Michael Jackson: A Life of Fame and Pain

Michael Jackson was living proof of the emotional cost of a life spent in the public eye, often experiencing the psychological turmoil that can accompany global fame. He was fragile and, because of his sensitive nature, delicate personality or preexisting emotional problems, it was hard for him to handle the pressure and stress.



You may not have experienced the artistic stature or personal trials that Michael Jackson did - nor have a star dedicated to you on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. But the emotional turmoil you feel may be just as painful.

Give yourself an emotional break. Perhaps you've built up feelings of frustration, anger or disappointment, even despair. Take a deep breath and free yourself from negative thoughts. Although you can't necessarily change what happens to you, you can change how you handle it. Reframe pessimistic ideas into neutral or optimistic ones. By learning about constructive responses to difficult situations, you'll have access to more choices about how to react.

Want more tips on improving your frame of mind? Clicking on the title of this post will take you to HerMentorCenter.com and an article about How to Sing Rock and Roll instead of the Blues.

Michael Jackson and the High Cost of Fame

Coming from a family of entertainers with a demanding stage-dad, Michael Jackson had been in the limelight since he was a young boy. Super stardom was all he knew. Although talented, famous and adored, his was a lonely life - one full of contradictions. He tried to create his own private reality around castles, theme parks and pet chimpanzees. In his own mind he was a modern-day Peter Pan. In the mind of others he was "Wacko Jacko" and his bizarre behavior often overshadowed his musical brilliance.



You may have been entertained by Michael Jackson, as so many were. But, more important, you may understand how he could be affected by the strain of it all. Are you feeling pressure about finances, work, family or health? That can really get you down. All this week we'll be offering tips about what to do when you feel your life is spinning out of control.

Want to start right now? Just clicking on the title of this post will take you to HerMentorCenter.com and an article entitled Seven Stops on the Less Stress Express.

While you're there, spend some time on the site. Click on 'Newsletter Library' and 'Nourishing Relationships' on the menu at the upper left hand corner of the homepage. You'll find lots of ideas about how to begin taking more control of your life.

Support Helps Your Marriage Get Back on Track

Support each other. Instead of focusing on the negatives or going your separate ways, spend time discussing what you want from one other. Think about what would demonstrate true emotional commitment to you. Prove that you are on each other's side by deciding to change your attitude and behavior. And begin to invest in your marriage's emotional bank account. Create excitement, pleasure and fun together - then take advantage of the dividends.



You and your partner are individuals who each have a mind of your own. What you want may have changed since you first tied the knot. And the present economic meltdown probably adds to the pressures in the relationship. But that doesn't mean you can't make shifts that will relieve some of the stress. And you don't have to accept the possibility of divorce. By taking the first steps, you can help strengthen your partner's trust in you - and the future of your marriage.

Clicking on the title of this post will take you to an article on HerMentorCenter.com with some practical tips on how to get your relationship back on track.

And this Fourth of July, as you celebrate with cookouts and fireworks, be grateful for all that is good about the United States of America and all that is right about your marriage.

Jon and Kate on the Road to Divorce

The headlines read: "Jon and Kate ready to litigate?" It was followed by confirmation that the Gosselins, parents of eight and partners in the TV reality show Jon & Kate Plus 8, plan to legally dissolve their marriage. The celebrity gossip machine and fans of pop culture have been speculating about this issue for months. The much publicized episode where they announced the break up of their 10 year marriage hit an all time rating high. Jon and Kate's physical separation has forced TLC to put production of the popular program on hiatus.



You may not be accustomed to an endless stream of headlines about your marriage. But your relationship, too, may have it's share of stress and tension. If the pressures of these tough economic times are affecting you and your relationship, tune in all week as we focus on how to get off the road to divorce.

In the meantime, clicking on the title of this post will take you to HerMentorCenter.com and an article on 5 tips for fighting fair.

Sandwiched Boomers, Support and Resilience

With the challenges she's facing, Elizabeth Edwards has got to be struggling on many levels. Studies indicate that support and resilience are significant factors related to stress reduction. As sandwiched boomers, with parents and children looking to you for guidance, you're likely no stranger to stress. Here are tips that may help you bounce back:

It's important to keep communication open and honest. You may not want to face what’s going on directly, hoping that everything will be OK. But this way of coping can look to others like you’re not interested. Try to talk things over before anyone in the family begins to feel upset, misunderstood or angry. Practice the conversational etiquette and active listening skills that you know well.

If you have negative feelings, consider whether you’re overly sensitive or easy to anger - and what that may be about. Express yourself and then let go of any resentment. Learn to forgive and to apologize for any mistakes you’ve made. Holding on just makes it worse for everyone involved.

How Sandwiched Boomers Can Prevent Divorce

As sandwiched boomers, you and your partner are individuals who each have a mind of your own. What you want may have changed since you first tied the knot. And the present economic meltdown probably adds to the pressures in the relationship. But that doesn't mean you can't make shifts that will relieve some of the stress. And you don't have to accept the possibility of divorce. By taking the first steps, you can help strengthen your partner's trust in you - and the future of your marriage.

Support each other. Instead of focusing on the negatives or going your separate ways, spend time discussing what you want from one other. Think about what would demonstrate true emotional commitment to you. Prove that you are on each other's side by deciding to change your attitude and behavior. Invest in your marriage's emotional bank account. Create excitement, pleasure and fun together - then take advantage of the dividends.

Self Care and Finances

As boomers, sandwiched between kids growing up and parents growing older, you may already have your hands full. And in this economy, your everyday challenges are likely compounded by financial concerns. Click on the title above and read an article about how to manage common unhappiness on wwww.HerMentorCenter.com.

Choose to live a healthier lifestyle. There is now no doubt that this financial crisis will be deep and go on for a long time. You may have already suffered a loss of faith, trust or confidence. But you can believe that you have control over your life - it's up to you.

Recognize how you deal with tension related to money. Financial pressure can lead to unhealthy activities like smoking and drinking. If these behaviors are causing problems for you, try to find healthier ways to manage your anxiety. There are 12-step and behavior modification programs that provide the guidance and support that you need.

The best antidote to stress is taking care of yourself. Fear and uncertainty can contribute to the failure of conventional wisdom in tough times. But the human spirit is resilient. You must have learned some lessons from these difficult circumstances. Think about them now and begin to put them to good use.

Sandwiched Boomers: Making Marriage Work

In an economic downturn there's always the possibility of job loss. Has it happened to you or your partner? Your relationship can be impacted when you're not in sync about work. And issues about control are often raised. Who decides how the more limited resources are spent? Who is in charge of household responsibilities, like managing the checkbook, grocery shopping, cooking meals?

Stress itself can have a ripple effect and those close to you often bear the brunt. If you find yourselves arguing more, click on the title above to read an article on www.HermentorCenter.com about fighting fair. With the financial pressure, spending more time at home together can be a double edged sword.

More concentrated time together has many benefits. Even though it may cause long term problems to surface, you can use this opportunity to finally deal with them. Marital issues are difficult to face head-on, but the rewards can be more honesty, a renewed sense of trust and greater intimacy. This may be the time to go on that couples' retreat or marriage enrichment weekend you've heard so much about.

There is real value in working on your marriage, especially in troubled times. Spend more time trying to understand what your partner is going through - you’ll be glad you did.

Do you remember your grandparents telling you about the Great Depression? Are some of their stories sounding familiar now that you're Sandwiched Boomers facing your own financial challenges? I wouldn't be surprised. Let us hear from you the next few days as we share ideas about how to take better care of yourself.

Evaluate the situation but don't overreact or put your head in the sand. Pay close attention to what’s going on around you. Getting caught up in a pessimistic mindset can result in higher levels of anxiety and poor decision making. Try to stay calm and remain focused on the specifics of what you need to do.

Recognize how you deal with tension related to money. Avoid unhealthy habits like smoking, drinking, gambling or emotional eating. Financial pressure can bring about more conflict and arguments in your relationships. If any of these behaviors are causing problems for you, find healthier approaches to deal with your stress.

Sandwiched Boomers, what are you dreaming about this holiday season - universal goals like sustaining our planet's resources and gaining energy independence? Or, with the stock market meltdown, are you wishing for some relief from the financial pain? Even in the best of times, the stress that comes with the holidays this time of year can be exhausting. So why not give a gift to yourself?

Take some down time over the weekend. For a couple of hours each day, try not to focus on the problems. Curl up with a great book from the library, watch the ballgame with your teenagers, take your grandkids to the park.

Enjoy peace of mind by paying down your debts. Hold back from buying a lot of gifts or taking the family on an expensive outing. With your children, decide together how to spend a fun and relaxing day. Your family will understand and grow from the experience.

We got ahead of ourselves yesterday, so let's back up. For the Sandwich Generation, long before the Thanksgiving meal, there's a lot riding on family. This can create pressure for everyone. With blended families, there's the challenge of logistics - accommodating the needs of others and still not compromising your own too much. And when family members live in different cities it's hard to determine which is easier, going back home or having visitors on your turf. Of course, there are all the memories of holidays past coupled with the expectations of today - sometimes unrealistic and often unfulfilled.

Realize that what you are experiencing is normal and stress is common at this time of year. Here are a few ways to restore balance:

If you're traveling home, remember to pack your patience. Internalized memories or old family dynamics are bound to surface. Unfinished business - like sibling rivalry and the fight for mom's attention - is baggage that is often too large to fit in the overhead compartment. So make a decision this year to try and leave it behind.

Explore the possibility of the out of town guests staying in a hotel. It's more difficult to have others around while preparing the meal and uncomfortable for the guests. Making a decision to house visitors elsewhere could be a relief for all of you - and the beginning of a new family tradition.

Identify your core values. A core value is about being, not about doing. For example, you may set a goal of being more relaxed rather than trying to make everything perfect. Decide to live up to these standards. Begin to take action as you create a more congruent way of life.

As the week draws to a close, Sandwiched Boomers continue to worry about the nation’s economic health and are anxious about their financial future. We hope that the following ideas will be helpful:

Recognize how you deal with stress related to money. Some people are more likely to relieve stress by turning to unhealthy activities like smoking, drinking, gambling or emotional eating. The strain can also lead to more conflict and arguments in relationships. If any of these behaviors are causing problems in your family, seek help from a professional for healthier ways to deal with your stress.

Times like this, while difficult, can offer opportunities for growth and needed changes. Try taking a walk—it’s an inexpensive way to get good exercise. Having dinner at home with your family may not only save you money, but help bring you closer together. Consider learning a new skill. Take a course through your employer or look into low-cost resources in your community that can lead to a better job. The key is to use this time to think outside the box and try new ways of managing your life.

Embrace simplicity and appreciate what you have. Enjoy your family and colleagues. Step outside on a cloudless night and look at the beautiful sky. Eat sandwiches on a park bench with a co-worker as you visit during lunch hour. Volunteer at a local homeless shelter or a boys and girls club.

Unrealistic expectations about things and people lead to disappointment. Built-in obsolescence makes you a slave to the latest style and the next upgrade. It never ends, and leaves you dissatisfied with what you have. In some situations try not to expect so much, and whatever comes your way will be a blessing.

A recent American Psychological Association survey found that eight out of ten Americans say the economy is a major souce of stress in their lives. Nearly half are worried about providing for their families' basic needs.

As the economic turmoil continues, there can be a ripple effect. And you or family members may experience symptoms such as irritability, insomnia, lack of motivation and feelings of sadness. What follows are some healthy strategies to help you work your way through these tough times.

Take pause but don’t overreact or become passive. As you attend to what’s going on around you, avoid getting caught up in doom-and-gloom mentality. This can lead to high levels of anxiety and bad decision making. Trty to remain calm and stay focused.

Be proactive by identifying your financial stressors and making a plan. Write down specific ways you and your family can reduce expenses or manage your finances more efficiently. Although putting it down on paper can be worrisome in the short term, committing to a plan will gradually reduce stress.

Get professional support. Credit counseling and financial planning can help you take control of your money situation. If you continue to feel overwhelmed, talk with a mental health professional who will help you understand the emotions behind your financial worries and show you ways to manage your stress.

As Sandwiched Boomers, don't you agree that your women friends are a gift that you give yourself?

Without a doubt, intimate friendships have always been important to women. But they become even more so as you face the transitions of children growing up and parents growing older. Findings from a recent MacArthur Foundation Study indicate that the emotional security and social support that these relationships provide for women have been a survival strategy for them in adversity. In fact, friendship is one of the keys to a long and more satisfying life.

A landmark UCLA study suggests that women respond to stress with brain chemicals that cause us to maintain friendships with other women. Until this study was published, scientists generally thought that stress triggered a hormonal cascade that prepared the body either to stay and fight or to flee. Now they believe that women have more behavioral choices than just fight or flight. It seems that, when the hormone oxytocin is released as part of the stress response in women, they react by tending to children and coming together with other women. When they engage in these activities, more hormones are released, further reducing stress and producing a calming effect.

This week we'll be offering tips about enriching friendships and welcome your observations and ideas.

A Sandwiched Boomer wrote on yesterday's comments that she's planning to move her aging mother in with the family as a way to take better care of both of them - more loving arms for mom, although some loss of independence, and less stress on herself as she'll be right there when her mom's not doing well.

Another reader discussed the plans she and her husband have made for themselves because they don't have children to help care for them - that is, moving to another country where they can afford to hire caregivers.

Both of these women are faced with making challenging and emotional decisions, despite how different they are. For years we have been working with clients in our practices, struggling with issues that involve their aging parents. But it was still a shock when the problems that accompany aging hit home in a personal way with our own parents - it looks a whole lot different close up.

Our advice is to do your homework sooner rather than later, even if your parents are still healthy and vital. If this is an uncomfortable subject to broach, start slow and ease into it. Your parents deserve to be included in making decisions that directly affect their lives. Know that information is power. And if this situation is not personal for you today, it will be some day.

How often do you give yourself a gift? As a Sandwiched Boomer, you owe it to yourself to plan ways to increase your self-fullness. What present would give you some pleasure? Here are some ideas:

Develop personal stress relievers to counteract the burnout that at times overwhelms you. Practice techniques of deep breathing, relaxation or your own form of meditation. Begin an exercise program that you will enjoy - commit to a schedule at the gym or take in the great outdoors, walking with a friend, biking in the neighborhood, hiking in the countryside on weekends.

Give yourself the gift of laughter - look for humor in your daily life, share a funny movie or television show with a friend, participate in activities that bring you joy. After you read the news section of your daily paper, turn to the Comics page to lighten your mood and release endorphins. Recent studies have found that a positive mood creates the atmosphere for better decision-making.

As a member of the Sandwich Generation, its up to you to make time for yourself the same way you manage to care for all of those around you. Tomorrow we'll look at how you can get some help in this process.

Listen up, Sandwiched Boomers. For the first time since the influenza epidemic of 1918, life expectancy is falling for 1 in 5 American women. The downward trend, more evident in rural and lower income areas, seems to be driven by an increase in deaths related to high blood pressure, smoking and weight. More than 30% of the U.S. population is obese and 60% is overweight - which is often asociated with diabetes and heart disease.

There is some speculation that stress also plays a part in these new statistics. And who would know that better than women of the Sandwich Generation, who are handling increasing responsibilities with parents growing older and children growing up. So notice your behaviors that can be modified, such as smoking, poor diet or lack of exercise. It may not be easy, but make a commitment to take better care of your health - for your own sake and the benefit of your family.

Americans today are living longer and are developing or dying from more chronic conditions. A greater number of parents now need care at the end of their lives. Many continue to live at home with their children as unpaid caregivers or move in with family, instead of into nursing homes.

Male caregivers are already living their own version of the numbers. Nearly half of them have symptoms of depression. Time is a main resource in short supply and that issue takes a heavy emotional toll. How can they take time for themselves when that is the resource they're already borrowing? We all have to put our heads together as the groundswell of Baby Boomers faces these dilemmas and discovers there's simply not enough to go around.

Think about the male Sandwiched Boomers that you know who are struggling with these concerns. Share your ideas as well as the information in our past several blogs. Spread the word by starting a conversation.

Family holiday stress was the subject of our last Steppping Stones newsletter and several readers emailed to let us know how timely it was.

With the smell of Thanksgiving turkey still in the air, take a minute to be mindful of how the day was for you. And with the holidays of December right around the corner, think about how you want to celebrate them. What is it that you are full of and what fills you up?

Know that the messiness and exhileration of family dynamics can lead to understanding yourself and others better. Conflict can serve as an invitation to grow when you honor the importance of relationships. A lot of people feel that, with family, there are no returns or exchanges even with a gift receipt. So embrace the holiday season and rejoice in the love, support and connection of your family.