How Kids Respond to Trauma

I am just back from a family vacation--three generations, five grandsons ages 6-11. I had a front row seat watching the boys compete in sports, sing rap songs, climb mountains, tease each other. No little guys anymore. With the older ones almost as tall as I am, and knowing the vulnerability that comes with adolescence, I have concerns. How do we keep growing kids emotionally safe as they become interested in the world around them--especially when the news reports regularly cover mass murders, war casualties, and terror alerts?

Studies show that close to 4% of teenage boys and more than 6% of teenage girls suffer from post-traumatic stress, exhibiting symptoms similar to adults. And the reactions of younger children are strongly affected by their parents’ response to stress. Those ages 5-12 are more likely to withdraw, become disruptive, have nightmares or complain of physical problems.

You don’t have to personally experience abuse, neglect or trauma to feel anxiety and stress. Second-hand exposure to major acts of violence can also be traumatic. This includes seeing or hearing about death and destruction after a building is bombed or a plane crashes. With the impact of mass media and easy access to the Internet, children today are exposed to lots of situations that can cause them to worry. And when your conversations focus on suffering or tragedy, you can bet that your kids are often listening more closely than you think.

You know what your family needs and how to provide a sense of security.

Explain that scared, angry or sad feelings are normal and will fade when they ask questions and talk about what’s going on. As you supervise the flow of information, encourage them to tell you what their friends are saying, so you can clarify any distortions. Reassure them that they’re safe no matter what thoughts they’re having. All this will help them reframe their ideas rather than fall prey to emotion.

Readers, tell us about how you teach your kids to keep the harmful effects of stress at a minimum. And log on again Wednesday for more ideas about helping kids take precautions and feel safe while still not letting fear win.

Staycation to Honor Aging Parents

Today we have some staycation pictures and a story from an ex-Sandwiched Boomer:

"I had taken care of my aging parents, moving them into our home for the last several years of their lives. But I must admit that most of my energies were focused on raising the children so our vacations revolved around them.

For years, I had heard from my parents about how they had eloped during the years of the Great Depression and been secretly married for four years. It all sounded so romantic and I tried to imagine my parents, so frail in their 80's, in their prime. But in all those years, none of us had ever been to the courthouse, in a county seat in a neighboring state, where they went to be married.

So one weekend this summer, my husband and I decided to take a staycation and make the three-hour drive. We wanted to see if we could find the record of their marriage certificate from that day over 70 years ago. After some investigation, we were excited to find the exact page with their information and original signatures.

We imagined them making their plans, driving with anticipation and maybe even some apprehension, giggling as they filled out their forms, and finally, looking up at the intricately beautiful ceiling, ready to embark on their new life together.


We left that day feeling close to my parents and understanding more about who they had been in their youth. Even though they are gone, these pictures of their wedding site gave me insight into them in a way I had never experienced before. I have shared this with my children and believe that they, too, now have a better understanding of their grandparents as real people with full lives."

Today we heard about how one woman's staycation enriched her understanding of her parents. If you are thinking about a travel experience far from home, click on the post title above. It takes you to a past issue of our Stepping Stones newsletter with information about moving away from your backyard and beyond your safety net. Let us know about your own vacation and staycation experiences.

Family Vacation in Sequoia Park

These pictures trigger all sorts of memories for this family that likes to vacation in open spaces where their grandsons can run free: "This summer we went with our children and grandchildren to Sequoia Park, in the southern Sierra Nevada mountains of California. With huge mountains, deep canyons, rock-filled streams and the world’s largest trees, it was the perfect place to spend family time together.






The little guys kept hugging Sequoias and no matter how many of us held hands, we could never totally surround the gigantic trunks. The daily ritual was to see who could scale the most boulders. All five of them played hide and seek in the crevices and a pick up game of baseball with sticks and stones when they reached the top.

Even the three and four year olds climbed the more than 450 steps (there was some conflict and heated discussion about the exact number) to the top of Morro Rock.

They explored the streams in detail, including the twigs floating by. And I guess no one was too surprised when the first one fell off the stepping stones. And that became an invitation for the rest of them to get wet. I must say, my kids are a lot calmer than I was about that kind of activity. I tried hard to keep my mouth shut and just enjoy the experience."

Do you have trouble holding back your parenting opinions when traveling with your family? If you want tips about not packing any more emotional baggage than fits in the overhead compartment, click on the title of this post. That will take you to www.HerMentorCenter.com and an article about Creating Special Family Vacations for the Sandwich Generation.

Staycation Photos

This week and next, we will be highlighting photographs that have been taken on family staycations. In our monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones, we had asked readers to submit staycation photos with a note about them and why the pictures were significant. Here are two photos with descriptions about their meaning:


"We went to a local farmers' market to get some fresh produce. I always enjoy seeing the beautiful fruits and vegetables displayed. This time they were especially nice and I had my camera with me so I snapped away. I like my children to know that food doesn't just come from the grocery store!"


"Over the weekend, my husband and I went to a lake a few hours away to relax. The scenery was serene - green trees, blue sky, rich brown earth, gentle water - and we felt so peaceful. As I was taking pictures of the quiet lake, two men floated by, paddling a surfboard. They just struck me as a great combination of strength, agility, determination and tranquility."

If you, too, have staycation photos you want to share, send them to us at: mentors@hermentorcenter.com. To read more of our Nourishing Relationships blogs on Staycations for Sandwiched Boomers, click on the post title above. And to begin receiving your own copy of our free monthly newsletter, Stepping Stones, click on the side link to Free Newsletter and sign up - it's as simple as that.

Staycations and Vacations

All week we have been focusing on how Sandwiched Boomers and others can keep down the costs of a summer vacation by taking a home-centered "Staycation." With the funds you save by not taking a full-blown family vacation, you can add in some more expensive side trips. You can visit a theme park, if there is one near you. Pack in as much as you can for a fun filled time - rides, shows, food, shopping.

Or visit a zoo, aquarium or water park that offers shows for the kids. They'll learn first hand about the habitats and lifestyles of many species.


You can drive to a lake or the ocean and can spend a day or two with the family enjoying the vastness of the waterscape, the warmth of the sand, the sound of the waves crashing, the smell of sunscreen, the open blue sky.


Or drive to the hills or mountains for full days of hiking and camping in the simple beauty of nature. Park Rangers may be available to give you all informative talks about the flora and fauna you are seeing.

Put yourself in the picture. To read more about how Sandwiched Boomers can plan special vacations with all three generations, click on the title above to take you to our website, HerMentorCenter.com and our article, "Creating Special Family Vacations for the Sandwich Generation."

Summer Family Staycations

With the effects of the recession hitting government agencies as well as individual families, are you wondering where to turn for help entertaining your kids this summer? In California, the situation is especially difficult. Summer school has been cancelled throughout most of the state and various state parks are also closing. City and county governments are cutting down on the hours certain services are provided, as are municipal governments. So if you need to engage your children this summer, here are some tips for you:

Make good use of your local library. The hours may be cut somewhat but the library is still a good source for hours of fun for the kids. With a library card, you can check out not only books but also DVD's and CDs, rather than buying them. In addition, many libraries are still sponsoring programs that are both informative and interesting for the whole family.

Check out all of the museums in your area. Many of them will likely have admission-free days, particularly for local residents. Plan you schedule around these days so that you can introduce your children to art, history, nature, music and crafts. The bonus is that you will learn something too from these visits and enjoy the time you spend there.

Go outside with the kids. You can get maps of your community and hike in the hills or walk in areas you haven't explored before or bike in the flats around a lake. A trip to the community swimming pool is fun for everyone. Plan to picnic on the grass at home or have an overnight camp out in your own backyard.


Keep your eye out for free concerts in the park and community festivals. Check the local papers for notices about events near you. You and the kids can informally experience all kinds of happenings and ethnic celebrations, maybe for the first time.

Have family game nights. Charades are fun for everyone but you can also pick games based on your children's ages. Younger children will enjoy team games like Jr. Pictionary and On Stage while older ones may prefer Scrabble or Monopoly. If you prefer one-on-one games like chess, you can set up family tournaments.

Do some cooking or baking together. It's always fun to hang out in the kitchen together, even in the summer. Make some tried and true favorites like chocolate chip cookies or teach the kids some of your old family recipes. Instead you all might enjoy finding a new recipe that sounds interesting and trying it together for the first time.

You probably have your own great ideas to add to these suggestions. Let us hear from you about your staycation plans for this summer, Sandwiched Boomer or not, and we'll share them with our readers. Click on the Comment link below. And to read more about Staycations, clink on the Title above.

Now that summer is officially one-half over, have you been putting more thought into how to handle you summer vacation? With the high price of gasoline, are you thinking of canceling your vacation trip?

This year more and more Sandwiched Boomers are reducing their carbon footprint by taking "staycations" with their families. Why drive to a resort when there are community swimming pools around the corner? Why plan a remote getaway when you can relax in the beauty and serenity near you? You don't need to travel to the city for excitement when you can create your own at home.

Gasoline prices are edging toward five dollars a gallon and the hassle and expense of air travel is increasing. Families saddled with the economic and emotional costs of caring for growing children and aging parents are saving money and energy by vacationing at home this year.

But are you wondering how to make it a real vacation and not one long list of chores to do and obligations around the house? This week, we'll be giving you suggestions about planning your own perfect staycation. And if you have already taken yours, share your experiences with the rest of us. Read the tips, put them into action and you'll return from your staycation refreshed, recharged and reconnected to your family.

With the school year over and the camp season about to begin, this week in-between is perfect for three generational family vacations. We figured it's a good time for us to focus on what is known as the Club Sandwich Generation.

As the offspring of Baby Boomers marry and start their own families, the responsibilities of the Sandwich Generation grow. You're already in the middle of your family in flux – squeezed between children growing up and parents growing older. Now another layer is added, the grandchildren. The sandwich is sometimes harder to eat, but always appetizing.

It's been said that you don't experience perfect love until the birth of your first grandchild. Boomers often describe this event as an opportunity to slow down and savor one of life’s most precious gifts. Iris put it best: "For too many years I've been caught up between the dramas of my grown children and aging parents. My new grandson has been a welcome distraction - and I am enraptured by him. Believe me, this whole experience - seeing my son as a dad and getting to know my grandson - is by far the richest part of getting older."

Having just returned from our family vacation, I have fresh, firsthand experience about being an involved grandma while still respecting the new role that your adult children are developing. So log on the rest of the week for some helpful tips about this energizing challenge.