Want Halloween Treats Instead of Tricks?

On Halloween, you don't have to dress up as a member of the Sandwich Generation - you likely already have that frazzled look about you. Caring for parents growing older and kids growing up can lead to stress and, in crisis, even depression. See if these practical insights can help with your negative emotions:

Knowledge is power. Gather information about ways to deal with how you are feeling - explore Internet search engines and sites or the self-help section of your local bookstore. And talk with friends and family who understand and whose opinions you respect.

Gratitude and forgiveness are compelling emotions. Use this to your advantage. Tell your partner, kids or parents about their positive qualities and what they mean to you. And forgive others who are important to you for some past wrongdoing or misunderstanding. Watch their reactions and see how that makes you feel.

Support is crucial – connect often. Enroll in a class or workshop through a university extension program or mental health center. Join an ongoing support group or attend a weekend retreat to share concerns, problem-solve and gain new perspective. A therapist or coach can be a sounding board and guide - someone to validate your ideas and help you follow through with your plans.

It can be difficult to maintain a sense of optimism when your circumstances are complicated and perhaps even painful. But you owe it to yourself to begin to cope with your changing moods. Recognize strengths and skills that are already an integral part of you. Release tension through humor to help you bounce back. And notice how a positive attitude supports what you do and who you are.

Beginning to talk about depression can increase your awareness, reduce the stigma and help minimize your symptoms. Think about exorcising your demons, once and for all. Don't disguise your true feelings, no matter what time of year. And this Halloween, take off your mask and commit to feeling emotionally stronger.

Sign the email list to the left of this post - you'll receive our free monthly newsletter, "Stepping Stones" and download a complimentary eBook about how to reach your goals. And in celebration of Halloween, we want to treat you to these tips about taking control of stress in a financial storm.

Your Social Network Can Improve Your Health

I bet you're not surprised: Study after study has confirmed what most women already know - friendships are good for your health. The Nurses Health Study found that the greater the number of friends in your social network, the more healthful and joyful a life you lead. The MacArthur Foundation concluded that social support helps women cope with difficult times. Shelley Taylor and her colleagues at UCLA determined that befriending other women helps women live longer and more satisfying lives.

So when you're setting up your personal health plan, be sure to set aside time to spend with your friends. They'll help you cope with daily hassles and with more serious hardships. Consider nurturing your friendships like a form of preventative medicine - and you don't even need a prescription. Isn't an afternoon with friends more fun than a trip to the doctor, easier to swallow than pills and not hurtful like a shot? So set a date and put it on your appointment calendar - you'll feel better when you do.

Our short YouTube video, Your Personal Health Plan Relies on Your Social Network gives you some tips to begin. Share ideas and reach out for emotional and practical support as you cope with the ups and downs of a family-in-flux. Friendships can be a potent antidote to the toxins of stress.

Sandwiched Boomers often try to live up to extremely high expectations - yours or others. Instead, draft a set of realistic, reasonable, achievable standards. You'll feel less stressed when you do. Another of our YouTube videos, Your Personal Health Plan Sets Reasonable Standards, gives you tips about setting up attainable goals as part of your personal health and wellness plan. You'll learn about letting go of guilt, accepting yourself for who you are and asking for help when you need it.

Want to learn more about the importance of friendships in supporting you? Boomer Women and Friendship: The Gift You Give Yourself will give you some good background. It's on our website, Her Mentor Center with other helpful articles.

Photo of a Loved One can Reduce Pain

We've been telling you about the value of support for years now - here's more evidence. A recent UCLA study shows that holding the hand of a loved one can help reduce pain. Just looking at their picture can help too.

The study included 25 women who had been in good relationships with their boyfriends for at least six months. They received heat stimuli to the forearm. Then they reported their pain levels while holding hands with their boyfriends, while holding hands with a stranger and while holding a squeeze ball. They also received stimuli and reported pain levels while looking at pictures of their boyfriends, while looking at a picture of stranger and while looking at a picture of a chair.

The findings indicate that the boyfriends' "presence" - whether holding their hands or just seeing their photos - reduced the participants' pain ratings.

According to the researchers, "This changes our notion of how social support influences people. Typically, we think that in order for social support to make us feel good, it has to be the kind of support that is very responsive to our emotional needs. Here, however, we are seeing that just a photo of one's significant other can have the same effect."

Your Personal Health Plan Relies on Your Social Network

Women traditionally turn to friends when they need help coping - both with daily hassles and with more serious hardships. Study after study has confirmed what most women already know - friendships are good for your health. The Nurses Health Study indicated that the greater the number of friends in your network, the more healthful and joyful a life you lead. The MacArthur Foundation found that social support helps women cope with difficult times. Shelley Taylor and her colleagues at UCLA determined that befriending other women helps women live longer and more satisfying lives.

When you're setting up your personal health plan, be sure to set aside time to spend with your friends. Consider nurturing your friendships like a form of preventative medicine - and you don't even need a prescription. Isn't an afternoon with friends more fun than a trip to the doctors, easier to swallow than pills and not hurtful like a shot? So set a date and put it on your appointment calendar - you'll feel better when you do.





To read more about the importance of friendships, click on the title of this post. You will be connected with our website, HerMentorCenter.com and an article in our Nourishing Relationships archive, Boomer Women and Friendship: The Gift You Give Yourself.

As Sandwiched Boomers, don't you agree that your women friends are a gift that you give yourself?

Without a doubt, intimate friendships have always been important to women. But they become even more so as you face the transitions of children growing up and parents growing older. Findings from a recent MacArthur Foundation Study indicate that the emotional security and social support that these relationships provide for women have been a survival strategy for them in adversity. In fact, friendship is one of the keys to a long and more satisfying life.

A landmark UCLA study suggests that women respond to stress with brain chemicals that cause us to maintain friendships with other women. Until this study was published, scientists generally thought that stress triggered a hormonal cascade that prepared the body either to stay and fight or to flee. Now they believe that women have more behavioral choices than just fight or flight. It seems that, when the hormone oxytocin is released as part of the stress response in women, they react by tending to children and coming together with other women. When they engage in these activities, more hormones are released, further reducing stress and producing a calming effect.

This week we'll be offering tips about enriching friendships and welcome your observations and ideas.

As you pay attention to nurturing you, notice how you feel stronger and better about yourself. This inevitably will lead to your feeling more self confident and deserving. That doesn't mean there won't be difficult times ahead - those are the moments when you need to pull from external and internal resources:

1. Reach out to your friends for social support. When you are at a low point is the time to receive rather than give. You have been there for close friends when they needed you in the past; now let them take a turn at comforting you.

2. Find something to be joyful about each day. Laughter is, in fact, a potent medicine and much easier to swallow than a handful of pills. Surround yourself with people who approach life with a positive attitude. Let your creativity flourish as you engage it.