How Kids Respond to Trauma

I am just back from a family vacation--three generations, five grandsons ages 6-11. I had a front row seat watching the boys compete in sports, sing rap songs, climb mountains, tease each other. No little guys anymore. With the older ones almost as tall as I am, and knowing the vulnerability that comes with adolescence, I have concerns. How do we keep growing kids emotionally safe as they become interested in the world around them--especially when the news reports regularly cover mass murders, war casualties, and terror alerts?

Studies show that close to 4% of teenage boys and more than 6% of teenage girls suffer from post-traumatic stress, exhibiting symptoms similar to adults. And the reactions of younger children are strongly affected by their parents’ response to stress. Those ages 5-12 are more likely to withdraw, become disruptive, have nightmares or complain of physical problems.

You don’t have to personally experience abuse, neglect or trauma to feel anxiety and stress. Second-hand exposure to major acts of violence can also be traumatic. This includes seeing or hearing about death and destruction after a building is bombed or a plane crashes. With the impact of mass media and easy access to the Internet, children today are exposed to lots of situations that can cause them to worry. And when your conversations focus on suffering or tragedy, you can bet that your kids are often listening more closely than you think.

You know what your family needs and how to provide a sense of security.

Explain that scared, angry or sad feelings are normal and will fade when they ask questions and talk about what’s going on. As you supervise the flow of information, encourage them to tell you what their friends are saying, so you can clarify any distortions. Reassure them that they’re safe no matter what thoughts they’re having. All this will help them reframe their ideas rather than fall prey to emotion.

Readers, tell us about how you teach your kids to keep the harmful effects of stress at a minimum. And log on again Wednesday for more ideas about helping kids take precautions and feel safe while still not letting fear win.

Sandwiched Boomers and Being Prepared

"The only level, smooth place sufficiently large to land an airliner was the river," Sullenberger said, recalling that the plane had no thrust and was "descending rapidly." A former Air Force fighter pilot who has flown commercial planes for nearly three decades, he knew he had to touch down with the wings level and the nose slightly up, and "at a descent rate that was survivable."

That was his only viable alternative. And he was confident that he could do it. It was an intense feeling of relief when he learned that all the passengers and crew were saved. He was asked how he felt about being seen as a hero. his reply was that he didn't feel comfortable embracing it but he didn't want to deny it - especially is that's what people needed. That's a hero.

As you look back, Sandwiched Boomers, how have you dealt with trauma in the past? And how has this changed you? Take the specific strategies that you learned and apply the most effective ones again and again. Look at the ways you can continue to build on your internal and external strengths. A double bird strike disabling two engines is a highly improbable set of circumstances. Yet there are many extraordinary situations we cannot predict. Hopefully you won't ever have to brace for a crash landing. But being prepared never hurt anyone.

As we move through these difficult financial times, the stresses we all face will be great. Emotions are likely to be close to the surface as uncertainty about the state of our economy continues. Be aware of any potential for domestic abuse in your family and pledge to learn how to protect yourself and your loved ones from the painful trauma caused by such violence.

Immediately let someone in authority know about the abuse, if it occurs. Have the phone number of the local police station available - and you can always call 911. If the violence is directed to your children or the elderly, know how to contact the agencies dealing with child welfare and elder abuse.

As a Sandwiched Boomer, exhausted by your responsibilities to the generations on both sides of you, remember that your decision to defend yourself is just as important. Although Domestic Violence Awareness Month draws to a close, remain vigilant about abuse and vow to do what you can to prevent it.