Aging Parents and the Masks We Wear

As members of the Sandwich Generation with parents aging rapidly, the transition you're facing may be one of role reversal. Are you taking on more responsibility for your folks as they are less able to care for themselves? Try to take a step back and assess what's going on for you emotionally:

1. Look deep inside and be honest with yourself. You may be in denial about your parents' decline and how that is affecting you. Evaluate your emotional state of mind. If you've been quiet, withdrawn or holding back, are you hiding feelings of sadness? Or if you're frustrated or angry, are you worried about handling all that you have to do? Consider what part of all this may not be in your best interests.

2. Stress can be a catalyst for negative behavior. Reduce the pressures you feel about your parents' situation by getting help from a geriatric care manager or other family members. Honor your body by paying attention to your exercise routine, what you eat, your sleeping habits and what gives you pleasure. Actually schedule some relaxation into your daily routine until it becomes second nature. Remember about putting on your own oxygen mask before helping anyone else in the airplane? If you don't take care of your own wellbeing, you won't be able to be there for your parents.

Let us hear from you about some of the issues you're facing with your aging parents. You can click on the title of this post to read an article about how to deal with your parents' tarnished golden years.

Michael Jackson: A Life of Fame and Pain

Michael Jackson was living proof of the emotional cost of a life spent in the public eye, often experiencing the psychological turmoil that can accompany global fame. He was fragile and, because of his sensitive nature, delicate personality or preexisting emotional problems, it was hard for him to handle the pressure and stress.



You may not have experienced the artistic stature or personal trials that Michael Jackson did - nor have a star dedicated to you on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. But the emotional turmoil you feel may be just as painful.

Give yourself an emotional break. Perhaps you've built up feelings of frustration, anger or disappointment, even despair. Take a deep breath and free yourself from negative thoughts. Although you can't necessarily change what happens to you, you can change how you handle it. Reframe pessimistic ideas into neutral or optimistic ones. By learning about constructive responses to difficult situations, you'll have access to more choices about how to react.

Want more tips on improving your frame of mind? Clicking on the title of this post will take you to HerMentorCenter.com and an article about How to Sing Rock and Roll instead of the Blues.

Take Stock of your Marriage

As Sandwiched Boomers with so much to do you probably spend a lot of time on automatic, going through the motions of your daily routine. When you don't deal directly with what's going on and how you feel about it, you may be surprised when you do notice. Here are some ways to 'take the temperature' of your marriage and start on the road to recovery:

Identify what you are feeling. As a first step, write down the emotions that now regularly surface. What is happening between you and your partner when you are feeling sad, scared, overwhelmed, embarrassed or frustrated? Chances are you have emotions ranging from disappointment to anger, and these are constantly changing. Don't worry - this is perfectly normal. But understanding what you feel and why can be the first step toward improving your situation.

Stop focusing on the past. Identify the hot button issues that are standing in your way and make efforts to resolve them. Your initiation of changes can be an encouraging sign to your partner. And the sooner you let go of the past, the quicker you can move forward to improve the goodwill in your relationship. It may not be easy to forgive, but it is a gift that you can give to both your partner and yourself.

Across the United States and around the world, the effects of the financial crisis continue to spread – foreclosures are widespread, banks are being taken over, stock markets are erratic, credit is frozen and bankruptcies are increasing. Even with the planned infusion of trillions of dollars by the government, no one can predict with certainty the long-term effects on the economy. Hope is building that the Obama administration will create solutions but most pundits agree that this collapse will not right itself in the near future.

How is all this affecting you? Are you anxious and angry - on the verge of taking out your frustration over the financial news on those around you? This is a good time for you to look inward and reflect on your actions within the family. Only by becoming aware of the potential for abuse can you honestly assess your own behavior.

While a number of factors have been recognized as causes of domestic violence – mental illness, substance abuse, certain innate personality traits, low self-esteem, poor impulse control and a history of being battered - social stressors have been identified as having a particularly strong impact. Poverty, lack of control and feelings of powerlessness can lead to a perceived need to dominate family members. And this is linked to increased levels of mistreatment. During the current plummet of world markets, those who abuse are more likely to express their feelings of frustration in more belligerent ways.

If you are finding yourself more prone now to yell at the kids or scold the dog or or get annoyed with your aging parents, tune in this week for some tips to help reduce the stress you are feeling so that you don't take it out on those you love.