Father's Day and Your Aging Dad

With Father's Day approaching, are your thoughts turning to the men in your life – father, husband, son, other male figures? Mine are. It's heartwarming to see how my sons have become devoted dads themselves, reflecting their own loving father. This weekend, I'll also be honoring the memory of my dad, who died in his 90^th year over a decade ago.    

While helping with his care during the final years of a chronic illness, it was painful to see how he was declining. Always active and fun-loving while I was growing up, he became weaker as he aged, both mentally and physically. As Sandwiched Boomers, it's difficult towatch as your parents deteriorate. And they may complicate the situation by being in denial about their vulnerable condition.

Today nearly 10 million adults are caregivers for their aging parents. If you're caring for an elderly father, it's up to you to acknowledge the true state of affairs and be straightforward in dealing with his increasing fragility. You'll need to discuss practical, yet uncomfortable, issues - health care directives, long-term care options, a designated power of attorney, distribution of income and assets. After addressing your most immediate concerns, here are some tips to help you plan and implement your care:

Learn about your dad’s illness. Educate yourself on what to expect and how to recognize warning signs threatening your father's health and independence.  Talk to friends who have gone through similar experiences in order to get realistic feedback and concrete advice.

Surf the Internet to investigate resources available to you. Some nonprofit organizations offer free services or financial grants for respite care for family members who provide most of the care to their chronically ill elders. If you're in the U.S., the National Family Caregiver Support Program provides funds and the Eldercare Locator identifies programs in local communities.

Involve you dad in decision-making. If you decide it's necessary to move your father out of his home or take over management of his finances that may signify a loss of independence to him, leading to anger, frustration, or depression. Understanding his pain, taking it slow and engaging a geriatric social worker or gerontologist can help the process.

Embrace the changes in your dad and respect his integrity. As he becomes less strong physically and mentally, he may lose some of the magical power he once had in your eyes. Still you can admire his courage and dignity, as he struggles, coming to terms with end of life issues. Recall the good times you shared even as you adjust to the changes in your roles.

Check back here again on Wednesday for more Father's Day tips for caring for your aging dad – especially if you're part of the sandwich generation.

The Sandwich Generation and the State of the Union

Comments that have been logged onto our blog clarify that while we, and others, use the term Sandwich Generation, we are not actually referring to a real generation but rather to a stage of life in which any generation is stressed by caring for growing children and aging parents at the same time.

Yet the predicaments of the Sandwich Generation are even more relevant in today's world. Between 40 and 50 million Americans are now acting as unpaid care-givers to their aging parents, with one-third of them still raising children. And, in the average case, it is a working woman in her late 40's, stressed by trying to do it all.

Sandwich Generation issues have been exacerbated due to a combination of circumstances: since the last decade or two of the 20th century, couples have been starting their families later in life; adolescence has expanded at least into the twenties, abetted by helicopter parents and with boomerang kids returning home, requiring financial assistance in a bad economy; seniors have been living longer, often with chronic illnesses - and with close to one-half of the workforce being women, we are often pulled and pushed by both ends of our family while having little time, energy and financial resources to care for ourselves while reacting to the needs of our loved ones in this recession.

While the lead-up to the State of the Union address indicated that a key theme would be helping the Sandwich Generation, President Obama made only a modest set of proposals to address these issues for middle-class families: increasing the child-care tax credit and capping student loan repayments.

It is expected that, in the next month, he will advance two additional proposals based on Vice-President Biden's task force: additional child-care funding for low-income families and increasing funding for programs assisting people caring for aging family members - through respite care, counseling, training and referrals - and for services allowing those elders to remain in their homes longer.

We can only hope that there will be assistance forthcoming to Sandwich Generation members, reducing their stress and anxieties as they care for their families-in-flux. To read about how to ease yourself into the role of care-giver for an aging parent, click on the post title above to take you to our website, www.HerMentorCenter.com and our article, How to Shift from Daddy's Girl to Dad's Caregiver.