Parents as Positive Role Models

Your children may or may not do as you say, but chances are they'll do as you do. There's no getting around it. You serve as a role model through your attitudes and behavior inside and outside the family. Just remember, someone impressionable is watching, listening and learning from your example.

Should you be flawless? Of course not. But show them your best self. You can use these practical tips as you teach your kids how to:

Solve problems. Children need to know how and why you make the choices that you do. They learn what you value every time you make the extra effort. Your decisions don’t only impact you, so talk to them when you consider your parents' needs before your own, put money in their college fund, help out in the homeless shelter.

Care for themselves. What are some of your lifestyle choices for sleep, nutrition, fun? The habits you set for health, diet, exercise, smoking or drinking are regularly passed on. And your attitudes and interests will shape your kids' experiences for years to come. You've heard it before, that 'the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.'

Show respect. Do you sometimes take your partner for granted or step over co-workers in order to get ahead? Try to take the moral high ground by practicing how to apologize, forgive and express gratitude. When you model ethical decision-making and follow it up with appropriate behavior, you enhance your children's understanding of how they can feel good about themselves and do the same for others.

Admit mistakes. Ever been caught swearing in traffic? Nobody’s perfect. Coming clean can have a powerful influence on your kids' emotional growth. When you have a tough choice to make, allow them to see how you work through the problem, weight the pros and cons and come to a decision. By sharing your efforts to resolve conflict at work or calmly discussing family problems, they learn non-aggressive responses to stress, frustration or anger.

Think positive. Talk about your own role models growing up. Let your children observe you setting and reaching your goals. Introduce them to role models with admirable qualities who are working to make a difference. When you see them demonstrate praiseworthy characteristics, be sure to let them know. Teach them to continue striving for what they want while being happy with how far they've already come.

While your children are busy taking their cues from you, recognize that actions speak louder than words. Getting out of your comfort zone will challenge them to do it themselves. Your appreciating diversity will encourage your kids to accept differences, including their own. Let them know what you stand for and embrace your hopes and values. Live as if someone is watching, because they are.

A Sandwiched Boomer wrote on yesterday's comments that she's planning to move her aging mother in with the family as a way to take better care of both of them - more loving arms for mom, although some loss of independence, and less stress on herself as she'll be right there when her mom's not doing well.

Another reader discussed the plans she and her husband have made for themselves because they don't have children to help care for them - that is, moving to another country where they can afford to hire caregivers.

Both of these women are faced with making challenging and emotional decisions, despite how different they are. For years we have been working with clients in our practices, struggling with issues that involve their aging parents. But it was still a shock when the problems that accompany aging hit home in a personal way with our own parents - it looks a whole lot different close up.

Our advice is to do your homework sooner rather than later, even if your parents are still healthy and vital. If this is an uncomfortable subject to broach, start slow and ease into it. Your parents deserve to be included in making decisions that directly affect their lives. Know that information is power. And if this situation is not personal for you today, it will be some day.