can you take the core of that message and put it into a broader and more practical context for your family in flux?