The Month for Love

Long before it was a song, the saying was a part of our conversation - and it's especially appropriate during February, the month of love:

Love makes the world go 'round.

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With all this whirling, love can make you feel off balance and dizzy. Sometimes it's tricky to keep your personal world turning without having it spin completely out of control. With love encompassing so much of our consciousness, the focus on Valentine's Day is usually on romantic love. Yet there are many different kinds of love that can help keep you grounded. This week we'll look at some you can include in your life for the essence of love:

Love who you're with. When Stephen Stills sang, If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with, he was thinking about affection and passion with a sexual partner. But you can achieve another kind of oneness with others in your life too. Dear friends share emotional intimacy, commitment and trust as well as a sense of playfulness. Don’t you feel loyal and loving to old friends in a way that celebrates your closeness? And family, with its roots and continuity, can provide feelings of security that allow you to open up to love. When you express gratitude to your family for what they have given you and forgive them for what they have not, you feel more connected and altruistic.

Love where you are. Whether you live in the city or countryside, the hills or flatlands, inland or along the shore, there is beauty to be found around you. As you explore more of your environment, you may find yourself drawn to the serenity of your natural surroundings or to the energy of your community. When you engage and become involved, you'll experience the thrill and deep satisfaction that comes from a heartfelt connection. Nurturing your spirituality can also create feelings of awe and dedication that touch you emotionally.

Join us again on Wednesday when we'll look at some additional objects of affection. Meanwhile, please share some of your own favorite people and places - those that bring a smile to your face and a flutter to your heart. Click on the comment link below and tell us what kind of love makes your world go 'round.

Sandwiched Boomers, Support and Resilience

With the challenges she's facing, Elizabeth Edwards has got to be struggling on many levels. Studies indicate that support and resilience are significant factors related to stress reduction. As sandwiched boomers, with parents and children looking to you for guidance, you're likely no stranger to stress. Here are tips that may help you bounce back:

It's important to keep communication open and honest. You may not want to face what’s going on directly, hoping that everything will be OK. But this way of coping can look to others like you’re not interested. Try to talk things over before anyone in the family begins to feel upset, misunderstood or angry. Practice the conversational etiquette and active listening skills that you know well.

If you have negative feelings, consider whether you’re overly sensitive or easy to anger - and what that may be about. Express yourself and then let go of any resentment. Learn to forgive and to apologize for any mistakes you’ve made. Holding on just makes it worse for everyone involved.

Long-distance Grandmothers

When your grandchildren live far away, you probably don't have the opportunity to see them more than every few months, particularly in this economy. Here the most salient issue is building connections. Likely you will need to enlist the aid of your adult children and children-in-law to help you form the bonds between you and their kids. The way you do this will vary as they grow and will certainly flow from your own interests and creative talents. Whatever you choose, your efforts will be well worth it when you see how they remember you and experience their excitement on your next visit.

When your grandkids are babies, you will want to help them develop an impression of you. You can best do this by using all the sensations babies respond to. Let them begin to identify your voice by cooing to them on the phone or sending them tapes or CD's with your voice - singing, reading or speaking to them. They can begin to recognize your face from pictures of you in their room or on the computer via Skype. Have a special song or book that you share with them as you cuddle on each visit. Wear the same perfume - or even a dab of vanilla - every time you visit so that they learn to associate that with you.

As they begin to grow up, you can continue to use phone calls, letters, cards, Skype and emails between your trips to stay in touch. After you do visit, you may want to create a scrapbook for them of pictures and souvenirs from your time together. Their memories of you will be enhanced when they have something tangible to look at over and over again. You can write them stories or poems about some of the things you do together, with them as the star of the piece.

Learn about your grandchildren's activities and interests so you can engage and talk with them about topics that are meaningful to them. Pay attention to their friends when you attend their birthday parties or sports team events or special occasions - then you can ask about them later when you have returned home. Integrate what you find out and keep up with their changing activities. All of your efforts will help cement the connections between you.

For more tips on forming a close relationship with a grandchild who lives far away, click on the title above to go to our website and the article, Create Meaningful Bonds with Your Grandchildren Across the Miles.

For Sandwiched Boomers, the financial debacle precipitated losses on many levels besides the stock market. And with the holidays just around the corner, the crisis in confidence couldn't have come at a worse time. This week our blog's focus is on how the gift of connection with family and friends can help reduce holiday stress.

Stress is the body's response to any stimulus - external or internal - perceived as taxing personal resources. Think about what's going on for you. Does food become your comfort and challenge, eating the cookie dough instead of baking it? Is gift giving your major source of stress, as you search for the best holiday bargains? At the annual office party, will you be busy at the buffet table instead of networking?

You may be creating more stress for yourself by sticking to old routine and operating on automatic pilot. Symptoms of stress can creep up on you or appear suddenly at any time. Notice if you're feeling the pressure in any of the following ways:

Physiological - headaches, stomach upset

Emotional - feeling irritated, overwhelmed

Behavioral - overeating, physical withdrawal

Cognitive - trouble concentrating, memory loss

Log on all week for tips to manage stress that don't cost you anything except time. And let us hear about some ideas that work for you.

Today is Black Friday. Falling on the day after Thanksgiving, it officially begins the holiday shopping period. Historically a surge of shoppers helped stores break into profitability. But this year, with the deteriorating economy, there have been rampant promotions of up to 70% throughout November. The power of this landmark day for the retail industry may be fading.

The question remains whether people will be spending money on holiday gifts as credit markets remain frozen, layoffs loom and consumer spending shrinks. What will you be doing - rushing out early and putting your credit card to good use? Or staying home, reluctant to even tempt yourself?

Noticing how you react, Sandwiched Boomers, can give you a window into your own psychology. Whether or not you spend money shopping today, it doesn't cost anything to invest in your relationships. So savor the memories of Thanksgiving and enjoy the dividends of family and friends.

Family holiday stress was the subject of our last Steppping Stones newsletter and several readers emailed to let us know how timely it was.

With the smell of Thanksgiving turkey still in the air, take a minute to be mindful of how the day was for you. And with the holidays of December right around the corner, think about how you want to celebrate them. What is it that you are full of and what fills you up?

Know that the messiness and exhileration of family dynamics can lead to understanding yourself and others better. Conflict can serve as an invitation to grow when you honor the importance of relationships. A lot of people feel that, with family, there are no returns or exchanges even with a gift receipt. So embrace the holiday season and rejoice in the love, support and connection of your family.