Susan Boyle: A Role Model

Remember Susan Boyle, the Scottish T.V. sensation from Britain's Got Talent? She was middle-aged, shy, portly, nonthreatening - the classic underdog. Although Boyle performed well in the final competition, she didn't win. And afterwards she was hospitalized with emotional exhaustion. Yet she came out the other end with her sense of humor intact and more confident.



You can take a lesson from Susan Boyle. Focus on your strengths that can lead to success. Look for a role model who inspires you and begin to see yourself from a different perspective. And relax as you let your creativity run wild.

There may be stumbling blocks along the way, but just keep going. Focus inward and don't be swayed by the attitude of others. Pay attention only to what you're trying to accomplish. And continue to move forward on your own steam.

Here's a way you may be able to follow your dreams. Avon Voices is conducting a singing talent search - inviting you to join a global movement that unites and inspires through the universal language of music. Women around the world are making their voices count by telling their stories, sharing their dreams, and showcasing their talents.

Through February 13, 2011, you can sing out on a 30-second video clip from the approved song list at Avon Voices. The finalists will be eligible for professional coaching, Avon makeovers and studio time for performance videos.

The Avon Foundation for Women was founded in 1955 to improve the lives of women. Avon global philanthropy has donated more than $800 million in more than 50 countries for causes most important to women, including breast cancer research and efforts to end domestic violence.

Want to discover effective tips to help you as your family in flux and you change? Download a complimentary ebook, Courage and Lessons Learned: Reaching Your Goals, and receive a free monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones, by signing our email list to the left of this post.

Across the United States and around the world, the effects of the financial crisis continue to spread – foreclosures are widespread, banks are being taken over, stock markets are erratic, credit is frozen and bankruptcies are increasing. Even with the planned infusion of trillions of dollars by the government, no one can predict with certainty the long-term effects on the economy. Hope is building that the Obama administration will create solutions but most pundits agree that this collapse will not right itself in the near future.

How is all this affecting you? Are you anxious and angry - on the verge of taking out your frustration over the financial news on those around you? This is a good time for you to look inward and reflect on your actions within the family. Only by becoming aware of the potential for abuse can you honestly assess your own behavior.

While a number of factors have been recognized as causes of domestic violence – mental illness, substance abuse, certain innate personality traits, low self-esteem, poor impulse control and a history of being battered - social stressors have been identified as having a particularly strong impact. Poverty, lack of control and feelings of powerlessness can lead to a perceived need to dominate family members. And this is linked to increased levels of mistreatment. During the current plummet of world markets, those who abuse are more likely to express their feelings of frustration in more belligerent ways.

If you are finding yourself more prone now to yell at the kids or scold the dog or or get annoyed with your aging parents, tune in this week for some tips to help reduce the stress you are feeling so that you don't take it out on those you love.

In the midst of the serious issues Americans have been facing - financial turmoil, domestic violence, contentious elections, weather-related disasters, economic downturn, family pressures - along comes a holiday that allows - even encourages - us to ease up and have some fun.

Halloween isn't just for the kids - it's for you too. Let yourself enjoy the playful silliness of the day and evening. As a Sandwiched Boomer, usually bogged down by the responsibilities of caring for growing children and aging parents, grab the opportunity to set aside some of your worries today. Instead, let your childlike joy and enthusiasm come up to the surface. You'll be surprised at how much it lifts your spirits.

And remember, dark chocolate is full of anti-oxidants -so save some of the candy for yourself and have a happy Halloween!

As we move through these difficult financial times, the stresses we all face will be great. Emotions are likely to be close to the surface as uncertainty about the state of our economy continues. Be aware of any potential for domestic abuse in your family and pledge to learn how to protect yourself and your loved ones from the painful trauma caused by such violence.

Immediately let someone in authority know about the abuse, if it occurs. Have the phone number of the local police station available - and you can always call 911. If the violence is directed to your children or the elderly, know how to contact the agencies dealing with child welfare and elder abuse.

As a Sandwiched Boomer, exhausted by your responsibilities to the generations on both sides of you, remember that your decision to defend yourself is just as important. Although Domestic Violence Awareness Month draws to a close, remain vigilant about abuse and vow to do what you can to prevent it.

One survivor commented yesterday on the difficulty of finding the right time to leave her abusive spouse because of her children. When she did leave, 10 years ago already, she was able to move into a women's shelter and take stock of her life. Now she says with great emotion, "we haven't looked back."

The expectation is that the numbers of cases of domestic violence will go up as the stock market numbers go down. Abusers react to such external pressures by lashing out at those around them. Learn what you can do to protect yourself from domestic violence in these stressful times, particularly if you are a Sandwiched Boomer, caring for your growing children and aging parents. Here are two more actions to take to begin the process of strengthening yourself for that day when you will be able to leave.

Prepare to take care of yourself - emotionally, financially and physically. Find a therapist who will help you develop self-confidence and the life skills you may need to go solo. Take charge of your personal finances, open your own bank account, find a job if you are not already employed.

Have an exit strategy and plan what to do if and when you leave the relationship. Investigate available community resources and learn about shelters in your area. Have copies of documents you may need as well as extra clothes and cash; leave them with a friend or neighbor so you can retrieve them later.

Tomorrow we will give you some additional suggestions for how to move through the process of leaving an abusive partner.

A survivor of domestic violence commented that it was a very long and difficult process for her to get out of her abusive relationship. She relied on neighbors and her family but mostly on a women's shelter - where she went to live three different times during her tumultuous marriage. Finally breaking the cycle of domestic violence for herself, her advice is: "Get help. Leave. Leave in any way you can. Don’t go back. Period."





If you are afraid of your partner's anger and how he/she treats you, your children or elders under your care, your first responsibility is to protect yourself and loved ones from harm. Resolve to begin the tough process of freeing yourself. You may feel trapped and so deeply entrenched in the dysfunctional relationship that it seems you will never break away. You can make a start by taking the steps we will be presenting this week:

Insist that your partner participate in individual therapy as well as relationship counseling with you. The individual therapy should focus on areas such as anger management, cognitive behavioral change, insight, skill building, communication, stress reduction and control strategies.

Get help from friends and family members. Talk with them about your concerns and let them know what you need from them. Educate yourself and them about domestic violence. Tell them how to recognize that you or others may be in immediate danger and devise code words to inform them if you need help.

Lost in the headlines about the historic presidential election and the stock market meltdown is the fact that October is the month dedicated to becoming aware of and controlling domestic violence. The irony is that the financial shock waves that have been rocketing throughout the world are likely to increase the prevalence of abuse. The economic turmoil will undoubtedly lead to greater fears, pressure and anxiety within families facing financial collapse - and, in many cases, that stress will lead to battering. Sandwiched Boomers, already dealing with the enormous strains of caring for growing children and aging parents, may be especially vulnerable.

The Centers for Disease Control believes that 10% of the population is affected by domestic abuse, although it is estimated that only one-third of these cases are actually reported. It is the most common cause of injury for women ages 15 to 44 who suffer physical as well as emotional injury, such as depression, anxiety and social isolation. If you, or someone you know, are the victim of domestic abuse, this may be the time to begin the long process of extricating yourself.

Why do women remain in abusive relationships? Frequently, the reason is fear - they have been brainwashed by the perpetrator - convinced that they are helpless and cannot cope alone. Or they're afraid that the abusive partner will harm them or their children if they attempt to leave. Another justification is the victims' incorrect belief that the responsibility is theirs, that they have caused the abuse or that it is up to them to stay in order to keep the family together. Finally, because of a variety of psychological issues and complicated family dynamics, the defense mechanism of denial can remain strong. Domestic abuse victims often refuse to see themselves as battered and don't accept the fact that the perpetrator will continue the abusive behavior.

Stay in touch this week as we give you some options to help you take better care of yourself. And let us hear from you if you have dealt with this personal crisis before.