Parents as Positive Role Models

Your children may or may not do as you say, but chances are they'll do as you do. There's no getting around it. You serve as a role model through your attitudes and behavior inside and outside the family. Just remember, someone impressionable is watching, listening and learning from your example.

Should you be flawless? Of course not. But show them your best self. You can use these practical tips as you teach your kids how to:

Solve problems. Children need to know how and why you make the choices that you do. They learn what you value every time you make the extra effort. Your decisions don’t only impact you, so talk to them when you consider your parents' needs before your own, put money in their college fund, help out in the homeless shelter.

Care for themselves. What are some of your lifestyle choices for sleep, nutrition, fun? The habits you set for health, diet, exercise, smoking or drinking are regularly passed on. And your attitudes and interests will shape your kids' experiences for years to come. You've heard it before, that 'the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.'

Show respect. Do you sometimes take your partner for granted or step over co-workers in order to get ahead? Try to take the moral high ground by practicing how to apologize, forgive and express gratitude. When you model ethical decision-making and follow it up with appropriate behavior, you enhance your children's understanding of how they can feel good about themselves and do the same for others.

Admit mistakes. Ever been caught swearing in traffic? Nobody’s perfect. Coming clean can have a powerful influence on your kids' emotional growth. When you have a tough choice to make, allow them to see how you work through the problem, weight the pros and cons and come to a decision. By sharing your efforts to resolve conflict at work or calmly discussing family problems, they learn non-aggressive responses to stress, frustration or anger.

Think positive. Talk about your own role models growing up. Let your children observe you setting and reaching your goals. Introduce them to role models with admirable qualities who are working to make a difference. When you see them demonstrate praiseworthy characteristics, be sure to let them know. Teach them to continue striving for what they want while being happy with how far they've already come.

While your children are busy taking their cues from you, recognize that actions speak louder than words. Getting out of your comfort zone will challenge them to do it themselves. Your appreciating diversity will encourage your kids to accept differences, including their own. Let them know what you stand for and embrace your hopes and values. Live as if someone is watching, because they are.

Is Raising Free Range Kids Irresponsible or Brave Parenting?

How to parent has always been a hot topic and there are plenty of self help books, full of instructions. Well over 40 years ago parenting expert, Dr. Haim Ginott, referenced a client who described his mother as a helicopter, hovering over him. And the term 'Helicopter Parenting' was defined as an ineffective parenting style in the 1990 book, Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility.

Journalist Lenore Skenazy has recently put this subject, once again, in the limelight. She set her 9-year-old son free by himself in the New York City subways and then wrote an article that created a lot of controversy. Her book, Free Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry is based on her actions as a parent and the public reactions about what a terrible mother she was.

Skenazy has a term for those who buy into a money-making market aimed at parents and driven by fear - she calls it 'parental mania.' She now has quite a following and you can read about what she and her fans have to say on her blog, Free Range Kids.

Parenting at its best combines a gentle delivery but firm conviction. Not always easy. And as your kids want more freedom, you may find it's hard to let go. How do we decide when to allow our kids to go places alone? How old is old enough? And how much protection is overprotection? These are hard questions, to be sure. Read this blog post by Jennifer Gresham, a new mom who is trying to figure it all out. And then begin to step back from your growing kids by following these practical tips:

Let your kids make some decisions on their own. In the beginning, these can be as simple as yogurt or nuts for snack, alloted screen time after breakfast or before dinner. It will make them feel more involved, confident and prepared to make choices as they get bigger. It’s been said before, but experience is a great teacher.

Resist taking on chores that now should fall to them. These too can start small. As much as putting their clothes in the laundry, setting the table and making their beds have been part of your job description so far, it may now be time to pass the baton.

Focus on their positive qualities. Think of reasons to support their evolving ideas as they begin to feel better about expressing themselves. And remember that another part of their training right now is to learn about the joys and responsibilities of more freedom and independence.

Practice open and honest communication. Talk out any conflicts or misunderstandings. Use the same conversational etiquette that you would with anyone else you care about and respect. Teach your kids active listening skills and sending I-messages - it's a gift that will last a lifetime.

Of course, there is no one right way to parent. But growing children need to learn to rely on their own instincts and independent problem solving. Instead of overprotecting them, let's get back to teaching children how to safely take risks and take care of themselves.

Want to read a delightful article by Roger Ebert? It's in the Chicago Sun Times, entitled Remember When - and has over 350 comments. Log on the rest of the week as we further explore this subject using, as examples, sailor Abby Sunderland and FabOverFifty.com's matchmaking service for her 31 year old son.

Practical Strategies for Helicopter Parents

Have you heard about the recently published book, The Idle Parent? Helicopter Parents is a hot topic right now. If you think you fit the profile, follow these tips as you shift responsibility from your shoulders to where it now belongs:

Take on a supportive role as you encourage your children to make their own decisions and deal with the natural consequences. Give fewer directions while they're learning important new problem solving skills. Although they will be faced with many choices, experience is a great teacher.

Resist taking on chores that now should fall to your kids. As much as these may have been a part of your job description for years, it’s now time to pass the baton. Think of it as boot camp. Soon enough they'll be off to college and, the more competent they are, the more confident they'll feel.

Focus on their positive qualities and think of reasons to support their evolving ideas. Sit back, relax and enjoy the fruits of your labor. Remember that their job right now is to learn how to be more independent and accountable for their own actions. And that includes working things out for themselves.

Give up old habits of micromanaging. You have to do it sooner or later. When you continue to worry or be upset about what's going on in their lives, you’re sending your children the message that you don’t trust they can handle situations on their own.

Want to learn more about backing off so your kids can develop the confidence they need? Browse the library at www.HerMentorCenter.com for a wide variety of articles about how to strengthen your family relationships.

Getting back to the new trend in male caregiving, Metlife has recently completed a study called "Sons at Work." It found that, while 62% of women spoke with their co-workers about their care-giving responsibilities, only 48% of men did.

Despite core values of filial devotion, sons often don't know how to go about finding help nor do they feel comfortable asking for it. Recognizing this resistance, over the next few days we want to offer some suggestions. Talking about these ideas with the men in your life can affect a shift in attitude toward seeking assistance and support.

Men have special needs in this arena, often feeling embarrassed or guilty. Greater awareness and education can break down attitudinal restraints and emotional barriers – practical seminars, newsletters and health fairs are excellent venues by which to accomplish this.

Besides seeing groups as only for women, men don't think these provide enough structure and focus on problem solving. It is important to reduce their perception that support is only for women. Reframe the concept by redefining the actual group process or by using an alternative definition such as a workshop.