2012 Graduates: Moving back Home

This year over 1.75 million students will walk across the stage to pick up a diploma. College seniors everywhere are anticipating graduation and their parents are thinking about words of wisdom to impart. With the scarcity of jobs and school loans due, it may be harder than ever for these kidults to engage in adult roles. If your brand new graduates are about to boomerang back home, here’s some practical insight to share:

Face uncertainty with a positive attitude. You can’t change the slow economic recovery but you can have control over how you handle it. Of course, you feel frustrated that you don’t have a job or anxious about the future - these reactions are common and normal. But try to face your feelings directly as you explore the circumstances that will work for you.

Take control of your situation. It'll help you gain perspective and focus when you spend some time identifying your inner strengths and external resources. If you know that what you want is within your reach keep going after it, no matter how hard it is. Be sure to recognize the difference between what you can manage and what you can't.

Turn to those who support you. Family and friends care about you and you can count on them to cheer you on. They’ll be there to help because they love you and want to see you succeed. And remember, as you move ahead, you don’t have to do it alone - ask for help whenever you need it.

Make a public commitment. Talk with others about your present intentions and you’ll create a strong reality that will motivate you. As you begin to set and reach short term objectives for longer range goals, you’ll become even more determined. Although there may be stumbling blocks along the way, don’t give up.

Please click on ‘comments’ below to share your pearls of wisdom. And join us again on Wednesday – we’ll have more practical tips for your recently minted graduates.

Sandwiched Boomer, Nurture Yourself

These are tough times, especially if you're a card carrying member of the sandwich generation. If you're facing the challenges of parents growing older and kids growing up, don't forget to nurture you. Because if you're run down, who will care for your family? For a moment, enjoy this photo of the sunset on a Costa Rican beach. And tonight, take the time to relax and appreciate the sunset right outside your door.

Whether you're hit in the face with a crisis, adjusting to changes in your identity or making a slow transition into the next chapter of your life, expect a cascade of feelings - anxiety, the desire to hold on, resentment, sadness, fear, eventually a sense of freedom. The emotional roller coaster is normal. But if you find the courage, you can't help but grow from the challenges.

Past is prologue. How can you prepare for what lies ahead? As you look back, how have you dealt with major changes in your family life before? Think about what has worked in the past. Take the specific strategies that you learned from those experiences and, once again, apply the most effective ones to the challenges you are facing today. A positive attitude will motivate you to stay on track and ultimately reach your goals.

Find something to believe in. Is it strong faith, a spiritual path or confidence in yourself? Look at the ways you can continue to build on your internal and external assets. Evaluate your character strengths and how they have benefited you in other circumstances. Are you fiercely curious and determined to find a solution, no matter what? Discover the resources, such as caregiver programs or support groups, which will help you make decisions as you deal with the specifics of the family problems you are handling.

Recognize the importance of support. When you are facing what may be a difficult time, find a role model who encourages you. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. Talking with others can clarify your needs as you work through these changes. Getting an objective opinion from a family therapist or life coach will provide you with further insight and direction.

Take a step back and you'll see the situation from a different perspective. And listening to your inner voice can help you focus on what's important as you integrate your values into how you live your life.

Sign the email list to the left of this post and receive a free monthly newsletter, "Stepping Stones," full of practical tips to help you deal with your family in flux. You can also download a complimentary ebook about reaching for your goals.

Develop Your Personal Health Plan

The Association of American Medical Colleges reported last week that the shortage of physicians is expected to worsen due to the U.S. healthcare reform plan that became law last spring. Their Center for Workforce Studies released a projection that shortages will be 50% worse than estimated earlier. Rather than lacking 39,600 doctors by 2015, the United States will actually be short 63,000 physicians, given the extra patients entering the system.

With fewer doctors available, you will need to make some changes in the way you take care of yourself. Now is the time to develop your own personal health plan to help deal with the challenges you face everyday in nourishing yourself and your family-in-flux. All this week you'll find links here to our YouTube videos giving you suggestions for improving your coping skills and your health - mental and physical. Try them out and let us know what works for you as you create your own care plan.

No matter what challenges you face in your career and at home with children growing up and parents growing older, it's not selfish to set aside time for a taste of healthy self-fullness. Check out our short, YouTube video, Your Personal Health Plan Begins with a Change, to help you cope with the challenges you are facing. In this video, you'll learn the importance of releasing negativity, a common response, and replacing it with a positive attitude. Developing resiliency and expressing gratitude can be powerful tools.

With the economy continuing to stall and family responsibilities growing, your stress levels may be climbing, especially if you are a Sandwiched Boomer. Vow to put your feet up and think about yourself for once. What brings you happiness? What relieves the stress you face every day? What will bring balance to your life? A second YouTube video segment gives you some tips on how Your Personal Health Plan Reduces Your Stress. In this video, you'll find tips for taking time for yourself and creating personal stress relievers.

It's always hard to get started in making a change, even one that will help you take better care of yourself. If you want to give yourself a jump-start, click here to read Sandwiched Boomers: 7 Tips on Fighting Inertia which you can find on our website, Her Mentor Center.

Haitian Earthquake and the Loss of a Loved One

Days after a 7.0 earthquake devastated Port-au-Prince, the capital city of Haiti, family members battled for a proper burial of their loved ones. Time and again, tragedy followed moments of hope. Yet, despite the death and destruction, the people struggled to survive. And hundreds took to the streets, singing and chanting amid huge mounds of rubble - a clear sign of the resilience of the human spirit.

While not in such desperate circumstances, perhaps you too have suffered the death of a loved one. Although you may want the pain to go away, in order to heal you must experience the feelings of loss. First, try to create an inner resource that calms you. Imagine a caring person in your life who comforts you when you're hurting - you don’t have to be totally alone with these feelings.

If your life seems unnaturally quiet, seek out the support of family and friends as you move into this next part of your life. Take your time and don't be rushed by others. You know yourself best. Eventually you'll, once again, do the things you love.

Free yourself from a negative outlook. Although you can't change what has happened, you can have some control over how you handle it. Face your uncertainty with the most positive attitude you can muster. You may be feeling angry, sad or afraid of what is to come. Recognize that your reactions are normal and common. Face them directly as you work through your feelings.

You can share your experiences with our readers by clicking on 'Comments' at the bottom of this post. And join us tomorrow - we'll have more ideas that can help you begin to heal.

Dealing with Menopause

You may have trouble keeping track of all the changes menopause brings - especially when you are a Sandwiched Boomer overwhelmed by hot flashes. But there are some actions you can take to regain a sense of control over this major life transition. Here are some tips to help you move through this process.

Continue to gather information. There are websites, such www.menopause.org and www.WebMd.com, which provide extensive explanations and material about treatment options. There are other resources such as books, journals, and lectures. It is important that the information is valid, the source is reliable, and that you do not become overwhelmed.

Work in partnership with your doctor. Your physician is your best resource for information about your individual medical history and needs. Communicate your concerns honestly to your M.D. Consider the possibility of getting a second opinion and consulting with specialists.

Look for support. Other women who are going through this process can be a comfort as you share thoughts and feelings. You're not the only one experiencing this! Women can guide you by providing resources that have been helpful and techniques that have been effective. Be aware, of course, that we are all different and what has worked for others may not always be the best solution for you.

Explore changing your lifestyle and patterns of self-care. Exercise becomes even more important now. Even though it might be difficult to find the time, the results will be worth the effort. Good nutrition contributes to weight management, health and quality of life. Relaxation techniques and deep breathing can reduce stress. Enjoy what life has to offer - take a walk, spend time with friends, explore a new hobby, watch a movie, read a good book, laugh more. Finding what works for you will help you maintain a healthful lifestyle.

This is a good time to look at attitude adjustment. Try to maintain a positive attitude. If you look at a situation from a different perspective, sometimes it doesn't seem so bad. To begin the process of acceptance, recognize that these changes are part of the natural course of life. Have patience. Answers may not be easy to find and outcomes may not be perfect. Trust yourself as you learn to live with the ambiguity of life.

Tomorrow we'll look at practical techniques to help you deal with some specific symptoms of menopause. In the meantime, click on the post title above to read an article on our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com, giving you Top Ten Self-fullness Tips for Sandwiched Women.

Senator Ted Kennedy: Patriarch of the Family

Senator Ted Kennedy was the patriarch of his family, including his brothers' children and grandchildren. During the memorial, at the funeral eulogies and just speaking informally, family members - young and older - spoke of the impact he had on their lives.

Kennedy was a great listener, supportive and a positive force. He shared what he knew about sailing, history and politics. He took the time to remember birthdays and special events. Most of all, he taught his family that anything is possible and to never give up. Who has encouraged you to build on your inner strengths? To set new goals? To keep a positive attitude?



Difficult times can offer opportunities for needed change. Discover the many ways you can continue to build on your internal assets. Are you fiercely curious and determined to find a solution, no matter what? How can your strength of character and generosity of spirit benefit you in these circumstances?

Set some long-range goals about what you want to accomplish as well as short-term objectives that will get you there. These concrete plans will provide the basic foundation for change. As you successfully move forward step by step, your self-confidence will grow. And incremental action, as well as a positive attitude, will motivate you to stay on track and ultimately reach your goals.

The Kennedy family often reconnected at the family home in Hyannisport and boating was always on the agenda. How does your family unwind and what do you like to do together? Click on the title above for some practical suggestions.

Your Personal Health Plan Begins with a Change

With members of the House on their August recess and Senators soon to follow, politicians are returning home to hear the opinions of the American people on the proposed national health care plan.

Because one-half of the funding for the trillion-dollar plan is set to come from reductions in the Medicare program, senior citizens are worried about losing their physicians, their benefits and their medical autonomy. Employees are worried about losing their private insurance as employers consider dropping private plans and moving to the public option. Small business owners are worried about how to pay for insurance for part-time workers or let them go. On the other hand, the unemployed and uninsured are worried about how they will pay their medical bills if they don't have a government plan. And we're all worried about the increasing national debt and the likelihood of higher taxes.

What to do with all this worry? Educate yourself about the plan - learn what it will mean to you and your family. Then you can express your opinions to your representatives. Let them know your thoughts, be they pro or con.

And, in the meantime, develop your own personal health plan to help deal with the challenges you face everyday in nourishing yourself and your family-in-flux. All this week you'll find video tips on our blog giving you suggestions for improving your coping skills and your health - mental and physical. Try them out and let us know what works for you.



It's always hard to get started in making a change, even one that will help you take better care of yourself. If you want to give yourself a jump-start, click on the post title. It links you to our website, HerMentorCenter.com and our article there, Sandwiched Boomers: 7 Tips on Fighting Inertia.

This season, with all the problems facing our country, Sandwiched Boomers may have to let go of the idea of a perfect holiday. But that's not so bad. Even though you may be stretched financially, it always feels good to be able to give of yourself. And you know there are plenty of others much worse off, right?

Volunteer at a place that could really use your help. Get the family or a group of friends together and spend a few hours at a homeless shelter. Bring some toys or warm clothes that are in good shape, and a big smile on your face.

Small changes can represent a new beginning. The holidays don't have to look like a Norman Rockwell painting. Take heart as you give a little that feels like a lot. And in these hard times, that's a good lesson for all of us.

Ever since 1789 when President George Washington declared Thanksgiving a holiday, Americans have been going home. But it can be complicated when old family dynamics surface in the midst of the meal. This week we'll be addressing what the Sandwich Generation can bring to the table in order for the holiday to run smoothly.

Make a conscious decision to put aside misunderstandings. Realize that if you arrive at dinner with no complaints, an open mind and an accepting heart, you'll be in a better emotional place to enjoy the family time together.

Before the meal, begin a conversation about gratitude. Encourage your children and your parents to talk about what they are thankful for and how recognizing these kind of feelings can become a part of their daily lives.

Serve as a role model for your extended family. Pause to recognize the talents, skills and positive character traits of others. By openly acknowledging their personal strengths, you'll show your support as well as make them feel good about themselves.

Log in and share some of your ideas about what works for you and your family.

As a Sandwiched Boomer with lots on your plate and the pressure that comes with that, do you sometimes feel overwhelmed and take it out on your partner? This sort of psychological flooding can lead to the 'fight or flight' response. When this process is activated in relationships, tensions are high and communication stalls. And there is a ripple effect - it becomes difficult to listen, to think clearly and certainly to resolve disagreements.

If you stay and 'fight,' you may release pent up feelings but will make comments you later regret. This kind of a catharsis can have detrimental and long ranging effects. Even though using 'flight' as a defense is self-protective and less emotionally damaging, in the end it resolves nothing.

Develop skills to soothe yourself and calm down your partner. This can help to minimize the buildup of negative feelings and resentments. You know yourself best, so incorporate the following strategies that will work for you.

Agree to stop arguing and postpone a difficult conversation until you are both feeling less upset. Or step away and put some distance between you and the situation. Take a short break and wait until you both are relaxed enough to return and listen to each other. Both comments on yesterday's blog made this point - let it go until you are emotionally ready to deal with the issue at hand.

While spending time apart, settle down by thinking more constructive thoughts, such as, his anger isn’t all about me, we really do love each other, this too shall pass, I’m upset now but I know we’re right for each other. What other 'mantras' can you repeat to yourself?

With the wildly fluctuating stock market - down well over 10% in the past five trading days - Sandwiched Boomers are looking for answers. Retirement funds are in jeopardy. And many are wondering how they will pay college tuition for their children, help their parents on a fixed income and ever be able to retire.

At times when we have no roadmap, avoid a panic reaction. It's important too rely on common sense. And a positive attitude is paramount. Rather than seeing the glass as half empty, turn your challenges into opportunities. Release your mind from worries, most of which likely won't happen. Take it one day at a time and accomplish what you can without dwelling on the 'what ifs.' Worrying takes a lot of time and energy – it's counterproductive and destroys your peace of mind.

If you're feeling gloomy in these roller-coaster times, invite friends over for a potluck dinner and have everyone bring their signature dish. Turn the conversation into a revival of spirit and share valuable information. Discuss innovative ways to save on groceries, to use less gas, to network for a new job. The support of family and friends may be the most significant factor in getting us through rough waters.

Your emotions will likely come into play as you deal with the complexities of being a Sandwiched Boomer. Pay attention to your moods as you work to express and cope with those feelings.

Guilt runs rampant among Sandwich Generation caregivers who often worry that they're not doing enough for their loved ones. Remind yourself that you're dancing as fast as you can, given the realities of your life situation. You don't have to be the perfect mother, daughter, or wife. Set your own reasonable standards rather than falling in the trap of trying to live up to others' expectations.

Work to release additional areas of negativity - both in thought and emotions. When you are afraid of what the future holds in store or angry about what you need to cope with on a daily basis, acknowledge these as normal reactions and accept that they will come and go. Your frustrations and resentments make up part of the tapestry of your life but they need not be in the forefront. Once you understand that they are common responses to a difficult situation, you will find it easier to let them recede.

As you free yourself from negative feelings, begin to replace them with a more positive attitude. In your journal, write about what you are grateful for in your life. End each evening by reviewing three pleasant things that happened that day and savor the warmth these memories generate. Let your creativity emerge as you explore new interests.

As you recognize how your emotions affect you, begin to institute new ways to achieve more self-fullness. Tomorrow we will address some gifts you can give yourself to lighten the load.

Barack Obama has found his voice again - asking the voters to embrace change, even if it is coming from an imperfect messenger. And after Hillary Clinton's very narrow victory in Indiana yesterday, and despite her expressed determination to continue the fight, the political pundits are all but declaring the race over.

Think about how you deal with a difficult situation, as Sandwiched Boomers, when the outcome is inevitable and ultimately you have no choice but to let go. You may be facing the end of a role you took for granted or the control you once had. Every loss, even a symbolic one, needs to be mourned – such as the marriage of your child, which signals the end of your own youth, or caring for an aging parent, which triggers the fear of being a burden to your children.

During a time of loss and grieving, some emotional, physical or behavioral reactions are normal. You may find that you're angry, feel anxious or sad, perhaps even depressed. Without your familiar comfort zone, it’s difficult to be grounded. There can be changes in familiar patterns, like how much or little you sleep or eat. Or you notice a difference in your ability to focus or concentrate and to remain interested in activities or others. If you're not at ease with yourself, you may withdraw or avoid social situations altogether.

Any major life change is challenging and transition is always a process that takes time and patience. But know that what you are experiencing is common and normal, for you and for Hillary Clinton. And, with a positive attitude, there are many hidden gifts to be found along the way.

Comments about retirement were varied, from being bored and now working again to loving it - so there's not one size fits all. Whether you're beginning to play with the idea of retirement or the gold watch presentation is just around the corner, here are some tips for Sandwiched Boomers.

Approach this stage of life with humor - and don't take yourself too seriously. This is a major life change and yet a positive attitude will enhance your transition and the experiences that follow.

Be aware of your motivation. Being able to reflect and evaluate are valuable skills. Hone them, and discover what is driving you and what you want at this point in your life. Do you want to focus on volunteering, working in a different way, taking better care of your body, or spending more time with family and friends? Make choices for reasons that are right for you.

Much ado about all or nothing. Perhaps leaving your job, at this time, is not feasible for emotional or financial reasons. Look for ways to satisfy some of your unmet needs while still working. This is also good preparation for when that change does occur.

Go with the flow. Recognize and accept that any transition involves a process of change. Follow your dream yet don't automatically say no to anything. Be willing to open your heart and explore all possibilities.

Make a list but don't check it twice. We all have a myriad of wishes that have not come true because life sometimes has a way of intervening. Be patient with yourself and the situation if you have to change course. At this stage of life, anything can happen.

Now is a chance like never before. And balance can be the key to unlocking the good life. How would you create your own sense of equilibrium? Think about being involved in community service and pleasuring yourself. Plan to have a purpose and to have fun. Find ways to be productive and playful. Enjoy the magic of the seesaw.

Mitt Romney moved from silver to the gold in his Michigan victory and the look of jubilation and relief on his face was familiar. Haven't all of us, at one time or another, been behind and then pulled into a winning position?

More than ever, the race now appears to be a Republican free-for-all, with each candidate having a different platform and searching for how to win the votes. Lucky for Romney he has deep roots in Michigan and could be himself in his home state. As a successful business man, he used a targeted message by framing the economy as the main issue.

Romney called it the victory of optimisn over Washington pessimism. As Sandwiched Boomers are you feeling discouraged about some family circumstances? If you set a long range objective, that you break into smaller shortterm steps in order to reach it, you will reach your goal. Whether it's establishing boundaries for your boomerang kid who lost his job and moved back home or making arrangements for your Mom to go into assisted living, you do have the tools and experience to creatively work out a solution.

You can't always resolve problems in the same old way and big issues take time. However, the race isn't over until you reach the finish line. By keeping a positive attitude and putting one foot in front of the other, you really can do almost anything you put your mind to.

As you pay attention to nurturing you, notice how you feel stronger and better about yourself. This inevitably will lead to your feeling more self confident and deserving. That doesn't mean there won't be difficult times ahead - those are the moments when you need to pull from external and internal resources:

1. Reach out to your friends for social support. When you are at a low point is the time to receive rather than give. You have been there for close friends when they needed you in the past; now let them take a turn at comforting you.

2. Find something to be joyful about each day. Laughter is, in fact, a potent medicine and much easier to swallow than a handful of pills. Surround yourself with people who approach life with a positive attitude. Let your creativity flourish as you engage it.