Father's Day and Your Aging Dad

With Father's Day approaching, are your thoughts turning to the men in your life – father, husband, son, other male figures? Mine are. It's heartwarming to see how my sons have become devoted dads themselves, reflecting their own loving father. This weekend, I'll also be honoring the memory of my dad, who died in his 90^th year over a decade ago.    

While helping with his care during the final years of a chronic illness, it was painful to see how he was declining. Always active and fun-loving while I was growing up, he became weaker as he aged, both mentally and physically. As Sandwiched Boomers, it's difficult towatch as your parents deteriorate. And they may complicate the situation by being in denial about their vulnerable condition.

Today nearly 10 million adults are caregivers for their aging parents. If you're caring for an elderly father, it's up to you to acknowledge the true state of affairs and be straightforward in dealing with his increasing fragility. You'll need to discuss practical, yet uncomfortable, issues - health care directives, long-term care options, a designated power of attorney, distribution of income and assets. After addressing your most immediate concerns, here are some tips to help you plan and implement your care:

Learn about your dad’s illness. Educate yourself on what to expect and how to recognize warning signs threatening your father's health and independence.  Talk to friends who have gone through similar experiences in order to get realistic feedback and concrete advice.

Surf the Internet to investigate resources available to you. Some nonprofit organizations offer free services or financial grants for respite care for family members who provide most of the care to their chronically ill elders. If you're in the U.S., the National Family Caregiver Support Program provides funds and the Eldercare Locator identifies programs in local communities.

Involve you dad in decision-making. If you decide it's necessary to move your father out of his home or take over management of his finances that may signify a loss of independence to him, leading to anger, frustration, or depression. Understanding his pain, taking it slow and engaging a geriatric social worker or gerontologist can help the process.

Embrace the changes in your dad and respect his integrity. As he becomes less strong physically and mentally, he may lose some of the magical power he once had in your eyes. Still you can admire his courage and dignity, as he struggles, coming to terms with end of life issues. Recall the good times you shared even as you adjust to the changes in your roles.

Check back here again on Wednesday for more Father's Day tips for caring for your aging dad – especially if you're part of the sandwich generation.

Your Personal Health Plan is Job 1

Although "Obamacare" is now the law of the land for Americans, controversy still surrounds it. Candidates in November's elections have widely conflicting views about its value. Next to jobs as the most import issue in races this year, the new healthcare law is determining the voting patterns of many citizens throughout the country. The uncertainties arising from which party will control the House and Senate in 2011 may leave you in a quandary about your own healthcare strategy.

What can you do in the meantime? Decide on a personal health plan to improve your wellness every day. Our YouTube video for today includes the final two of ten tips for increasing self-fullness. Feel free to begin with any of the tips you like - there's no deductible or co-pay involved. As you decide to take better care of yourself, you will discover the strength to find balance in your life. Develop a firm core - it will sustain you as you continue to nurture your growing and changing family.

The short video, Your Personal Health Plan: 10 Tips for Self-fullness, provides some ideas about how to give yourself the gift of laughter. You'll have more fun and studies have found that a positive mood creates the atmosphere for better decision-making. And the video reminds you, it's healthy to receive as well as give. So accept the help, gratitude and love that others offer.

Are you a Sandwiched Boomer, with demands being made by your children and parents simultaneously? For some help in taking better care of yourself, our article, How to Nourish the Sandwich That is You may be just what you need to get started. Take a few minutes to browse around our website, Her Mentor Center where you'll find other articles with practical tips for nurturing yourself, resources, Stepping Stones, and information about how to receive our ebooks. You can use the comment link below to let us know what you think and how you're doing.

And feel free to participate in the polling questions to the left of this post. They change with each visit and give you the chance to have your opinions heard and tallied.

To your continuing good health!

Your Social Network Can Improve Your Health

I bet you're not surprised: Study after study has confirmed what most women already know - friendships are good for your health. The Nurses Health Study found that the greater the number of friends in your social network, the more healthful and joyful a life you lead. The MacArthur Foundation concluded that social support helps women cope with difficult times. Shelley Taylor and her colleagues at UCLA determined that befriending other women helps women live longer and more satisfying lives.

So when you're setting up your personal health plan, be sure to set aside time to spend with your friends. They'll help you cope with daily hassles and with more serious hardships. Consider nurturing your friendships like a form of preventative medicine - and you don't even need a prescription. Isn't an afternoon with friends more fun than a trip to the doctor, easier to swallow than pills and not hurtful like a shot? So set a date and put it on your appointment calendar - you'll feel better when you do.

Our short YouTube video, Your Personal Health Plan Relies on Your Social Network gives you some tips to begin. Share ideas and reach out for emotional and practical support as you cope with the ups and downs of a family-in-flux. Friendships can be a potent antidote to the toxins of stress.

Sandwiched Boomers often try to live up to extremely high expectations - yours or others. Instead, draft a set of realistic, reasonable, achievable standards. You'll feel less stressed when you do. Another of our YouTube videos, Your Personal Health Plan Sets Reasonable Standards, gives you tips about setting up attainable goals as part of your personal health and wellness plan. You'll learn about letting go of guilt, accepting yourself for who you are and asking for help when you need it.

Want to learn more about the importance of friendships in supporting you? Boomer Women and Friendship: The Gift You Give Yourself will give you some good background. It's on our website, Her Mentor Center with other helpful articles.